Chapter 53: Conversations with Dead People
Buffy stands on the front porch of her new house with Willow, Dawn and Spike. She opens the door and enters.
Buffy nods, "You can come in Spike." Spike enters the house with Willow and Dawn. "I want to state a couple rules, Spike. First off Dawn gets the shower first thing of a morning. She has to orb to Sunnydale early enough to catch a ride with Xander to school. There are four bedrooms you can either sleep in the basement or in the spare bedroom. If you go out you need to tell us. I don't want to wake up one morning and find out from Faith your back in Sunnydale in the school basement all crazy again. Lastly I'm going to ask you to stay out of the attic unless I, Willow or Dawn is with you. That's where I will be keeping anything magic related, including our copy of the Book of Shadows."
Spike nods, "All that sounds reasonable, I guess."
Dawn nods, "And I got one for you. Don't ever touch my mom, okay? Or you will wake up on fire."
Buffy nods, "She can make good on that threat too. Her power is pyrokinesis."
Spike nods, "Got it. She can basically set me on fire from ten feet away."
Three Nights Later… Buffy wanders a dark cemetery, searching for a particular grave. She stops at a fresh grave. She crouches next to it - watching it.
At the San Francisco Public Library… Willow is alone, at a table tucked between the stacks. It's a private, cozy alcove. She is hunched over her book.
At the Halliwell House (this is how I will refer to Buffy's new house which is across the street from the manor)
Dawn comes in the front door after visiting her aunts across the street. Only a single light is on in the living room. The rest of the house is dark. Dawn moves to the desk in the living room and finds a note clipped to it.
The note reads "Will and I are out until late. Dinner is in the microwave. If Spike is home don't let him eat it out from under you. Love, Mom."
Dawn takes in the note. Then smiles. Tosses herself onto the couch.
Back at the Graveyard Buffy is still crouching at the fresh grave. Watching it intently. Suddenly a hand shoots out of the grave.
Buffy smiles, "Here we go."
The vampire attacks. Buffy fights the vampire for a spell. He fights with a ferocity, and some finesse.
At the Halliwell House. Dawn stands at the kitchen counter, eating an anchovy and pineapple pizza that was in the microwave.
She sings a made-up song with her mouth full. "Anchovies, anchovies, you're so delicious. I love you more than all other fishes..."
Short time later Dawn stands in front of Buffy's closet, pulling out clothes and holding them up in front of her, admiring. The box of pizza now lies open on Buffy's bed. Dawn holds a piece of pizza in one hand.
She realizes she's just got pizza sauce on one of Buffy's tops. "Mom'll think it's blood." She puts the item back in the closet.
Short time later Dawn is back downstairs in the living room. Dawn sits on the floor next to the CD player, drinking soda, listening to music, and reading liner notes. She has open CD cases and loose CDs all around her. She spills her soda on some of the CDs and, unconcerned, wipes them with her sleeve. She hears...
A single loud thump. Is it at the door? She turns down the music... "Hello?" Nothing.
Another thump. Dawn jumps and glances toward the door again... no one there.
Short time later… Dawn is on her tummy in front of the television. She is talking on her cell phone. She kicks her bare feet in the air behind her. "Are you seeing this, Kit? She is so dead, even just talking to this guy. Oh, he's clearly a psychopath... is so... what? That is not Tom Hanks. What are you talking about? Well what channel are you on?" A single thump, "There it is again. I keep hearing this, like, thumping..."
Dawn mutes the television. A single thump. She gets up and heads for the door. "No, I can't tell if it's at the door or..."
Dawn is approaching the door when it flies open violently and a blast of wind hits her. No one is there. Dawn closes the door against the wind and stands in front of it. "Kit? Is there a storm... are you there?"
The door blows open again – more insistent, more violent – this time it hits Dawn, making her drop the phone.
Suddenly the TV starts blaring. The CD player is suddenly on loudly too, and the radio can be heard from the kitchen.
In the cacophony, Dawn runs to the TV and tries to turn it off. It stays on. She grabs the cord, yanks it... unplugs it. It stays on.
In the Graveyard… Buffy and the Vampire are still fighting. They get in the clinch, and he's starting to bear down when he stops, looks at her... "Buffy?" He takes a step back. Buffy looks equally surprised. "Buffy Summers?"
Buffy frowns, "Uh, have we met? And it's Halliwell now."
