Incomplete

- Chapter Forty-Three -

Kagome closed her eyes, counted slowly back from ten, and then let out the breath she'd been holding. The moment she turned around she would be face-to-face with the man she'd once loved, the boy she'd once thought of as her best friend, and the monster that'd destroyed all of that with one selfish act.

Until this moment she'd been confident in her ability to cope, so sure that she would be okay, but being this close to him again wasn't anything she could've prepared for. Before now her mind had raced with all kinds of noble ideas about how she'd tell him off or get her revenge. The thought was tempting, but when it mattered most her courage faltered. She couldn't even find the strength to turn around and look him in the eye.

Her heart rammed against her rib cage, its rhythm echoing panic in her ears. It was the only thing she found herself able to focus on until another sound caught her attention; the soft scrape and clack of wood logs being piled atop one another. Tentatively, she glanced over her shoulder and watched him go about collecting the logs strewn across the ground.

One wayward piece lingered near her foot, calling out to her. Uttering a quiet sigh she bent down to pick it up. Its solid weight was reassuring in her hand. The feel of the bark against her skin brought her back to herself.

She'd survived. She'd exceeded every expectation of her and then some. She'd fought and killed Naraku. She'd dealt with more drama and danger in her life than most people ever see and she'd survived. She was a survivor. She didn't know how to say no or give up.

She would survive this too.

Holding out the log, she waited for him to take it. He did, hesitantly, and added it to the top of his pile. Now that she was looking at him she saw what she hadn't before. She'd expected to see the monster again but what stood before her was a boy whose features were filled with regret and pain.

"I'm glad you're okay," he muttered, his words nearly lost on the wind.

"Come on," she urged softly. "We both know we need to talk."

Inuyasha nodded dumbly and she led him into the forest towards Goshinboku. It seemed only fitting that this meeting, perhaps their final one, would take place where their journey had begun.

Neither of them spoke until they were securely settled on what used to be their favourite branch. The wind was still, as was the rest of the forest around them. Neither of them was willing to intrude on that peace with memories of what'd once happened there.

Finally, with an audible gulp, Inuyasha spoke.

"I'm sorry…for everything," he began, his words unsteady.

He paused and swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously. Kagome watched his fingers fidget against the red fur of his pants as he struggled to find the right words. Haltingly, he tried again.

"I can't... I can't forgive…"

There he stopped and let out a heavy sigh, frustrated by his inability to express his thoughts eloquently. Slamming his fist down into the rough bark, he frowned and ultimately settled for what came to him more naturally.

"Dammit Kagome… You know I'm not good with words and stuff… I just mean it, okay?"

A wan smile tugged at one corner of her mouth. This moment was like so many others they'd shared in this tree; this tree that connected them on a level far beyond what she would ever truly understand. Bracing her palm against it, she felt the rough bark scrape her skin and asked it for guidance.

In her heart she knew his words were not enough. His "Sorry" couldn't erase her memories of that day or take away her fear. "Sorry" couldn't bring them back to what once was. It was then that she realized nothing he could ever say or do would be sufficient because there was no going back. This was how things stood and this was how they were going to be.

"I talked to Kaede about what I...did," Inuyasha added. Keeping her eyes on the horizon line she listened quietly, giving him time to collect his thoughts.

"She said that I loved you too much and it got me thinkin'. Maybe the old hag was right for a change. I thought I was gonna lose you for good and I didn't think I could handle it. I just wanted... I wanted things to be back to how they used to be, ya know?"

When she said nothing, he sighed softly and wearily rubbed his hands over his face.

"I still have nightmares, ya know? I can't close my eyes without-"

"I still have nightmares too," she interjected. "Every night when I close my eyes I'm reminded of what my best friend did to me. What you did to me."

Her words were hard and they made him go quiet. It was excruciating for her to speak those words, to remember, to be here with him at all, but they both needed this conversation to happen if they were ever going to have closure and move on with their lives.

Inuyasha hung his head and confessed, "I don't know what came over me..."

He stopped suddenly and she heard his sharp intake of breath and the quiet rustle of his sleeve as it lifted to rub at his cheek.

"One minute I thought you were leaving me for good and the next I was…"

A sound of disgust came from the back of his throat.

"I think I thought...that if I claimed you as mine he wouldn't want you anymore and you'd stay. Pretty stupid huh?"

"Yeah, it was," she answered softly. "It was stupid, and selfish, and cruel. It was the worst thing you've ever done."

Her words were blunt, lacking any hint of sympathy. Inuyasha stared unseeingly ahead and nodded in agreement. After a moment he cleared his throat and leaned his shoulder against Goshinboku's trunk for support.

"When Sesshomaru took you, I tried to get through the well..."

Her brow lifted marginally in curiosity, but he didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on some point on the ground, the rest of him lost to his thoughts.

"I just kept thinkin', what would happen if you died over there and I never got the chance to..."

He went silent after that and tucked a knee up to his chest. He rested his chin atop it and kept his mouth firmly shut against any other confessions of the heart.

Kagome was quiet for a long while, long enough to process everything he'd told her - and it was a lot. In a strange twist that baffled even her, she understood the reason why he'd done it. Knowing didn't make it right, or make her trust him again, or repair anything, but it brought her the closure she'd been so desperately in need of. With the 'why' answered, she could finally begin the long, slow process of healing.

