After saying goodbye to Donnie, April climbed the stairs to her apartment in a mixture of sorrow and fury. Anger at herself. At Donnie. At the Universe.

Was she being stupid? Was it selfish of her to not love this new, emotionless Donnie the way she had loved the old one? And he even had said he wanted her to be happy.

Yeah. He was the one who'd broken up with her, not the other way around. Maybe if he'd left it alone, she would have eventually found a way to cope—if not happy, then at least not unhappy. But clearly, she wasn't good enough for him if she wasn't happy all the time. Kind of ironic, coming from a guy who had no feelings at all.

When she finally made it to the apartment, she walked right past her dad without a word and made a beeline for her room. She wanted nothing more than to be alone, so that she could work through her misery in peace.

After she shut the door, the full weight of what had just happened slapped her in the face.

She had promised Donnie she'd wait for him forever. And now that he was back, she'd broken his heart.

If you're going to hurt me, at least do it in a way I can feel it.

But she hadn't hurt him. There was nothing to hurt. He didn't have feelings, he couldn't be happy one way or the other. He would go home, perfectly content and without hurt, while she was here, her insides twisting in agony.

Donnie.

Donnie, who caught her as she fell to her death from the Kraang's helicopter.

Donnie, who worked tirelessly to help her find her dad.

Donnie, who never stopped being her friend even after she'd rejected him and his brothers completely.

Donnie, who saved her from Shredder's grasp, who clothed her when she was naked, who loved her even when she had chosen somebody else, who gave up his sentience so that her father could find his…

Donnie, whose capacity for love had cruelly been taken from him.

April ran to her bed, planted her face in the pillow, and started sobbing.

It was all so unfair! And somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was the badguy in all of this. She was the one who was being unreasonable. She was the one who was selfish and stupid and heartless…

She wailed aloud.

Kirby burst into the room. "April! What's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" April screamed into her pillow.

"Sweetie, are you hurt?"

"Go away!"

"What's wrong?"

April sat up. "You couldn't possibly understand."

Kirby raised an eyebrow. "Try me."

"Just—just leave me alone, Dad!"

"You and Donnie broke up, didn't you?"

Pain surged through April anew and her sobbing redoubled. "Yes! There, I told you—are you happy? Go away!"

"Fine," Kirby said, with a sigh. He left the room, muttering "Teenagers" under his breath.

April collapsed back on her bed and cried until she didn't have any tears left.

She paused to consider the fact that this might not be the end of the world. She and Donnie could still be friends. It might take her a while to get over the hurt, but it would be easier knowing that he wouldn't harbor any ill feeling toward her. His brothers, on the other hand—how would they treat her? Would they still be her friends? Wouldn't they see her as just abandoning Donnie, when none of this was his fault at all?

She started crying again. Everybody was going to see her as the bad person in this. Splinter, Mei, Leo, Mikey, Raph—heck, probably even Karai would think that April was being selfish and heartless. Her Dad probably would think so too. Nobody could possibly understand.

Except maybe…

Casey. He knew what it was like to lose people, even people you really wanted to stay with, through no fault of your own. After all, it wasn't her fault that Donnie had lost his feelings, wasn't her fault that Donnie didn't make her happy. And since Casey wasn't exactly Donnie's best friend, maybe he'd be able to forgive her where the others couldn't. And she and Casey were such good friends, so close, that he would be sure to at least consider where she was coming from.

She was suddenly filled with the overwhelming desire to talk to him.

She got up and blew her nose, then grabbed her t-phone and started to text Casey.

Casey. I need to talk. Can we take a walk?

She waited breathlessly for Casey to respond. Finally, her phone chimed.

hafta check w the rents hang on

After several minutes, the phone went off again

yah i can where u wanna meet

April hesitated. She didn't want her dad knowing that she was going for a walk with Casey. She didn't want her dad to know any of this, because he'd probably hit her with a bunch of psycho-babble.

The gas station convenience store a few blocks from my apartment.

Her phone chimed.

k give me a few be there soon

As quietly as possibly, April went to the window and slid it open. She climbed out onto the fire escape, and taking advantage of her kunoichi training, she moved silently down the ladders. When she finally hit the ground, she took off running, just in case her dad had come to check on her and found the window open.

A few short minutes later, she was at the gas station, nervously waiting for Casey. It took him another ten minutes to show up.

"Hey, Red, sorry. I came as fast as I could. What's wrong?"

"Let's walk," April said.

The two of them walked down the streets. April couldn't even find the words to say what she wanted to say. She just reached over and took Casey's hand. Fortunately, he didn't say anything. He seemed to understand that she needed time to gather her thoughts. His hand steadied her as they walked, made the whole thing seem a little more bearable.

Soon, they arrived at the little playground where she and Casey had first met for trig homework. How long had that been? Two years, now? She wasn't even sure.

But a pang went through her for another reason, too. She and Donnie used to come here, too.

Heavily, she sighed. Letting go of Casey's hand, she went and sat on one of the swings.

Casey followed suit, sitting on the swing next to her. "C'mon, Red. What's going on?"

"Donnie and I broke up."

Casey was quiet for a moment. "Wow. That's—wow. I'm really sorry. What happened?"

"He asked me if he made me happy—and the answer was no."

"Yeah, I know you'd mentioned how hard things were for you guys since—well, you know."

