Octavia
She was kneeling in the dirt, her hands on Bellamy's shoulders. She locked her blue eyes- calm and composed- onto his brown ones- chaotic and frantic- as she said to him, "Okay, Bell, come on now, you need to breathe slowly like she said, right? In… and out… come on, in… and out… you've got to do this Bell, come on, just focus."
She watched the colour draining from his face, but then it started to creep back just a little as he seemed to gather himself, seemed to follow her instruction, breathing deeply, slowly.
Then Clarke suddenly took off running and he tried to jump to his feet, to go after her, his breaths erratic again. Octavia shoved down on his shoulders and exclaimed, "Stop! Just breathe, Bell… come on, breathe."
He stayed on his knees but his eyes followed Clarke's path as he drew in hungry breaths, fast again, so she grabbed his head in her hands and pulled him close to her, pressing her forehead into his and breathing with him, in and out, slowly, over and over. Once he fell into the routine with her, she watched the life flood back into him, chasing away the blue that had started to invade the skin around his lips. She was relieved but she didn't show it, didn't dare relax enough to break him out of the pattern.
With what seemed like great effort, he dragged his eyes away from the forest's edge and met her gaze, and she smiled at him. "Hey, big brother," she said softly, anchoring her fingers in his hair and squeezing the back of his head lightly before she let go of him. She watched him carefully, making sure he was still breathing properly, but he seemed to hold the pattern now. Still, she kept her eye on him, to ensure he wasn't going to collapse again.
Reaching out a hand, she laid her palm over his chest and felt the pounding in his heart, the irregular beat, and she thought it sounded worse than the last time she heard it. She swallowed her fear, urging him to lie down, to just keep breathing. He did as she asked and she sat next to him, grabbing his hand, but his eyes still flickered to the forest's edge, looking for Clarke. It made her nervous, the stress he was obviously feeling, what it might do to his heart, how weak he might be because of the drug.
"I'm scared, Bell," she whispered, her voice breaking a little on his name.
Suddenly his attention was on her completely and he brought up his other hand, covering hers with it and squeezing tightly. "Hey, shshsh," he said gently. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Don't leave me," she said, and again her voice cracked and then she was crying, burying her head in his chest. Bellamy leaned up on his elbow and then pushed himself into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around her properly. She knew he should probably stay lying down, but selfishly she accepted his hug, letting her tears fall silently into his shoulder for a minute before she calmed down, pulling back to look at him. He seemed better now, calmer, his breathing evening out into a more normal pattern. His skin was clammy, but it had colour again.
"I can't lose you," she told him, shaking her head. "You can't die. Not you too."
She watched his face fall a little and he nodded his head, pulling her close again. His hand curled around the back of her head and he stroked her hair gently. She felt him hesitate, trying to find the right words. Finally he settled for, "I'm so sorry, O… I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
Octavia pulled back, shaking her head. "I don't blame you," she said immediately, casting her eyes down into the dirt, narrowing them in anger, and feeling her jaw tighten. "I blame her."
"Who?" Bellamy asked, seeming hesitant, tentative. "Lia? Or Clarke?"
She looked up at him, saw the concern in his eyes, the uncertainty, but she told him the truth. "Both." He drew in a breath, nodded. He didn't seem disappointed by her answer, or upset, but just like he expected it. She allowed a small bit of flexibility into her voice as she said, "Mostly Lia."
"It's okay, you know," he assured her. "It's okay if you're angry at Clarke."
"Aren't you angry at her anymore?" she asked him frankly. It hadn't been lost on her, his shift these last few days, the way he looked at Clarke when he thought no one noticed. But Octavia noticed everything about her brother.
He let out a sigh and said, "No. Not anymore. It's too much, O… too much to carry. Now that we have her back… and after everything that's happened… I just had to let it go."
She could understand that, even if she didn't feel it herself, and she nodded her head. She was glad, if it meant his burden was a little lighter. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"Mostly," Bellamy said hesitantly. "My chest still feels a bit strange."
"Strange how?" she asked, her own heart pounding a little.
"Just… tight," he answered. "Fluttery. It's hard to explain."
Octavia stood up and craned her neck to see through the trees and back towards the meadow. "It's quiet," she remarked, realising for the first time that the sounds of the battle had faded. "She should be back by now."