"Inuyasha, do you want me to forgive you?" she asked, studying the reddened rims of his eyes.

"I don't deserve it," he spat, looking away.

"I didn't ask what you deserve. I asked what you wanted."

He stubbornly set his jaw and clenched it tight shut. The words would never leave his lips. For his own reasons, whatever they were, he was dead set against asking her for forgiveness.

"I wanna earn your trust back, however I gotta do it. I know it's gonna take time. It might even take forever, but I'm okay with that. I'll work however hard I have to 'til the day comes when you feel like you can trust me again. I don't want any kinda forgiveness 'til then."

"Alright," she said slowly, relieved that she didn't have to give him an answer just yet. She may have asked if he wanted her forgiveness, but she was a long way from feeling ready to give it. Given what he'd done, there was every chance she might never feel ready.

Their gazes met and he held hers for the first time that day, until he finally blushed and looked away.

"Thank you."

She nodded and glimpsed the fading sunlight through the trees. Sesshomaru wasn't far and he'd be impatient for them to be on their way. The longer she was gone the more agitated he became and she just didn't have the energy to deal with another emotional inu at the moment.

With a nod in the direction of the village she suggested they head back. Still feeling the stinging welt of Sesshomaru's punch, and not keen on receiving another, Inuyasha hopped down from their perch and waited for her to follow.

The pair walked through the underbrush, side-by-side, until they broke through the tree line and stepped out into the rice fields. Sesshomaru was waiting for them about ten paces away looking none too pleased that Inuyasha was within touching distance of his mate.

"Take care of yourself, Inuyasha."

It sounded like a good-bye. Maybe it was. Inuyasha offered her a sad smile as the wind whipped his dark hair around his face. The trouble with hanyou was that they had so few friends in the world losing even one was enough to destroy them.

She felt conflicted as she reached into her shirt pocket and withdrew the subjugation beads. What they had may be gone, but that didn't change the fact that her family was the only family he'd ever known. To take that from him... With a resigned sigh her compassion won out and she slipped the necklace over his head once more.

Inuyasha caressed the smooth surface of the heavy beads with his blunt, human fingers.

"Kagome…"

He looked like he wanted to say more, but catching Sesshomaru's glare he swallowed his words and took a step back.

"There is something I wanna give to you, too. Wait here." Inuyasha ran off to Kaede's hut and disappeared inside. Sesshomaru lifted a brow in silent question and she shrugged. She had no idea what he could possibly want to give her. To their mutual surprise, Inuyasha returned a few moments later with Tetsusaiga in-hand.

"Here," he said with finality, holding it out towards her. "It's no good to me now. I want you to give it to him. He can use it to protect you. Who knows, maybe the barrier will let him in now that he actually cares about someone more than himself."

Kagome stared at the sword dumbstruck. Inuyasha had spent practically every waking moment protecting Tetsusaiga from Sesshomaru and now he was just giving it away?

"Are you sure about this?" she whispered in disbelief. He nodded and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just make sure you tell him that if he doesn't use it right I'll kick his ass and take it back."

Glad to see remnants of her old friend peeking through, Kagome offered him a tentative smile and thanked him for the sword. He blushed and muttered something unintelligible in response and then headed back to Kaede's hut.

Sesshomaru eyed the sword in her hands as she approached, but made no move to take it from her.

"Here," she urged, holding it out to him. "Inuyasha wanted you to have this. I don't know if the barrier will let you in now, but it might. You never know until you try, right?"

Sesshomaru studied the sword and contemplated the probability that the barrier would grant him access. The odds were low. He had no wish to have his palm singed beyond recognition, but his curiosity was enough to overpower all rational thought. The Tetsusaiga had been his goal for decades and now, finally, it was within reach. Had he come so close only to be denied once more?

He hesitantly stretched out his hand and let it hover above the sword, silently asking it to grant him permission. In response the fang pulsed and Kagome stared down at it surprised. Concentrating hard, Sesshomaru slowly lowered his hand and gripped the hilt of Tetsusaiga. When no wave of energy emerged to throw him back or singe his flesh, he withdrew the sword from its sheath and watched it expand to the full fang he'd desired for so long.

Rotating the sword left. then right, his amber eyes simultaneously admired and examined the blade in detail the way he'd never been able to before. Turning it towards himself he saw his own eyes reflected in the polished metal and for a second thought he saw a bit of his father there as well.

The Great Lord of the Western Lands had been a powerful and honourable ruler, a true force to be reckoned with. His father had walked the path of supreme conquest and it'd gotten him killed. He, too, had walked that path and found it unfulfilling. Perhaps it was time to try a different one.

Taking the sheath from Kagome's hands, he re-sheathed the blade and slipped it carefully into the sash at his waist.

"I hope he does not expect a thank you," he muttered, eyeing the old miko's small wooden hut in the distance.

Realizing that that was as close to gratitude as he was going to get, Kagome smiled and took his arm.

"Let's go home!" she pleaded, eager to be re-united with the rest of their small family.

At her words, Sesshomaru created a small cloud at their feet. It lifted them up and carried them on the wind toward the Western Lands. As they travelled westward, his eyes remained fixed on the ruby red sun slipping beneath the horizon. In that moment, with the Tetsusaiga at his hip, his lands in view and his mate securely at his side, he realized with a certain sense of satisfaction that his journey down this new path had only just begun.