Tell me tell me, you'll meet me
Tell me tell me, you'll keep me
Tell me tell me, you'll meet me
Will you meet me more than halfway there

"Clearest Blue" by CHVRCHES


Rey has three specific memories of her time before the home.

The third one is punctuated less by sight and more by feeling. She remembers being hungry. And thirsty. And dirty.

Her parents have been gone for four days, and Rey had eaten her last Little Debbie Fudge Round two days ago. Water has stopped coming out of the kitchen faucet. The toilet won't flush.

She thinks she remembers her mother telling her to never leave the house without her or daddy. And five-year-old Rey struggles with that command as her tiny hand falls on the doorknob of the front door. She's not allowed she's not allowed she's not allowed—

But then her stomach gives a sad little gurgle and her resolve hardens. She turns the doorknob and at first the door sticks. One good yank and it finally pulls all the way open, and Rey blinks her eyes at the brightness of the setting sun.

She stands on the tiny front porch of the trailer that's always been her home, slowly working up the nerve to leave the only four walls she's ever really known. Rey is finally spurned forward by how much her head hurts, by how dry her mouth is. She steps through the doorway, not bothering to close the door behind her, and despite how exhausted she feels, how much energy taking walking only a few short feet leeches from her, that first step is exhilarating in its freedom.


"I'm not having my own art show."

Rey is adamant, but Maz's pleased, knowing expression doesn't leave her face. Her old caretaker eats the last of her brunch pancakes before gesturing to Rey with her fork. "That's not what Luke Skywalker told me."

Rey groans and scrubs at her face with her hands. It's the day after New Years and she shouldn't already feel this stressed out.

All this nonsense had started two weeks ago. She'd been having a one on one class with Tem, and he had seemed subdued, depressed even. When she'd asked him what had been wrong, he'd pointed to the sketch of a moth she'd been working on. "I'll never be that good," he had said. It was too serious to be interpreted as a whine.

So she'd told Ahsoka that she wanted to have a day where she displays up all her old art. All of the sketches from back when she had been eight and nine and first taking classes with Luke. The messy, poorly lined drawings of ponies and robots and puppies were no better then what Tem was producing now. And Rey thinks if her students can see how much progress she's made since she was their age, that maybe they would feel inspired.

And Ahsoka, to Rey's mild horror, had jumped on the idea. "We'll take a Saturday, invite all the students and their families, and showcase your work! We'll make an event out of it, potentially pull in new students."

Which of course was not at all what Rey had had in mind. But it's Ahsoka's studio, not hers, and what her boss says goes.

Rey has spent the past week combing through all her old artwork and selecting some of the worst samples she has to offer. Seeing how much she's improved throughout the years makes her feel proud and a little embarrassed.

She's pretty sure she found a sketch of her marrying Poe that she'd drawn when she was ten.

Maz reaches across the table and squeezes Rey's hand. "You should be proud, girl. I'll be there, of course."

Rey can't help but smile a little at that and tries to swallow down some of her excess emotion. "I can't wait to see you there."

"I gather Finn and Rose will be there as well?"

Rey nods, taking a sip of iced tea.

"But not Ben Solo, correct? You haven't reached out to him?"

Rey had been setting her drink back down on the table, and she jerks in surprise at Maz's question. Some of the tea sloshes over the rim of the glass and dribbles onto the white table cloth.

Rey slowly shakes her head. She'd closed her laptop without reading that interview last October and…hasn't really opened it since. Every day she grapples with the idea of reaching out, of being the one to make the first move again…

But fear and anxiety and apprehension keep her from doing anything. Keep her from taking action. She feels as if she's in a weird limbo, torn right down the middle between packing her doubts away and reaching out, and letting him come to her. So she sits on the fence.

"Good," Maz says with a huff. "You have no business reaching out, after everything that happened."

Rey heaves a deep sigh. "I know I don't. But what if I never say anything and he never says anything? The last conversation we had…" Rey winces at that painful memory. "I told him that I wanted him to get better for himself. That he should want a better life for himself even if I wasn't in it. Not that I didn't want to be in it, just that I wanted him—"

Maz waves a hand to hush her up, and Rey quickly snaps her mouth shut. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, girl. I understand." Maz leans forward and settles her amplified eyes on Rey. "Ben Solo didn't have to see you on the day I dropped you off at your dorm your freshman year of college. He didn't see how fake your laugh and smile were, or how you seemed so sad on a day that should have brought you joy. He missed how broken you were." Her hand gives Rey's another squeeze. "If he wants a second chance at a friendship with my baby, he'll need to suck it up and call you himself."