The vampire nods, "Webs! Holden Webster! We were in school together! European History... I let you crib off my Vaclev Haval essay that time... You really don't remember me?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Oh, sure, sure..."
Back at the Halliwell House. The cacophony continues: TV over CD over radio. Dawn stands in the middle of the living room, looking around, confused.
Dawn grabs an axe out of Buffy's weapon's chest and smashes the TV with it. The light and noise from it stops. She then swings the axe into the CD player. It gets crushed along with the shelf it rode in on. It stops playing.
Dawn, still carrying the axe, enters the kitchen and heads for the kitchen radio, which is still playing Mariachi music. Before she gets there she sees the microwave is on, humming loudly, smoke oozing out around the door. "Oh god, oh god..."
The hum gets louder and higher... Dawn lunges for it, but doesn't get to it before the microwave explodes, the door blasting outwards in fragments of glass.
Dawn yelps and runs for the back door, stepping on glass. On the way, she passes near the radio.
Just for a moment, the Mariachi music dissolves into static and through the static a voice calls out, "Dawn?"
Dawn freezes and stares at the radio. It reverts to music, "Grandma?"
At the San Francisco Library… Willow is still reading. She looks up and sees Tara, sitting on the table, across from her. Willow just takes her in, too stunned to speak. Tara smiles.
Back at the Graveyard… Holden is still trying to explain who he is. "Okay. Junior year, spring production of "Pippen"... I did the lighting design..."
Buffy shakes her head, "Didn't see it."
Holden nods, "But you helped me move the lighting board and I dropped it on your foot..."
Buffy nods, "Foot! Yes! Right. And history class, okay, it's coming back. I'm sorry."
Holden nods, "Well, it's not like I was a huge part of your life-"
Buffy nods, "But I just didn't recognize you 'cause you're, you know, a demon, and I think you've filled out a lot."
Holden nods, "Yeah, I got into tai kwon do in a big way at Dartmouth."
Buffy smiles, "Well, that's great. So what have you been up to?"
Holden smiles, "Well, apparently, dying!" They both laugh. "No, but, other stuff, too... Majoring in psych, really loving that... And I was taking a year off to do an internship at the Sunnydale Mental Hospital."
Buffy nods, "Wow, that's gotta be a... popular joint."
Holden nods, "Yeah, I keep telling them we should get a bouncer and a velvet rope. Hey, you remember Jason Wheeler? Crazy Jay?"
Buffy groans, "Oh, yeah..."
Holden nods, "He had that shtick, all. I'm crazy! I'm crazy!"
Buffy nods, "How is he?"
Holden sighs, "Crazy. He's been in the chronic ward since graduation." It's a bit of a dampener. They smile wanly. "Not really that funny, I guess."
Buffy shrugs, "Ironic, sort of."
Holden nods as his face demorphs, "Yeah… Whoah! Did my face just change?"
Buffy nods, "Yeah. You look human now. You can go back and forth."
Holden smiles, "So I'm a vampire? How weird is that?"
Buffy sighs, "I'm sorry."
Holden shakes his head, "No, it feels okay. Strong, and I feel like I'm connected to a powerful all-consuming evil that's gonna suck the world into fiery oblivion. What about you?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Not so much connected."
Holden shakes his head, "No, no, but out here, the stake and the cross - you do this a lot?"
Buffy nods, "Well, I'm the Slayer, and a witch."
Holden nods, "And you do what, fight vampires? Professionally?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Well, I don't get paid, it's more like a calling. Since... Even in school. Well I've been the Slayer since school anyways. I've only been a witch two years now."
Holden nods, "I heard a lotta rumors about you back then. You were all mysterious..."
Buffy sorta pleased, "I was?"
Holden nods, "Well you were never around. Lotta kids thought you were dating some really old guy, or, like heavy religious. Scott Hope said you were gay."
Buffy frowns, "What?! I dated that ringworm!"
Holden nods, "He said that about every girl he broke up with. And then last year, big surprise, he comes out..."
Buffy shakes her head, "Men, do I know how to pick 'em."
Holden nods, "So all that time, you were a Slayer."
Buffy sighs, "The."
Holden blinks, "The. Like, the only?"
Buffy nods, "Back then pretty much. Nowadays there are three of us."
Holden nods, "So when you said, "not connected," that was kind of a telling statement."
Buffy shakes her head, "Oh, psych 101 alert..."
