She places her hands flat against my abs and pushes herself up so that she's not laying on my chest anymore. "Alex, I don't…" Her voice trails off like she lost her train of thought and she shakes her head. I think I've been around Jo long enough to notice some of the actions that give away when she's getting angry, and I feel some relief wash over me when neither her tone nor her body language indicate that she's even the slightest bit mad at me. I'm not afraid of Jo, nor am I hesitant to speak my mind to her even when I know that something I say might piss her off, but it sure does help that she doesn't seem mad. I wouldn't care if she was mad—I would still tell her why I feel like she should quit—but I'm glad that this doesn't seem to be heading for an argument; at least not yet. "I'm not having this conversation right now, alright? Not right now." She sighs and puts her head back down on my chest. "Let's just go sleep." I sigh too and just wrap my arms around her. Clearly I can't make her talk about it if she doesn't want to talk about it but I wish she would get a grip and talk about it anyway. I don't want her to think I'm asking her this just to be a vindictive dick; I think she needs to know that I have reasoning behind it. But if she doesn't want to talk about it then hey, what can I do? She drapes her arm across me and I feel her eyelashes flutter, which means that she's blinking. "…I can't just quit my job, Alex." She whispers in a very low monotone. "I can't just up and quit. The solution isn't that easy."

"You can though, Jo. I'll go in there with you tomorrow so you can talk to your manager. Go in there, hand them your nametag, tell them that you're not coming back and don't go back. I'm serious." I trace small circles across the skin on her forearm and inhale the scent of her hair that's resting against my bare chest. I've never been much of a hair kind of guy, but I love Jo's hair. I have a newfound love for it, I guess. Ever since last night when my fingers got tangled up in it while we were having sex doggystyle, I've had an appreciation for the hair on her head. She's got beautiful hair on her head and I'm in love with it. "If you're too nervous to quit yourself, let me. I'll go in there tomorrow and tell them you're not coming back." She doesn't say anything at all. "Look Jo…I'm never going to ask you for much and I'm never going to beg you for anything. But I'm begging you to do this. I'm begging you to go in there tomorrow and quit. Please quit."

"Alex, I CAN'T!" She raises her voice at me but it wasn't loud enough to actually be considered a yell. She was just putting emphasis on the "can't", I think. "You don't think I want to? You don't think that crossed my mind today? After the kind of day I had at work, you really don't think I thought about quitting?" She sighs hard this time, annoyed. "I can't just quit and walk around unemployed. I have a house that I have to pay for. I may $180 in rent every month, my electricity bill is usually around $200, my water bill is usually $100, I pay $60 every two months for my garbage, $80 a month for my cable, $30 for my cell phone, $275 for car insurance, $396 for my car note, plus gas and groceries in my house. I have so many things I have to pay for Alex, and if I quit my job, how the hell am I going to do all of that? You tell me, because I'd sure as hell like to know how I can pay $1400 every month to live on my own without a job." She added that pretty quickly; I was surprised at first but then I remembered that she has a degree in math. She really is good at math. "I can't just walk around unemployed. I'm trying to get into one of the schools around here but I can't make anyone hire me. There's no other place for me to work. I was lucky to have gotten hired at the Hut. I don't think you know how many jobs I looked for and applied for when I first got here." It sounds like she might start crying, so I start stroking her hair. "I don't like walking around begging for jobs…it makes me feel lousy."

"There are a bunch of other jobs for you…and who says you have to stay here in Millerton? You have a car now, Jo. There are so many jobs up there in Pensacola…teaching jobs, too. You know how many schools are up in Pensacola? Some of them are bound to be hiring. I just don't want to see you limit yourself to just working at some small town restaurant when you're so much more than a waitress. You have two Ivy League degrees and you're waiting tables. You don't see anything wrong with that?" I put my cheek against the top of her head. "Stop limiting yourself. You have to see something wrong with a girl that's smart enough to get two Ivy League degrees but she's waiting tables. You see something wrong with that, don't you?"

