Naomi wasn't quite sure what to think of her son. On a first impression, when he didn't say anything, Duck could be almost adorable. Almost because while he had large blinking gray eyes and dark hair that curled and framed his face he tended to look at people (adults especially) with an expression of both exasperation and distaste. The moment Duck opened his mouth this illusion would be shattered into tiny fragments. The moment a conversation with Duck lasted more than five solid minutes Naomi usually ended up having to search for therapists for the poor individual. So far she and a good number of Tokyo's therapists were on first name basis, one of them even showed her the file they kept of Duck's various victims. They offered her coffee when she visited, they said they didn't mind so long as she kept them in business. As far as they were concerned it was a win win situation.

Most four year olds, she reflected, hardly talked at the age of four. She had no idea what the hell went wrong in Duck's developmental process but it must have been horrific because he sounded like Light if Light had been treated like an idiot for several years and in every conversation. God must not have been paying attention when he pushed the angry red button that said "DANGER: EXTREME INTELLIGENCE". Perhaps it was the fact that Mr. Snuggles lived in her house, like second hand smoking the genius just came off in waves (but that didn't explain Matsuda…)

Naomi liked to believe that there was something wrong with Light genetically and that the notebook really had done something to him and she had therefore given birth to a child that was part man part notebook part death. It was the only possible explanation other than what the hell. Her parents blandly acknowledged Duck's intelligence, only nodding their heads in disappointment whenever he said anything and perhaps thinking that Naomi wasn't quite as bad as they had once thought.

Raye's parents weren't sure what to think and generally ignored everything Duck said. They just said he was adorable and gave him coloring books. They did this even after Duck had explained to them that there was really no need since the likelihood that Raye was his actual father was more miniscule than L's fan base in the police force. The joke was lost on them. They continually found Duck to be just darling and sent him many birthday gifts that ended their short lives in the trash.

She found him on the couch sitting next to a bowl of fritos watching television with mild interest.

"Matsuda's show is on." Duck explained, "You'd think from watching this show that Light Yagami was comprised of rainbows and unicorns and adorable fluffy rabbits. Look at him prance."

Hikaru was indeed prancing across the set. Matsuda had increased the romance between Hikaru and the detective whose name was Y in the recent season although Hikaru constantly obsessed over proving his innocence (it was like the Yotsuba incident if one had assumed that Light and L were gay for each other and that all their hatred was simply sexual tension and misunderstanding).

Naomi sighed, "Is Light gone?"

"Yes, Kira has left the building, no doubt brainwashing another poor defenseless woman into his crusade." Duck whistled, "Did you see that expression on Y's face, I do believe he means to confess his love this episode, although it will be a few episodes early…"

Naomi sat down next to the small dark haired child and surveyed the television, "Light's not Kira, he's on the task force remember?"

"Oh please, mother. You and I both know better. The writing callous on his right hand is particularly pronounced despite the fact that he uses a laptop in both his investigations and his notes. In his wallet he carries several blank index cards that have nothing written upon them, similar blank pieces of paper are sown into his clothing and kept on his person at all times. In order to kill Kira needs to have seen both the face and the name of a person, the name would lead one to believe that writing may be important to Kira's powers. Four years ago the police stopped almost all productivity in searching for Kira, as if they had found Kira but for whatever reason were unable to kill him yet the task force also upped security in the various hotels they were staying at during this time, as if they had a material object which they wished to protect, yet I know that Light has a certain item in his room that he has taken great care to protect. This item must be small and unnoticeable in normal circumstances or else Raye would have noticed it and would attempt to remove it at the risk of Kira's wrath. Not to mention that Light was everywhere he needed to be in order to be Kira, no one else fits this criteria. Light Yagami must be Kira." Duck fell silent.

"So, it isn't the fact that every time Light says something it screams 'serial killer'?"

"No." Duck tilted his head and reevaluated his statement, "Although, Y just introduced that the Boogey Man kills via magical ring implying that in the original case it was a material object, such as a notebook, that is responsible for the deaths and not Kira's thoughts themselves."

"Maybe Matsuda just likes magical items." Naomi suggested.

"Matsuda isn't that original."

"Maybe Matsuda saw Lord of the Rings."

"Matsuda doesn't have that much taste in literature or in films."

The fact that Duck was wearing an orange sweater, thick wool socks, and a purple scarf only made him appear more childish and ridiculous although Naomi was fairly certain that this was Duck's point. Duck was all for the child suffrage movement and in order to protest his position in the world had taken to wearing the most ridiculous outfits he could find. He however, had yet to meet other children so he probably had no idea that most children weren't really very capable of voting responsibly. Duck had yet to realize the sad fact that he was the exception, not the rule.

"You've decided to force me into the education system, haven't you?" Duck asked between bites of fritos. "I saw the writing supplies in the closet, not to mention Raye seems to be acting more excited and fatherly than usual."

