The day I woke up in New York City with a pounding headache, double vision, ringing ears and a churning stomach turned out to be one of the best days of my life. For me it was the day everything, my whole life changed. I woke up and as I tossed back the Ibuprofen and bottles of water, I had an epiphany. Looking at myself in the full length mirror with the messy hair and raccoon eyes and dress hiked high above my waist was the day that I realized something had to give. They say the very defintion of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again yet expecting different results. That morning after everything I had been through, I was ready to reclaim my sanity. Loss and heartbreak had taken away so much from me.I wanted it back…all of it.

Fear had dictated and guided a lot of my decisions in life. One thing I had never thought about was how much I hated being alone. When Mike had first started traveling to wrestle and I had been left by my lonesome, the silence, the lack of companionhip had been nearly unbearable. For the first time in 30 years, I accepted the fact that it was okay to be alone. In fact, a little alone time was a good thing. I proved that by cleaning myself up and boarding my flight back to Florida. Walking into that small apartment was a hard thing to do but I did it. And once I realized that it was okay, that I didn't have to have Heath or Fred or Liz hovering over me at all times, I calmed down a little bit. Like millions of other single, professional adults, I was living alone and it wasn't going to kill me. I looked around and told myself that I wasn't going to be afraid anymore…afraid to be alone, afraid to be me, afraid to be without a man, afraid to move on. I was tired of being afraid, of feeling sorry for myself. The only way to change it was to stand up and face my pain.

I spent two days in my new place trying to get adjusted. I unpacked the boxes that had begun to pile up. I started decorating and making it look like a real home. I drove around Tampa for hours, getting more acquainted with the city that was my new home. I lit candles and played soft music and did things to relax like take bubble baths and curl up with a few of my favorite forgotten books. I meditated and did yoga and worked out. More importantly, I took a stand and made the decision to start letting a lot of things go in my life.

48 hours came and went and pretty soon it was time to go back on the road. The first thing I had to do was own up to my embarrassing and ridiculous behavior at the Tribute to the Troops announcement. The people that I worked with were way too polite to bring it up but the very memories that made me cringe at the mere thought, weighed heavily on my mind. The WWE really is like a little family and I knew everybody would be more worried about me than anything. At the next stop, the first thing I did was find Kevin Dunn.

"Can I see you, sir?" I asked meekly.

He was looking over production notes.

"Claudia," he looked up and ushered me into the small office. "Please come in. What can I do for you?"

"Kevin, I would like to apologize," I began. "About New York…as you know, I've been having some issues lately and going through a lot emotionally and unfortunately I came to a breaking point. I regret it was in such a public fashion and that it included becoming publicly and drunkenly undone. My behavior at a company function was inexcusable and I own full responsibility for it. I am embarrassed and deeply remorseful and am absolutely prepared to accept any consequences that may arise."

He looked right at me.

"Clauda, I am your boss…but I'm also your friend. You're a wonderful employee, one of the best we have behind the scenes. I depend on you and you've never let me down. We're all human and you're right, you have been through a lot lately. You have been on an emotional roller coaster and I'm sure it is difficult to have to continue all the traveling and on a daily basis have to deal with your demons. I can't fault you for breaking down. I am just concerned. I don't want to lose a valuable worker but more than that, I want you to be okay."

"It is hard, Kevin but this is my life and I have to deal with it. And I am, from now on I promise you that."

"Is there anything I can do to help you, anything at all?"

"Don't fire me?" I quipped.

Kevin smiled.

"Not a chance. All is forgiven with your little episode, let's just enter into a verbal no-episode clause as of now for the future."

"You got it. I assure you it will not happen again. I am in control of my personal matters and will never let it affect my work again."

Kevin nodded and handed me the notes.

"I take you for your word. Now if you don't mind, could you work on coordinating travel for the rest of the week?"