"I do, but…Alex, it's really not that easy for me to get hired when jobs do background checks and see that I have a reckless endangerment charge on me. I got lucky and they didn't slap me with the DUI or the homicide charge but they did stick a reckless endangerment charge. And you know how schools are. You can't get into a school if you have so much as a parking ticket. I applied for a bunch and if I can't get hired in schools around Millerton, what makes you think I'm going to be able to go up to Pensacola and get hired? You make it sound so easy when it's really not. I don't have any other choices right now. I have to work in places that'll hire me with my record…and unfortunately, that seems like only fast food places don't care." She really sounds like she might be crying. "The Lobster Hut isn't much and it sucks, but…It's better than McDonald's."

"Then I'll pay to have your record expunged…it's not like you deserve to have that charge on there anyway." I shrug my shoulders. She lifts her head up and looks at me like I'm stupid. "You don't. You don't deserve to have that charge holding you back." She shakes her head and puts it back against my chest, which makes me suck my teeth out of annoyance. She thinks I'm trying to make this sound easier than what it actually is when in reality, she's making it sound harder than it actually is. Everything has a solution. If she's worried about someone looking at her record, I'll get it expunged. If she's worried about how she's going to pay for everything while she's out of a job, then I'll pay for her entire house until she gets back on her feet. If she doesn't want to depend on me for money like I suspect she won't, then I'll talk to my dad and see if he'll let her do some bookkeeping for the shop for some money. If she doesn't want me to pull strings and help her out with getting a job, then she can move in with me. There are so many solutions that she just doesn't want to see. "I'm serious, Jo. If you really think that having that charge on your record will hinder you from becoming a teacher, I will pay whatever I need to pay to have your record expunged. I'll do whatever I need to do to help you, as long as it means you don't have to go back to that restaurant to work. Tell me you'll quit tomorrow and I'll go get the money first thing in the morning to get your record taken care of."

"I can't promise you that I'm going to quit tomorrow." I feel her breath against my chest with every word she says. I suck my teeth once again and she shrugs, letting me know that she doesn't care how annoyed with her I am. "How irresponsible would that make me? Alex, if I quit my job tomorrow without another job lined up, how irresponsible is that? You're making it seem like getting my damn record clean is going to take one day and actually finding a job and getting hired for that job is going to take a day too. Things take time. How am I supposed to support myself in the meantime? You're being the stupid one now. You're making it sound like I can snap my fingers and magically have all my bills paid if I don't have a job. You know how much money I made today, despite everything that happened? Despite everything that happened, I walked out of there today with $503 in my pocket. I've never made that kind of money waitressing before. You know what I did when I got home?" My chest is a little bit wet, which lets me know that she is crying. "I called my mom and told her that she didn't have to make my car payment for me this month. You know how good that felt?" She's silent again. "After she put money down at the dealer to make sure that I can drive off the lot with not only a car, but a brand new car…I could call her and tell her that I could afford to make a payment on it." I feel her jaw trembling but she stops it soon after it starts. "I'm not ready to give that up over a few guys taunting me." She sniffs. "Not when I don't have another way to be able to tell her the same thing next month."

"…So move in with me." I mumble underneath my breath because in a sense, it slipped out and I'm still not sure if I wanted to say that. I wanted to suggest it sometime during this conversation but I'm not exactly sure if this was the right time. "I-I mean…" I try to retract it but it's too late. I already said that and I already felt her breathing change when I did. "You could. Not only until you find another job, but in general. You could just give up the house. That would cut back on all your bills and stuff. You heard Lyla earlier too. She did say that you were home… but you weren't. But you could be." I'm so horrible with words it's not even funny. I'm terrible with words. "I don't know, Jo…I'm just saying. I just don't want you to go back there."

"Not everything has a solution, Alex! Stop trying to solve everything! I can't just up and quit my job, I can't move in with you because you want me to up and quit my job, I can't let you pay to get my record expunged. I had a bad day at work. I had a real bad day. But I LIKE the way things are right now!" She lifts her head up off my chest and looks at me with tears running down her cheeks. I've had enough of seeing Jo cry for one day. Seeing her cry always makes my heart hurt and I've had enough heartache for one day, I do believe. "I LIKE my life. For once, Alex…I like it. I like where I live, I like having a job to support myself for once, I like having you in my life, I like having Lyla…I'm finally at a place where I can be happy for once and that's not dependent upon a man. I pay my own bills here. I don't depend on my husband's money to get by, I live in a shitty house but it's MY shitty house, I have a boyfriend that I really love and I have…I have a daughter that I adore. I made myself happy all on my own, with very, very little help from you and I'm happy with that. I love having you around but I made the decision to make myself happy with you. For once, I'm not dependent upon a man to make me happy and I'm not…" She shakes her head, rattling tears off her cheeks. "It was a bad day at work. Every time you have bad days, do I make it a point to convince you to quit? It was just a bad day."

