James snapped awake at the soft sound of a whimper. His eyes immediately scanned the dark room, taking in the empty chairs and the desk in the corner. His hand automatically stretched to the side, searching the bedsheets for Nova. When his fingers didn't immediately find her, he turned to see that she was turned away from him, red hair sticking up in every direction and one arm flailed over the side of the bed. Listening carefully, James sat up when he heard the whimper again. It was unmistakable and it was coming from Nova.

"Nova," James murmured, reaching out and rolling her toward him. Her face turned into the bed and he could see tears glistening along her cheeks. His heart broke a little for the strong woman Nova was, the one from the Tower who was so full of light that she could burst at any moment and burn the world down around her. This woman, the one next to him, was all the broken pieces he hadn't had the chance to see yet. She'd pieced together his broken bits, but had ignored her own. Now they were both paying the price in the middle of the night with nightmares that pulled small whining sobs from her throat.

He didn't want to startle her awake, not when he knew how terrible that could be. Instead, he pulled her closer to him, his skin flush against hers. Nova whimpered and blunt nails scratched at his skin, trying to find purchase. James ignored the feeling, smoothing his hand down her spine and trying to soothe the nightmare out of her. She needed a decent night's sleep just as much as he did and he wanted to give that to her.

"Jamie!" Nova woke up with a shriek, his name breaking through the silence of the bedroom. She bucked against him, flying upright, and James sat up too, shushing her gently.

"Nova, I'm right here. I'm okay," he promised, voice low and soothing. Nova's wide eyes flickered around the room in confusion for a moment before they found him. James kept talking, useless bits of placation that Nova seemed to slowly accept, the rigid muscles starting to soften a little. It was enough that she allowed James to pull her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"I dreamt they had you again. And you were only not-James and he didn't recognize me and…" Nova babbled, sounding horrified.

"The Asset won't forget you. He doesn't forget unless he's put in the chair and that won't happen," James assured her, wondering what was going on and why he was trying to convince her that the worst sides of him would never forget her. If he'd been asked a few months ago if he'd ever be in a situation like this, he would have hit whoever asked him. But Nova was attached to him. All the pieces of him. It was something he didn't understand. The Asset wasn't a part of him that deserved Nova's affection, but she gave it in spades. In return, the Asset made sure to protect her, even from himself.

"What if they do get you again? What happens then?" she demanded, waking up enough to meet his gaze defiantly. James let his lips tilt into a smile.

"Then I break out and come find you," he informed her, making sure his tone sounded matter-of-fact. He didn't want her questioning that logic because James knew that if he ever did get captured and was taken back to the Asset, the Asset would look for her. James would look for her. The thing he had with Nova wasn't something that he would ever forget, no matter how often they brainwashed him. No matter how many times he was put in the chair, he would always be looking for her again, trying to figure out what was missing.

"Suck up," Nova muttered, wide eyes softening as she came fully into consciousness and the dream started to fade. James let his thumb stroke her cheek, considering kissing her just for the pleasure of it. But he'd promised to let her talk about anything she wanted and he intended to keep that promise. It wasn't like she was going to fall asleep anytime soon. Maybe if she was focused on him talking, she would forget that she was afraid.

"You have questions, don't you?" he asked, leaning against the headboard and waiting for her to start talking. Whatever she wanted to know, he was going to tell her. Because he wanted her to know everything.

"I always have questions. That doesn't mean you have to answer them if it makes you uncomfortable," Nova shrugged a little, looking away. James shook his head, leaning a little to press a gentle kiss into her forehead. He never understood how Nova could think she was annoying to him. Her curiosity was one of the things he loved about her.

"I doubt I'll be uncomfortable. Ask," James pressed, knowing that all of the questions she'd been wanting to ask were stuck in her throat, just waiting to burst free. She was keeping it together for his sake, but he had never before met someone who asked so many questions. Nova was naturally curious, something that impressed James, who preferred to stay with what he knew. Whatever it was she was burning to ask him was probably eating her up inside.

"What was it like in the forties?" Nova asked, voice small like she expected him to immediately deny her. That was an easy question.

"It was a lot like life now. I mean, the internet is super helpful and the food is great now, but people's values haven't really changed. Steve's still trying to save the world and getting beaten up doing it, dates still go dancing, a Stark is attempting to save the world and almost destroying it… It's not that different," James shrugged. From what he remembered people were still fighting to save the world, they just did it in different ways in this new time. Now it was about global warming and polar ice caps instead of a world war. The threat was still there, but it was largely ignored, something James knew well from his childhood. "My favorite difference is that there aren't any food stamps to determine how much food I can get now."