She saw the alarm spring into Bellamy's eyes as he got hastily to his feet, shrugging off her efforts to force him down again. She trailed just behind him as he charged back towards camp, thinking about how much she missed her sword as they stepped together out of the treeline.
Just ahead, in the meadow, they could see Clarke coming toward them, trailed by two of the Fayakru warriors. Octavia watched as Bellamy's body relaxed in relief as he saw Clarke was okay, and then she saw the tension flood back into him just as quickly as he saw the escort.
Clarke's expression was grim as she reached them. She angled her body so her guards couldn't see what she was holding and then showed them the saddlebag full of Red, the injector laying on top.
Bellamy drew in a sharp breath and turned his eyes away from the cache of Red, pulling in deep breaths, and Clarke quickly covered them up, her face full of apology. "Stand behind us so they don't see," she told Octavia quietly.
Trying to be casual, Octavia circled around and stood so her body was blocking the warriors' view. She took the opportunity to look at them- two burly men whose tattoos, makeup, and dress were subtly different from that of Trikru warriors. It was interesting, but she didn't have long to muse about it, as she heard Bellamy's soft sigh of relief from behind her and knew Clarke was giving him the Red.
The sound made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck; she hated seeing Bellamy as an addict, hated seeing what the drug did to him, the control it had over him, his cravings for it. He tried to hide it from her, but she had seen how his eyes went glassy and far away whenever he was given a dose, the languid expression that washed over his features. There was so much he thought he was protecting her from, but she saw everything, and she couldn't stand any of it. The sooner they weaned him off it, detoxed him, the better.
Luckily, Clarke's escort didn't seem too interested in what was going on behind Octavia's back, and as soon as Bellamy had recovered from the initial rush of the drug, he was able to get to his feet and follow them back to the tents.
Clarke took her time, quietly filling them in on everything she'd seen.
"So Lia was right," Bellamy whispered. "They have chosen a new commander."
"Yeah," Octavia said grimly. "But the question is, whose side is she on?"
"She knew my name," Clarke offered, her brow furrowed in uncertainty. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
"They did tell the Ice Nation we had their protection," Octavia pointed out.
"Just be careful," Bellamy warned them both. "We don't know what's going to happen, so just stay alert in case we have to run."
Octavia couldn't help but feel a bit smug as she saw Lia sitting in the middle of the camp with the Ice Nation prisoner, her hands bound tightly in thick rope. Maybe she wasn't as invulnerable as she liked to act.
When Octavia saw the new commander for the first time, she was surprised at the makeup and forehead decoration, identical to Lexa's, but she imagined that it was some kind of special markings fit only for the Heda, whoever that might be. She made a mental note to ask Lincoln about it, then felt her whole body freeze as she realised her mistake, that she would never get to ask him anything again. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten, even for a moment, that he was gone. She drew in a sharp breath, trying to steady her emotions so she wouldn't break down in the middle of this camp.
She felt Bellamy's hand touch her shoulder, looked at him and saw the concern in his eyes. But luckily, before she was forced to explain, the commander spoke to them, saying, "Welcome, Bellamy and Octavia of the Sky People. The name my mother gave me is Eema kom Fayakru, but I am now also Heda kom Kongeda. Please help yourselves to food and drink. Clarke and I have much to discuss."
For a moment there was a long silence that grew somewhat uncomfortable as it stretched out, and then Clarke seemed to recover her senses as she said, "Thank you, Commander."
"Come," she said to Clarke, turning and disappearing into her tent. Clarke started to follow, but Bellamy reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her.
"I don't like this," he said under his breath, very quietly.
"I don't like it either, but we don't have a choice," Clarke answered him, delicately extracting her arm from his grip. Bellamy seemed to want to argue further, but he just gritted his teeth and shook his head. Octavia touched his shoulder and a gave him a look that showed she agreed with him; he gritted his teeth and nodded.
Octavia thought of Lexa, about how she'd influenced Clarke enough that she let a bomb drop on tonDC, and about Elody, how her sway had been so strong that Clarke had been the one to kill Lexa. What if she and Bellamy had never come to the Ice Nation? After all those weeks of her being away, might their first glimpse of Clarke have been when she was presented to them as Wanheda kom Kongeda?
She knew there was no way to know the answer to that question, but still, the thought alone disturbed her. As she watched Clarke give her brother a tight smile, turn her back on them, and walk into Eema's tent, she couldn't help but wonder: what effect would this new commander have?