"HOW ABOUT ME THOUGH, JO?!" I sit up, completely knocking her off my chest. I'm so sick of hearing about what she wants. Of course what she wants is very important to me and I respect what she wants but she needs to see my side of this too. I'm fed up hearing her little sob story. "You're not going back to your job. Now I'll go in there tomorrow myself and tell them that you quit—I don't give a damn. I'll do it myself if that's what it takes. But YOU are NOT going back." She wrinkles both her brows and juts her head backward, clearly angry with me but I don't care. "I'm trying to give you the decision here, but you're not making the right one. I'm sitting here and sitting here and just waiting for you to find the sense in your pretty little head—you know, the sense that got you into Harvard and Princeton?! But I'm done with it, Jo! You can't decide, so I'm deciding for you. You're not making the right decision, you're making SHIT decisions so now, I DECIDE. And I decide that you're not going back to that job. I'll find you a new one, I don't care. You can work at my dad's shop until something else opens up for you. I'll find something. But you no longer work at the Lobster Hut. Do you understand that?!"

"Fuck you, Alex. You don't tell me shit, how dare you tell me—"

"ENOUGH. ABOUT. YOU!" I grab her shoulders and hold her still. I'm about to burst into tears over this woman. She's not understanding anything from my point of view. All she's thinking about is herself and about all the things that affect her live but she's not even thinking about me. I matter here too, don't I? She's my girlfriend…I should matter to her. "What about me, Jo? Huh?!" When she sees the tears collecting on the rims of my eyes, I notice that her face starts to soften. "Did you think about how I felt when the girl that I love came calling me because she was too scared to continue on with her job? You told me they were making plans to rape you...and what if they had? What if I was at work or something and I couldn't have gotten to my phone in time to catch your phone call? Did you think about how lucky we both were that things so happened to work out in our favors today? I just so happened to be in the car at that time, I just so happened to catch your phone call and I just so happen to not be working right now. But what if everything didn't align so perfectly today? Those men wanted you, Jo. They wanted you and if by some chance I couldn't have gotten to my phone today, I would probably be at the morgue right now, identifying your body because those sickos did exactly what they wanted to do to you. You're not thinking about everything that could've been done to you today. What if they went through with what they planned to do to you? Then what?" She looks down at the sheets on her bed. "Exactly! So you don't get to make a decision here. Not when it comes to your safety. You're sitting here telling me about all the things that you had to overcome in moving here, but me too Jo…me too. I had to overcome a lot too. How about the fact that the only woman I ever loved in my life died on me? And what kind of man would I be if I put the woman I CURRENTLY love back in the position to face death like that again? Who's to say that those men won't come back? Who's to say they won't be waiting for you next time you work? I can't let you go back to that. I can't have you dying on me too, Jo…I can't handle that. I'll lose the little bit of sanity I have left if I lose you. If I lose you Jo, I'll be losing my BEST friend, my rock, my biggest supporter and the love of my life. I can't do that again. So I'm sorry but you're not going back to that job. I can't let you do that. I wouldn't be a good man if I let you go back. I have to put my foot down. I can't lose you. Do you know how that made me feel today? When you were too upset to even speak to me on the phone? When you were too scared to do your work because other men were making threats toward you? And I'm your boyfriend…I'm supposed to be the one to shut that shit down." I pinch the bridge of my nose and bite down on my bottom lip to keep the tears in my eyes. "And I couldn't. I couldn't even take you out of the position where you felt unsafe. Now you tell me how I'm supposed to let you go back? How am I supposed to do that? I don't want to have to worry about you every time you go back to work now and I'm telling you, that's what's going to happen. Every time you're at work, I'm going to worry myself sick. So if you don't quit for you…quit for me. I told you, I'm never going to ask you for much in this relationship. And I'm never going to beg you for anything. But I'm begging you for this. Please…"

She scoots towards me in the bed and puts her arms around my chest. Without a word, she forces my head on her chest and starts to scratch at my back. "…I didn't think about you. I'm sorry." One of her hands scratches my back and the other scratches my scalp. "I didn't think about how you felt…and I should've, because I remember how messed up I was when you came home after Stacy hit you. I was pissed and I felt hopeless when she hit you. I felt like you should've been safer at your own job but you weren't. So I can only imagine how you feel about this situation. I didn't think about you at all." She sighs and cradles my face against her chest. "But what do you want me to do? You want me to quit, okay. I will. But what about after that? You gotta have a plan for me…I need a plan. What do you want me to do after I quit?"