"Food stamps do still exist but it's more like a way to ensure that people who are homeless or have low incomes can continue to feed themselves and their children," Nova explained gently. James nodded thoughtfully.

"If I'd've made it back from the war, I would have probably been a dock worker. Didn't have money for college and Stevie was always so sick that we couldn't really afford much. He would've worked drawing for the newspapers. He went to art school for a bit, before the war broke out. Never was content with what we had," James hummed a little, thinking back to those times. Sure, Steve was sick all the time, but at least he was relatively safe in the confines of their apartment. At some point, Steve would have probably forced him to get married. They were never sure how long Steve would live, so he didn't want to stick a dame with that. Bucky thought it was stupid, but James could see it now. It was a thought that crossed James's mind a lot now. How could he ask any woman, especially Nova, to stay with him how he was? He could hurt her without knowing it. The odd thing was that Steve would be the one to tell him he was being stupid.

"Do you miss it?" Nova asked softly. James thought for a moment, unsure.

"Sometimes. It was an easier time for me, before I went to fight. I'm sad I never got to see my sisters grow up and start their own families. But if I'd lived then, it wouldn't be like I would have imagined it. If we came back from the war, Steve would have still been Captain America. He can't stop fighting now, I doubt he would have been able to back then. And I wouldn't have been able to watch him leave without helping. So at some point, I would probably have died in war anyway," James informed her. Nova frowned deeply, but that wasn't what James was trying to say. He didn't want her sad. "I just mean that I'm kind of happy to be here, with you and Steve and Evangeline. It's better than what I would have imagined for my own future."

"That's a sad way to look at it. You know Steve would never have made you fight. He doesn't now."

"Steve doesn't ask, but he expects. The Bucky he knew… That guy wouldn't let him walk out that door without his backup. I'm not that person anymore. But he still always turns to see if I'm following," James tightened his arm around Nova, wondering if that was what his life was going to be. Was he always going to follow Steve into battle, even when he had the opportunity for a life now? Fighting was never what he wanted to do and he wasn't sure that he would choose that for himself. It had been so long since he'd gotten to rest.

"Volunteering to go overseas kind of doesn't sound like you're looking to run from a fight," Nova teased, tapping his chest with cool fingers.

"Well, I didn't volunteer, if that makes a difference," James muttered, wincing when Nova shot upright.

"What?"

"I didn't volunteer. That was all Stevie. If I went to fight, who was gonna look after that punk?" James felt Bucky trying to rise but shoved the urge down. He wanted these moment with Nova more than he wanted to breathe.

"But Steve always said that you volunteered as soon as it became obvious that the war wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Right after they started drafting guys," Nova started, her eyes meeting his resolutely. James smirked, knowing that being wrong was going to drive her up a wall. Hopefully, though, she would keep it as their secret.

"Steve was so hell bent on going to war and volunteering to fight that I couldn't tell him I was too chicken shit, could I?" James reminded her, sighing. "I got drafted. One of the second waves. I was in good health, had no wife, and was a great candidate. When I went to boot camp, it became obvious I was a great sniper and they desperately needed guys like that over there. So I told Steve I signed on to fight. I couldn't tell him about the draft. It hurt him enough to know that I volunteered and was accepted. No way was I telling him that I didn't want to go over there."

"Not wanting to hurt people isn't something to be ashamed of. Not wanting to put your life on the line, wanting to stay home, safe, isn't something you should hide," Nova rolled so that she was looking him in the eye, braced on his chest. James pet her hair away from her face, wondering what he'd done in his life to get someone like her. "Some people are good at fighting and love it. Take Steve for example. People tease him that he couldn't exist without a war, but look at him. It's his passion. Saving people, stopping bullies, that's what he always did in his life and it was his choice to be Captain America and be injected with the serum. You didn't choose any of this. You didn't even choose to go to the war in the first place, much less get captured and experimented on."

"If I stop fighting, he'll keep going." James had thought about this before. Leaving. It would be easy, especially when Evangeline and Steve weren't in the Tower. He could walk away from it all. But Steve would still do stupid things and who would be there to pick up the pieces?

"Steve has a hundred people at his back now. Not to mention most of the country. He's got the entire ensemble of the Avengers at his beck and call. I don't think he'd hate you for taking it easy and finding a place to call home. You deserve so much more than that," Nova pressed. James sighed. It really wasn't as easy as she made it sound and he knew that. Either way, he desperately wanted to believe her. "I know this might be a sore subject, but are we going to talk about how you feel about Steve at some point?"

"How I feel about Steve?" James asked absently. If he'd been paying attention, the next words out of her mouth wouldn't have made him choke on his own spit.

"Yeah, you know, how you're in love with him?"

