A/N: There's a long explanation as to why this is so long overdue, but it's hardly worth saying. If you're still in the mood to read about these two after all this time, I truly hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 54
Edward was hearing bits and pieces of a conversation but his current state of semi-consciousness wasn't allowing him to make much sense of the few words he could decipher. He was pretty sure that one of the voices belonged to his mother however; and though he didn't really recognize the other, thanks to their hushed tone, he had to logically assume that it belonged to his sister. The 'hushed' tone was enough to explain his confusion, thanks to Alice's usual inability to manage such an undertaking, which made him wonder if he was still dreaming. He had been, but now he wasn't entirely certain.
Taking a quick inventory he could tell that he was relaxed and warm and that there was a comforting weight pressed against his body. He shifted a little and burrowed further into the warmth, which he now realized was coming from Bella. She was there with him, as they must have fallen asleep together, her heavenly scent having given away her identity. He smiled at the discovery and turned slightly to nuzzle the top of her head, his arms becoming more secure about her as she lay partly atop him sharing the narrow space of the sofa. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her—appreciated her, but all he could managed were a few unintelligible mumbles and a long sigh of contentment.
She stirred ever so slightly, rewarding him for his efforts when her hand which had been resting upon his chest began to caress him in a soothing manner before she stilled. Happily he began to fall into a deeper sleep once more, but there was still this niggling little concern in the back of his mind. What was his mother doing here?
He couldn't hear the conversation any longer, so perhaps it had been nothing more than a dream. His eyes were heavy and his head was aching with fatigue, so rather than dwell on the mystery he decided to let his thoughts settle. He had no idea how long they'd been sleeping or what time it currently was, but he knew that his body was in need of a lot more rest.
"They're so freaking sweet it makes my teeth hurt." Alice told her mother as she guided them away from the snoozing couple and into the kitchen.
The reason why Edward's mother was here was quite simple—this was her house.
It wasn't exactly the plan to make this their first stop upon returning; and certainly they'd never considered spending the night, but as they'd gotten close to town a decision had to be made anyway. It was late afternoon by then and they'd been travelling nonstop for the better part of twelve hours. With no desire to prolong their trip by another day if there was an alternative, Esme's call to check in and offer dinner, if they thought they'd be close enough before it got too late, was a welcomed one and they were all for stopping by.
Originally they'd considered going straight to Edward's new place, but as excited as they were to familiarize themselves with the space and begin the process of getting Edward settled they knew that there was very little they could accomplish until they'd gotten some rest. Three days of travelling and very little sleep had really taken it out of them, and so here they were, and Edward's mother couldn't have been happier.
In fact, Esme had smiled at Alice's statement while passing her daughter a cup of coffee but invariably she'd found herself at a loss for words.
Though it had only been just over a week that they'd been away, Edward's absence was hard for Esme to accept amidst the excitement of having him home again. And of course it was still so overwhelming at times, seeing her son so happy and in love—thriving instead of just existing for a change. Witnessing such an adorable display of affection just now had nearly taken her breath away. And the day before, with how Edward had shown such genuine tenderness and concern towards Bella, with no thought of embarrassment or discomfort—it was incredibly heartwarming, not to mention, encouraging.
"They've been that way all night?"
"I left them around midnight and it looks like they've hardly budged an inch."
When she'd left them it was because Bella had finally joined her brother's already sleeping form on the sofa, snuggling into his body so easily and without hesitation, as if it were the most natural and desirable thing she'd ever done.
It was quite obvious that they were both exhausted from the long day of travel it had taken them to get home, but more so it was easy to see that this trip had been just what they'd both needed. All of the remaining awkwardness and uncertainty was gone and in its place something wonderful had emerged.
"I wonder how willing Edward will be to have Bella help with the moving today?" his mother contemplated then.
She'd noticed some obvious changes that had taken place since they had been away, but she still remembered the night before they'd gone off to Colorado together, and the emotional reaction her son had had to Bella's unfortunate injury. Seeing how he'd been last night—calm, supportive, and playful even—as his father had experienced some difficulty removing the stitches in Bella's leg, thanks to their overdue return, she was curious to know what else had improved during their time away.