"Whatever you want to do, Jo. The door is always open for you to move in with me, so if you want to move in with me, of course you can. But if you want to keep your independence and keep your own house, that's fine too. Whatever you need paid, just tell me. I'll make sure you keep your house. I don't…I don't want to brag Jo, but $1400 a month is nothing to me. I can pay that. I can give you $1400 a month and let you spend it on everything you need to spend it on. And in the meantime, we'll look for another job for you. You don't have to worry about anything that you've been worrying about. You should already know that I'm not going to let you struggle. If I have it, you have it. I'm not going to let you struggle when I have money. I know you don't want to depend on me…but we can make it work somehow."

"Do you really think we're ready to move in with each other? I mean really, Alex? Do you think we're ready for that?" She loosens her grip around my body and looks dead in my eyes. "We're still working out some kinks. We had our first argument just yesterday…we're still working through a lot of our issues. Do you really think we're ready to take that step further and move in?" I have to think about that. I think we are. She's always over my house anyway. She's always over my house, we're always together, she's always around, we always sleep together…I think we could live together. I suppose it wouldn't be much different than our relationship already is. "I'm not saying that we're not." She starts to elaborate more. "I'm not saying that we're not ready to move in with each other. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just asking if you think we're ready. I'm asking what you think."

"How much more different could it be than this? Face it Jo, the only thing you do here is shower and even that is sometimes. You hardly ever sleep here, you don't eat here…you're basically paying the bills for a house that you barely live in. You're always down at my house. And for once, I don't have to ask Lyla how she'd feel about it because I already know how she'd feel. Us living together couldn't be much different than this."

"…I guess you have a point."


Jo's Point of View.

"I don't blame you. I'd quit after a night like that too." Lucille steps back away from hugging me and runs her fingers through my hair. "I just wish you would've at least put in your two weeks so we could properly throw you a goodbye party." She looks at me like she really is sad to see me go. "But you've gotta get outta here while you can. You're too good for this place, Jo. We're gonna miss you…but you're one of the ones that are too good for this place." I'm really going to miss working here too. I'm not going to miss the long nights of waiting tables or the drunk men hitting on me, but I'm really going to miss my friends. I'll still come in here to visit them of course but it's not going to be the same knowing that I don't work with them anymore. I'll make it a point to come in here and have dinner every now and again so I can visit them though. "You guys are all leaving me." Lucille pokes her lip out. "Kaylee's going back to college at the end of this month, Luke's gotta go back to school too, to finish up his degree, Macy's moving to Portwood with that boyfriend of hers and you're quitting on me."

It took me half an hour to convince Alex to let me come in here on my own. He wanted to come in here with me so he could have a chat with Tony and tell him how much he didn't appreciate having his girlfriend stuck behind a bar by herself. Something told me that if I had let Alex come in here with me to have just a little "chat" with Tony, Tony might've ended up physically injured. So after half an hour, I finally convinced him to let me come in here alone. I handled it professionally, I believe. I came in through the front and at first, I said hi to everyone. They had already heard about what happened but I gave them the official story and I told them what I was here for. When Tony came out of the back, I asked him if I could come back and speak to him and he told me that I could. I went back there, I handed him my nametag and I told him that I had to let him know that I was quitting. He told me that he understood why and he told me that he was sorry for what happened to me yesterday and he told me that he played back the tape from last night and what happened to me was "inexcusable" and "demeaning". He asked me if I had planned on filing harassment charges against the men and I said no because I didn't know their names. He said that he was sad to see me go but he firmly understood why I was quitting and he told me that I can have a job with them in the future if I would like to. And that was the end of it.