Rey feels her eyes get hot. "Come on, Maz," she grumbles, blushing. But it's halfhearted, and Maz grins at her.

"You're my baby." Maz points to a light, faded scar on her forearm. "I carry this bite mark with pride, you know. And you have my name."

Rey can't help but beam at her a little. "I love you too, Momma Maz."


Poe has completely different sentiments about what Rey should do about Ben.

He expresses them the night before this "art show" (Rey is still determined not to call it that). She, Rose, and Kaydel are loading boxes of her old art into her car. Then they'll drive to Ahsoka's studio and start covering the walls with them, displaying them in a fun, eye catching way.

Finn is supposed to be here too, but when he finally shows up he's nearly a half hour behind.

The reason why is sitting in the passenger's seat.

"Poe!" Rey calls out in excitement, waving at him before closing the trunk of her car. Kaydel's car is nearly full, as well as Rose's. "Just in time to follow us to the studio—"

Poe grips her arm, scaring the shit out of Rey. She hadn't even heard him get out of Finn's car. He steers her onto the sidewalk, steps harsh. Rey hasn't seen him in a solid chunk of time, and the livid expression on his face shocks her.

"You're the dumbest person I've ever met, Rey Kanata," he seethes.

Rey gapes. She's seen Poe angry once before, but at the time he hadn't been upset with her.

Poe is kind of scary when he's pissed.

Rey yanks her arm out of his grip. "What's your problem?" she huffs, rubbing at her elbow.

"My pro—Oh my god, Rey." He props his hands on his narrow hips and glares at her. "I watched you attempt to lay the moves on Ben Solo for years and now, now when the time is finally right you—you—"

Rey slides a step back, frowning and crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "What are talking about?"

Poe lets out an inarticulate noise of sheer frustration. "Did you not read that fucking interview?!" he bursts out, and Rey is shaking her head dumbly with wide eyes when Finn thrusts his way between them.

"You said you would help set up the studio, not chastise Rey for her perfectly acceptable decisions!" Finn shouts, back toward Rey.

Poe's furious eyes still don't leave her. "He's simply giving you the space you asked for! If you would quit being so stubborn and immature—"

Finn puts a hand on his boyfriend's chest, as if to physically restrain him from stepping closer. "Rey is doing the right thing! If that guy wants Rey back in his life then he'll suck it the fuck up and call her himself—"

And then the two men descend into a loud argument, leaving Rey perplexed and annoyed. She doesn't have time for this nonsense tonight.

A slender arm slips around her shoulders and gently pulls her away from the scene. Rey leans into Rose a little, enormously grateful for her best friend's strength.

"Don't listen to either of them," Rose says, voice firm. "You don't have time to dwell on that dilemma right now." She rubs Rey's arm in quick movements, as if to warm and invigorate her. "Your art show is tomorrow! Lets just focus on that." She leads Rey to the driver's side of her car before saying quietly, "Besides, I know you're just trying to protect yourself from being hurt again."


Rey spends the entire night spreading all her old and new art around Ahsoka's studio. The paintings and sculptures that had originally been displayed on the walls have all been stored away for the weekend, and Rose says if she didn't know any better she'd say that this was Rey's studio, not Ahsoka's.

The sentiment makes Rey blush.

She has enough time in the morning to run back to her apartment for a shower and to change into a pair of nice jeans and a comfortable v-necked sweater. Despite it being January, the cold weather is crisp instead of bitter, and the sun is already climbing high in the clear blue sky when Rey finally parks her car in front of the studio.

Three hours later students and their parents begin filing through the tiny front entryway, each taking the time to greet Rey and shake her hand.

Tem's parents are more enthusiastic then the others.

"He's been talking about this for ages," his father says. "Your classes are his favorite parts of the week! This was such a good idea, he already feels so much better about his art."

Rey grins at them. "He's a talented little guy," she says, trying not to let on to how much their praise makes her want to duck her head and hide.

People celebrating her work is bizarre.

Maz and Luke show up, and of course all her friends, which is no surprise. But some of Luke's old students, people she hasn't seen in years and years, filter through the front doors. Some of them have their own kids now.

