Chapter LI A Little More
"I WISH YOU DIDN'T EXIST!"
…It was a mistake, I'm sure.
But even so, that doesn't atone for the fact that my mother felt that way about me.
Even for just a second.
She tried to tell me it was because she was too stressed.
How my heart kept acting up, and letting her believe I would die any second.
How the family business was going terribly and disfiguring her character.
How the endless bills and fees from the prestigious school I went to was just weighing her down too much.
It didn't matter.
None of it mattered.
"Mummy doesn't love me."
That's what I started telling myself.
And that only made my health condition deteriorate further.
When I looked into the mirror… I started seeing two girls standing right behind me.
One with long hair.
And the other with green eyes.
It terrified me to pieces… But I learned to accept them.
It was better than being alone, I told myself.
At least they would welcome me.
…
But, I still wanted to see my mother smile once more.
So…when we went out shopping, I ran away without her noticing, and expected her to be rid of her burden once I was out of sight.
But… She didn't smile. She started to cry.
She cried out my name… she begged me to come back.
What…was this contradiction?
She didn't want me to exist because I brought her nothing but pain.
But… she was also in pain when I vanished?
…I don't understand.
However, I did choose to return to her in the same night.
And she changed completely. She wanted to make up for everything that had happened from the point I had been diagnosed up until now.
My mother was kind and smiling once more.
And that made me happy.
We were finally back to the peaceful days we had before.
So…why…?
…
Why…am I asleep?
I… don't want to sleep.
I want to be with Mother.
I want to be with my family.
To laugh together, to cry together…to live together.
…
My cheeks are wet again.
But I can't even wipe at them with my still hand.
…
Xekuto…Please…
…
Please…hurry up…
I…Can't…take this much longer…
I need you…Xekuto…!
"…!"
"X-Xekuto? What's wrong?" Mia jumped slightly, when she realised Xekuto was on the floor, shivering violently. She ran over to him, nearly dropping the heat pack she was bringing over and sank to her knees next to him.
"…I'm fine… It's alright, Mia." He managed softly.
"…Are you sure?" Mia felt immense relief sink in to the absence of psyche locks.
Xekuto knew this and smiled at her. "Yeah. I'm fine."
It only meant he was getting much better at lying.
And convincing himself that he was telling the truth.
If there is no hesitation in the heart when a lie is told, and the teller themselves are convinced it's the truth.
No psyche lock will appear.
Xekuto let Mia hug his arm and bury her face into his shoulder as he looked out the window.
Chihiro… you called for me just then, didn't you?
I'm sorry… I can't get to you yet…
There are still many things I need to do in this world.
That's okay.
He managed to not flinch this time when her voice entered his mind like a stream of water into a dry and cracked well.
…I'm sorry.
Don't apologise. I understand.
I… don't even know how much longer this will take… I can't even give you an estimated amount of time.
I know. I'll wait.
Really…?
Of course. I trust you.
I trust that you will never abandon me.
So you trust that I will be able to save Mia too?
…I can't say.
That… will cause a ripple in time which will lead to disaster.
It's that ingrained main frame again, isn't it?
Cannot Always Protect, Cannot Offer More.
…That is the one thing which binds us to a certain timeline.
Hey…
Hmm?
Don't forget about me, okay?
What are you saying? Of course I won't, Chihiro.
…That's good.
I'll come wake you up. As promised.
…Nn…With a kiss on the forehead, okay?
…Hahaha…sure thing.
Hehehe...Thanks, Xekuto.
…
You… are someone very important to me.
Don't ever forget that.