Holden nods, "I'm just saying-"
Buffy sighs, "Yeah, what I really need right now is emotional therapy from the Evil Dead."
Holden smiles, "Hey, it was your phrase..."
Buffy smiles, "I'm connected. I'm connected to a lot of people, okay? I've got a daughter, sisters."
Short distance away Buffy's phone is ringing.
At the Halliwell House. Dawn is sitting on the living room floor, picking glass out of her foot and wrapping cloth around it. She has the radio on the floor in front of her and the phone to her ear. The axe lies on the floor next to her. "Mom, come on... pick up... I don't know what to do..."
She gives up. Hangs up. Stands up, shakes the radio. "Do it again. I heard you!"
Dawn turns towards the sofa as if she sensed something there, but the sofa is empty. The lights go out. Pitch black.
They instantly come back on... In the time the lights are on Dawn sees several unusual things around the room. The weapons' chest is on end. The research table is upside down. The sofa cushions are piled into a tower. And the wall is splashed with the bloody words 'GRANDMOTHER'S MILK IS RED TODAY.'
The lights go out again. In the darkness. Dawn tries to control her panicked breathing. She begins to hear a slow, steady, wall-shaking thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
The lights come back on. Everything is back just like before. No blood, no rearrangement.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Dawn's becoming unhinged. She's breathing hard. "Why are you doing this?" The thumping becomes more insistent, erratic. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. "Why are you - I don't understand." Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. "Stop... I don't understand. Stop it. Stop it..." Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. "STOP IT!"
Silence.
Dawn looks around, surprised it actually stopped. "Hello?" Thump. "Grandma?" Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. "Wait - wait wait wait wait – I don't -" Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. "Slow down - Once for yes... Once for yes, twice for no."
Silence.
Dawn sighs, "Grandma?" Thump. "Grandma, it's you?" Thump. "Are you okay?" Thump. Thump. Dawn starts breathing harder. "You're not - do you need help?" Thump. The lights dim, brighten. The pictures shake on the walls. "You need my help." Thump. "What do you want me to do? Should I go get Mom, Aunt Piper, Aunt Phoebe, or Aunt Paige?"
Some of the light bulbs explode. Dawn cries out. The walls shake, pictures fall. "Stop it. Why are you -" Then it hits her. "Mom... are you alone?" Thump. Thump. Dawn's eyes go wide.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
The house shakes violently, rocking on its very foundation. The rest of the lights explode. Dawn screams. Pitch black. Thump. Thump. Thump.
At San Francisco Library Tara still sits across from Willow, still looking at her lovingly. "Hey."
Willow blinks. "Hey?"
Tara smiles.
Willow laughs, "Ha."
Tara nods, "Ha what?"
Willow shakes her head, "Am I asleep, dreaming. Is that like a dream joke thing? You're sorry to wake me, but I'm clearly not awake and if I was awake and you really were here, would you be sorry to wake me up? I mean, after all this time and - Oh God, I'm babbling. I'm dream babbling and it's the best dream of my life and I'm wasting it and-"
Tara shakes her head, "You're not dreaming."
Willow nods, "Oh." Now the emotion of it all really penetrates. Dream or not - Tara is near her. Talking to her. Loving her. Willow fights tears. "Oh... Oh God, Tara..."
Tara gets emotional as well. "Shhhh, baby-"
Willow reaches out to take Tara's outstretched hand, but Tara gently moves it away. Willow looks stricken. "Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to-"
Tara regretful, "It's okay. I want you to. But I don't think I can. Touch." She shifts on the table, like she's about to stand up.
Willow shakes her head, "Wait! Don't! Don't leave-"
Tara shakes her head, "I'm not. I was just - my skirt was bunching up."
Willow nods, "Oh. So we'll just sit. We'll sit here. And if the dream, or possibly ghosty, rules are no touching, that's fine. Just don't go. Okay?"
Tara nods, "Willow-"
Willow nods, "I think I'm kind of hyperventilating."
Tara nods, "Will-"
Willow shakes her head, "No, it's okay. Just..." She leans over. Tries to catch her breath. Disappears behind the table. "Give me a minute."
Tara walks around to her. Willow practically has her head between her knees. Tara kneels and meets her eyes, despite the awkward, crouchy positions. "Sweetie-"
Willow is crying now. Like her heart is breaking. "It hurts so much. I miss you so much."
Tara nods, "I know. I know-"
Willow smiles, "I keep telling myself, better to have loved, right? And lost? Like, at least we had that. But sometimes I wish..."
