Chapter 49 TNB
Damon had known it was a harsh way to do it but he knew Stefan wasn't going to stop trying to coax him into sex and touching. He could see how badly his brother wanted to throw himself in at the deep end and figure out how to swim afterwards – but that was not his brother - that was his young Stef right there at the surface. His brother always thought things out, planned things, tortured himself over decisions and right now he wasn't doing that. That was an intrinsic part of who he was and he had to learn to find the balance between both compulsions. As much as Damon wanted to allow Stefan to simply get carried away and deal with the consequences later when he was thinking as himself – it was too risky.
Stefan was justifiably mad and angry with him, despite the fact that he knew and understood why Damon had played it this way. As much as it pained him to, he left when Stefan said he wanted some time to think to himself for a few hours. Everything in his body clenched and the fear that had been nagging him in the back of his mind came out screeching. Stefan might now finally realise that this couldn't happen, that he couldn't get over this.
So, he left him, sitting by the fire with a bourbon and decided to walk. They'd left his car at the apartment but he didn't mind if he had to walk back there. He wandered, preparing himself for the worst and thought on going to the Grill and just getting loaded. It was his first instinct – old habits dying hard as they say and he stopped as he deliberated with himself. He'd changed for his young Stef. If he would never be part of how Stefan treated him now, he already knew that he couldn't have a relationship with him – even a brotherly one. He really didn't believe he could revert. All his life he'd loved exactly three people like that – Katherine, Elena and Stef. Katherine still had her hooks in his heart despite how hard he fought sometimes, Elena…he'd always love her and truth be told had the love he'd found for Stef not been something so entirely different, he may have loved only her till he died. He loved permanently it seemed and there was no doubt in his mind that he'd love Stefan forever too.
He liked who he was becoming now. He felt like he might actually be able to become a good person. Months ago he'd never have stopped Stefan from screwing him until he freaked out eventually and had a meltdown when he realised what he'd done with his brother – forever his brother. Once the dust would have settled, his forward thinking, planning, moping, emotionally OCD brother would have re-emerged like a phoenix from the flames and he would have realised what he had done and Damon would have let him, because he wanted him. Old Damon would have taken what he wanted for as long as he could and dealt with the repercussions later too. It was shit like that that had fucked up so much of his life and he saw it now. He owned it and he didn't want that life anymore. So, he walked into Mystic Falls and had one bourbon as he tried to plan his future.
His special package felt like it was growing heavier in his top pocket every day – like a child growing in a womb and he patted it and sighed. He'd have to make a decision about this soon but he wasn't ready yet. His cell buzzed with a text and he looked at it anxiously.
"I hate you."
His heart clenched painfully and he closed his eyes for a second before reading the rest.
"I hate that you are my brother because I love you Damon."
He was trying to think of what to respond with when his cell buzzed with more messages.
"I hate your fucking arrogance, making me try and want you in our family home."
"I hate that you are ok with everything when I'm terrified."
Damon swallowed down bile.
"I hate that you left me when I asked you to."
What? He wanted to have some time to think. That's what he'd said. Did he want Damon to just be an asshole and refuse to leave? He frowned.
"I hate that all I can think about is wanting you to be here right now, you godamn son of a bitch."
Damon stood up and dumped some cash on the table, leaving immediately and heading back there. He practically ran all the way as his cell remained silent. He got to the front door of the Boarding House and Stefan practically threw it open and grabbed him. He gasped in surprise and Stefan buried his face in his neck as Damon held him and breathed in the scent of his hair. They stood there for a few minutes before Damon pulled back and cupped his face.
"I love you." He whispered and Stefan nodded and searched his eyes. "Get your coat."
Stefan was quiet but he didn't seem angry anymore as Damon drove this time, resting his hand on Stefan's thigh again.
"Where are we going?"
"New Orleans." Damon smiled at him and Stefan raised an eyebrow.
"Any reason in particular?"
"Maybe."
Stefan gave a small smile at Damon's teasing and held his hand on top of Damon's as they drove. It was a long drive but luckily Damon had planned ahead and ordered a hotel room for the night. When they got there they were both tired. They checked in and Stefan looked at him nervously.
"So, we still have an embargo on any touching here and the first place you take me to is a hotel?"
"Calm down, separate rooms."
"You don't trust me?" Stefan snorted. "Or you don't trust you?"
"Both." Damon smirked and Stefan smiled in response as they walked to their adjoining rooms.
"Plus, I know how much time you like to spend on your hero hair and I just can't be bothered sharing a bathroom with that." Damon teased.
"Wow, if you could write a book on things you shouldn't say on first dates, you could be a millionaire brother." Stefan chuckled and Damon winked and went to open his door, when Stefan stopped him, touching his arm.
Stefan leaned in and they kissed gently and softly for a few seconds before Stefan pulled back.
"Good night." He whispered and Damon watched him enter his room and close the door as he took a moment to breathe out his emotion and desperate need to want to stay in Stefan's room with him just to watch him sleep.
"Good night brother." He smiled and then entered his own room.
The next morning Damon awoke to Stefan chapping at the door. He dragged himself from the bed and opened it, blinking at the light in the hallway.
"So are you going to take me on a date or is my first date a hotel room solo?" Stefan jested and Damon rubbed his eyes and let him inside.
"Nope." He moved to his bathroom to wash as Stefan sat down on his bed and waited. "I thought maybe a dual purpose would be good."
"Dual purpose? What are you talking about?" Stefan's interest peaked and Damon chuckled.