James choked on air, coughing while Nova giggled above him. He scowled at her as he calmed down, the burn in his throat tightening his lungs.

"What are you talking about?" James demanded.

"Come on, don't play dumb with me. You took care of him your entire life. You still try to take care of him. Steve is what brought you home. He's what broke your conditioning from HYDRA. I read those files. There was no way that should have happened. Even strong emotional ties like your sisters didn't break your conditioning. Nothing should have. But something else could. Like love," Nova offered, calm and serene. James tensed a little, sure she would be upset. He was with Nova in a bed, naked and they were talking about his feelings for someone else. But she didn't seem bothered.

"It's hard not to love him," James muttered awkwardly, not sure this was what he had in mind when he told her she could ask what she wanted.

"That's what Evie says. I don't see the draw. Either way, you should just admit it to yourself at least. I know it was kind of taboo in the forties, but your feelings are totally cool today. We talked a bit about that when you told me you were bi, remember?" Nova rested her chin on her crossed hands, which were right above his heart.

"I admitted it to myself the day I went to boot camp, sweetheart. But the truth is that Steve was straight as an arrow. And that was fine too. I was happy just to be his best friend," James informed her honestly. Being Steve's best friend had been the highlight of his life when he was young. Before HYDRA and the war, being friends with Steve had been enough.

"And what happened?" Nova asked, blinking curiously.

"Nothing. And everything. Steve knows I'm into fellas as well and doesn't care. But he was always too dense to realize I was into him like that too. Was too hung up on the dames not wanting to dance with him. You'll never believe how many dates I went on trying to find a dame that could see how great he was. In the end, he found Peggy Carter, not me. She was something else. I was happy for him. Missed the little punk I fell in love with, but he changed when he became Captain America. Steve was still there, but he wasn't the same. And then I died. And when I woke up, when I found him again after the conditioning wore off, it was obvious I wasn't the same person. I'll always care of Steve, but I'm not in love with him anymore," James admitted. No, there was someone else who held that part of him now in a vice grip.

"Yet you still follow him." Nova pursed her lips and James tilted his head enough to press his own lips into hers.

"I follow you too," he reminded her. Nova smiled, her lips tilting in amusement. She didn't understand what he was saying and he didn't want to tell her yet. Now wasn't the time either. When they got her to safety, he would tell her. He would. If the whole ordeal with Steve told him anything, it was that he needed to say what he was feeling before it was too late. Now he just had to make sure it was special too.

"Do you think you would have liked me as Bucky if you'd met me in the forties?" Nova asked, curiosity obviously getting the better of her. James didn't like this question. But he would answer honestly because he never wanted to have to lie to her.

"Bucky probably wouldn't have noticed you in a romantic way. If you met and were openly working on the projects you are now, he would have been intrigued, but in a purely curious way. I doubt he would have looked your way twice," James trailed off, hating himself a little for that confession.

"Don't look so upset. Bucky loves me now," Nova informed him offhandedly, laughing at her own joke. She didn't know how right she was.

"Sam once said he thought that my personalities had my memories, they were just repressed. It's possible that the other parts of me are drawn to you because I am," James offered. He didn't like to talk to Sam because Sam would report back to Steve. But he had listened to Sam talk a few times. He was a competent psychologist, much better than the people Steve sent him to. No matter how much shit James gave Sam, he owed him. Not only had Sam helped bring James in, but he was also someone Steve could look to if he needed help and wasn't comfortable bringing the problem to James. And James was thankful Steve had people like that.

"I think I probably wouldn't have been impressed back then either. Mostly because everyone says you were a ladies' man and I don't really go for guys who have women all around them. Tried that once and it didn't go so well," Nova shuddered and James smoothed a hand down his back.

He would learn more about that later, when he had time to get the payback Nova so obviously deserved.

"Well, be glad I don't attract women with the serial killer look," James joked. Nova burst out with a surprised giggle, obviously not having expected his teasing.

"You made a joke! And sounded way too much like me. Don't let Steve hear that, he'll think I'm a bad influence. Oh, wait, he already does. Shit, he may be right!" Nova kept laughing as James shook his head in amusement. Steve definitely thought Nova was a bad influence. But he was wrong. Nova was the best influence in James's life. She let him be who he wanted to be and there was no pressure to fit into the past. When he was with Nova, he felt at peace, something he couldn't get anywhere else. It was addictive.

"I promise not to tell Steve if you won't," James nodded, affirming his statement.

"I pinky promise I won't tell him," Nova held up her pinky and wiggled it. James carefully wrapped his metal pinky around Nova's frail human one and shook. "Awesome. So, I have so many more questions. None as heavy as that though."

"Good. Ask away."

"Okay, so, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"