Chapter 53: Tatooine: This Cross We Bare...

~Carth~

"Carth we need to go back for Nix!"

I sighed. "We will Mission, but we need to get Bastila back to the Hawk."

"Look you old geezer, I saw how Nix was in the Sand People's camp; she's not acting right."

"I know… Mission. She had this look in her eyes. It scared me. I've never seen...no….I shouldn't say that. I've seen it before, it was on Taris, we were cornered by a Sith soldier. She went berserk on the guy. She….she mutilated the guy's body. I thought….well I thought...well it's the Sith. They aren't exactly known to bring out the best in people. "

Mission nodded. "Are you worried that Nix might...well y'know….go dark on us?"

I pondered over what Mission stated. "I don't know...Mission. I think Phoenix is being pulled in many different directions. Sometimes I think I know her and other times I don't. I don't know who she is….not right now. Maybe the Jedi….during her training. I don't know, I don't want to jump to random conclusions, but I can't help but think something happened to her back on Dantooine or maybe….well maybe something further back considering the fact that she acted like this once on Taris. Let's get out of here and back to Anchorhead and to the Hawk. I have no desire to be attacked by Sand People on our way back."

Mission sighed and looked at me as if she shared the same thoughts and fears I did.

We walked back to the city and made it back to the Hawk. I laid Bastila on the bed in the med-lab. Mission looked at Bastila and said. "Carth….I need to find my brother. I know you have got to play nurse, but...my brother he's gonna either come back to the city or….I hope Nix doesn't do anything rash. I've got to find out, Carth. I am a big girl, y'know. So don't worry about me 'kay."

I nodded, normally I would have told Mission to stay put. I didn't like the way the streetwise Mission just decided to take off like that. Yet, I was distracted by Bastila being clunked on the head and Phoenix's behavior. Mission bolted before I could say otherwise. Meanwhile I managed to go through the computer and looked up treatments for concussions. There really wasn't much there on treatment. All the database gave me was treat by giving the patient kolto and tell them to rest a few days. Fat chance that was going to happen, course Bastila was a Jedi, she'd recover quickly enough. I injected the kolto into her and waited….

~0o0~

Hours passed as I kept a firm tab on Bastila. Unconsciousness was replaced with sleep or perhaps Jedi healing. I know she shifted around uneasily in what looked like sleep or perhaps a trance of some sort. I debated on going back for Phoenix when Bastila suddenly gasped and woke up. "Take it easy, Bastila. Phoenix gave you quite a bump on the head."

She scowled at me and then sighed. "It's all my fault…."

"What?"

"Phoenix….she's tainted."

"What the hell do you mean by that, Bastila?"

"She's touched the Dark Side, Carth."

"So...should we be….worried? What the frack do you want us to do, Bastila?"

"I don't know."

"So the Dark Side….is it like being poisoned….or drugged or something? I am not a Jedi, Bastila. Help me out here."


~Bastila~

"So the Dark Side….is it like being poisoned….or drugged or something? I am not a Jedi, Bastila. Help me out here."

I felt guilty, I had led Revan to this. She was trying to keep the Dark Side from me and in doing so she had opened up the Dark Side within herself.

"It's hard to explain, Carth. It's seductive….once you open yourself up to that sort of power. It's hard to let it go. For most Force sensitives, it begs one to surrender to it, to release all its terrible power… and it becomes harder and harder to resist. And once someone stop resisting, it is too late. It twists them up inside and… and turns them into a mockery of everything they once stood for."

Carth paled. "You mean that power changes someone."

I nodded. "It does...one can't wield that type of power without….being tempted to use it again and again. Plus it takes...anger, hate, and all sorts of negative emotions to use it. The Dark Side feeds on these things."

"You're bonded to her, so….what sort of emotions was Phoenix acting on when she opened herself up to that sort of power."

I gulped. "Me. She felt my struggle against my mother and the pain and anger at losing my father. I am sorry to say, I wanted to kill the Sand People. I almost surrendered to my own passions. She….knocked me out before I….reacted. It's our bond I am afraid. I am just as guilty for this….as…."

"Well that's normal, Bastila. I wanted, no….I still want to kill Saul….he betrayed my planet. My wife and son died because of him. It's perfectly normal to want justice and revenge, Bastila."

I shook my head. "Surrendering to such emotions for a Jedi is wrong….well... one only needs to look at Revan and Malak to see the after affects of surrendering to such emotions and the Dark Side of the Force, Carth. Millions dead and far more suffering. What sort of person would I or Phoenix become to perform such deeds gladly?"