Tara nods, "It's okay-"
Willow sits up now. Almost panicky. "It's not okay! It's so much worse now. Like, you filled my life up. You made it bigger. And when you... The hole you left is so deep. I'm never going to fill it up. I'm never going to..."
Tara smiles, "You can. You will."
Willow sighs, "How? You're gone."
Tara shakes her head, "But you're not. And you're strong. Like an Amazon, remember?"
Willow can't help but smile a tiny rueful smile through her tears. "Big snotty weepy Amazon."
Tara nods, "Gotta start somewhere."
They hold each other's gaze - connecting.
At the graveyard… Holden nods, "You meet someone, you form a bond."
Buffy lies on a horizontal crypt with a stone book open at one end serving as a pillow. Holden sits on a gravestone near her head, listening. It should read as a classic old school psychoanalysis session.
Buffy nods, "But they never last."
Holden nods, "You mean all relationships, or just yours?"
Buffy sighs, "Well, my folks weren't paragons of stay-togetherness. Of course part of that is his fault. My dad did rape me…" She stops for a moment not quite believing she told him that. "but I think there's people out there who make it. I just seem to target the impossible ones. With deadly accuracy."
Holden frowns, "You think you do that on purpose? Are you may be protecting yourself?"
Buffy sighs, "Protecting myself? From heartbreak, misery, sexual violence and possible death, not so much."
Holden shakes his head, "From committing."
Buffy sits up, "I commit! I'm committed! I'm a committee."
Holden nods, "So it's them. You're reaching out, they're not coming through."
Buffy sighs, "No... I mean, it's different... You're confusing me 'cause you're evil."
Holden shakes his head, "I just think you're in some pain here. Which I kind of do enjoy 'cause I'm evil now, but I think you should ease up on yourself. You don't exactly have the patent on bad relationships."
Buffy sighs, "Wouldn't it be cool if I did, though?"
Holden nods, "And what, you're supposed to be settling down already? At twenty-seven? My girlfriend is so sweet - we have a great thing. Doesn't mean I wanna go vampify her so we can be together forever."
Buffy shakes her head, "Sire."
Holden frowns, "What?"
Buffy nods, "The word. When you turn a human into a vampire. It's, you "sire" them."
Holden nods, "Cool."
Buffy smiles, "It's a noun too."
Holden laughs, "There's a lot of stuff I'm gonna have to learn here. Come on, how insane is this? I mean, I was afraid to talk to you in school, and now we're, like, mortal enemies. Wouldn't it be sweet if we became nemeses?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Is that how you say the word?" She's a little quiet.
Holden realizes, "We're gonna fight to the death here, aren't we?"
Buffy nods, "That's the time-honored custom."
Holden blinks, "Wow. Reality just shows up sometimes, doesn't it? But you know, I got the bloodlust pumpin', I kinda get it. I'm looking for a fight. And it's nothing personal..."
Buffy nods, "No, no, you've been great."
Holden nods, "And fun catching up. You know, I really didn't keep in contact with that many of my friends from high school." He smiles evilly. "Guess I'll be looking up them pretty soon!"
Buffy quietly, "Yeah."
Holden nods, "Okay, I'm really being Count Butt-in-sky here, but you seem not as thrilled. Is it 'cause we're gonna fight?"
Buffy shakes her head, "It's 'cause I'm gonna win."
Holden laughs, "Uh, hello, two years of Tai Kwan Do plus vampire strength, I think someone's counting their chickens..."
Buffy shakes her head, "You're not leaving this graveyard. I can't let you."
Holden nods, "Do the words 'superiority complex' mean anything to you?"
Buffy sighs, "What, you think I'm gonna let you go kill a bunch of people? You know I'm sworn to -"
Holden smiles, "No no, I get the battle against evil, that's not the issue."
Buffy frowns, "There's no issue. Don't issue me."
Holden nods, "Let me ask you this. Who's fault was your parents' divorce?"
Buffy sighs, "Okay, this is beyond evil. This is insane troll logic. What do my parents -"
Holden smiles, "I'm just curious. Your opinion."
Buffy nods, "Well, they couldn't get along, they both had a lot of..."
Holden nods, "Top of your head."
Buffy nods, "My dad of course. Did you miss the whole part where I said he raped me? I have a 12 year old daughter now. She is the most beautiful young woman I have ever known."
