As soon as I opened my eyes the next day I reached for my phone, expecting miss calls from him, or at least a text message, but there was nothing. Either he hasn't woken up yet, or he really is going to continue to ignore me.

Throwing the sheet off my body I storm over to my closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and tank top. If what he's hiding from me is worth more than our relationship, then maybe we shouldn't be in one. Maybe we should just end it now before either of us get heartbroken. My heart contracted at the painful thought. Perhaps I am already heartbroken. Edward has been such a big part of my life recently, I don't know if I could let go so easily anymore.

He might not want to fight for this, but I do.

Once dressed I storm down the stairs towards the front door, slipping my pumps on and grabbing my coat off the rack. He can avoid me all he want's but I'm not going to make it easy on him. He can't run from me in a town as small as Forks.

"Bella? Where are you going?" Mom came bustling from the kitchen to my side, a worried look on her face.

I must have looked somewhat deranged. I didn't bother to tame my bed hair, eat breakfast or freshen up in the morning. My thoughts and heart were too focused on Edward to care.

"I have to go and see Edward," I answered, pulling my arms through the sleeves of my coat.

"Edward? There's no need he's here-" Mom pointed out

"What?" I stopped dead in my tracks.

"He came over this morning, but I didn't want to wake you up-"

"Where is he?" I cut her off, my eyes wildly searching for him.

"In the kitchen," She answers, frowning in confusion.

I storm into the kitchen, ready to unleash hell upon him. I'd already been cursing him in my mind, going through the throng of things that I would say to him. But my mind went blank the minute I saw him. He sat in one of the old, mismatched chairs, hunched over the table with his hands clasped in front of him. His eyes were filled with so much raw emotion, from hurt, to love but the most prominent worry. Resting on the table is his journal, the thing looks so harmless yet it has caused so much conflict between us.

"Bella, what's going on?" Renee questions, following behind me.

I don't even answer her. I wait for Edward to say something- anything. He clearly came here for some reason. Has he come to call this off? To end this relationship before has had the chance to begin. The painful thought sickens me.

"I'm sorry Renee, may I speak with Bella for a moment?" Edward questions softly, rising to his feet.

I cock an eyebrow at him and fold my arms over my chest. Mom gives me a wary look, clearly sensing the tension between us. I gave her a reassuring nod. Once she left the room, Edward came closer, opening his arms to embrace me, but I am quick to step out of his hold.

"How dare you try to hug me after what happened last night?" I snapped at him.

Pain fluttered across his face again, and he looked down in shame.

"I'm so sorry, I was just so angry and I couldn't think straight, I had to get away and just breathe." He explains.

"Is that why you came here, so I could pity you?" I questions, unable to contain my anger.

I shed tears for him because I thought I was in the wrong. I scolded myself for how I behaved and acted, yet he comes here trying to justify his actions. Like it was fine for him to react the way he did.

"No- no of course not," He lets out a defeated sigh, glancing over my shoulder. "Walk with me?" He asks, pleading me with his eyes.

I look over my shoulder and sure enough, there is Leah within hearing range sitting in the living room. All though her back is to us it is clear that she can hear us. Not wanting to I agree with a nod and follow him out into the rain. He walks deep into the forest before finally stopping. He hangs his head in shame, rain drops quickly making his hair stick to his forehead.

"I shouldn't have left you yesterday, I'm sorry... How did you get home?" He questions, not looking me in the eyes.

I wish he would look at me, I want him to see the scowl that I'm aiming at him.

"Emmett found me and drove me home," I answered in a snappy reply. "You left me on the other side of Forks, heartbroken and with no way to get home. All I was trying to do was have a conversation with you Edward, you know that thing that usually happens in any relationship,"

"You're angry that I left you-"

"No, I'm angry that you'd rather keep secrets from me then try to make this relationship work. I made it clear to you last night that I will not be in another relationship full of secrets. I'm so sick and tired of people lying to me..." I tried to control my breathing after releasing all my pent up anger.

I clench my fists, my cheeks flushed.

"I don't want to lose you, Bella," He admits, finally looking up at me. "Which is why I brought this with me-" He holds up his journal into the air. "But before you read it, I need you to know something." His voice becomes serious.

I am taken aback as he takes cautious steps to close the distance between us. His eyes dark and unblinking and his face etched into a brooding expression.

"I have made some really selfish decisions in the past, decisions that hurt you, and I want you to know now that I never meant for that to happen. In a really fucked up way, I did it all for you. Just remember that when you read some of the things in here. If you don't want to talk to me after you read it I'll understand. These past few weeks with you have been the happiest moments of my life," He declares the last parts with a sad smile.

He truly believes that whatever I discover in his journal will make me abandon him. It broke my heart to see him so defeated. My tough appearance began to crumble away. I wanted to assure him that it wouldn't change my feelings towards him, but how could I promise him something like that? I didn't know what he had written about exactly. An urge passed through me to tell him to forget about it, to just go on with life ignoring the journal. But I knew that wouldn't be possible, it would always be looming over me in the back of my mind, taunting me, and not letting me have a chance at happiness.

Without warning, he grabs me by the back of my neck, forcing my head up so he could kiss me. This kiss was like any other I had experienced. It was full of compassion, almost like a goodbye kiss. A saltiness mixed with his lips, and when he slowly pulled away, I looked up to see his eyes filled with tears ready to escape.

"Thank you," I whispered against his lips, feeling the leather journal being pushed into my hands.

I hope he knows how much this means to me. This journal means so much to him, and he has given it to me in an attempt to save this relationship. It proves that he is fighting for this to work just as much as I am.

He didn't wait around to watch me open it, I don't think he could bare it. I followed the path we took going back to the house on my own. The journal tightly in my grasp, as I shielded it from the rain. When I returned to the house, Edward was gone. Mom approached me when I walked through the door. My soaking clothes dripped mud and rain water through the house. I waved off her questions of concern, promising to tidy up the mess I made later.

I locked my bedroom door, throwing the journal onto the bed before hurriedly stripping off my wet clothes. I threw on my sweats, trying my hair up into a bun, before proceeding to sit on the bed, the journal resting in front of me. I stalled, anxious to read what was inside, but also frightened at what I might find.

What if he's a serial killer? Or a rapist? No. Edward could never do those things, he acts all cocky, but deep down he's just as caring as the rest of us. I racked my thoughts of all the dark, gruesome possibilities, making my stomach churn.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in preparation.

I opened the journal to the first page.

A/N

Sorry that the chapter is so short, I wanted to introduce the diary so next chapter it can go straight to the journal entry's. I was going to do a spin off called 10 Things I hate about Bella Swan where is basically a full version of Edwards journal, so you see his point of view throughout the story. But I'm not so sure about doing that anymore... I think I'm just going to keep everything to this one book.

Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you guys in the next chapter ;)