"I'll still be working here when I'm home for the summer." Kaylee finishes shoving napkins into the napkin holders and comes over to where Lucille and I are standing. "So I'll be back next summer and I think I'll pick up a couple shifts when I'm home for winter break." She gently shoves past Lucille and holds her arms out for a hug too. "I'm gonna miss you too, Jo. I loved working with you." I hug her back and fight off tears. I didn't think saying goodbye to all my friends was going to be this hard. I swear quitting today would've been a hell of a lot easier if everyone wasn't so sad to see me go. Even Austin told me that he'd miss me and I never really even talked to him much. My coworkers were awesome. They made this place bearable…even when it wasn't. "You have my number though. Text me sometime. I'll text you when I'm home on my breaks and stuff. We can come here and catch up."

"That sounds good." I'm not sad about quitting because I could truly give a rat's ass about this place but I am sad about leaving my friends. They were the first friends I made here—aside from Lyla, that is. But Alex thinks I should quit and although I admit that at first, I thought he wanted me to quit for his own personal selfish reasons, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he has valid points. I can't work in a place where I was threatened to be raped. Those men know where I work and if they still decide that they want me, it's a whole lot easier for them to have me if they know where I'm working. When he broke it down and really explained it to me last night, it was easy for me to see his point. I didn't really think about how the situation yesterday affected him. I needed to quit this job. "I'm gonna miss you guys so much though." I move to the side so I can give Macy a hug.

"We'll miss you like hell Jo, but you have to get outta here." Macy rubs my back and lets me go so she can spit some words of wisdom to me. Aside from Lucille, Macy's the easiest of my coworkers to listen to. "If you ask me, Tony should be fired for thinking that it was a good idea to stick you behind the bar alone yesterday. That was a dick move and he should've known better. That's why he was kissing your ass when you handed him your badge earlier. He doesn't want you to hit the restaurant with a big ass lawsuit, even though you should. I mean who in their right mind would stick a pretty young girl behind a bar by herself, knowing what kind of drunken assholes come in here on a day to day basis? It's like he wanted you to get raped. He was kissing your ass so hard when you handed him your nametag. If it were any of us telling him that we quit, he'd tell us good riddance and probably fire us instead for not giving him our two weeks' notice. He knows he fucked up yesterday."

"Yeah, I know. Total asshole move. You should sue the shit out of this place, shut it down and turn it into a gay bar." Luke puts his tray down and wraps his arms around my waist. "I'm gonna miss you so much, boopy." I smile. I think I'll probably miss Luke the most. He always has me in tears from laughing so hard. He doesn't even try to be funny all the time and I'm gonna miss that about him. He's hilarious. "And sorry I couldn't help you out back there yesterday. If I knew that they were saying shit to you, I would've helped. But you know…Asshole wants to send people home and leave me and you to fend for ourselves. I was busy as hell out there on the patio yesterday but if you would've told me what those fuckers were saying to you, I would've came in here and switched with you."

"It's okay Lukey, it wasn't your fault." I put my lips against his cheek and smack his butt. "Be good. I'm not going to be around to drag your ass out of trouble anymore, so be more careful. No more flirting with straight guys or guys that are married…I won't be here to act like your cover-up so nobody kicks your ass anymore." I giggle, referring to the two times when he hit on a straight guy and a gay guy that was married. He hit on a straight guy and the guy was so disturbed that he wanted to get up and leave but instead, I walked over, kissed Luke's cheek and told him that I'd "see him at home" so that the "nice haircut" compliment Luke gave the guy seemed like a genuine compliment as opposed to an actual pickup line. I had to pull the same thing when he hit on a guy that was married once too. The guy's husband was about to get up and kick Luke's ass but I swooped in and acted like I was his girlfriend again. "I have to go…Alex is outside in the car waiting…and we have lots of things we have to do today. He has to go up to his job for something and then we're going to the mall…we're busy. I just came in here to quit…and say goodbye to you guys." I sigh. "I'll see you guys around." I go down the line and give them all one last hug before I turn towards the door to leave.

"Bye, Jo." They all say to me in unison, which makes me want to cry again.

"TAKE CARE OF THAT SEXY ASS MAN OF YOURS!" Kaylee screams at me, which makes me laugh so hard that I forget to cry.