"Somehow I don't think Bella's going to let him get away with being ridiculously overprotective all the time, if that's what you mean. She's just as stubborn as he is, so if it does become an issue at least it should be entertaining to watch."
"Alice." Esme admonished lightly with an understanding snicker.
She knew exactly what her daughter was talking about though. Even with the easy report they'd always managed to have with one another there had always been something there holding them back; but not anymore. They seemed to laugh and joke more freely now, instead of focusing on and safeguarding against a potentially negative outcome all the time. It was as if they had finally moved beyond the intensity and newness of their relationship to a comfortable middle ground.
But honestly, she was convinced that there was more to it than that.
It was surprising, how easily her son had greeted her with a warm smile and an equally inviting hug, never hesitating to embrace her and share how nice it was to be home again, but it was immensely satisfying to see the way that he'd congratulated Jasper and Alice upon hearing of their engagement.
Alice had worried unnecessarily about announcing the news and she'd insisted that no one tell Edward or Bella until they'd returned so that she and Jasper might tell them together, and in person. As Jasper had suspected Alice was over the moon about the idea of being engaged and ultimately getting married, but she had concerns when it came to Bella, and how her brother might take the idea of his little sister becoming someone's wife. He refused to tell her that he'd called and talked to them a few days before coming home, and like Esme he was glad that Alice hadn't known what sort of reaction to expect from her closest friends. I made it all the more wonderful to witness.
Edward had picked his little sister up, spinning her around in celebration, while giggling happily at her squeals of delight. When he'd set her down he held her close and sincerely expressed how happy he was for them both. And if that wasn't enough, seeing that Edward hadn't bothered with some sort of shy nod or a brief handshake in order to acknowledge Jasper, instead moving past Bella, who had been laughing with him while the siblings had shared their moment, to wrap his would-be brother-in-law in a hug; it was almost too much to take.
It was very apparent that the couple was tired from their journey home and whatever activities had kept them busy while away. Edward's clothes were mismatched and wrinkled, but so were Bella's and it looked as though he hadn't shaved in at least four days—which was probably more like two and a half.
In fact, had Esme thought to mention it he might have informed his mother that she should be thankful that Bella had been the one to suggest shaving earlier in the week, as she'd been eager to once again help him with the task; otherwise he would have been sporting a rather impressive beard by now. But that was beside the point.
Even with his roughened appearance, the dark circles marking a lack of sleep under both their eyes, and Bella's somewhat lethargic attention span, the family as a whole had been impressed by the easy banter that had flowed around the dinner table that night and the way those two had so effortlessly placed themselves at the center of it all.
They both told stories of their time away, and asked questions about what sort of plans Jasper and Alice had been able to decide on, in the two days since becoming betrothed.
Esme couldn't ever recall having seen Edward so relaxed and at ease, or more to the point, so chatty. He laughed about not getting to drive his old Range Rover for most of the trip because Bella had taken such a liking to it that he'd been permanently delegated to drive her truck back instead, while she spent time getting to know that horrible beast of a vehicle. And when Bella spoke of how wonderful it had been seeing all that Edward had only been able to describe and getting to enjoy the peace of such places, Esme was delighted to see that her son was appropriately pleased. He'd blushed a bit when Bella spoke of his cooking ability, an oddly meaningful glance passing between the pair, which must have signified something, but otherwise he was a picture of happiness.
She, like the rest of her family, had no way of knowing though what was really behind this transformation.
The simple truth was that everything Edward and Bella had sought to accomplish during their trip had been done. They'd talked and laughed and loved and learned more over the past few days than either of them had anticipated being possible, and now they were motivated more than ever to continue on this journey towards what had become their interwoven future.
With that in mind, Edward had spent a few quiet moments alone on the morning they were set to leave, just thinking. As his thoughts had shuffled their way through the pleasant images and ideas their time away had given him he stood there next to Bella's truck and the Range Rover, which were both backed up to the front of the cabin with much of what would be going with them later that afternoon already loaded inside. He'd left Bella sleeping soundly in bed a few hours before, hoping she might enjoy the extra rest before having to take the long trip back, this time in separate vehicles, since there hadn't been much left to do, thanks to an extended break in the rain and the previous day having been so productive; but waking so early had allowed him a bit of time to relax and say goodbye to such a special place, something he knew he'd have to do.
