A/N: So I meant to post this last night but it would seem a higher power was definitely against that idea as the fire alarm decided to go off in my building and by the time we got back my wireless decided to hate me. I had the guy downstairs fix it but then I had to go on a friendship adventure with my roommate to the ER because she's been sick for a while. Ergo, we got back very late (or early depending on how you look at it) and accepted that this chapter was meant to wait until today. I'm very sorry for the wait. On with the story.
Chapter 46
Making Up
Zuko eyed Katara worriedly. She hadn't spoken a word to him since his last outburst and he was already wishing he hadn't asked her to be quiet. He had to learn to control his temper and stop saying things he didn't mean. She looked tired and he wanted to ask if she was okay but he was afraid of starting another argument that would just end up with his foot in his mouth again. He needed to check on her, though. He didn't know the first thing about pregnancy but he was certain she was going to need some sort of nourishment soon enough. Looking around the cave, he'd noticed absolutely nothing that seemed edible during their walking. They had to get out of this cave and he had to gain her forgiveness.
Zuko stopped walking and took a deep breath. Communicate. Katara had said he needed to communicate better. Now all he had to do was keep his temper in check and think of the right things to say.
"Katara?" He asked tentatively as he turned to face her. She stopped, looking a cross between exhausted and exasperated. She looked at him expectantly but said nothing. Her eyes said it all. "Katara please talk to me, I'm sorry I said that. That was misplaced anger. I've been frustrated with my mother for years for leaving me with no explanation. I know most of why she did now but I just don't want our child to ever have to feel like I have. I've said a lot of stupid things today and I know you believe that a person says what they truly mean in anger but that's not true. I would never not want you around. The entire world suddenly seems so empty without your voice. I love you, I know you think leaving is the best thing for you and so I'll respect that but promise me you'll consider coming back, after the baby is born. I won't force you to stay but I want you to know that I truly do need you in my life. I can't raise this baby on my own and I know you don't want to just turn our baby over to a wet nurse so don't do it. If it's me that you hate so much then you'll never have to see me. I'll stay away from you but please don't leave our baby."
She was hurt, she was angry, she was on some sort of insane emotional rollercoaster and didn't really see at what point she would ever get off but in the hours that they had been wading through the endless darkness she had realized something. With or without him she was going to be a wreck. She'd been picturing life without Zuko and it had been miserable. She'd seen herself crying at night missing him and her child. She'd spent her days just as bored because Sokka had Suki to help him with the Water Tribe. She'd seen herself grow old and alone regretting losing the man she loved.
If she could truly tell herself and believe that he didn't want her, then it would have been easy to leave. She couldn't miss what she'd never truly had but she did have his love and she was denying both of them in leaving. Yes, he'd said cruel things but so had she. She was ripping his heart out and he was reacting as he'd conditioned himself to do, hurt or be hurt. He was trying to make her feel just as terrible as she was making him feel and what was the point. If she left him now there would be two miserable people in the world and a very confused child in the middle of it. If she stayed…
Her eyes traveled over his face. There was a chance. He had said so himself, he wanted to make things right, why was she being so stubborn? Why was she so afraid to trust him? Hadn't she been around him long enough to understand Zuko learned from his mistakes? He made lots of them but he'd become a better man from having suffered in his past. He'd asked her to teach him so wouldn't it be wrong of her not to try. It hurt to be with him but it hurt to be without him. She bit her lip trying to make a choice.
Zuko was watching her face. He felt greatly dejected by the fact that she still wasn't speaking to him. It was his own fault, this was precisely what he deserved. He sighed and slumped down against the wall. Why had he thought he'd be good for her? He had a history of hurting people and screwing everything up. She shouldn't have to deal with that, nor should his child. He stared into the flame cupped in his hand.
He jumped when he felt her suddenly beside him. She was kneeling very close and she reached one tentative hand to rest on his forearm.
"What would change?" She whispered.
He was confused for a moment. He question seemed out of nowhere but he refused to answer without thinking first. He could tell from the look in her eyes that their future was quite possibly riding on his response. With that in mind he realized she was asking him a question he simply didn't have the answer to.