X X X

"Yeah, you can just resume putting me on the schedule as normal." The last time I was here was when Lyla had to have her surgery and while that wasn't so long ago, I still managed to forget how magical this place is. I still can't believe Alex gets to call this place his job. Each hallway of this place is themed after a different animal and the hallway we're currently standing in is alligators and crocodile themed. Almost every wall and window pane is green, there are pictures of crocodiles and alligators hanging up all over the place and the station where all the nurses gather around at is conveniently called "The Swamp." On the front wall of the little station are hand-painted cattail flowers and the words "The Swamp" are painted across it to look like mud. It's a pretty neat place to work, I think. "I might have to call off on the 27th though. I think that's when the court hearing is. Don't quote me on that, because it's subject to change but I'm just trying to let you know ahead of time." As Alex talks to Arizona about starting to work again, I wander around a little bit just to look. They do a very nice job at disguising the fact that this is a hospital. If I were a kid again, I would be praying for my appendix to burst or for my tonsils to swell up just so I could come here. Alex has the coolest job. He gets to hang out with sick kids all day and get paid to make them feel better. That's awesome. "Yeah, that's fine…tomorrow works."

He also has the world's coolest boss. There aren't a lot of bosses in this world that would let one of their employees take an extended period of time off from work and still have his job waiting for him. I don't think Alex realizes just how lucky he is to have the kind of job that he does. "Alright, so 7-3 tomorrow, off Wednesday, 3-11 Thursday…that's all I'm going to give you for this week. But 3-11s will be okay after Wednesday, right? Since your visitation is getting cleared on Wednesday?" While I look around, I also listen in on their conversations to hear what Alex's work schedule is going to be like. I'm glad he's going back to work after being out of commission for so long to deal with Lyla being taken away, but it's starting to sound like I'm going to be moving in on my own. We're going to start moving my stuff a little later on tonight and I'm trying to be all settled in by Thursday so I can start job hunting ASAP but it sounds like he's going to be working 3-11 on Thursday, which means it's going to be up to me to get myself settled in. I don't think either one of us realized that moving me into his house was going to be a bit more than we bargained for until we started discussing what we're going to do with my furniture on the way here. So far, we've decided that we're going to leave my couch since it's a gross, nasty, smelly secondhand couch anyway. The couch is just going to stay in the house for the next owner that wants it. My coffee table is going to go upstairs in his attic for safekeeping, my kitchen table and chairs are going to go outside on his patio since his current patio set is wooden and gross. We're going to use my bathroom set to redecorate his downstairs bathroom. And he decided that we're going to nix his mattress and keep my air one. I tried negotiating with him on that but he said that he didn't really feel right moving his girlfriend in to sleep in the same bed he shared with his now dead wife and I could understand that. I turned my cable services off this morning and my brand new TV is going to go up in his bedroom. He's going to move the TV from his bedroom down to the living room, the TV from his living room into the attic since it's older and my TV is going to be in our bedroom now. I think we have everything figured out so far. "While I've got you here, I could really use you for a consult. It'll only take a minute." After they work out his schedule, Arizona starts talking to him about actual work.

"Alright…can Jo come? I don't want to leave her out here by herself." I pretend to be very busy looking at the crocodile pictures while Alex asks his boss if I could tag along. I don't really mind being left out here alone but if I speak up and tell him that, he's going to know I was eavesdropping on his conversation. I hear Arizona tell him "of course" and that's when Alex walks over to me. "Come on…I'm gonna go help Arizona with a consult. You can come with me." He holds his hand out for me to hold it. I lock my fingers inside his and let him drag me to whatever hallway he wants. I look around as the green hallway transforms into a pink one and instead of pigs like I was expecting, this theme is actually flamingoes. I actually remember being in this hallway when Lyla got her surgery. "Gimme a brief rundown. What's up with the kid?"

"Three day old newbie with what looks like continuous seizure activity in his left leg and arm. I can't admit him into the NICU without a parent's consent since he's not a preemie and not in any apparent life-threatening condition…and his mom's up at Pensacola Presbyterian being treated for car crash injuries so I don't have a parent's consent. Father is nowhere to be found. He was life-threatening enough to be airlifted here on Saturday but now he's not life-threatening enough to be admitted to the NICU and he's not well enough to be transported back to Pensacola Pres. I'm at a loss for his treatment here. I had Shepherd run some tests on his brain to see if he can pinpoint what exactly is causing the seizures but we're all stumped here." Arizona rattles off the story of the patient like she's reading from a book. When she comes to a bright pink wooden door, she stops. "And there isn't many exploratory procedures I can do on him without a parent's consent. I want to do an exploratory laparotomy, an exploratory MRI, a CT…But I can't do any of that without consent." I don't know anything that she's talking about but Alex understands everything and I find that amazing for some reason. Arizona sticks her name badge into a lock next to the door and when it buzzes, she opens the door up.

