A/N: The expression "you can't win them all" comes to mind. I'm sorry if the last chapter wasn't up to what some of you have come to expect but I do very much take on board the constructive criticism (rather than the random abuse, which doesn't really tell me anything!). I do understand if the last chapter was a bit frustrating and therefore appeared tedious, but hopefully by reading it in context with the chapters that follow it will seem less so and more in-keeping with the overall plot.
So, without further ado, read on. Maybe you'll find that Remus will finally be able to reconcile all the conflicting feelings within him and allow himself to be happy...at least for the moment...
Thank you to Megan and Rosie who help me on the grammatical path to enlightenment.
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Harry Potter. That pleasure belong to J.K.Rowling. No need to sue.
"I was seven - a late starter, I think, although really, considering the circumstances, I don't suppose that's too surprising. Anyway, I was sitting in my living room with this woman my parents used to leave me with when they went out, and I absolutely hated her. She used to scare me… well, really it was her wig that used to scare me. Trust me when I say that it wasn't a good one! So I was sitting on the floor and she was shouting at me to pick something up…and I remember looking at her and thinking just how much I wished she would leave me alone, and the next thing I know, her wig is on fire and she's running around the room, shrieking!"
Remus laughed as he imagined the scene and Eleanor, who had been speaking for at least five minutes without interruption, chuckled lightly before continuing, "My parents' faces when they came back! I don't know what I expected, but I don't think I've ever seen my mum look so proud. It was a shock to me. I don't know why they thought they couldn't tell me that mum was a witch; just in case I didn't inherit it, I suppose. But it became clear that it was definitely something that ran in our family. By the time Sidney was born, it was little surprise that he should be magical too." Eleanor hesitated and, shrugging, ended, "I'm lucky, really; the way it happened…the way my parents are…" She paused, one eyebrow arched with amusement as she added, "Although I don't think the wig-lady ever recovered."
Remus assumed that they had long missed dinner; the Astronomy Tower was shrouded in twilight. The hopeful sun still clung to some areas in the tower, but the flames of the torches had silently spluttered alight and now hissed lowly in the gold and purple darkness. She had said to talk and they had, for hours; and even though Remus' stomach grumbled with hunger, he had ignored it in favour of her company. She had finished her story and now, as she leant backwards and rested her head casually against Remus' shoulder, he felt her yawn softly before asking, "What about you?"
"Well, it was never really a surprise, not for my dad. It would be different for your mum, being Muggle-born, wouldn't it? I can see how that would be more uncertain. I suppose the real shock was when my mum found out that my dad was a wizard. I'm not sure when he told her, some time before they got married, but I do know that it took her a while to get used to the idea."
"But she loved him…despite all that?" Eleanor asked. She shifted her head as she spoke, and Remus' nostrils filled with the pleasant scents of her hair. He was a little confused at her question; what was she implying? But as if she could hear his thoughts, Eleanor cleared her throat before continuing earnestly, "No, that sounded different to how I meant it. What I mean is I always think it's really amazing that love can overcome things like that. Dad's devoted to Mum, although I've never really thought of asking about how he took the news. Finding out that the man or woman you think you've known…you've never really known at all…and loving them nonetheless…" Remus couldn't help but tense, her words having so much more significance to him than she could ever possibly realise. "I respect that."
Remus nodded, unable to bring himself to speak, his mind still considering her words. There was no way that she could know what they might mean to Remus; that it could give him so much hope. She had, of course, been speaking of something else entirely, yet it had inspired a hope in Remus that he couldn't ignore. Even though he had told Sirius that he was wrong when he accused him of not having it in him to lie, to lead Eleanor along and not tell her what he really was, and why he had to disappear every month, he had doubted it until now; but as Eleanor had spoken, Remus had felt himself grow more confident. Maybe, just maybe, he had it within himself to do this. Maybe, just maybe, he would really prove Sirius wrong.
"I've never really thought about it like that," Remus said. As he looked down at her face, pressed against his shoulder, Remus saw Eleanor smile before answering, "Perhaps you should."
Suddenly, Eleanor scurried forwards on her knees and turned to face Remus, whose brow furrowed in confusion. Titling her head to the side and sending her hair tumbling down over one shoulder, Eleanor smiled before, without warning, she leant forwards, placed her hands either side of his face, and drew him towards her, kissing him hard. Eleanor giggled, moving back as Remus, struggling to understand what had just happened, blinked uncertainly before asking, "Wh…what was that for?"