"I'm on it," I began flipping through them. "And Kevin?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I meant that with all my heart. He winked and gave my hand a squeeze before sending me on my way. Grateful to still have a job and relieved that I had been able to face my boss, I quickly went about the duties I had been assigned. It was no small task to arrange weekly travel for the entire RAW brand. I took up in a small office to work on the itenerrary for the wrestler's travels to all the upcoming shows for the week. I then tentatively sent flight schedules and rental car reservations to everyone's Blackberries. When there were issues, or questions the talent knew where to find me and we would usually make changes on the spot. There was another knock at the door and I swallowed hard when I saw who it was.

"Claudia…"

Holding onto the past can be a dangerous thing. I needed to move on and that would be impossible harboring all that hate. On the inside I was still filled with rage. I didn't know how long it would take to go away but I knew I had to start somewhere. A part of me was terified to begin the process of forgiveness because I felt that if I forgave him, I would be excusing all the terrible things he had done. But despite it all, we were co-workers and he deserved all the professional assistance and attention that everyone else received.

"Mike, what can I do for you?" I cleared my throat.

"I, um, I have an appearance in Dallas following the last house show. Can you get me a flight to Texas and then one back to L.A. from Dallas/Ft. Worth?"

"Sure," I stated. "I'll check the times on the appearance and rebook the flights. I can send you a confirmation e-mail."

He nodded.

"That, that would be great. Thanks."

He looked like he wanted to say more, like something else was on the tip of his tongue but instead he just turned and left. We'd had a business related conversation that took all of 40 seconds and in that time, which felt like an eternity, I had somehow managed to remain calm and civil. I was quite proud of myself. We had to start somewhere I thought as one by one, the on air talent as well as members of the staff filed in and out of my little makeshift office. I talked to everyone, made various notes, sent a lot of e-mails and made tons of phone calls. It was a big job but it was my job and I wouldn't have had it any other way. At the end of the day, it was still what I loved. Just as I was closing up shop and headed back to the production booth, one more knock got my attention.

"PJ," I swallowed hard.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi. Um, what's up?" I nervously asked.

"I got your message and I was wondering if I could get an earlier flight back to Tampa, if that's not too much trouble."

I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail.

"That should be no problem. What's your info?"

"American Airlines flight 1842 leaving at noon. I was wondering if you could have me leave the night before, right after the house show?"

"Yeah. I think there is a US Airways redeye flight that should still have some room. I'll message you after tonight's show."

"Thanks. That's great."

"You're welcome."

He shoved his hands in his pockets, nervously lingering on.

"Claudia?"

I was scared to answer, terrified to hear what might come next.

"Yeah?" I managed to croak.

"About New York…"

I shuddered.

"Yeah…look, that was…wow. I have no words. I was really drunk and uh, just really dumb. I'm sorry I behaved that way."

"Please don't apologize. I was just worried."

"Thank you but you don't have to worry and I do feel like I owe you and everyone else a huge apology. I acted like a complete fool but um… I'm fine now. I do appreciate you trying to look out for me at the party. Sorry for being an idiot."

He looked into my eyes.

"Claudia, you're not an idiot. You're far from it. And I just want you to know that I still care about you very, very much."

"You do?" I asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Of course I do. The last thing I want is for things to be awkward between us. In light of everything that's happened, I hope that we can be friends. I'm not just saying that either. I mean it. I hate feeling uncomfortable or walking on eggshells or us ignoring each other completely. I want us to be able to talk and laugh and hang out like we used to."

It sure beat the tense moments and avoiding each other like the plague.

"I'd like that too, PJ."

He smiled and I saw a hint of his old self behind those hazel eyes.

"Well, I have to go get ready for my match tonight. I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you."

"And thanks again for your help with the flight."

He walked away and with everything that had recently happened to me…the New York debacle, facing my fears in Tampa, facing Kevin at work, Mike and now PJ, I felt an amazing sense of calm. Letting go was the hardest part but I was ready. I was tired of my old life, it was time to stand up and make a change. It was time to be me and for the first time in forever, I wasn't scared of that.