"When you ran his labs, did you check for an elevated WBC count? Have you ruled out epilepsy? Give him a CC of Depakote?" Alex walks into the room and I walk in behind him. As soon as we walk into the room, I can hear very weak cries coming from the plastic cradle that the baby is in and it kind of breaks my heart. It sounds like the baby's crying in pain and that's so sad if it is. I stand in the back of the room and watch Alex do what he's trained to do. I find it so amazing that he just knows what he's doing. I always knew he was a doctor but the whole concept is becoming so real to me while I actually watch him in action. "And I'm guessing a pacifier wouldn't work if the left half of his body is seizing…probably can't suck on it much anyway." The baby's crying doesn't seem to bother either one of them. "Gimme a name, Zone."

"Brayden Cruz." Arizona puts down the flat screen tablet she was holding and hovers over the baby, standing next to Alex. "His WBC count is within normal range, epileptic tests came back negative and Depakote doesn't seem to work. Depakote worked when we first gave it to him but it seemed to have worn off within ten minutes and we can't keep giving a newborn Depakote intravenously. Shepherd found no abnormal brain activity when he did his neurological study but without a CT, we can't rule out anything for good and he's been seizing nonstop for three days…I wouldn't be surprised if there were some neurological deficits by now." She puts her hand against the baby's stomach. "Poor guy hasn't stopped crying either so I'm guessing he's in some degree of pain."

"I think your best bet is to petition the board for exploratory procedures without consent. He keeps seizing like this and he'll be dead before he even celebrates one week of life. I can't say anything for certain without a CT to analyze. I'm thinking there might be blockages in his carotids that are preventing the right side of his brain from getting enough blood flow, causing his left side to seize, I'm thinking minute epilepsy, maybe a murmur…can't tell for sure without any tests and if you wait any longer, he's going to die." That's so sad. I feel my heart sink a little bit. This poor baby's going to die because they can't treat him right without his mom's signature? That's so sad. He's so little. He's probably never been held and cuddled by his mommy, he's probably never even nurtured and coddled. That's so sad. "You gotta do procedures without consent. That's the only solution I can think of. You gotta find out what exactly is causing these seizures. I'll run his tests myself tomorrow if you get the board's approval tonight."

"I'll get right on that. I was thinking that for a course of action too but it's better to hear it come from you too." Arizona taps Alex's shoulder and sighs. "Just wish there was something I could do right now, you know?" Alex nods his head. "…You and Jo should probably go now. Enjoy the rest of your day. You'll be back here soon enough tomorrow." Somehow, she still manages to sound bright and happy and I have to say that she's talented for that.

"Yeah, you're right…come on Jo." Alex turns around and faces me, sullen look clear on his face. When Alex turns around, he moves to the side slightly and I can finally get a good look at the little guy. He has a very thin, white, long-sleeved t-shirt on that's rising up around his belly enough to show that his umbilical cord stump clip is still intact. He has on a white diaper with yellow straps. His skin is a very tan, golden, Hispanic kind of color and he has a lot of hair on top of his head. His eyes are closed but his mouth is wide open enough for him to be screaming, despite the tube up his nose. I've never seen a baby's foot shake so fast. It looks like…like if you were to scratch a dog's belly really fast and it's foot started to kick. You can tell it's involuntary, the dog doesn't make a big deal out of it and the foot is shaking so fast. It looks like this baby's foot is moving a million miles a minute. "What?" Alex asks me, which makes Arizona turn around and look at me too. I tilt my head and poke my lip out. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Jo's a sucker for babies, Arizona." Alex makes me sound like I'm nothing but a softie but seriously…this is so sad. "You should've saw her with Lyla's timeout yesterday…she's a sucker for kids."