"And he said he wanted me to be happy…so…"

"So he broke up with you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I guess we both kind of agreed on it." April buried her hands in her face and stifled a sob. "It still hurts. And now I'm afraid everyone will hate me—think I'm selfish for dumping him."

"Well, from what you've said, it sounds like it was something you decided together. Are you guys still friends, at least?"

"Yeah," April whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's just—I don't understand. I loved him so much. He meant everything to me."

Casey was silent for a long time.

"You think I'm a monster."

"No," Casey said hastily. "I never said that. It's just—if you broke up because of this, it sounds like you never really loved him in the first place."

"Wait—what? Of course I loved him!"

"If you did, then you'd be just as worried about him bein' happy as yourself. No, you'd be more worried about it."

"Casey, he doesn't have feelings—he can't be happy one way or the other."

"I get that. I'm not saying I think you're bad for breaking up with him. I'm just saying that if this is enough to pull you apart, then you didn't really love him. Trust me—I know a thing or two about not being loved."

"Casey—I—"

"I totally understand, Red. I'm not mad at you. You made the decision that's best for you. But maybe you'll feel better about all of this if you admit the truth to yourself. He definitely used to love you, before he lost his feelings and stuff. But that doesn't mean you really loved him, know what I'm saying?"

"So all my feelings were just—"

"Love's more than feelings, Red. You know how I know that? Because I loved you—had all the feelings-but my feelings just weren't enough to keep me from caving in to Karai. That's not real love."

April's stomach turned. "That wasn't your fault. You were sick, Casey."

"I know. But real love's stronger than feelings. That's something Jen and Sean have taught me. Cause they hate me sometimes, I know it—at least they feel that way. But it's what they do that shows me they love me, you know?"

"Wow…Casey…I had no idea that you were so…"

"Deep?" Casey laughed. "I'm more than just smashing stuff and playing hockey, Red. But anyway, I don't feel any different about you because of this thing with Donnie. You're my best friend, and I want you to be happy, too. I saw how unhappy you were with him for the last few months. Honestly, I think it's probably good for you that you broke up. Probably good for him to, so he can stop wasting energy on wondering if you're happy. It'll just be easier on you if you realize you didn't really love him to begin with."

"How would that make me feel better? It just means I've been a poser."

"No, it means you were confused. You weren't exactly having an easy time. You needed somebody to get you through that."

"So I used him. That makes me feel a lot better."

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. Like I said, you were confused."

"Great."

Casey reached over and took April's hand. "Stop beating yourself up. Nobody beats my friends up, okay? Not even themselves."

April looked up into Casey's eyes and realized something. Maybe it really was Casey she'd loved all along. After all, she loved him first. She was miserable until they started to patch up their friendship. And over the last ten months, she'd begun to realize that those old feelings were creeping back in. Had she just been pushing them down, ignoring them because she had tricked herself into believing that Donnie was the one?

Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned over and kissed him. Casey jumped at first, but seconds later, he leaned into the kiss and closed his eyes.

They had been kissing for around a minute when he pulled away from her.

"No," he said, his voice unusually harsh. "No, Red. I'm not going to be your rebound, okay? You're just doing this because you're still confused."

"No, I'm not confused—I'm finally seeing clearly."

"Seriously?" Casey stood up from the swing and folded his arms. "Is that what you thought when you started dating Donnie almost immediately after we broke up?"

April's stomach flipped. It wasn't exactly those words, but her thought process had been similar. "I—"

"You need to work through your issues," Casey said. "And I'll always be your friend. But as much as I want you—want this—I know it's not real. And I can't take anymore relationships in my life that aren't real, okay? I've been hurt too much."

Tears started to roll down April's face. "Casey…"

Casey looked away. "It's just as well we don't date, Red. I'm moving to South Dakota in a few months."

"Wait—what?"

"Yeah. Sean's got a job at the new factory there. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go—and since I'm 18 now I have the choice whether I want to or not—but I decided that staying with Jen and Sean is best for me." He chuckled dryly. "Guess you'll have to tutor me over Skype."

This wasn't happening. She was losing Casey and Donnie in the same night. "Casey—please! Stay! You can stay with the turtles…"

"Sorry. My mind's made up. Like I said, I think it's for the best anyway. I don't think that…I don't think that I can say no to you kissing me again."

"Then don't," April pleaded. "Casey, I—"

"You what? Love me? Red, you need to get your head screwed on straight before I'll believe that you really mean anything by that other than that we're friends. Give it a year, okay? And if you still feel this way…then…then we'll see where to go from there." Casey sniffed. "Hey, I think that we probably shouldn't hang out one-on-one between now and the move, okay?"

"O—okay."

"I do care about you, April. That's why we can't be together right now."

April couldn't even find anything to say.

Casey pulled out his phone. "It's almost 11. Jen and Sean said to be back by 11:30. I need to get going."

April nodded.

"Are you good to walk yourself home?"

April nodded again, feeling a numb place in her chest where her heart should have been.

"See ya," Casey said, sounding supremely awkward. He turned and walked away.

He's right. I do need to get my head on straight.

But the fact that he was right didn't do anything to alleviate the despair that set in over her as she realized she had hurt and betrayed her two best friends in the world.

And all because she thought she had loved them.

A soft mournful breeze stirred the other empty swings, reminding her of how alone she was.