"Yes, well the government is very touchy about that kind of thing."

"Homeschool."

"Kira investigation."

"Just take me with you and I'll put a red neon sign above his head proclaiming the whereabouts of Kira. Problem solved. Homeschool."

"If I leave you at home Raye will insist you make friends with other children in some other, possibly worse way."

"And you won't?"

"I've given up hope on your ability to make friends."

"Very thoughtful of you, mother."

Duck sighed, "Tell Light when he gets home to try not to be so terribly obvious with his vocation, one day I may just decide to turn him in."

Naomi wasn't actually sure what Duck knew about her relationship with Light and what he chose to ignore. Light and Duck did not get along in the slightest, in spite of Duck being Mr. Snuggles incarnate, and generally they tried to stay out of each other's way. Duck tolerated Light almost as much as he tolerated Raye and made a policy of giving vague hints of displeasure and threats of eviction. Light referred to Duck as an article of furniture and as a pompous brat. Duck acknowledging the fact that Light and Naomi were friends might account for the reason why he had not gone through with his threats. He also could be somewhat lazy and preoccupied by whatever it was he did in his free time.

"Oh, L called." Duck stated blandly between mouthfuls of fritos, "He wants you to come to headquarters, he says it's important."

On the television Hikaru stared longingly after Y and Naomi considered it to be an ill omen of things to come.

"We're technically not supposed to call him that." Naomi said in order to distract herself from the horrible possibility that today might be the day that L proposed his love to an unwilling and rather unamused Light Yagami.

"I'm four and I don't work for him, I can call uncle pedophilia whatever I please."

Duck didn't even bother to look up when he said 'uncle pedophilia', she wasn't even sure he had met Ryuzaki. Clearly she had complained far too much about L at home to be good for anyone. Maybe she could blame Matsuda's show, after all Y's eyes did seem very brooding when they regarded Hikaru's slim backside.

"Touché. Is it important?"

"Possibly, but not very likely. This episode of the Boogey Man is bound to hold more significance to the Kira case than whatever proclamation L has to say."

Also true. Matsuda had been giving rather large hints via television programming as of late, which probably accounted for the huge ratings. The soap opera itself wasn't great, or it could be that Naomi was biased since her character was clearly the neurotic villain of the piece. Light had been right, not only did Inamo (Naomi had been rather disappointed in Matsuda's lack of creativity on that dud) own three cats but she also owned a magic ring and was using it to both frame and seduce poor homosexual Hikaru Imagay. Matsuda, it seemed, clearly did not have a good understanding of the relationship between her and Yagami Light.

Naomi debated her options, she could watch soap operas with Duck, get apples for Ryuk, or go and hear whatever it is L had to say. If she avoided L she'd have to deal with Matsuda at her doorstep asking her why she no longer cared about the Kira case but if she went she'd have to deal with L and Light at the same time which seemed a bit beyond her at the moment.

"If Matsuda comes to our door because you don't show up I will castrate him."

"Duck… You're technically not supposed to know that word or what it means. Can't you say kill instead?"

"Too messy, also too quick, I want Matsuda to know that I abhor his very existence and consider him a waste of precious finite space in the universe. If I were to simply kill Matsuda then he would have no appreciation for my dislike of his very essence." Duck motioned towards the television set where Inamo was batting her eyelashes at a rather dazed and confused Hikaru. "I have him to thank for this blatant propaganda."

Naomi hadn't really thought about it as propaganda before but it was very police biased…

"You and Raye will be fine?"

Raye as it was mostly avoided Duck except for the few moments Naomi left them alone together where he tried to train Duck to become the perfect son. He even called him son, possibly because he hated the name Duck. Raye was sure to jump on the opportunity and teach Duck the ways of being a man.

"Me and the wallpaper are sure to have barrels of fun. Good quality time with pap, can't wait." Duck paused, "As long as Ted Bundy and Matsuda don't show up as well I'm sure I can handle a couple hours of father-son bonding hell."

"Light isn't quite that bad…"

Naomi trailed off wondering if Duck was hinting at something and if Light truly had gotten far worse and she hadn't realized it yet… She better go and check on him…

"Whatever. Go before the idiot screen director shows up."

Naomi wondered in the back of her mind if leaving Duck alone with Raye in the house while watching Matsuda's soap opera was a good idea. She worried about that all the way to L's shanty headquarters she also wondered if L even had anything legitimate to say. Surprisingly he did.

The curtain has been stealing my post-it notes

I do not approve

Author's Note: I promise that Duck will not turn into a Mary Sue, if he does feel free to flame this story and burn it into very small pieces of horribleness. I hate OCs as well, they mostly turn out overdone and crispy and altogether too perfect to be normal... In other news reviews are great thanks for reading on with the show and more reviews are always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note