By the time the fourth old student of Luke's shows up, Rey turns and shoots her old mentor a Look from over her shoulder.

Luke just waves innocently at her from where he's standing with Ahsoka.

Half an hour or so passes, and Finn walks through the front door, shuddering a little in his thin long-sleeved shirt, with Poe right on his heels.

Finn wraps Rey into a tight hug, which she quickly returns, sizing up Poe a little in the process.

"Sorry about last night," Poe grumbles when Finn releases her. "I was…upset."

Rey barely keeps from rolling her eyes. "You're still upset."

Poe stares at her for a long moment. "You're goddamn right I'm still upset—"

Finn drags Poe away by his coat sleeve.


"The roster for spring classes is full," Ahsoka says lowly to Rey, having pulled her employee off to the side for a moment. "And parents are asking for your classes in particular." Her eyes are twinkling, and Rey feels her chest swell, for a moment completely overwhelmed.

"Really?"

Ahsoka nods. "Class attendance was dwindling before I hired you on, you know." She wraps her arm around Rey's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Fate is funny." Then she winks at her and lets her go, stepping over to a small group of students peering up at Rey's old lightning painting.

A handful of minutes later Rey is sipping from a cup of coffee that Rose had run out and purchased for her, letting the hot liquid scald her insides. There's a gentle tug at the hem of her sweater.

"Miss Rey!" Temiri's eyes are watery from laughter. "I found your worst picture!"

Rey grins down at him, slightly dying inside because he must have stumbled on her sketch of her marrying Poe. "Oh yeah?"

She allows the little boy to tug her out of the tiny entryway, past the two classrooms and Ahsoka's office, into the narrow hallway that leads to the back door. He points with a stubby finger. "That's worse then anything I've made!" He's grinning, clearly pleased with himself. He peers up at his teacher in delight.

Rey laughs, ruffles his hair and then follows his gaze to see what picture he's gesturing to.

She drops her coffee.

She had forgotten about this picture, because she'd drawn it over fifteen years ago. Had handed it off, had never thought about it again after.

It's the first drawing she'd ever made of Ben. The one she'd done after her very first day at Skywalker Studios. His scowl is hilariously overexaggerated, and his hair so messy it looks as if Rey had dug her pencil into the paper and simply scribbled. And his ears. Her seven-year-old self had taken the time to color them bright red.

Because big ears were of no consequence to a seven-year-old.

The drawing has creases in it, as if it had been folded and unfolded many times before it had been framed. And it had been framed quite some time ago if the way the wood of the frame is battered and worn down is anything to go by. And in the corner of the drawing is a brown ring, a coffee stain, as if a distracted teenage boy had placed his mug down on her drawing before realizing it.

The picture has been hung up crudely with a tack, and Rey takes it down with trembling fingers.

He'd been here. Ben had slipped in like a phantom and had left his offering of support. Rey turns sharply toward the back door, which is still cracked.

She hesitates for the briefest of moments before moving through the doorway. The first step outside is exhilarating in its freedom.

She bolts out the door, and "Ben!" erupts from her mouth before she can even think.

He hasn't made it too far down the street. His broad back is facing her, but he stops at the sound of his name.

Stops, slowly turns.

Rey gulps and stares at him, struck dumb.

The Ben she'd left behind in prison had been a broken shell of man. This Ben is… Christ, he's even bigger then she remembered, somehow. Muscular, with hair that doesn't quite reach his chin, dressed smartly in fitting jeans and red flannel to fight the sharp winter wind. He looks like a man.

Rey feels nearly sick with incredulity. He's staring back at her with a look Rey can't quite decipher. Maybe he's staring back at her like seeing Rey and seeing stars are the same thing.

Rey's tongue feels like a useless weight in her mouth. She fumbles with the picture he'd left behind, holds it up. She opens her mouth to speak, but words fail her. All she can do is keep staring at him, and the whole entire world is tinged effervescent, as if she and Ben are trapped in their own little bubble of frozen time.

Then, finally, she manages to squeak out, "I can't believe you got a coffee stain on my very first portrait."

It's literally the dumbest fucking thing she could've said in the moment.

And Ben, he doesn't laugh or crack a smile, and Rey feels herself start panicking because what if he had wanted to leave this picture and make a quick getaway? What if—

He starts moving toward her, eyes dark and jaw set in resolve.