Carth sighed. "I don't know…."

"Neither do I, Carth. And I hope I never do."

Carth nodded. "So what do you suggest we do about this….taint, Bastila?"

I paused in thought. "I am not sure, other than having a good long talk with her about the consequences of her actions. If we had the time, we'd head right back to Dantooine and Phoenix would spend time meditating on her actions, but sadly we don't with Malak hunting us both."

"That's the thing I've been wondering about, Bastila. Why send Phoenix on this mission? Why did the Council want this?"

"As we've both said, we have a bond with each other. We dream of Revan and Malak, Carth. No other Jedi has had that experience, Carth."

"But why the dreams, Bastila?"

"As I told Phoenix, the Force works as it will, Carth. We were destined to dream of them."

"That seems oddly convenient, Bastila."

"For Jedi there is no convenience. There is only the Force and it works as it will."

"I suppose next you'll say the Force has a path for me."

"It does, Carth. You have a destiny as well. I am not sure what it is yet, but the Force works its will on all, even you."

Carth muttered bitterly, "I don't like that idea and….you make it sound like all Jedi are nothing more than a bunch of ticking time bombs."

"In many respects, that analogy is true, Carth. It takes many years of study and discipline before using the Force can even be considered safe."

Carth looked at me. "Maybe I can talk to her Bastila. I love her, I don't want to lose her to some sort of Dark life energy field."

I looked thoughtful. "Yes, maybe you can keep her from falling. Seeing how she fawns all over you. I doubt she'll listen to me."

We may have been close, even closeted lovers, but I knew Phoenix and every time we talked about the tenants of the Order or even the Dark Side, she'd roll her eyes and act like she wasn't afraid of the Dark Side. Of course, after what happened with the Sand People she might change her mind. Yet, she was incredibly stubborn and headstrong. She was too much….like….well too much like her old self; Revan. She seemed to carry some resoluteness to her that seemed to think she was not vulnerable to the effects of the Dark Side.

Currently, Phoenix seemed to skirt the borders of light and dark. She seemed to use the Force without much thought of its consequences. However, wasn't that what Revan did when she went off to war? She went off to war thinking only of the immediate concerns of the moment, the pain and suffering of others. She also was concerned about the state of the Republic and the Mandalorian threat. In this philosophy she managed to convince Malak, Liam Mandrell, Akume Dreamsong, Veranda the Fosh, Rohan Skydancer, Miyaep Vassa, and even Master Arren Kae, her own master, plus many, many others.

In the end Revan had managed to call away seventy Jedi. Most of those Jedi, including Revan, were the pride of the Order. They were considered the future of the Order. After the war with Exar Kun, they were considered a bright light and the hope of the Order. Their strength was intended to rebuild the Order. They were meant to bring a new vitality after what happened with Exar Kun. Sadly most of the seventy ended up either killed or corrupted. Only two Jedi came back to the Order to face judgment: Liam Mandrell and Akume Dreamsong.

Liam went off to parts unknown, his spirit and connection to the Force broken. Liam had been the stronger of the pair. He accepted his exile and walked off with a heavy broken soul. His wound in the Force blinded him to the Dark Side. As for Akume, she had been a healer and a Force balladeer. She seemed an odd one to follow Revan and Malak. She followed them in the intent of healing, easing the pain of those afflicted in war. Plus she wished to sing the tales of the Jedi under Revan. Sadder still was the devastation of Malachor V, that horrible final battle had broken the sanity of the minstrel and healer. With the judgment of the council, what little remained of Akume's sanity broke.

Akume was heart broken and devastated by the news of her exile. The masters all thought she would surrender her lightsaber. However, her only surrender ended up with the blade placed near her heart in an intent to kill herself. The sway of the Dark Side fully blossoming within her that she wished death over life itself. She was saved by her own master, Master Vash, who took it upon herself to see the poor distraught Jedi was disarmed of her lightsaber. Master Vash called upon the Force and wrenched the blade quickly away from her. Akume was then locked away in a medical facility in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Perhaps one day, the poor woman's mind would recover. Currently, the poor woman sat in a sterile cell devoid of any possible weapons. She would rock back and forth in a stupor, singing over and over again a ballad she had composed about the dead on Malachor V. Such pain and anguish from the woman.