"Show me how to be what you need." It wasn't an answer but it was what he wanted. He would change whatever was necessary to make her happy, to make her fit comfortably into his life. His people would understand, if he learned to live a balanced life then he could manage a harmonious nation. He had to stop ruling by himself based on rash reaction. He had to let someone in, he had to let her. He wasn't going to be a dictator like his father, he needed to learn how to share. There was no better teacher.
"I can't teach you what you aren't willing to learn." Katara warned.
"Make me listen. It's a lesson I've needed to learn. I've been so me oriented that I've forgotten how to let other people in. Love is a lot harder than books and ballads lead you to believe but I've made a commitment to you and I'm not ready to let go. I know what I said and it was stupid and wrong. I was pushing away my problems but it's opened my eyes. There is still so much that we don't know about each other, so much that we have yet to discuss. This fight was necessary because until we got it out there we were both living self destructive live but we're going to start over, right?"
"Do you want to start over Zuko?"
"More than anything." He said taking her hands into his. "I want you to love me and not hate yourself for it."
"I want you to be the great man that I know you can be."
"So you'll come back, when the baby's born?" He asked hopefully.
"No." She said, shaking her head.
His shoulders drooped. "But…I thought…"
"Zuko, I'm coming back with you after the war. I'm afraid of what will happen yes but I'm also afraid of being alone. If I come back there's still a chance we can work things out if I go, I know exactly how it'll end. I can't imagine being with someone else. Yes, our marriage has been short but with all we've been through I know I'll never love anyone as much as I love you."
"Katara, I love you." He said, pulling her into his arms. "I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance."
She stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead lovingly. He wrapped her in his embrace and simply held her close. He pressed his forehead against her own and peppered light kissed over her cheeks and nose before finally settling on her lips.
Again, Katara wasn't sure at what point the flame Zuko had been carrying had gone out but this time she didn't care. His pale skin looked as though it was glowing in the light of the cave and she realized she had never felt more at peace than right now, in his arms. They had a lot of issues but they had each other and time, lots of time to make things right.
- -
Azula stood up and stretched. While the hand holding was sweet, that was enough for one day. Aang had to stifle a laugh as she made a mental note to reanalyze the value of being sweet and/or romantic in anyway. She'd written it off as a bunch of crap in the past but she was willing to reconsider now.
He was amused by how easily her mind could switch from the simple join of holding someone's hand to killing. Her mind was once again alive with plots for the general.
"Time to go." She announced, summoning the Dai Li.
"Shouldn't we let Katara and Zuko out?" Aang asked.
"The cave opens at Omashu anyway, they'll just meet us there." Azula shrugged.
"What if they don't work things out?"
"Then I've done them a favor. They could wait years to die sad and alone or they could just kill each other now and not have to waste the years regretting their own stupidity." Azula announced.
"That's one way of looking at it…I suppose." Aang said hesitantly. "Maybe, I'll just check on them, though."
"Suit yourself." Azula shrugged, yawning. "But I'd really rather go take care of the general myself. I could finish this whole war in less than an hour."
"I have no doubts of that whatsoever." Aang muttered, as he set himself in an earthbending stance. Placing his palms flat against each other and cleared his mind and then jerked his hands apart, opening the mouth of the cave. He looked around for any signs of light and listened for voices. "Where are they?"
"On their way to Omashu I expect." Azula said, sounding bored. "If they're not there by the time I finish destroying Kawamura, we'll come back here with every earthbender we know and search until they're found, okay?"
Aang frowned, he wished he could be surer of Katara's safety but they did have a war to fight. He'd just have to trust that she was with Zuko and he wouldn't let anything happen to her.
"Alright, let's go." Aang said. He motioned to Iroh to join him and Azula as they returned to Appa. He supposed it was a good thing Kaili still hadn't come around or else they'd probably never get him to leave without Katara. Gathering onto Appa's back, the four set off for Omashu.
A/N: Alas, the end of the Zutara drama. I'm sorry for those of you who were getting frustrated with it but I hate when people just ignore the fact that they are so completely opposite and while opposites attract. You don't just get together and life is just dandy because you're in love. If you don't sort out your issues or talk about it, you're going to destroy yourself from the inside out trying to ignore the things that bother you about your significant other. So I wanted to spend some time forcing them to get their issues out there. Thanks for your patience.