Eleanor shrugged and Remus could feel himself blushing as she knelt before him, and placed both of her hands flat upon his knees.
"Do I really have to explain myself?" Her smile was surreptitious and, even in the ever-changing darkness of the Astronomy Tower, Remus could clearly understand her meaning. Yet before Eleanor had the chance to do anything further, Remus had risen to his feet, narrowly avoiding knocking heads with her. As he stood, shifting nervously on his feet, he mumbled swiftly, "Well, we better be going. It's late…how late?" Remus pushed up his sleeve to read the time and found, much to his annoyance, that his wrist was bare. "It's late enough, anyway. The prefects will be about soon, if they're not already."
Eleanor sighed as she too stood up, stretching her arms above her head and yawning hard. Remus rubbed the naked flesh of his wrist absently, trying to remember just exactly where he had left his watch, and Eleanor took his distraction as an opportunity to close the distance between them. Remus fought every urge in his body to push her away; her sudden advancement had startled him and now, as he found himself trapped between her and the pillar, Remus stole hopeful glances at the door to the tower below. Eleanor laughed to herself, her eyes fixed determinedly on Remus' face as she whispered, "Looking for ways to escape?"
Her body was so warm and so close to his; so little distance remained between them, and Remus could not even flinch away as he felt her raise her arms, and drape them over his shoulders. Remus felt his heels scrape against the stone and he knew that there was nowhere else that he could go. Maybe he should have ducked under her arms as she had raised them, he suddenly thought, feeling the way Eleanor's fingers brushed gently at the back of his neck. Maybe he should have left long ago and joined the other Marauders for dinner, he thought, as he felt the toes of her shoes touch against his own. Maybe he should have taken her somewhere other than the Astronomy Tower, he thought, as he smiled to mask his anxiety. Maybe he shouldn't be there at all…
Remus had felt nervous and anxious before, but on no other occasion could he remember it feeling as delightful as this. His heart was racing, his legs felt weak and, if he wasn't extremely careful, Remus could feel an uncomfortable heat stirring in the pit of his stomach, and plunging swiftly downwards. He was swaying into her. Her arms seemed suddenly all the tighter about his neck as he felt his chest touch tentatively against hers. Even through their many layers, Remus could clearly feel every tempting curve of her body pressed against him and he knew, for a fact, that if he placed his hands around her waist, he would feel the warmth of the flesh beneath. Imagined touches had become a reality and, before he could fully realise what he was doing, Remus' hands had found her hips.
"W…wait…wait." Remus found that he was speaking, his voice weak with the heat that surrounded them. Eleanor drew back a little, although her eyes remained glazed with a strange mistiness as she waited patiently for Remus to speak. Finally, after steadying his breathing and finding his voice, Remus managed a small smile before confessing helplessly, "I've never really…well…" A deep blush caused him to hesitate and, after cursing himself under his breath, he finished, "I don't really have any experience at this sort of…erm…thing."
Remus was embarrassed; although he was relatively uneducated in the way girls' minds worked, he was almost certain that this sort of naivety was not welcome. Yet Eleanor, as always, did not fail to surprise him, and he watched, fascinated, as she slowly passed her tongue over her dry lips before replying, "There are some things that you're born with, and some things you learn."
Remus shook his head, more in an attempt to draw his mind away from the desire he felt to kiss her now damp mouth than to clarify her words, as he asked, "And what is this?"
Eleanor shrugged, her eyebrows arching flirtatiously, before rolling her eyes. For a moment, she said nothing, allowing the silence to grow tense between them. It was too much for Remus and although his mind formed a thousand protests, it was clear that his body was betraying him. He moved one hand from her hip and began to idly twist a lock of her hair around his finger. As she exhaled, Remus could feel the warmth of her breath wash over his face. The hand that had remained on her hip now moved, finding its way to the small of her back, which seemed so concave compared to the rest of her body. Finally, it seemed that Eleanor had decided that the silence had lingered long enough and, after straightening the collar of his shirt, she blinked slowly up at him and said, "For someone who doesn't say much, you really don't know when to stop talking."
Hope that one did as good as job as I intended it to. With all this recent hetrosexuality, anyone would think I'd forgotten it's slash. I haven't, never fear. Let me know what you think xxx