The Jedi kept most information about her quiet and top secret worried that Akume might have deeper connections to Revan and Malak. They tried to probe the woman's mind hoping beyond hope to gain information from Akume regarding Revan and Malak. The masters all thinking she might have answers but truly Akume had nothing of value regarding Revan or Malak. Akume had been a minor officer, a healer. She was not even considered a strong fighter or even considered of much value by the Republic or Revan and the Sith for that matter. She was simply a Jedi who believed in Revan's noble crusade and ended up just as much a casualty of the war as those who died. She was sadly an after effect of the Mandalorian Wars along with countless numbers of Jedi who had been killed or corrupted to the Dark Side. I had been assigned to tend to Akume a few times before my strike team had been sent to subdue Revan, the council felt that I needed to learn compassion for those who had followed Revan. They believed that helping the broken Jedi would teach me to have compassion for Revan. Such compassion in the end led me to spare Revan's life.

There was so much pain from the Dark Side. I looked at Carth. "We need to find Phoenix. I am having trouble locating her through our bond. It's a bit muddled. She's alive though. I would know if she was dead."

Carth nodded. "You know…." He paused a moment, "I think I would know if she was dead as well."

I had considered the fact that Carth was strongly connected somehow to Revan as well. She had become Carth's lover too and it was a connection I could not overlook. I felt slightly drawn to Carth and I wondered if that was me or Revan's connection with him. Force….I was in enough trouble having a relationship with Revan let alone let Revan's connection to Carth influence me as well.

I could see why Phoenix/Revan loved him. He had a good heart about him, he was kind, gentle and….well maybe Revan needed that. He seemed to have some pull over her that I just didn't have. Plus I could see our lover's connection was dangerous. It had pulled her to take revenge over my father's death. Perhaps...I needed to break off completely whatever relationship I had with her. It pained me, pained me a lot but...it was better this way. I only hoped that I could get Phoenix to agree with me.


~Phoenix~

I slowly rode the bantha with HK back to Anchorhead. I didn't feel like repairing and activating the damn droid when I left Master Kreia's shelter. He seemed to feed my desire for bloodshed and combat. If I activated the damn thing, it would go on and on about how well done my slaughter of the Sand People was and that it was masterfully done. Just the thought of hearing that made me feel sick inside. Master Kreia had done me a favor shorting out the droid. Yea, I'd have to repair his wiring but I needed the time to think.

I sighed. I pondered over myself, what kind of person had I become since Dantooine and since Taris? Was my slaughter of the Sand People justified? I decided yes and no. The Sand People were a threat. But in many respects all they were doing was protecting their way of life. Bastila's father was sadly a casualty of a war the Sand People had with Czerka. I detested Czerka. They had allied themselves in no small part with the Sith. On the other hand, the Sand People would have attacked settlers regardless of Czerka. The Sand People simply refused to adapt to the fact that humans and other non-native species were not going away. My killing the Sand People clan would bring a small amount of peace to this area of Tatooine. Yet, how long would that peace last? Not long. My actions probably had destabilized the area. Sand People clans would fight among themselves to claim the area that I had cleared. They would fight and kill each other and the stronger clan would claim it and then resume attacks on settlers. In the end, my actions could not be justified. I had killed them simply because Bastila wanted revenge. Even Revan hadn't killed the Sand People. I sniffed and tried to hold back the tears. I had sunk lower than Revan.

Revan's laughter filled my head. I saved them for you.

I ignored Revan's sarcastic acerbic remark. Revan what did you learn from the Sand People?

Ahh so now you seek knowledge from me, rather than scorn me. Why should I tell you anything?

Because….I found your master. Your first master.

Revan laughed. You do realize I had several masters. All of them made me who I am. I find it amusing that you've also met and/or trained under the same masters, I've had. Isn't that odd….as well as a strange coincidence.

What the frack are you hinting at, Revan?

Figure it out….Phoenix….if you're really that thick….I can't help you.

I snorted. You didn't answer my question. What about the Sand People?

Revan sighed. Very well….they weren't always cloth clad nomads. They had their own advanced culture, their own society. They were slaves of the Builders. They rebelled and the Builders turn the planet into glass. Some of them managed to escape the devastation. The glass eventually turned into sand. At least that's what they believe. The Sand People hate us because the Builders kidnapped them and we….look... well...we look oddly like them. Does that satisfy your questions? You'd have learn this on your own….if you hadn't killed them. You are absolutely unworthy….of the Jedi or the Sith for that matter.

What the frack does that mean?

You're hardly a Jedi, Phoenix…..but you're not a Sith either. A Sith would find you pathetic and a Jedi would find you stewing in the Darkness. What are you Phoenix? Can you answer that?"

