Forever and Always

Bionic Man

The sun had just come up and beams of light were shining into the lounge where Severide was sitting on the floor, the two cats sleeping peacefully by his side. Severide had found no sleep overnight so he'd decided to sort through the photos he'd had printed a few weeks ago. He'd been meaning to do it for some time now and he couldn't help but smile at all the memories they brought back to him.

Photos before Casey's injury, taken at 51, of him standing proudly next to Truck 81, photos of him in his dress blues at some sort of ceremonial occasion, some more of him just sitting in his office confronted by a stack of files, a priceless disgruntled expression on his adorable face. Photos of the two of them out hiking and fishing, up at Benny's cabin, smoking, shirts off, chopping firewood, in their shorts taking a swim in the lake. Their vacation in Oahu featured heavily, where Severide had taken his first photos of Casey after he had been injured. His sun kissed skin and bleached blond hair, along with that beautiful bright smile. They brought tears to Severide's eyes as he looked down at them in his hand, his fingers softly stroking the images of Casey.

There were photos of Midnight and Pumpkin. Severide couldn't believe how fragile and tiny they looked as they lay on Casey's lap not long after they had been rescued. There were photos of Casey covered in snow, trying to turn away from the camera. Pictures of the two of them out on Navy Pier, out on the boat, smiling, kissing. Severide couldn't help but notice the tired look in Casey's expression but there was still so much life in his eyes, despite everything that had happened.


Later that morning Severide was sitting in the sterile and clinical setting of the ICU. The sound of the monitors and the equipment filled the room. He was holding Casey's hand. His heart had stopped during the surgery and it had taken almost six minutes to get him back. Once he'd stabilised the surgeon had spoken to Severide as the other doctor finished closing up. Casey had almost made it all the way through the surgery with no complications before he went into a sudden cardiac arrest. But now, Casey wasn't waking up. His brainstem reflexes were depressed. He was unresponsive to painful stimuli and had no limb responses, only reflex movements. Casey had been in a coma for two days.

Casey didn't even look sick. Not like when he'd been in the ICU before. Severide just sat and watched the gentle rise and fall of Casey's chest in time with his breathing. The only thing that told him he lived, and if not for all the medical equipment attached to his body, he would just look like he was sleeping peacefully. This time, his left leg was heavily bandaged and secured in a full length black leg brace, propped up on pillows to help his circulation. A narrow tube snaked out from the bandages, draining blood from the wounds. They had dressed him in a gown, but it was open at the front, revealing the ECG leads secured to his chest. He had no sheet or blanket. There was little dignity in the ICU.

Severide was wracked with guilt and he couldn't rid his mind of the image that had haunted him for well over a year. Casey waking up from his previous cardiac arrest and not knowing who he was. He would never forget the look on Casey's face, and the spiteful words that came. He knew it wasn't Casey's fault because he wasn't himself, but nevertheless it had hurt and Severide couldn't help but worry that the same thing may happen again, if, no, when Casey woke. He couldn't help feeling that he was to blame for this crisis, he had pushed him into having this major surgery, knowing how risky it could prove for his already damaged heart. He had to keep reminding himself that Casey had passed all the tests before both surgeries but he still couldn't help blaming himself. Casey had said he'd had a bad feeling about it all.

He spoke to Casey and read to him just as he did before he'd slipped into the coma. He would take his hand and kiss his cheek or forehead, longing for him to open his eyes, longing for him to come back from the deep unconsciousness. Severide wasn't Casey's only visitor, his old crew came by, the Chaplain and Boden came and sat with him when Shay managed to urge Severide home.

Severide had done something that even surprised him on the third night Casey had remained unconscious. Something he had never done before. He had been leaving the hospital when he had passed by the chapel on his way out of the building. Something had drawn him inside. He had sat there for a while in the calm and quiet atmosphere, and for the very first time in his life Kelly Severide prayed. Casey was the one who had been brought up with religion, not him. He'd never had much of an opinion over it or involvement but he had seen miracles happen, things he didn't think would be possible in his line of duty, maybe it was circumstance and luck or maybe there was something else.


When Severide arrived at the hospital the next day, the nurse at the ICU station was beaming a smile at him, lifting his mood right away, making him smile since there was clearly some good news about Casey.

"He's woken up," she informed him. "Opened his eyes a couple of hours ago, and the doctor's just taken him off the vent."

"He's awake?" Severide heaved a sigh of relief, smiling at her. "Is he all right?"

"Seems to be so far," she told him.

"Does he know what happened?"

She shook her head. "No, he just answered a few simple questions before he fell back to sleep. He may be up for more later though."

Severide let out another long breath, emotion bubbling up inside him, almost rendering him speechless.