Holden nods, "And you never told anyone. None of your friends."
Buffy sighs, "Not at first. At first it was just me, my mom, the cops, and the court. Willow and Xander wandered of course but no I didn't tell them in the beginning. For a while they probably thought that Dawn was another daughter of my mom's. Dawn was a year old when we moved to Sunnydale. I'm not sure really how they put two and two together. But they came to me and wanted to know who Dawn's mother was. Dawn was going on three then, and I was preparing to graduate from high school. So I told them all of it."
Holden nods, "So. All those relationships of yours that you knew, subconsciously, were totally doomed. Whose fault was that?"
Buffy sighs, "It's incredibly different!"
Holden smiles, "I'm just wondering. Is it possible that just a little bit, you can't connect with guys because you think they're not worth it? Maybe you think you're better than them?"
Buffy frowns, "Say! There's that bloodlust I was looking for!"
Holden nods, "Struck a nerve..."
Buffy sighs, "I'm gonna strike a nerve CLUSTER in a minute, you don't get off this. You know, I really don't remember you being this annoying."
Holden shakes his head, "You don't remember me at all."
Buffy nods, "Yes I do..."
Holden smiles, "Yeah, after, like, thirty minutes of reminding. And I really don't take it personally, 'cause you clearly were in your own world in high school, all Chosen, all Destiny... who could live like that for twelve years and NOT feel superior?"
Buffy sighs, "I'm not. God, if anything..."
Holden nods, "What?"
Buffy shakes her head, "I'm really... if you knew what I've done, what I've let myself become..." She's getting a little emotional here... "My best friends don't even - you'd laugh, you heard some of the things I've done to them."
Holden sincerely, "I'm here to kill you, Buffy, not to judge you."
Buffy nods, "The relationships, I know it's not their fault. I'm not really sure how they put up with me. The last guy I slept with, it got really... I behaved like a monster. Treated him like... and at the same time I let him just take me over, do things to me that... if anyone knew what really went on between us, they'd never look at me again."
Holden shakes his head, "I think they would."
Buffy sighs, "You don't know."
Holden nods, "And you don't either... 'til you tell someone."
Buffy sighs, "I couldn't..." She's fighting back tears... "Oh god, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to get all true confessions; I don't know what's wrong with me..."
Holden shakes his head, "There's nothing wrong with you." He swings a small statue of the Virgin Mary into her face, sends her flying back. She lands on her back, dazed, and he lands on her, vamped out. "Everyone's got issues." He goes to bite her.
Buffy pushes Holden off her, slams him with a punch and away they go. After a few blows, "You son of a bitch."
Holden frowns, "What?"
Buffy nods, "I think I'm gonna kill you just a little bit more than usual."
Holden nods, "Hey, we had a moment, you opened up, it was sweet and it made me wanna bite you. I'm sorry if I overstepped bounds... I'm new at this mortal enemy stuff." He kicks her, high, again catching her a bit off guard. "Pretty fast learner, though."
Buffy plows into him and they head towards a crypt, go crashing through the stained glass window and land in a shower of glass and noise, locked in struggle.
At the Halliwell House.
The only light in the room is the moonlight from outside. Dawn is just a tense dark shape in the middle of the room.
Dawn hears something breathing... out of sync with her, slower, deeper, with a hint of a snarl to it on the inhale, like the breathing of a wild animal. "I hear you. The thing that's breathing? I hear you breathing." More breathing. "Are you hurting my grandmother? Are you keeping her from coming back to me?"
There is a sudden flash of light; just fast enough for her eyes to register that Joyce is on the couch, lying there in the position where Buffy found the body.
Joyce looks as dead and corpsy as she did that night, only her head is up, her eyes are open and they're looking right at Dawn. The eyes are blank white. And then the light is gone from the room.
In the darkness again, Dawn gasps. "Grandma. I... I see you. I'm coming toward you, okay?"
Dawn takes a little shuffly step toward the sofa in the dark, and another.
Another momentary flash of light and she sees that something big and dark is hunched over Joyce, pressing her into the sofa.
Joyce's face is visible behind it... her mouth is stretched into a silent scream and her hand is reaching out imploringly toward Dawn. Her eyes are still blank.
The Flash ends. Blackness.
Dawn stands motionless in the dark. "She's trying to talk to me. My grandmother has something to tell me. Get off her and let her talk to me!" Dawn gropes for something on the floor. "The axe..."
