This is possibly the most cracktastic s**t I've ever written.


Title: "Body Swap", Part Three (The Red Lady Adventures)
Starring: You know the drill.
Summary: Everyone gets their own bodies back, and all the Red Lady's jokes come to fruition. :)


Eventually, they got it right. The Master was back to black, the Doctor was back in his beloved velvet, the Red Lady was back to normal (or whatever normal was for the Red Lady), and the poor Brig got all those people out of his head.

"Well," said the Red Lady, combing her fingers through her long red hair gratefully. "I think that's enough excitement for one day, don't you think? Goodnight, my lovelies." She waltzed out of there, cheerfully whistling.

"Er, yes, I quite agree," said the Brigadier. "As soon as I lock up this criminal, I'm going home to my Doris. Come along, Master-"

"Er, old chap, if I may," the Doctor said. "As much as it pains me to say, the Master wasn't really up to anything wrong this time."

"Nothing wrong? Doctor, we all ended up inside my body!" barked the Brig.

"Yes, and while I do agree that it was the Master's fault, he hardly meant for all this to happen. Couldn't we just, eh, let him off with a warning...just this once?"

The Brigadier exhaled noisily. "Alright, Doctor. But only because it's so late. And only because I'm frankly exhausted. I'll leave it up to your better judgment. But keep in mind...the next time he endangers the Earth, I'll see him behind bars so fast, it'll make both your TARDISes spin!" He turned on his heel and marched out.

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief after the Brig was gone. "Well. All's well that ends well, eh, Master?"

"Indeed, my dear Doctor," said the Master, coming up to stand beside him. "Well...I suppose I owe you my gratitude. Thank you."

"Oh, no problem, old chap, no problem at all," replied the Doctor.

"If there's anything I can do for you-"

"Oh, that won't be necessary," said the Doctor. "Well, if you could try to preserve some lives the next time you hatch a scheme against the planet, I'd be most appreciative."

"I'll see what I can do," said the Master. He paused, as if there was something he wanted to say, but decided against it and just said, "Well...goodnight then, Doctor."

"Yes, goodnight...oh, Master?" the Doctor called after him.

"Yes?" asked the Master, who had been about to leave.

"I was just thinking..." The Doctor's smile turned absolutely wicked. "I'd dearly love to be inside you again."

"Oh, my dear Doctor, after all that hullabaloo, don't you think that toying with the crystals should be avoided?"

"That wasn't," said the Doctor, stepping into his intimate space, "what I meant."

"Oh," said the Master, eyebrows shooting up. "Well...I think that would be very satisfactory, yes."