I….I….don't know.

An honest answer. Perhaps the Jedi haven't mucked you up fully with their pathetic teachings.

What is it about the Jedi you hate, Revan?

Revan snorted. They are fracking hypocrites, Phoenix. They sat in their pathetic ivory tower preaching justice, nobility, and honor. They claim that we should serve the Republic, serve others, serve the Force. What hypocrisy! They failed in that mission and they lied about their true purpose. The galaxy doesn't need anymore Jedi hypocrisy. They failed the galaxy and they failed me. They deserved my hate….my contempt. If they had been there….perhaps I would not have...

You're talking about the Mandalorian wars aren't you?

More or less. I brought seventy brave Knights and Masters with me. They agreed with me. We wanted to show the galaxy the nobility of the Jedi. We wished to save the galaxy from the Mandalorians. We did it. But again….the Jedi saw us as renegades. We couldn't go back to the Order if we wanted. We had only one path.

You accepted the Sith because the Jedi wouldn't accept you. But there was one that went back.

Two….but they were pathetic and broken. And the Jedi could have them. I….I accepted the Sith…Revan suddenly laughed. I accepted nothing. I embraced that which gave me power. I reveled in the Darkness I was made to discover within me.

I cringed. Made to discover? I remembered that the Masters had said something about Revan being corrupted beyond the rim. Yea, but it killed you. Your apprentice rose up with the same darkness within him.

Is what the Jedi told you? Remember Bastila and the Jedi lied to you about me being a man.

Yea, but you started the lie.

A minor stipulation. They didn't have to embrace that lie, the hypocrites!

I had finally made it to the gate of Achorhead. I dismounted the bantha and fiddled with HK's wiring. Hmm….it hadn't fully burned out. The wiring was top notch, HK's construction was really more resilient than I first thought. I just needed to reroute the wiring and….

HK suddenly jolted awake. Query: Where is that witch of a Jedi? Let me kill her master, please!

I rolled my eyes. "I was told you threatened her, HK. Do you want to end up in the trash heap? Keep it up, HK and I'll scrap you."

Objection: But Master! Am I not far too useful to be thrown aside in such a casual manner? Can I be faulted for my perfect artificial construction?

"Why not? I don't need a lippy droid."

Analysis: Reference: 'lippy'… argumentative, disputatious, contentious, quarrelsome. What?! I must object, master, this is untrue!

"Untrue? You've been lippy since I obtained you."

Explanation: It's my combative nature, master. I cannot help myself. I'll make it up to you… allow me to kill something in your honor!

I sighed and shook my head. "You do realize that you're pretty bloodthirsty for a droid, don't you?"

Answer: Even a droid has to be allowed a little fun once in a while, master.

"If you think killing is fun….remind me to work on something to correct that behavior."

Objection: But Master….can I help my nature!?

I growled at the droid. "What am I going to do with you HK?

Answer: Obviously you must utilize me to my full potential, master.

I groaned. "Just stop talking. I give up!"

Observation: Organics have no sense of persistence.

"What was that?"

Err… ignore that, master. Obeying original command. Signing off.

I sighed as I entered Anchorhead. Most of the sentients were giving me a wide berth. I scratched my head wondering why. I then suddenly realized why, I am wearing the clothing of a Dark Jedi. Of course they are going to give me a wide berth. Hah! Maybe wearing these robes had a better purpose than I realized. I had no desire to be fawned over like I had been on Dantooine. Jedi this and Jedi that….if you please Master Jedi. The sentients feared me even though I was no Dark Jedi.

However, a twi'lek seemed to approach me with some trepidation. "Forgive me for the intrusion, human. My name is Senni Vek. I believe you dropped this datapad and I wish to return it to you."

I frowned. "What the frack….I didn't drop any datapad!"

"Yes, I believe you did, human. Here take it."

I growled at him, "I'll beat you to death with that datapad if you keep insisting that it's mine."

HK spoke, Statement: That's telling him master, shall I blast him for you?

I shook my head negatively. "No….not yet, HK."

The twi'lek paled but said with a bit of fear in his voice, "No….perhaps it's not yours, but I still wish for you to have it, human."

He placed it in my hand and then bolted. I shook my head as I looked at it: The Genoharadan say to see Hulas on Manaan. Come alone or not at all.

Geno….what?

Assassins. They like to keep a tidy galaxy, as do I.

What the frack...do assassins want with me, Revan?