"This is good, Kelly," she told him, seeing how affected he was by the news on Casey.

Severide just nodded, a tight smile on his face, as he tried to force his emotions into order again.

He walked on into the main body of the ICU and sat by Casey's bed, taking his hand as he usually did, and smiling at him, talking to him softly. He watched as the oxygen mask fogged and cleared in time with Casey's breaths. Severide liked that. It was soothing and it meant that his boy was breathing just fine on his own, although he could see from the monitors that his respiration rate was lower than it should be.

Whilst Severide waited patiently for him to wake again one of the doctors came by and spoke to him briefly, just reiterating what the nurse had told him earlier, and letting him know that they were sure Casey hadn't been compromised by the cardiac arrest or coma. It wasn't too much longer before Casey's eyes flickered open, and when they did Severide leaned over onto the bed to lift away the oxygen mask, he was sure Casey would start trying to swat it away now he was conscious.

"Hey, baby," he began softly, stroking Casey's hand.

"K… Kel…" Casey whispered hoarsely.

Severide just grinned, pleased to hear Casey say his name, elated that he knew who he was. He offered Casey an ice chip to help soothe his raw throat since the tube had only been removed a few hours earlier. Casey sucked on it gratefully.

"Are you in any pain?" Severide asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

Casey moved his head a little, shaking it to give Severide his answer.

"Good." He nodded, still smiling. "You're in the hospital. Do you remember?"

"Mmm…"

"You're in the ICU. The surgery… the surgery went well, they managed to replace your knee and… the surgery went well, Matty… but… but you went into cardiac arrest…" Severide told him, trying to explain but falling over his own words.

"Kel…" Casey's weary voice stopped him. "I know…" he whispered.

Severide could only frown. "What?" he questioned. He knew no one had told Casey what had happened at the end of his surgery yet.

"Saw… I saw you… could hear voices but… but I could… could only see… see you…"

"What do you mean, baby?"

"I saw you... in the waiting room... you couldn't see me…"

"Erm... right... ok..." Severide stuttered, unsure what to think or say. "Erm... how are you feeling? Want me to get the doctor?"

"Just tired..."

"All right, well, get some rest then."

Casey's eyes closed. "Kel..."

"Yeah, baby?"

"Love you..."

"I love you too." Severide placed the oxygen mask back over Casey's face and sat back in the chair. More mystified than anything else. He stood up, still thinking about what Casey had said to him. After a few moments spent just looking down at his peaceful form he left the room, alerting the nurse at the station that Casey had woken again. He seized the chance to grab a coffee and something to eat from the hospital cafeteria so that he would be back with Casey when he next woke up.


Casey didn't wake again until the afternoon and when he did he found Severide sleeping in the chair by his side. He could see the worry lines etched on Severide's face even as he slept. He had caused so much worry and stress in Severide's life but here he was, still supporting and encouraging him, still lovingly by his side despite everything.

He smiled at Severide as he slept, and soon Severide's eyes opened. "Kel…" he spoke, his voice not much higher than a whisper.

Severide was smiling now, he moved closer to Casey's side. "Hey, baby. How you doing?"

"Where…"

"Where are you? ICU," Severide answered.

"No…" he groaned. "What happened?"

Severide paused, Casey could clearly not recall their earlier conversation. "You went into cardiac arrest just before they were about to close you up… you remember the knee surgery, yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, they managed to do everything they'd planned and your leg looks good, so do your hips, doc showed me all the scans," Severide spoke as positively as he could manage.

"Cardiac arrest… last time…"

"You're all right, you seem all right, do you feel ok?"

"Think so…"

Severide smiled, he grasped Casey's hand, he was unsure if he should be telling him more details right now, should he be telling him that he'd flatlined for almost six minutes? That he'd been in a coma for fifty-four hours? And that the last time he'd woken he'd appeared to have had some sort of near death experience? He didn't want to keep it all from him, at least not the facts, and he knew Casey would want to know more.

"Kel…" Casey urged.

"Your heart stopped," Severide told him. "It took a little time to get it going again. You've been in a coma for two days, but I spoke to the doctor and he's really pleased with how you're doing now."

"A coma…" he groaned, shaking his head a fraction, worry mixed with agitation on his face.

"You're all right, you've done really well, Matt, really well."

"Didn't… didn't do anything…"

"You pulled through, you made it." Severide nodded down at him.

"But… but what now..?"

"Now you just need to rest…"

"No…" he moaned. "So damaged… what… what do I do…"

"Matt, baby, you're all right." Severide wiped a tear from Casey's cheek. "You're anything but damaged and broken. I love you. Look at me." He smiled.

Casey's tired and watery eyes met his and he calmed instantly.