He'd made one last pot of coffee in his little kitchen and sat for one last time in the chair out front enjoying the morning air and the quiet stillness he'd always loved. He'd walked the worn path leading deep into the forest that he knew so well and he'd stood taking it all in one more time.
He realized immediately in his restlessness that morning that he was both nervous and excited. But most importantly, he was ready. It wasn't the same type of nervousness he felt around people or in situations he was unfamiliar with, and it wasn't the type of excitement waiting for their arrival here had produced. Instead he was feeling an odd combination of both sensations, plus a little something extra. That little something extra was what mattered most, and it had amounted to confidence. His confidence took the edge off of his nerves and encouraged his excitement, affectively balancing his emotions.
Of course it had helped to know that they would be back again someday to visit, but for now the life he had built for himself, out of what use to be some sort of perceived necessity was set to change; and he wanted that change.
Bella had become the most important person in his life and she had given him the strength to reach for more. Because of her he had taken the time to reconnect with his family.
He'd come to admire and appreciate his father on a whole new level, and he'd finally recognized the depth of his mother's love and approval. And Alice; they'd always been close, but now he could see how pure her intentions had always been. She'd given him hell for giving in to his problems—in essence giving up on any shot he might have had at living the sort of life most people would seek for themselves—but now he understood. There was more to it than meeting new people, and learning the art of communication. She was never looking to change his core personality; instead she just wanted him to remain open to the possibilities life had to offer. And as it turned out, what he'd fought against for so long was exactly what he'd needed to help him overcome his most troublesome issues. He needed people, and the support they could provide—the knowledge that someone else believed in him.
He'd needed Bella to help him see that, and now he was prepared to accept the love his family had always been willing to offer; but even more so, he was ready to show them the same in return.
Edward would always remember the moment that he'd decided to finally take that leap. He had closed his eyes and sighed while thinking of the memories he'd gained over the past several weeks of getting to know Bella and falling in love; he knew that those memories would stay with him forever—the past few days especially.
By bringing Bella with him and allowing her to experience the type of lifestyle he'd chosen for himself his world had become an open book. There were no secrets left to uncover and no mysteries remained. He had nothing to hide, and seeing her easy acceptance of his preferred surroundings had confirmed the true nature of her heart.
He'd always known that she would find the cabin, if nothing else, interesting, but he hadn't counted on her falling in love with it so completely. It was actually her idea to leave so much behind, thereby making their inevitable returns as convenient and easy as possible. She made a good argument for leaving most of the kitchen intact, and the furniture had never been on his list of items to carry back with them; this meant that other than his clothes, the hardware necessary for his business, and the few personal items he'd chosen to collect over the years everything would basically remain as it was.
That realization made him happy but more so he could finally see how necessary every moment they'd shared to this point had truly been—this time spent together, alone and free to be with one another in every way imaginable notwithstanding. She was indeed his perfect match, and he could no longer see himself existing without her.
And so with that decided, Edward had finally gone inside to wake Bella.
Kneeling beside the bed he'd taken time to watch her as she continued to sleep. He still couldn't get over how beautiful she was or how lucky he felt to have her love him the way she did. He felt like there would always be moments where he felt terribly undeserving of her, and yet he knew that all she'd have to do was smile at him and he would forget himself and such foolish ways of thinking.
"Edward." She'd whispered softly, which didn't really surprise him, but it had affectively interrupted his thoughts.
The sound of her saying his name still made his heart flutter and his smile brighten. He thought to reach out and gently rouse her so that he might see those pretty eyes look up at him, but she'd kept on sleeping and talking so he'd kept on smiling.
"Alice and…I know…hmm…but Charlie said…"
He waited patiently through her disjointed mumbling, though there was very little hope of understanding what she meant by any of it.
"Yes…but…"
He felt as though he could happily stay there, watching and listening forever, but whatever Bella was dreaming about seemed like it was beginning to frustrate her. To save her the stress he'd chosen to kiss her forehead then and greet her with his customary, "Good morning, Baby."