Hmm….hard to say, Phoenix. I wouldn't trust them. They are known to stab each other in the back.

Wonderful. Back stabbers. I've had enough of that.

Me too, Phoenix. Me too.

I snorted. Yea, must be nice to have so much in common with the fracking Dark Lord of the Sith.

Revan laughed in my head. We have a lot more in common then you realize, Phoenix!

Yea, you share my fracking body. I am still working on a way to get you out of it. You're a fracking pain, Revan!

Really….I'd say the same about you as well, Phoenix. The thought I share my existence with you makes me ill.

I suddenly laughed out loud and HK stated, Query: Master are you sure you do not need any psychological assistance? You've been acting a bit odd since we slaughtered the Sand People.

I shook my head. "No….just something amused me."

Statement: Well master, if whatever amused you needs to be killed. Allow me to kill them, please."

I sighed. "I wish….HK….I honestly wish….you could….and that's not very Jedi like at all. But I haven't exactly been acting very Jedi-ish at all. Anyway I need a drink."

Statement: Master, may I remind you….you stated and I quote….

HK then stated in my voice. Recitation: No more getting out of my head drunk. I've learned my lesson.

I shivered. "Sithspit, HK that's creepy as hell."

Statement: I apologize, master. I just thought you needed to remember what you stated.

"Yea...last time I ended up drunk I ended up dragged off by Calo Nord, so thanks for the reminder."

Gratification: You are most welcome, master.

I didn't feel like going back to the Hawk though. I had a feeling I was going to deal with Bastila and Carth berating me over my actions. So I went to the cantina. I told HK to go back to the Hawk as he wasn't allowed in the cantina. I ordered a fruit fizz, a non-alcoholic but fizzy drink. Frack, I am becoming like my mother. She loved those damn fizzy drinks. Speaking of mothers. I looked over and found Helena Shan nursing a cup of Corellian brandy. She saw me and came over to me. "Did you? Did you find Tian?"

I sighed. "Ms. Shan, your husband is dead."

She gasped and suddenly started to cry. Where the frack was Bastila? She needed to be here. I suddenly screamed through our bond.::BASTILA….GET THE FRACK HERE NOW…..YOUR MOTHER NEEDS YOU….::

::Phoenix….you really shouldn't shout at me.::

::Yea….but….she is your mother. And I just told her about your father's death.::

Bastila sighed.::I am coming.::

I put a hand on Helena's shoulder. "I am sorry. I know how you feel….believe me. I lost my father during the Mandalorian Wars. He, my mother, and my brother were brutally murdered by the Mandalorians. It hurts."

Helena looked at me. "I wish….I wish we never came to Tatooine."

Bastila entered the cantina. She took a look at me and paled slightly. I gave her a good-natured grin. She noticed my outfit.

She looked at her mother. "Mother….."

Helena looked at her daughter. "Tila..." She reached out to hug Bastila but Bastila moved away. I glared at Bastila.::Frack….Bastila….hug your damn mother.:

:I cannot. It isn't proper for a Jedi to show this type of emotion.:

:Do you realize that you seem cold and unfeeling?! That's not the way a Jedi should be. That's well... you might as well be a fracking Sith.:

Bastila paused and contemplated my statement and then she opened her arms and embraced her mother.

I took the holocron from my pocket. I placed it in Bastila's hand.

Bastila looked at the holocron, a feeling of guilt on her face. "Mother….my first thought if the worst happened was….that I wanted this holocron and I shouldn't give it up to you. But…."

Helena sighed. "I was hard on you, dear. I wasn't a very good mother to you, I know that. Your father loved you so. He wanted you to be just like him... he wanted to take you on his hunts, but I said they were too dangerous. I always tried to keep him from the dangerous ones, but he would have none of it. It was a reckless life we led, always moving... I didn't want that for you."

Bastila eyes lit up as she looked at her mother. "So that's why you gave me to the Order?"

"What do your father and I have to show for all those years of hunting? Nothing. That was no life for anyone, especially not someone as gifted as you. Your father... he spent all his last years trying to pay for my treatments. That's why he went for the pearls. I begged him not to, but..."

"Treatments!?"

Helena sighed. "I'm dying, Bastila. I did not lie about that. It's been a long time in the coming, and there's really nothing that can be done anymore. I told your father to let me go, but you know how he was. Stubborn. Like you."