"This is all just gonna be a little blip in time, I'll get you back home soon, I promise." Severide leant over and kissed his forehead.

Casey couldn't fight unconsciousness any longer and as his eyes slipped closed Severide put the oxygen mask back over his face.


Later that same day they got Casey sitting up in the bed and moving a bit. It was so important for the mobility of his new joints. It had exhausted him, he felt breathless and lightheaded but he'd done it. And despite the sudden cardiac arrest, and the strain on his body from both surgeries he was surpassing the doctors' expectations. After one more day in the ICU he was moved back to a private room.

"Hey, bionic man." Severide smiled, greeting him as he entered the room to find Casey sitting up in bed. It was the afternoon after he had been moved from the ICU. Severide had only left Casey to pick up some more things from home for him, another couple of books since he'd read the others to him now.

"Think it's bionic baby to you…"

"Just how high are you?" Severide retorted, delighted that Casey seemed more lucid now. The difference in him over the last day had been amazing.

"Dunno… I'm hungry… like, really hungry."

"You're not just saying that to make me happy?" Severide knew Casey too well.

"When have I ever done that? Wait. Don't answer that. I really am hungry though… so hungry and so tired… I want to sleep…"

"What do you want first? Food or sleep?"

"Can't I have both?"

"Not at the same time." Severide shook his head, grinning at him.

In the end Severide went down to the cafeteria to get Casey something to eat since it was going to be a few hours before he was given his dinner. By the time he arrived back in the room he was fast asleep, his lips parted slightly, and as usual he hadn't replaced the oxygen mask. Severide slipped it back over his calm face, trying not to wake him. He wondered when Casey would be downgraded to the nasal cannula, but from the sound of Casey's breaths and his respiratory rate that lit up the monitor he wasn't sure it would happen any time soon. He smiled as the numbers increased on the monitor now the mask was back on and sat back down. He ate some of the food he had brought for Casey, leaving a little in case he did wake before dinner. At this rate Severide was sure he would have gained a few pounds and a lot more grey hair during Casey's latest hospital stay.


Boden came by the next day. Severide had gone home, Casey had insisted on it because he hadn't want him to be there for his physiotherapy session. He'd taken a few tentative steps after doing some small exercises on the bed. He was weak and exhausted, a usual state for him now, but he wasn't in much pain. Although he knew that might change soon, there were still nerve blocks in place but he'd been told they'd be gone tomorrow and he'd be having oral painkillers, he wasn't even going to have the PCA pump. It bothered him how that worried him but he understood why they were doing it, during the entire hospital stay they'd been trying to reduce his need for narcotics and hopefully the surgery was successful in terms of pain management as well.

Casey pulled off the oxygen mask. "Not in the mood for chess…" he commented wearily as Boden walked in.

"That's fine, Matt. Just thought I'd keep you company for a while," Boden replied as he sat down in what was usually Severide's chair.

Casey scowled. "Why?" The word came out harsher than he had intended but he didn't say anything else.

"Figured you'd be going stir crazy after being here so long…"

"Had longer stays," Casey responded abruptly. "And I've skipped quite a bit… the coma and all…"

Boden smiled calmly at him. "Well, you look pretty good for a guy who's just come out of a coma."

Casey's expression suddenly softened from the scowl into a smile and he turned to Boden. "Thanks."

"Kelly not here?" Boden enquired.

He was still smiling. "Managed to send him home. He shouldn't be stuck here with me, and as much as I love him I just… I needed a break. It's been a long time but…"

"But you're used to not having anyone," Boden finished.

"I couldn't get by without Kelly now though, and I wouldn't want to."

Boden smiled at Casey's words. Genuinely happy for him that he didn't have to manage through all this on his own, and that he'd come to accept that he had someone he could rely on.

"How's everything going?" Boden asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Well, sitting up is exhausting… actually just breathing is tiring. I'm not getting enough oxygen…" He spent a good twenty minutes rambling on to his former chief about everything that had happened in his latest, and hopefully final, hospital stay. He spoke of Severide and the staff, the elderly man who'd accidently walked into his room and the nurse that had been batting eyelids at Severide.

Boden hadn't expected Casey to talk much to him at all, let alone so openly and honestly, even though he kept repeating himself and rambling on about other things. He was just happy that, for whatever reason Casey was opening up and talking to him.

"My heart's struggling…" Casey continued. "But that's not entirely new. I'll be all right though, I'll manage."

"I don't doubt that, Matt. You're strong and you will be fine. I know you'll come out the other side of this..."


Severide was in the apartment sorting out the food dispenser and water supply for the cats when his phone buzzed. He slid it from his pocket and looked at the screen. Boden. He took the call. "Chief."