She was never easily awakened when she was sleeping so deeply, but he got lucky that morning. Her eyes only took a second to focus and her smile followed just as quickly.
"You let me sleep in." She accused a second later, having taken in his fully dressed state and the scent of fresh mountain air clinging to his skin.
"Sue me." He'd grinned, while handing over the coffee he had at the ready as a peace offering.
"So, what were you dreaming about?" he wondered next, as he carefully crawled over and lay beside her on top of the covers, propping his head up with his hand.
She'd overlooked his playful retort and had chosen to take a sip of her coffee by then so he felt as though he'd been forgiven for not waking her earlier. Her expression after hearing his question was one of confusion though.
"I don't remember dreaming anything."
"You sure?" he teased, "Charlie and Alice were there apparently."
At that he knew she'd remembered something, because all of the color had suddenly drained from her face. Before saying anything she'd set her mug aside and folded her hands in a manner that he knew indicated she was either nervous or unsure of something.
"I was talking, wasn't I?"
"Yep."
He tried to make it seem like no big deal. They both knew she was prone to talking in her sleep and he'd promised her many times that it was cute and that thus far she'd never said anything embarrassing or inappropriate. Her look however, said that this was definitely a big deal, at least in her mind.
"If you don't want to talk about it it's okay." He'd calmly assured her then.
Whatever she'd recalled about the dream, or whatever was forcing her unconscious words had obviously unnerved her, so he was prepared to let it go if it would be easier.
"Edward, we were getting married."
His brow lifted at that, and Bella cringed at the bluntness of her delivery. To her ears she'd made it sound like a bad thing, but in her mind she'd definitely decided that it wasn't. She was busy scrambling for a way to clarify what she was saying and to make her words somehow sound better, but she hadn't need to. A brief moment had elapsed and in that time Edward had started to chuckle.
"Don't you think it would be best to wait until I've had a chance to propose to you properly? I know we've been planning the honeymoon already but really,"
Tongue tied and realizing that perhaps she wasn't as awake as she seemed; knowing that she was never really alert first thing in the morning, Bella hesitated to respond which only allowed Edward even more time to speculate.
"I figured I'd get a ring first and you know, talk to your dad too. It's a lot to plan if you were hoping for something special, so I'd need some time…"
'Edward!"
"Huh?" He seemed to snap out of some sort of bubble he'd managed to drift into suddenly.
"What are you going on about?"
"Marrying you." He smirked in such a way to let her know he was mostly teasing. "Or I guess asking you to marry me?"
Bella grabbed the pillow from behind her head and proceeded to cover her face with it.
After Jasper's call the other night, Bella had expected Edward to broach the subject of their relationship's future, but thus far he'd stayed away from the topic. She couldn't decide whether or not she was glad about that or disappointed in some way. But at the moment she'd been more frustrated by the idea that she would be to one to trigger this conversation by vocalizing her subconscious thoughts on the matter.
Edward could barely make out a few muffled syllables of what she had started rambling on about with the pillow covering her mouth so he'd given up in favor of finding a solution.
"That's better." He claimed after he'd tunneled his way up under the pillow as well and lifted his head above hers so that he could see her, the pillow now behind him.
"You were saying?"
His smile hadn't faded in the least as Bella scowled at his playful relentlessness.
"Fine. I was saying that we can't talk about this yet. First off, I'd rather some sort of proposal be a surprise; and second, we have to wait now until Jasper asks Alice, otherwise he'll think we're just barging in on their moment. And if you ask me now and we come home engaged my father will happily kill you…possibly both of us, since it'll be pretty freaking obvious that we've been dallying here all this time…celebrating."
Watching her struggle for an appropriate word was amusing enough, hearing the one she'd decided upon was too much. Edward had started to chuckle again.
He'd never realized how gorgeous a woman could be when she was all riled up and being so animated. He'd gotten a little taste of it the other night when he'd made the mistake of asking her if she'd like to postpone their trip, but this was even better. The color of her skin and the way her pulse was racing beneath his chest made him think of sex—and happily he had firsthand knowledge that he wasn't very far off base.