A third flash of light. Dawn sees the axe swinging right at her head. She can't see who's swinging it. She screams and ducks. She runs for the front door, rips it open. But then she freezes in the doorway. "No." She turns toward us, back into the room. "She's my grandmother. I'm staying."
Back at the graveyard in the crypt.
Buffy gets Holden on the ground, whips out a stake, holds it up high... "See? You're dead? That enough of a moment for you?"
Holden de-morphs, "Okay, but are you killing me because I'm evil, or because you opened up?"
Buffy sighs, "GNAARRRRGH!" She gets up, not killing him. Pacing with anger and emotion, she circles back and kicks him in the head really hard as he's lying there. Walks away again as he rises, winded. "What is wrong with you?"
Holden shakes his head, "Nothing. I got no worries; I'm dead. Biggest thing on my mind is whether Julie Waldman came to my funeral or not. You remember her? OH bite-able."
Buffy frowns, "See, this is what I hate about you vampires. Sex and death and pain and love, it's all, the same damn thing to you."
Holden nods, "Well, in a way, that's a guy thing; you know, we talk about 'nailing' a girl, there's a lot of sub -"
Buffy shakes her head, "It's not the same. With vampires, it's completely... believe me, I know."
Holden blinks, "Oh my god."
Buffy frowns, "Oh your god what?"
Holden nods, "Well, not MY god, 'cause I defy him and all his works - does he exist, by the way? Is there word on that?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Nothing solid."
Holden nods, "I'm getting off topic 'cause my mind's racing here, but I'll make you a deal. We fight. To the death, great - that last fight was just exhilarating and I actually had a move coming up to block the stake, but you have to answer one question. If I'm right; then I'm allowed to ask anything. No secrets, no defensiveness, you tell me anything I wanna know. And we call a truce 'til I'm satisfied. After that, good old-fashioned gentlemen's duel. No sudden attacks. If you tell me the truth."
Buffy considers it. "What's your question?"
Holden nods, "Your last relationship. Was it with a vampire?"
Buffy shakes her head, "My last relationship was with a human. The last guy I slept with was a vampire."
At the San Francisco Library…
Willow nods, "I don't know... I don't know where to start. Tara. After Warren shot you. I had a very... dramatic reaction. I killed him. I mean, really, really killed him. And then..."
Tara nods, "I know. And I know what you tried to do."
Willow frowns, "You do? There's gossip where you are?"
Tara shakes her head, "It's not like that. I just know."
Willow nods. Accepts this. "It was horrible. I was horrible. I lost myself. The regular me."
Tara nods, "You were grieving-"
Willow nods, "A lot of people grieve. They don't make with the flaying. I hurt so many people. All my friends. Buffy, Xander, Giles, Dawnie... I didn't care. I wanted to erase them all. I wanted to erase the whole world."
Tara shakes her head, "It wasn't you. It was the power."
Willow nods, "But I am the power. It's in me. Did I mention random destruction of property? The Magic Box is... not so much a box now-"
Tara ignoring, "The power is bigger than you, that's what I always tried to tell you."
Willow nods, "I know. You were right-"
Tara nods, "You just have to stop. You can't use magic again. Not ever."
Willow looks at Tara confused, "Black magic. Of course. But Giles says it isn't as simple as quitting it all cold turkey. He says I have to learn to use my power for good. The magic is in me now, and if I try to repress it, it's going to end up coming out again - in a bad way."
Tara shakes her head, "It's too dangerous. You can't take the chance that you'll lose control."
Willow sighs, "I don't want to. I can't. But the stuff Giles and the coven taught me in England, and what Buffy and Piper are teaching me now - it helped, it's helping. And, you know, all I have to do is think of the look on Dawnie's face - when I tried to... When I said such awful things to her. I never want to see that look again. I never want to cause that kind of pain."
Tara nods, "I know you don't."
Willow hopeful, "So I won't. I'm going to be okay."
Tara gently, "Oh, baby. You're not listening. Don't you understand? You're not going to be okay. You're going to kill everybody."
At the Halliwell House… The living room is lit with candles now.
Dawn hears the animalistic breathing again. She sits on the ground, calmly crushing something in a mortar and pestle. "I hear you, filth. I know you're there. Demon filth. I will cast you out. My grandmother needs to talk to me."