He huffed as he waited, Damon giving away no more information until he was fully clothed and smelling too good in Stefan's opinion. Stefan eyed him hungrily and looked away when Damon did the same to him, now that he was fully awake.
"Ok, breakfast first." Damon said and tossed a blood bag at him from his suitcase.
"Damon…I can't." Stefan looked at it nervously.
"Stefan, for three months you drank from the vein. Do you know how?" Damon folded his arms and looked at him. "Because you stopped thinking about being a ripper. You stopped focussing on what might happen and you just took what you needed. Feeding was no bigger a deal to you than doing your hair. Wait, maybe that's not an accurate comparison." Damon jested and Stefan sighed.
Damon crossed the room and sat down next to him, taking his hand.
"If you're climbing a mountain and all you think about is that you might fall, then you're gonna."
Stefan took a deep breath and looked at the blood bag again.
"Baby steps, so I brought a blood bag. When we get home Leyla wants to see you."
"What?! Damon are you crazy..?" Stefan panicked and Damon put his fingers into Stefan's hair at the nape of his neck and circled with his thumb as Stefan hyperventilated.
"You fed from her almost every day and you never hurt her Stefan. So this ripper thing is in your head. It's not who you are like you've always believed. You proved that to all of us and hey…" He placed a small kiss on Stefan's cheek and nuzzled him with his nose, "I was just as surprised as anyone that you could it, incompletely phased. Remember some of that control you used to have those three months. Let that part of you come out." Damon's eyes were so large and full of empathy that Stefan actually had to blink to get his brain going as he stared into their depths of blue.
How had their roles reversed?
"Feed." He whispered and Stefan took a deep breath and tore the top of the bag open, placing it to his lips and sucking some into his mouth.
Damon picked one up and did the same as he watched Stefan's expression melt into pure pleasure. There was just no comparison in the taste of human to animal blood. Stefan closed his eyes and drank it deeply, reaching out to hold Damon's hand as he did so and Damon gulped his down quickly so that he could kiss Stefan's jaw and shoulder in encouragement that one bag was enough. Stefan finished the bag and the veins in his face still tingled. He looked at Damon and Damon cupped his cheek and kissed him tenderly until his hunger faded again. Stefan inhaled deeply as Damon pulled their mouths apart again and looked at him happily.
"Now, we are on our date." Damon smiled and stood, pulling him up.
"Where are we going?"
"The National Museum on Magazine." Damon replied, ushering him out of the room and locking it behind them as Stefan turned to him.
"The National Museum?"
"Yup."
"Why would we need to go there, we…were there for most of that Damon?" He pointed out and Damon smiled.
"Yes but as two very different people. There's an exhibit on this week that I think you might want to see."
"Ok, but you're buying my ticket brother." Stefan slapped his shoulder and they chuckled and headed out.
The museum was much larger than Damon remembered, having expanded and grown so much over the years. Even having been part of those decades of history still didn't prepare you for the emotion the exhibits evoked and he found himself back in time and remembering dead friends and a crazy war. Stefan was similarly affected, especially considering he'd served at the front line practically – when Damon had been supposed to be going with him and didn't show – or so Stefan still believed.
"Why did you leave me at that train station waiting for you? You never have told me." He asked him as they gazed up at old photographs of the men in their uniforms, waiting for the trains to take them onwards to battle.
Damon sighed.
"I was there Stefan."
"What?" Stefan turned to him in surprise.
"I was there and I was going with you." Damon still looked at the photos as Stefan gaped at him.
"Why, what..?"
"Lexi." Damon said and looked at him briefly. "She caught me just before you saw me. Told me to let you go. That I'd ruin you."
Stefan exhaled and ran his hands through his hair.
"I would have." Damon looked at him again and Stefan looked at him sadly.
"I was so angry at you. I thought you'd abandoned me all over again."
"That was my M.O." Damon gave a weak smile and Stefan exhaled again.
"You left to protect me."
Damon gave a weak smile and Stefan reached for his hand. Damon looked around sheepishly and Stefan sighed in amusement at his stereotypical embarrassment over public affection of a homosexual nature.
"I remember a guy kissing me and dancing with me on a dance floor surrounded by friends and tons of strangers not so long ago." Stefan whispered in his ear and Damon chuckled and got his point.
"Come on then." Damon smiled and kept his hold on his hand as he led him through to what they were really here for.
Stefan paused as soon as he saw it, suspended from the ceiling as though frozen in time.
"It's a…"
"I know. The British Museum have it here on loan for the week. I thought, why not see it in real scale instead of the $20 kind." Damon grinned as Stefan let go of his hand and moved towards the plane above them.
"It's so big." Stefan said in wonder and smiled and Damon chuckled, behind him.
"I hear that a lot." He joked, but Stefan barely heard his comment as he felt himself fill with emotion.
A real Spitfire. A real one.
"I can't believe it." He croaked and Damon came up behind him, leaning in and resting his chin on Stefan's shoulder. "This plane was really there. It made it out the other end of that war and it's still so beautiful."
"Just like you." Damon whispered and Stefan leaned his head against his affectionately. "You've made it through the war too, just a different one this time, your own one."
They stood admiring the plane for a while before Stefan turned fully into his arms and held him.
"Thank you." He whispered and kissed his mouth sweetly as Damon blushed crimson.
"Don't thank me yet." Damon said as they parted and Stefan raised his eyebrows. "You're turn to date me next."
"You're on." Stefan grinned.