As his footsteps start swallowing up the space separating them Rey's heartbeat kicks into high gear. She can hardly breathe, can hardly think. What is he going to do when he reaches her? Because she wants to throw her arms around his neck and hold him close. And maybe she'll never let go ever ever again.

He's a few steps away now, and Rey is fairly certain he hasn't blinked, not once, since he first laid eyes on her, and a thrill slices through her chest. Not fear, no, but deep-rooted excitement at the unknown that is about to unfold before her.

He's almost to her, has started reaching out his hand as if to grab her and pull her into him, when the backdoor swings open behind Rey. Ahsoka steps out, and Ben pauses, the tension in the air settling ever so slightly.

"Tem says the spill in the hallway is your fault," her boss admonishes. She sweeps her gaze over to Ben, who's eyes are darting between her and Rey. "Looks like you've already found someone to help mop it up."


Rey is in that weird state of being hyperaware of two completely separate planes of reality.

On the one hand, she is insanely focused on cleaning up her spilled coffee. She is insanely focused on the different students coming up to her to either ask questions or tell her goodbye for the day. She's insanely focused on not making any eye contact with any of her friends. She's insanely focused on seeming professional in front of all these parents.

On the other hand, she's also insanely focused on Ben. On how his gaze has not left her since he turned around and first laid eyes on her outside. On how he stays right by her, so close he might as well be her shadow. On how he looks completely startled whenever someone says something to him, as if he's amazed that someone beyond Rey exists in this little universe that's stretched taunt between the two of them.

And finally, finally, when there's only a scattering of students left, Rey pulls him into Ahsoka's itty bitty office and closes the door.

"Ben."

He jolts at the hushed, reverent way his name leaves her mouth. "Ben, you kept that stupid picture."

"I've kept everything you've ever given me," he states, and it's the first time she's heard him speak in over four years. His voice is still as rich and deep and warm as she remembers, and he takes a step in her direction, eyes lowered to her face.

Her back is pressed to the door and he's in her space. When did that occur?

Ben smells amazing.

His hand reaches up to brush some of her hair away from her neck. "I should have reached out to you before now. I don't know what I was thinking—"

"I wasn't thinking either," Rey says quickly.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me."

"Of course I do," Rey breathes out, feeling a little dizzy at the mere brush of his fingers against her bare skin. "I wasn't sure—I didn't—I mean I still think about you all the time. You can ask Finn and Rose, I talk about Knights of Ren way too much—"

His eyes widen a little in wonder. "You read Knights of Ren?"

"I have a sketchbook full of fanart for it," she admits. "Kira is my favorite character."

Ben stills, eyes flicking down to her mouth and Rey doesn't know what she'll do if he kisses her because holy shit this is a lot—

Someone knocks on the door, and for a brief moment Rey is convinced that Ben is going to shout at them to fuck off. But instead he steps back, face and body language intense.

Rey turns quickly and opens the door and is met with her roommate. "Your boss says its time to start taking down your stuff and packing it away." Kaydel cranes her neck and peers around Rey, taking in Ben with a quick nod of approval before walking off.

There's a shift of movement and then Ben is behind her, nearly pressed into her back but not quite. "I have to go." He sounds like he'd he would rather fling himself into the sun then leave.

Rey turns around so that she's facing him, trying not to look as disappointed as she feels. "Oh?"

Ben nods. "I have a meeting with my agent."

"When?"

The corners of his mouth quirk. "An hour ago."

Rey nods, the implication of his words taking a beat too long to click in her enormously clogged brain. When they do, she bites her bottom lip to suppress a dopey grin. "Don't get in trouble because of me."

He opens his mouth, as if wanting to retort but not finding the right words. And then he looks anxious, incredibly anxious. "Rey."

Her whole body comes alive a little at the sound of her name leaving his mouth.

"Rey, do you want…" He sucks in a breath, large chest briefly expanding. "Do you want to hang out? Catch up?"

And Rey, who frankly is so addled and what is even happening, says, "I'd like to do way more than 'catch up'."

Ben's eyes squeeze shut for a moment. Then he leans down and presses a kiss into her hair, hand brushing against her hip. "Yeah. Me too, kid."


She reads the interview as soon as she gets home.


A/N:

BEN IS BACK BEN IS BACK!

If you liked let me know?