Dawn reaches into the potion and flings it off her fingers like a priest scattering holy water. She hears an animal scream. "And I haven't even started to chant yet. I learned magic's from the Charmed Ones, I'm the daughter of a Charmed One. I'm THRICE BLESSED."
Something unseen knocks Dawn back against a wall. She recovers fast. She starts chanting, "I cast you from this place. It is your poison and your bane..." Dawn flings more of the potion. The animal scream sounds again. It slashes across Dawn's face leaving a cut. "It is your nettles and your scouring heat. It is the blade that cuts the skin from your flesh..."
A loud wind begins, whipping Dawn's hair. The wind screams. All the pictures and decorations fall of the walls. All the windows blow out.
Across the street in the Manor… Paige is looking across the street as she watches the windows in Buffy's house get blown out, "Guys. Something's going on at Buffy's house."
Piper and Phoebe run into the living room and look across the street.
Piper nods, "Paige, orb."
Paige nods grabbing her sister's hands and orbs out.
At the graveyard in the crypt. Buffy and Holden are talking. It's very casual, almost intimate, as they sit in the corner. Buffy is really opening up. "I'm afraid. I have so much power, I didn't ask for it, I don't deserve it... sometimes I think... I think when I slept with that vampire last year... like I wanted to be punished. I wanted to hurt like I thought I deserved to."
Holden blinks, "Wow."
Buffy nods, "And the joke is, he loved me. In his own sick, soulless way, he really did care for me."
Holden nods, "You think you might be attracted to this guy?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Well, he's changed, a lot, a LOT a lot, but no, I... I just can't feel as low as I did when I slept with him and do what I have to do. Things are getting worse. More of you guys are rising, and... Something's coming."
Holden nods, "Yeah, I feel that."
Buffy sighs, "I have to fight it and the truth is, I don't have any more answers than I did then. There's so many people to protect..."
Holden nods, "And you have to do that alone."
Buffy shakes her head, "I have friends, they do it with me - sometimes they do it in spite of me, but they do it 'cause they're decent people. My sisters help me with patrolling occasionally but as the Charmed Ones we have our own demons to fight. I slay vampires 'cause I was Charmed and Chosen." She looks at him, understanding a bit better. "I sort of think... this is complicated and if you'd rather just fight..."
Holden nods, "Tell me."
Buffy sighs, "I feel like I'm worse than anyone, honestly, I'm beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends, my sisters, Dawn. I feel like I'm not worthy of their love 'cause even though they love me it doesn't really mean anything because their opinions don't matter. They don't know. They haven't been through what I've been through, they're not the Slayer and a Charmed One... I am. And sometimes I feel... this is what's so awful. I feel like I'm better than them. Superior."
Holden smiles, "So you can't win." She looks down as he smiles kindly. "And I thought I was diabolical. Or, I plan to be. You do have a superiority complex, and you've got an inferiority complex about it. Kudos."
Buffy sighs, "It doesn't make any sense."
Holden nods, "It makes every kind of sense. It just adds up to you feeling alone. And, Buffy... everybody feels alone. Everybody is, 'til they die." He stands up. "Speaking of... You ready for our little death match?"
Buffy nods, "I suppose. Thanks for listening."
They go to their corners, preparing.
Holden nods, "There's some things you can only tell a stranger."
Buffy shakes her head, "You're not a stranger. But that stuff with Spike is pretty -"
Holden frowns, "Hold it."
Buffy blinks, "What?"
Holden nods, "Did you say Spike?"
At the Halliwell House…
Dawn is huddled in a corner. Her clothes are torn, her face and body are bloodied - more slash marks all over her. The wind is howling and whipping everything around the room. She has been chanting over this noise for a long time. "I cast you out with every prayer from every god that walks the earth or crawls beneath."
Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in. They see the state of the house as they hear Dawn chanting.
Dawn flings more potion. There is another scream, more anguished.
Something unseen grabs Dawn's head and slams it back into the wall, over and over.
Suddenly Dawn feels someone's hands holding hers. She looks up to see Piper, Phoebe and Paige there holding hands with her and she smiles. "I cast you out with the strength of those who love me. I cast you out with the strength we have inside us." She spits blood from her mouth… The wind blows louder! "And I cast you out into the void!"
Dawn throws the entire container of potion. They hear horrible death noises.
Dawn smiles looking at her aunts, "That's right! Die, you bastard!"