But to think this was all because he'd hinted at wanting to marry her. Thank goodness he'd just recently—like ten minutes before coming inside to wake her—decided that that was exactly what he planned to do—one of these days; and in order to do that he'd decided that he was going to have to man-up.
"What is so funny about all of this?"
"I apologize," he said sincerely, "for laughing, but you're absolutely beautiful right now. You know that?" He kissed her then, slowly and tenderly.
"I won't go against your wishes." He promised her in a soothing voice, "And I wouldn't dream of hurting Alice or disrespecting your father. But the truth is I love you, and I will always love you, Bella. I plan to be with you forever, so we've got plenty of time to ease into this, but you should know that I will ask you someday."
Bella's stomach bumped into her heart as it attempted to take a quick stroll around her lungs, which incidentally had ceased to function. She knew what it was like to feel faint, but she never would have thought the sensation could be brought on by such elation.
What he'd just said to her made her pulse soar, but it was another realization that had truly touched her.
She'd survived their first kiss, the first touches they'd shared, and even making love to him for the first time. It had taken time but she'd come to accept what she wanted, and that Edward could give that to her. Hearing him confess his intentions had validated every little thing they'd been through, and the honesty in his eyes had confirmed his sincerity. She knew that they would get here, but she'd been unprepared for how thoroughly healed Edward had finally become. His words were both gentle and confident; his determination was strong yet endearing; and the way he looked at her was as always full of longing and acceptance.
It was clear that he'd successfully managed to become the man he wanted to be, but happily he'd remained every bit the boy she'd fallen in love with.
Leaving the cabin that afternoon had been harder for Bella than she would have thought. Edward seemed to be at peace with his decisions—all of them, and she was happy to know that he was excited to see what came next for the two of them. The problem was that she knew had he remained there on his knees after waking her and actually proposed she would have said yes. There would have been no hesitation and no regrets. But for all of his sincerity, was he really ready for all that would involve? She worried that they might need a little more time and an opportunity to talk and she knew that the cabin would be an ideal location to seek both.
It hadn't been necessary though, as her answers would come sooner and more clearly than she'd thought possible.
They'd travelled until dark, at which time Edward had called her to say he was going to move ahead and point out a spot where they could stay the night. After several moments spent saying hello, after the time they'd been separated by two different vehicles and several yards of highway, they'd set up camp and Edward had proceeded to start something for their dinner.
It had been Bella's idea to camp instead of finding a hotel for the night. She'd been looking forward to enjoying such an experience again, and thus far it was one of the only things their trip had been lacking, so Edward was happy to fulfill this request. But little did either of them know that this would be the start of a very long journey home.
"Your dad asked me to go fishing with him."
Bella had been reorganizing some of what they'd had to shuffle around in order to unload the camping gear. When she stopped to pay attention she was surprised to hear that Edward was now planning to take him up on the offer. And even more so to see that he was lying down on the blanket he'd spread out near the campfire, staring up at the stars, as relaxed in his posture as she'd ever seen him.
"I was thinking earlier in the day." And he truly had been. Not only while he was taking one last look around before they'd left the cabin, but during the long silences that had come in between phone calls to Bella as they'd travelled this afternoon.
There was a time when he'd thought about all he wanted to do and experience and how difficult it would be to actually try those things. He had wanted to believe that he was ready back then, but he realized now that he hadn't been.
"Every time I've done something here recently that I was sure I couldn't do, after the fact I would realize that it was way easier than I imagined it could be. So it's time that I get over that particular fear, and just do what I feel like."
"So you're going to start off by going fishing with my father?" She'd raised an eyebrow.
"Actually I thought I'd go shopping with Ally first; there's lots left to buy for the new place after all. And we should take Mom and Dad out for dinner one night—some place nice. Maybe Charlie would even like to come?"
"Slow down for a second." Bella giggled at how eager Edward had looked just then. "What made you decide all of this?"
