Joker was tying his boots when the door to his room slid open. He had spent an hour at the gym, showered and was almost ready for Westmoreland to collect him. Today was different. Anderson had asked him to head out to the Flight Academy to give the trainees a talk on fighting unknown enemies. Joker wasn't one for public speaking but he was doing it as a favour to Anderson.

'Ready in a minute,' he finished his lacing and stood up.

'Flight Lieutenant Moreau?' A familiar and yet unknown voice made him look up.

He almost gasped as he looked into a pair of blue grey eyes that had haunted him since the day he first saw them. But these weren't the eyes he knew, they were older, wiser. He looked at the face that was so much like his Shepard but so different. Crap! He knew who this was.

'Captain Shepard,' he moved to attention and saluted, there were still some protocols he obeyed. Besides, he needed to make a good impression.

'At ease, Joker is it?' She crossed her arms in a move that was so much like her daughter he almost grinned.

'Yes, ma'am,' he nodded, curious about what he'd done to deserve a visit from not only Shepard's mum but a highly regarded Alliance Officer. 'Or Jeff, ma'am.'

'No need to be so formal, call me Hannah, especially since you're now part of the family.' Her eyes held mischief and Joker decided that Ari definitely took after her mother.

'Ah, yeah, about that …..' he wasn't sure what to say, 'we ah, hadn't really planned to keep it from you but…..' He paused as she hid her mouth behind her hand, was she laughing at him.

'It's all right, Joker,' she chuckled and he sighed in relief. 'Anderson told me the whole story, amazing as it is.' She moved to the sofa and sat down, indicating that he should do the same. 'Anderson also told me that if it wasn't for you my daughter would probably be dead.'

'Well, I'm not completely responsible for her being alive, she's one hell of a soldier and she had a fantastic team behind her.'

'Which you were part of,' Hannah sighed and Joker had a feeling she was here for more than just going over old stories. 'They won't let me see her. I haven't spoken to her since before she died. I found out she was alive, brought back from the dead,' she shook her head in disbelief, 'but she never contacted me.'

'Cerberus kept communications pretty tight for a while,' Joker explained, 'eventually we worked our way round them and managed to get some information out but there wasn't a lot of personal stuff included.'

'She sent me a message just before you went through the Omega-4 relay, telling me she loved me and that if she came back she'd find me.' Her eyes moistened as she continued, 'it was hard enough losing her once let alone twice.

'I remember, she was upset she hadn't taken the time to see you but she didn't want to take the chance on you being tarnished by what we were doing.' Joker recalled the messages he'd sent to his parents and he regretted not contacting them since getting back. He should remedy that.

'How is she, Joker?'

Joker met her eyes. Did he tell her the truth, that her daughter wasn't doing well. The last few times he'd seen her the dark circles were back, she looked exhausted and he guessed she wasn't sleeping again. This morning she'd hardly spoken, she'd avoided his eyes and he knew she was trying to hide her pain from him. When he met Vega's eyes the marine had just shook his head and Joker guessed he wasn't having much success getting her to see someone about it.

'She's not sleeping,' he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'It's like when she came back all over again.' There was no hesitation as he told her about how Shepard hadn't dealt very well with her resurrection. He saw her wipe tears from her eyes as he told her how she's spent nights asleep beside him in the cockpit, how she was lost and how her self-confidence disappeared.

'At least she had you,' Hannah gave him a weak smile.

'Yeah, but we were both in a bad place,' he stared at the floor as he spoke and was surprised to feel a warm hand on his arm.

'It wasn't your fault,' she looked at him with a frown.

'I killed her,' he sucked in a breath, it was easier to say it aloud but it still hurt. 'If she hadn't gone back for me she wouldn't have died.'

'She wouldn't have been happily married either, I doubt Cerberus would have brought you back.'

'That's exactly what she said,' Joker chuckled. Hannah's hand slipped down his arm and gripped his hand, it was comforting and he squeezed her fingers gently. 'If you want to see her she'll be at the pool this afternoon, my physio sessions have been matching her exercise sessions. It's the only time we get together.'

'I don't want to take away your time with her,' Hannah shook her head, 'I'm sure you get little enough as it is.'

'I don't mind,' Joker grinned but was suddenly serious. 'She may try and push you away, she's done it to me a couple of times now but I'm not letting her do it.'

'Are you sure, I don't want to get anyone in trouble.'

'No-one can stop you if you decide to go for a swim at a particular time, the pool isn't locked down just because she's in there.' His face coloured a little and she looked at him curiously. 'Well, we've had a little help and it has been locked down a couple of times.' He shrugged and she laughed.

'I'll think about it,' she stood up and Joker followed her. 'Thank you, Joker, I'm glad she found you and you've made her happy.' She pulled him into a gentle hug and as she stepped back he stared at her in surprise. 'Yes I know about your illness and it doesn't matter. It made you the man my daughter fell in love with, besides, you're my son in law now so expect it.'