The walls are suddenly splashed, exploded-onto with blood, thick clots of it up to head-high. Then it vanishes, sucked away, as the death-screams rattle away to nothing. And it is quiet. The wind has stopped. Everything stops blowing around.
Dawn looks at her aunts realizing she won with their help.
The light changes... suddenly there's a golden glow. Dawn, Piper, Phoebe and Paige looks up, blinking into the light. Dawn's wounds suddenly are healed, but her hair is tangled, her face is wet with tears and streaked with blood.
Joyce stands there ethereal, glowing from the inside, translucent even. She's wearing something flowy and white.
Dawn starts to cry and shake with the relief of everything. "Grandma."
Piper looks at her sisters and blinks. "Joyce."
Joyce smiles, "Things are coming, Dawn, Piper, Phoebe, Paige. Listen. Things are on their way. I love you, Dawn. And I love Buffy. But she will not be there for any of you."
Dawn frowns, "What? What are you-"
Joyce nods, "There will be choosing to be done. And when it is very bad, Buffy will not choose any of you. She will be against you."
Joyce is fading away, leaving Dawn and her aunts in darkness.
Dawn shakes her head, "No! Don't go! God! Don't go!"
But Joyce is gone.
Piper looks to Paige who nods.
Paige stands up, "Let the Object of Objection. Become but a Dream. As I cause the Seen to be Unseen." Suddenly the living room and windows are back to normal like nothing had ever happened. She sits back down next to her sisters and Dawn. They pull Dawn in to an embrace.
At the San Francisco Library.
Willow looks completely stunned. Tara looks regretful - she hates to be the bearer of such tragic information.
Willow frowns, "I'm going to... what?"
Tara nods, "It's why I came. I needed to warn you."
Willow starts to grow increasingly agitated and tearful. "How do you know? What do you know?"
Tara grimly, "You don't want to know what I saw."
Willow frowns, "Oh God..."
Tara nods, "But if you stop. Completely. No more magic-"
Willow nods, "Right. Right. Stop. But what about Giles? He made it seem like it would be just as dangerous for me to quit completely. Like I'll go off the deep end again."
Tara shakes her head, "You can't. Willow, if you do so much as another spell..."
Willow is in a full blown panic now. Tara also looks scared. The fate of the world hangs in the balance. "I tried to stop. I tried. What if I can't do this?"
Tara nods, "Don't think that way-"
Willow shakes her head, "How can I not? You're telling me I'm going to murder all my friends! I'm not strong, Tara. I'm not an Amazon. I'm just me. Look what I did before..."
Tara thinks... "There is one thing. One thing you could do to stop it."
Willow nods, "What? Anything."
Tara smiles, "You could sleep."
Willow comprehends what Tara is saying. Her expression shifts. Distrust and anger darken her features. "Who are you?"
At the graveyard in the crypt.
Buffy frowns, "What do you mean? You know Spike? How?"
Holden nods, "What do you mean, how? He's the guy that... what was the word again?"
Buffy frowns as color drains from her face, "Sired."
Holden nods, "Yeah. He's the guy that sired me."
Buffy nods as she stakes Holden. She stands amidst the crumbling skeleton of a falling Holden, disbelief and pain on her face.
At the San Francisco Library.
Tara nods, "The suicide thing was too far, huh? Huh. You seemed so ripe."
Willow frowns, "Tell me who you are."
Tara smiles, "I stand by my opinion, you know. The world would be better off if you took a razor blade to your wrists-"
Willow frowns, "Stop-"
Tara nods, "You know to cut long, right? Up the arm. I can see it now, candle light... The Indigo Girls playing. A picture of your dead girlfriend on your bloody lap-"
Willow frowns, "Stop. Stop using Tara this way-"
Tara mocking, "Ohhh! You left a big hole! It hurts so much!" She moves in on Willow, seething with malevolence. "You don't know hurt. This last year, it's going to seem like cake after what I put you and your friends through. I'm not a big fan of easy death... Fact is, the whole "good and evil, balancing the scales" thing? I'm over it. I'm done with the mortal coil. But, believe me, I'm going for a big finish."
Willow is chilled to the bone. "From beneath you it devours."
Tara shakes her head, "Not it. Me."
With that, Tara smiles... And her smile stretches wider and wider until it becomes grotesque, like a macabre horror mask. The smile engulfs the entire face as the rest of Tara's body seems to get sucked in by it. In an instant – Tara… The First is gone.
Willow is shaking and terrified.