She'd seen Edward think out loud before and she'd always marveled at the rate his mind seemed to process information, and how excitedly he would respond to various things that he'd come up with on the fly, but she'd never seen him so determined to do that which was so far away from his normal personality. Previously when he'd speak of change and trying to overcome his fears, there was uncertainty and disappointment hidden beneath his desire. Something was obviously different now, and it reminded her of those earlier concerns she'd had before leaving his former home behind.
"It's time to practice." He firmly decided. "There's too much going on already that I can't really control, but that's not going to stop me from being a part of it. My family deserves it. You deserve it." He'd emphasized his words by standing up and closing the short distance that existed between them. "Bella," he took her hands and spoke in a voice that made her entire body prickle with pleasure, "you've taught me so much. I couldn't see it before, but I deserve it too—we deserve it."
They'd been stuck eating peanut butter sandwiches again, since the steaks Edward had set over the fire remained there for the next three hours while he'd sought to convince Bella that he was going to pursue all of his greatest desires from now on, no matter what that might entail—his shyness no longer capable of hindering his progress. Starting first and foremost with making love to his beautiful girl, right there under the stars in some no name place a few miles south of the Idaho border, nothing but a dense thicket of trees and the night available to protect them from another traveler's view.
The trip home was a much longer one thanks to that first night. They'd stayed up talking and laughing and loving one another until they'd drifted off under the rising sun. A few hours later they'd reluctantly packed up and moved on, but they'd been too unwilling to be without some form of contact from that point on, stopping often to kiss and cuddle along the way, and insisting on an early night to make up for the lack of sleep from the one prior. But every time they'd find themselves in each other's arms their passion would override the need for rest. There was too much to say and too strong an urge to ignore. Edward's confidence had become contagious and with each passing day Bella could see herself growing in her adventurous spirit, while he'd been true to his word. There was never any hesitation on his part to suggest eating at a roadside diner, or stopping by some landmark advertised along the highway. He was really starting to experience life and Bella was overjoyed to be along for the ride.
By the time they were on the last leg of their journey she was exhausted, but so proud.
And sitting in Esme's living room last night, quietly chatting with Alice about Jasper's thoughtful proposal, while Edward succumbed to his own fatigue on the sofa behind her, she knew that this was only the beginning.
Charlie would be by today to help she and Edward and the rest of his family move what they'd brought back with them into the new place. It was by Edward's own invitation that Charlie even knew of the moving day plans or the fact that Bella had been out of town for the past week helping Edward sort out his affairs; and Bella for one, couldn't wait to see her father and Edward interacting again.
But perhaps that was before Jasper was able to announce that, "Chief Swan just pulled up as I was coming inside and Edward and Bella are busy making out on the couch," as he made his way into the kitchen to find Alice and see if Esme was in the mood to cook him some breakfast this morning.
"What?" Everyone present wondered in unison.
Jasper took Alice's hand and kissed the finger holding his ring, as he took a moment to concentrate on her rather than the potential situation in the works he'd just described.
He'd gone back to his place last night after dinner, allowing Alice time to reconnect with Bella and Edward, but also to square away some work so that he could be available to help today. Edward was quickly becoming one of his favorite people and he'd never leave the poor guy hanging out to dry like that; so with a devilish grin he went on to say that he'd already announced the Chief's arrival to the couple in question and had suggested they part faces for a few minutes.
His playful wording earned him a smack across the chest from Alice and smile from Esme, so overall he was quite pleased with the outcome—as was Charlie when he'd been greeted by Edward at the door a few minutes later.
"Morning, Mom." Edward's sleepy smile had greeted her shortly thereafter, when he escorted Bella's father into the kitchen, looking for all the world like this was a normal occurrence.
"Is there coffee yet?"
Alice had attacked Charlie by then, hugging him fiercely and prattling on about she and Jasper's engagement. Bella's father graciously humored Alice's enthusiasm and spent a moment congratulating Jasper with a very sarcastic, "Good luck with that."
Happily though, it gave Esme a moment with her son and she was pleased to note that his calm and relaxed demeanor had yet to fade.
"Did you sleep well, Darling?" she inquired having seen him stifle a yawn as he divided the remaining coffee into three cups.
His smile was in a word, wistful when he'd looked up to see Bella trudging into the kitchen to join everyone.
"I always do when she's with me."