'So mother in law jokes are okay?' He grinned and she shook her head with a smile.

'Just remember, I carry a gun like my daughter,' she chuckled as he rolled his eyes in defeat. 'Let me know if you need anything, we're family now.'

'Actually, there is one thing,' Joker walked her to the door. 'Can you have Anderson send Dr Chakwas to see Ari, I know she'll listen to her. I won't get to see him till later and I think she needs someone now.'

'That I can do,' she placed her palm against his cheek, 'I can understand why she fell in love with you.' She smiled and left the room.


Joker knew it was bad the moment he entered the pool area. Vega had silently warned him and he'd braced himself but today wasn't the day for this. He was late, he'd messaged Vega to push their time back an hour and at first Shepard had refused.

'If he can't be bothered to be there why should I?'

Vega had passed on her message and Joker had cursed angrily. She was pushing him away, or trying to, a little more each day and he hated it. It wasn't his fault the students had known who he was and wanted to hear the stories of the Normandy. Then he'd run into Hadley who was back at flight school training for bigger ships, he'd wanted to buy Joker lunch to say thank you for making him realise his potential. After that they got held up at the shuttle bay when the press got word he was there and Campbell had been held up coming to collect him from Westmoreland. It was an uncontrollable chain of events but he knew that wasn't going to appease Shepard. Not today.

'Ari,' he walked towards where she was sitting on the edge of the pool and was devastated by the pain in her eyes when she turned to face him.

'You're late,' she stood up and crossed her arms over her chest.

'Sorry, things got out of control,' he moved closer and she stiffened. Definitely not a good day. 'I'm here now.' He went to reach for her but she stepped back.

'Doing your duty for the day,' she grimaced. 'Come to spend an hour with the prisoner so you can feel good about yourself.' She turned and walked away.

'Ari, you know that's not how it is,' he sighed and slowly walked after her. He'd been on his feet most of the day and his legs were killing him, his back was aching and he needed a shower.

'No I don't,' she spun angrily. 'I don't know anything because I'm locked in my room all day, only allowed out for a bit of exercise.' He watched as she paced, he could see the tension in her back and shoulders, the tightness of her fists. 'But you've got it good, haven't you. You get to go out, give talks, spend time with others. Anyone special I should know about?' She glared at him and he met her stare. 'Had enough of being married to the traitorous ex Commander Shepard yet?'

'Ari, stop it!' He was trying not to let his anger get the better of him, he knew she didn't mean any of it but that didn't stop it from hurting.

'Do you even think about me when you're out there?' She was yelling and shaking now and Joker knew she was fighting back tears. 'Do you even care?'

'Ari, enough!' He strode over as quick as his legs would allow and gripped her shoulders. 'Of course I fucking care! Do you think it's easy for me to be out there every day when I know you're trapped in here? Don't you think I know how hard it is for you?' His voice was raised and his grip on her shoulders tightened. 'I'm doing the best I can do. I'm trying to help you however I can. You know that.'

'Do I?' she shrugged off his grip and stepped away from him. 'All I hear is what's happening on the Normandy or who said what. Do you even tell others about me, about us, or are you ashamed to be connected to me, afraid I'll drag you down with me.' Her eyes were dark with emotion and he could see the despair she tried so hard to hide. 'You know what, just go, forget about me, just go.' She waved in the direction of the door.

'Ari, you don't mean that,' Joker tried to reach for her again but she moved away and turned her back towards him.

'Go! Just leave me alone!' She was almost yelling but he could hear the tremor in her voice and all he wanted to do was hold her, make her understand that she wasn't the only one hurting.

Joker was about to speak but a soft touch on his shoulder stopped him and he looked around into the eyes of Hannah Shepard. She silently shook her head and indicated he should go. With a reluctant glance at Ari he turned and left.

'Fuck!' He leant against the wall in the foyer and felt James' hand on his shoulder. 'Damn that woman is so stubborn sometimes.'

'She didn't mean it,' James reassured him.

'I know,' Joker sighed and dropped into a chair. 'Still hurts though.' He knew he couldn't leave yet, EDI was looping the feed so he couldn't be in two places at the same time but he desperately wanted to get away from here. 'Did Chakwas come to see her today?' He looked up at James.

'Yeah,' he chuckled, 'she wasn't happy about it either. Chakwas didn't take any of her shit, that's probably why she's taking it out on you.' James smirked and Joker grimaced.

'She'll probably blame me for that too,' Joker sighed and dropped his head against the wall. He was tired, he didn't have the strength for this today.

'That's one hell of a woman you've married,' James chuckled.

'Yeah, a real wildcat,' Joker grimaced but followed it with a grin. 'Wouldn't have her any other way.'