Bastila began to cry. The tears were long in coming but they slowly dripped down her face. "I'm so sorry, Mother. I don't know what to say... "

Helena's hand closed around Bastila's hand that held the holocron and said softly,"Keep the holocron, Bastila. It would do me good to know you have it. This... talking to you... this is what I really needed before I... "

"I know, Mother. Thank you. I'm glad we talked, too. "

Bastila looked at me and mouthed. Thank you….

I nodded. I began to slowly step out of the cantina so that Bastila could be alone with her mother, but before I could leave. Helena called out. "You there….you take care of my daughter, you hear me?"

I snorted. "As if she'd let me."

"You make her let you. She's too much like her father in that respect."

I nodded and left the Cantina.


~Bastila~

My heart was healed. Revan...well Phoenix had brought me peace and resolution with my mother. How could she do that? Perhaps I had misjudged her taint. This was not the actions of a woman fallen to the Dark Side despite the fact that Phoenix was wearing Dark Jedi robes. I felt confused, puzzled. There was still a dark aura around Phoenix. But...Phoenix could have soured the relationship between me and my mother. Instead….I found myself hugging my mother and crying with her. Phoenix was right. Denying my emotions for my mother, and being reserved….in her presence well….it made me as cold and unfeeling as a Sith.

"Mother….where are you going to go?"

"It doesn't matter, dear. Don't you worry about me."

I quietly dug into my credit pouch. "Here. Take these 500 credits. It's all I have. Go to Coruscant and find a doctor. I'll meet you there after... after what I have to do."

"But I already told you there's nothing that can -"

"Please, take it. I... want to see you again. When we can talk."

I watched as my mother sighed and then said,"Alright, I will. Now you do what you have to, Bastila. You go make your father and I proud."

"I'll try. Farewell, Mother."

My mother kissed me lightly on my cheek and then left the Cantina. I took a long deep breath and pondered over what just happened. I felt suddenly ashamed of the conversation I had with Carth. Although Phoenix may have taken a dark step, she still had a good soul about her. I only hoped she'd stay on that path.

I exited the cantina and looked at Phoenix. "I….want to apologize."

"Apologize? Apologize for what?"

"My first thoughts about you. Well I thought…..you'd fallen to the Dark Side. Well….no one could….well...do what you did with my mother and I….and be….well….a servant of the Dark Side."

Phoenix sighed. "Bastila, don't get confused. I am tainted. There is darkness in me. I couldn't have done what I did against the Sand People without being tainted with darkness. Perhaps I am just a bit stronger against it, but I am not immune to its call. I am possessed by Revan's spirit, Bastila. And..."

She then glared at me but then her gaze softened. "I am upset at you and the Order….but I don't want to spoil the feelings you just had with your mother."

"Upset?"

"I have learned that Revan was not a man. She was a woman. Why the deception, Bastila?"

I paused and looked at Revan and sighed. "It was Revan's lie, Phoenix. I can't honestly say why she preferred to be called a man. Revan wore a mask and chose to hide her identity. Perhaps she sought to remove herself from her past. Perhaps she wanted the Mandalorians to fear her under the mystique of being a man. Perhaps, as a Sith, she sought to be known under the title Sith Lord. Lord is a title normally given to a man. Regardless, the Jedi accepted Revan's deception and accepted it as truth. Believe me, when I found out Revan was a woman…..I was just as startled. Her death...was unsettling. But please… can we not talk about this anymore? Revan's death pains me."

Phoenix nodded and grasped my hand. "There is another thing. I think...we need to stop being lovers. My attacking the Sand People and my darkness… well….it dealt mainly with being your lover. It's clear I don't have the self control that I should have. It is probably influenced by our bond too. It….drives me to too many extremes. I am an intense person, Bastila but the bond well it highlights my erratic nature a bit more than I would like."

This was true and I felt a burden slip from me. "I agree, Phoenix. I've wanted to say the same. I have feelings for you but this isn't healthy for either one of us. Plus if Malak or others in the Sith found out…."

Phoenix looked sad. She sighed and then leaned into me and gave me one more kiss upon my lips. She nodded. "This will be hard on both of us….but it's for the best, I think."

"Come….we should get back to the Hawk."


A/N: And I was going to do a Mission/Griff POV…but there is so much in this chapter already. It didn't feel right to squeeze Mission and Griff in this when there was so much exposition in this to begin with plus a lot of history with either Revan or Akume.

Ether: Thanks for the points in the last chapter. I slightly tweaked a few sentences here and there in the last chapter. Manipulative Bat…lol. Yea, Kreia is at that. Yet….I love that old manipulative witch just the same. lol