"'Kelly. Just been with Casey. He's, well, there's something a little off about him," Boden spoke. "Thought I'd let you know, I'm sure it's nothing but…"

"Yeah I know." Severide nodded. "He's erm… he's been erratic with his moods recently."

"The meds?"

"Yeah and they seem to exaggerate his PTSD at times, and this whole hospital stay has done a number on him. Thanks for calling though, and seeing him, kicked me out earlier."

"You might wanna drop by again," Boden responded. "He's being very… open."

"Yeah, thanks for the head's up." Severide closed the call and grabbed his keys from the side.


When Severide returned to the hospital he stood outside Casey's room, there was a doctor he didn't recognise having a conversation with him. When the man left Severide slipped through the door. He smiled at Casey, who looked exhausted, even more tired than when he'd left him earlier that day.

"All good?" he asked, half dreading the answer.

Casey nodded. "Cardiologist."

"What did he have to say?"

"Erm… just…" He struggled to think when he was tired now, he hadn't before his injuries, he could go a whole shift and longer with little or no sleep but now everything drained him.

"Matty?"

"He's gonna come back when I'm a little more lucid but the gist of it… my hearts not pumping as well as it should be…"

"It was like that before, at times," Severide said.

"Yeah, sounds like it's worse now…" Casey's voice was growing hoarse as he grew more tired.

"Is it gonna get worse?" Severide asked softly.

"Don't think so."

"Don't think so?"

"He's gonna come back, be better if you're here when he is, I'm still a bit… out of it, I guess. Think they need to do some more tests or something..."

"All right, ok then," Severide said, sitting down now. "Boden drop in?" he asked Casey casually.

"Yeah. Didn't stay long."

"Ah right." Severide wondered if Casey could even remember his ramblings to Boden and his sudden mood changes during their conversation, but he wasn't going to ask despite his concern.

"You can go, you don't need to spend all your time hanging around the hospital."

"I like sitting here with you, you already sent me away this morning, I've hardly seen you today."

"I'm gonna be spending ninety percent of my time asleep," Casey responded.

"Oh yeah? And what about the other ten percent?"

He grinned. "I'm having a party. A rave."

"A rave?"

"Yup. Right here in my hospital room." He grinned tiredly.

"Let me stay, baby." Severide smiled softly. "I'm back at work on Tuesday and it'll be hell not seeing you for more than twenty-four hours."


The nurse arrived to change the dressing on Casey's incisions, and remove some of the catheters, not long after Casey agreed to let Severide stay. Casey was pleased to be rid of the tubing that had been draining excess blood from his knee. He smiled as the small wound was stitched closed.

"Any chance of wearing some clothes now?" he asked in a hopeful tone.

Severide smiled with him. "Nah, Matt, everyone likes your ass as much as I do."

Casey shot him a look as the nurse kept on cleaning and stitching the small incisions left in his knee by the catheters. Severide didn't know how she was keeping a straight face. When she was done she taped gauze over the wounds instead of re-bandaging his whole lower leg and knee.

"Once you're up and about a bit more," the nurse told Casey eventually. "Anything else you need, Matt, just call, ok?" She gave a kind smile to them both and they thanked her after she finished up with his leg and left. Casey was now using a continuous passive motion machine to get the joint moving a little, the nurse had set it up to work his leg for twenty minutes. At the moment he was only using it a couple of times a day on a small degree setting.

As the door closed behind the nurse Casey was watching his leg move slightly in the machine. His knee was still swollen and bruised around the wound areas. He had seen what would become his new scar for the first time the previous day, the incision had been stapled together, which hadn't been the original plan but that had changed when Casey's heart had stopped and they had wanted to close him up quickly. The wound ran from above his knee all the way down his lower leg. His leg was going to be even more scarred than before. He couldn't help thinking back to the long hospital stay and all the emergency surgeries he'd had to go through when he had first been injured.

"How is it?" Severide asked him a short time after the nurse had left. Not only had the drains gone, the nerve block catheter that was partially numbing his knee had also been removed.

"Hurts a little," Casey replied honestly, giving a small shrug because he had expected the pain.

Severide leaned over and kissed his lips, very softly, just a tender touch.

Casey's eyes widened with shock. "What are you doing?"

"Distracting you." Severide grinned. "How about a massage? Got the lotion…"

Casey shook his head quickly for a few seconds. "Don't want you to touch my leg."

After a moment Severide responded. "I'm gonna get some fresh air." He stood up. He didn't want to give Casey any space. He'd rather be able to lie next to him and hold him but he knew some space was the right thing to do. He was used to his erratic moods and anger, they were part of their lives now even though he wished they weren't. They weren't Casey's fault and he would never ever blame him for them.

TBC