Shepard heard the door close and couldn't believe he'd left. Why wouldn't he after the way she'd spoken to him. She released the sob she'd been holding in, fighting not to let him see it. She hated herself. He loved her, she knew that. She knew he hated this as much as she did. She'd let her frustration get the better of her and she'd taken it out on him when it wasn't his fault. Tears fell and she desperately tried not to cry aloud as her shoulders shook, partly from frustration and partly from anger. Anger at herself, at Anderson, at the world in general and the position it had put her in. They were all going to die because everyone thought she was crazy.

She needed Joker. She wanted his arms around her, his strength holding her up, making her believe everything would be all right. But she'd sent him away. She was an idiot. The pent up tears flowed freely and she sobbed into her hands. A touch on her shoulder made her look up in hope, he hadn't left. Blue grey eyes met hers.

'Mum!' She broke down and fell into the welcoming arms of her mother, her body shaking as she cried her heart out.

'Shh, it's okay,' Hannah stroked her daughter's hair as tears rolled down her cheeks, she guided them to a lounge and sat down.

'No it's not,' Shepard sobbed. 'I just yelled at Jeff and sent him away. He'll think I'm angry at him.'

'No he won't,' Hannah chuckled. 'He loves you, he knows you love him.'

'Why did I do that?' She cursed between sobs.

'Because sometimes we need to lash out and often it's someone we love in the firing line.'

'Why are you here?' Shepard suddenly looked up at her mother. 'How did you know I'd be here?'

'Jeff told me, suggested I come and see you. I didn't want to intrude on what little time you two have but he told me it was okay.' She smiled at the love that shone from her daughter's red swollen eyes. 'I can understand why you love him.'

'He is wonderful isn't he,' she grinned through her tears before the memory of how she just treated him pushed itself forward. 'Oh god, what have I done to him.' Another round of sobs broke out as her mother's arms held her tight.

Hannah Shepard held her only child in her arms, angry at what the Alliance had turned her into. She needed to help her find herself, to be Commander Shepard again. She would be needed in the fight to come and while she was allowed a brief period of self-pity it had to stop. Eventually the crying ceased and Hannah watched as the younger woman pulled herself up.

'This isn't you.' Hannah brushed a lock of hair of Ari's face.

'I know,' she shook her head, making the lock of hair fall forward again and Hannah grinned. She'd always had trouble keeping her hair in place especially as a child, the unruly locks always had a mind of their own.

'What are you going to do about it?' Hannah watched her daughter think, the crease of her brow, the way she pulled in her bottom lip. It was so much like her father. 'I've been reading the reports you've been writing for Anderson. It's fascinating reading but it won't mean a thing if you lose hope, if you let those in charge beat you down. Everyone who had read your reports wants to know more, they need to know what's coming, what we can do.' She watched as Ari glanced around the room through bloodshot eyes. 'We need you, Commander Shepard, you are our expert in this, you need to help us prepare.'

'Bit hard from in here,' she scoffed and sat back against the lounge.

'Arelia Shepard!' Her mother's raised voice made her jump. 'That's enough! There are people out there fighting for you,' she pointed to the door and Ari couldn't help but follow her finger. 'Don't you dare let them down. They are putting their careers on the line, risking everything for you. There are people out there who love you, who would do anything to get you through this. Don't make their efforts worthless.'

Hannah stood up and pulled on her Captain's face. 'On your feet soldier.' The command in her voice forced her daughter up and to attention. 'Pull yourself together. You're an N7 decorated marine, act like it.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Ari stared at a spot on the wall behind her mother's head, annoyed at herself for her instinctive reaction. As if reading her thoughts her mother chuckled and Ari glanced at her. She couldn't stop the grin that broke out on her face. 'Thanks mum.' She rolled her eyes and her mother laughed before pulling her into a hug.

'You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and you need to tell that gorgeous man you married that you love him.' Hannah stepped back and glanced up as the lights flickered.

'Time's up,' Ari sighed, 'I'll have to tell him tomorrow.' She held her mother's hand, reluctant to let go.

'I probably won't get back for a while, we're shipping out to Arcturus tonight,' Hannah kissed her daughter's forehead tenderly. 'Please look after yourself, I don't want to have to come back here just to pull you into line.'

'I'll try,' she nodded and continued before her mother could speak, 'it's the best I can do right now.'

'Good enough,' Hannah turned as Vega came through the door. 'At least you have something pleasant to look at.'

'Mum!'

'What, I'm a woman and I can still admire a nice looking piece of man flesh.' She laughed at the look of horror on Ari's face.

With a last kiss she turned and headed for the door, making sure to ogle Vega as she walked past. Ari buried her face in her hands with a groan before looking up to see a red faced Vega watching her.

'Let's go,' she shook her head as she fell in step beside him. 'Hey Vega, any chance you can send a message for me.'

'For you, Commander, anything.'


Joker was just settling into bed when his omnitool beeped. He opened up the message from Vega.

Hey flyboy,

You'd better be taking care of my ship or I'll break every bone in your fragile body, in the most pleasant way of course.

It's your move.

I love you.

He grinned as a chess board appeared. She was back. His Ari, his Commander Shepard was back.