"I just want to hold him…he's probably never been held before. He might die and he was never even held and cuddled and kissed by his mommy. That would suck…to die before you got to lay on your mommy's chest." I explain myself. "Get me outta here, Alex. Why would you bring me here? This is so sad. I would've rather have waited in the hall." I look at him with my lip still poked out. "I just wanna hold him. Poor baby."

"…Here." Arizona pushes two buttons on each side of the cradle he's in and lowers the side of it. "Don't tell anybody I'm letting you do this, but here." She's very gentle with the way she lifts the baby up out of the cradle. "You said you want to hold him." She turns to me, offering me the tiny infant's body. I drop my jaw. "You have to come over here though. His wires won't stretch that far." I blankly nod my head and walk over to her. "Here, I'll show you how…head goes..." She puts the baby in my arms and I already adjust. I make sure his head is in the bend of my arm for support, make sure his body is secure against mine and support his weight with my other arm. "…Or you can just not listen to me and hold him like you already know how." Arizona shakes her head at me. "Do you have kids, Jo?" I shake my head, too focused on the little baby in my arms to open my mouth.

In my arms, the baby starts shaking again but to my surprise, the shaking isn't as violent as it looked like he was laying down. It's more of a gentle shiver, now that I'm holding him. He opens his mouth again and starts wailing his little pain-induced cry. "Shhh…I know, I know." I gently bounce him up and down in my arm and stare down at him. He's trying to flail his arms and move his head while he cries but I squeeze him closer to my chest to prevent that from happening. "I know, sweetheart…I know. It hurts." I slip my pinky into the palm of his hand and sway back and forth. He squeezes my finger hard and continues to cry. "It's alright. Shh…yeah, it's alright." A little green pacifier catches my eye and I pick it up off his bed. "Here we go…how's about this?" I nudge it in between his precious little gums. "You can't sucks on this though…" My voice is all babyish and goofy. I probably sound like a nutcase. "Nope. You can't sucks on this if your body's shakin' now can you?" I slip my index finger into the little hole of the pacifier and hold it in his mouth like that. "Say all's I needed is someone to hold it for me. Cause I can't." As soon as I hold the pacifier in his mouth, he starts sucking on it and quiets down. His body starts shaking again but the pacifier stays in since I'm holding it. "See? All betters." He actually opens up his little eyes. "Hi!" My finger is bobbing up and down with his sucks. "Say who is this strange woman holding me…" I start patting his butt. He blinks his eyes and keeps sucking. "Yeps… I'm gonna have to put you down now. Nope. I probably won't ever see you again but I'm glad I can give ya a couple minutes of relief there, honey." I smile at him. He's so little and precious. "…Someone get this baby off me." I finally fix my voice.

"You really don't have kids? You're not a mother?" Like I asked her to, Arizona starts to lift the baby out of my arms, replacing my finger in the pacifier with her own.

"Nope." I relinquish the baby to her. I glance at Alex from the corner of my eye, only to find that he's staring at me. "I'm not a mommy…no babies for me." I give the little boy's hair one last stroke before I step away. I'm glad she took that baby off of me when she did because I was starting to get that "my womb will always be empty" sadness thing going on. I wish I could have babies. One ovary could get me pregnant but the doctors said it probably won't and even if I do, I'll lose it because they had to take a piece of my cervix too. A small piece of it, but a piece nonetheless. And I can't push a baby out with metal in my pelvis. So no babies for me. I would thoroughly enjoy one though. I sigh and turn to Alex. "You ready?" He finally stops staring at me and when he comes out of the comatose state he was in while staring at me, he nods his head. "Mall next, right?"

"Yep…school clothes for Lyla." He opens the door for me. Ooh, shopping. I don't think he realizes how bad an idea taking me shopping for Lyla is. He should've gone shopping by himself because taking me with him…he's going to go broke. I'm picking her up some bows, dresses, skirts, cute shoes, SEQUINS, RHINESTONES…ugh. I always wanted a little girl that I could dress up and treat like a Barbie doll. I can't wait for preschool to start! She's going to be the best dressed kid in her class. I swear, with me living with Alex now, I'm going to get up every morning and put matching bows in her hair, make sure her clothes are all coordinated, make sure her shoes match…UGH. I'm excited now!

I knew a little retail therapy would cheer me up.


A/N:Important concepts and ideas in this chapter guys, but time jump to the court hearing next chapter :)