50.

Lydia was bored. They had stayed in the Rift for weeks now. J'Ziir was still missing. She wasn't sure should she go looking for him or stay with Sura and Vilkas. But she didn't know where he was now. Surely his journey to High Hrothgar had ended. But there were no guarantees where he went from there. He could be anywhere in Skyrim, with anyone. She missed J'Ziir. Despite everything, she missed him. And the tormenting thoughts of him being with several different women caused her endless misery.

It was late afternoon when she left the camp. She began to practice with swords and with bows whenever she had the chance. The Dragonborn surely deserved the best housecarl he could get. She usually practiced for hours until she was covered in sweat and gasping for air. But it was the only way to get rid of her confusing speculations. She was starting to feel that this demanding work paid off. Her hands became steadier. Her arms gained strength. She was beginning to move faster and her strikes were exact and accurate. The first time she shot all ten arrows in the middle of the target she jumped out of joy and giggled by herself. But there was no one else laughing with her, no one shared her joy. And so she began to ignore her accomplishment. A week later she shot twenty arrows in the middle of the target and the distance was twice as long. But this time she didn't laugh. She didn't even smile.

This afternoon wasn't any different. She began with her sword and her shield. She wasn't motivated but kept going. She noticed that moving around suppressed her thoughts and made it easier to not think about J'Ziir. After a couple of hours, she grabbed her bow and arrow, measured the distance from her target and shot nearly forty arrows straight into the middle. Her hands never trembled. With each arrow, she imagined sending away a small piece of her pain and her misery. And shooting them all straight into J'Ziir. She hoped he knew how miserable he made her feel.

The sun was beginning to set when she gathered her weapons. She wiped her forehead and face and felt the sweat trickle down her body underneath her armor. This clearing was sheltered by large trees and it felt isolated even when it wasn't that far from their small camp. She grabbed the soft deer pelt she usually carried around with her and walked to the riverside. This had become her usual bathing spot and she always felt somehow secure in here. No one ever stumbled upon her while she was bathing.

She removed her steel armor and stripped off the sweaty clothes. When the wind brushed her body she got goosebumps all over. But the water was warm and felt good on her naked skin. She waded into the waves and dived beneath the surface. After a few seconds, she rose to the surface and wiped the wet hair off her face. Lydia enjoyed swimming. When she was underneath the surface, all the voices quieted down. The tormenting beat of her own heart, the desperate woman in love, the angry and worried housecarl, and the enraged jealous old hag. The water was like a soft mattress around her that soothed her and calmed her down. She turned her face towards the sky, spread her arms and legs and allowed the water to carry her.

And then something sharp and painful grabbed her ankle and pulled her underneath. She didn't even have time to scream, it all happened too fast. The water around her became red and she tried her best to get rid of the attacker that constantly pulled and tore on her leg. As soon as she disappeared underneath the waves, a dark shadow dashed from the woods, ran quickly over the field and dove into the water. A sharp dagger glimmered in the dying light of the sun and with one precise strike the attacking slaughterfish was dead. Its sharp jaws were still squeezed around Lydia's ankle.

She broke the surface gasping for air. She couldn't see her savior, she was having enough difficulties with breathing. And now her left foot throbbed with pain and she cried out. The small rocks in the shore seemed to be so far away. She tried to swim forward but her leg was too torn up. It was still gushing blood and she was getting nauseous seeing how the river carried the red flood downstream. She felt how a pair of strong arms lifted her up and carried her to the shore. She was placed on a big rock, the soft deer belt was wrapped around her and then her savior knelt before her and began inspecting her leg. He pulled out the dead jaws of the fish and tossed it back to the river. She had never been so happy in her life. Even in this miserable state of hers, she was so happy to see him. Her black furred savior, her very own Thane had returned to her.

"Do you have any potions with you?" J'Ziir asked. All Lydia could do was shake her head. "Of course not, what was I thinking. A silly woman like you..."

He stood up, walked to the edge of the forest and came back with his knapsack. A few seconds later he gave her two large bottles and ordered her to drink them. She didn't dare to defy him and dutifully he chucked them both down. He watched as the large, bloody cuts in her ankle began to heal. And as the blood flow slowly died out, his beating heart also began to calm down.

"What were you thinking?" he glared at her. "Shouldn't you be prepared for something like this?"

If she ever had any doubts that this was not her J'Ziir, those rude words and that angry look dispelled any suspicions. And now that her leg was no longer in pain she also began to think more clearly.

"I can take care of myself," Lydia pulled her foot out of his hands.

"Yes, like right now," J'Ziir sighed. "I can see that. If I hadn't been here, you'd be dead by now."

"Why exactly are you here?" Lydia asked. "Wait a minute...w...were you spying on me? Staring at me like some weird sick person while I bathed?"

"I was keeping watch," J'Ziir cleared his throat and stood up. "You're lucky this was the first time I had to help."

"First time?" Lydia stood up and the deer belt almost slid off her. She grabbed in the last second and squeezed it around her. "You mean...all this time...you've been watching me...?"

"Put some clothes on," J'Ziir muttered under his breath.

He turned away from her and walked to the field where she usually practiced. He grabbed her bow and inspected it. Old, crappy, useless thing. He broke it in half and tossed the pieces away. He heard Lydia gasp behind him. From the way she stomped towards him, he knew she was furious.

"My bow!" she screamed. "What are you doing?"

"You don't need that worthless old thing," J'Ziir said. "Here, use this from now on," he handed her a beautifully carved elven bow. She blinked her eyes and wasn't quite sure how to take this unexpected gift.

"Th..thank you?" Lydia took the bow and tested it.

She was surprised at how rigid the spring was. But after a couple of tries, she began to like this bow more and more. It was like custom made to fit in her hand and the first arrows she shot flew a perfectly across the field. They hit the edges of the target and when she aimed again, J'Ziir lifted her hand slightly upwards and this time the arrows struck where it was meant to. She turned to him and smiled. Her hair was still damp but her face was bright and her eyes were clear. The green orbs were glowing with joy. She hadn't put on her armor and he could clearly see the shapes of her breasts underneath her thin shirt. J'Ziir swallowed and backed away. This was not the reason he came back. Lydia could not be his reason.

"So, did you enjoy watching me naked?" Lydia teased him. She was curious to know the answer. "It's not like you haven't seen it before. Do you remember something now? Or did you just need a reminder?"

"I wouldn't care if you walked around naked all the time," J'Ziir said but he still wouldn't face her. "Speaking of which...I need you to distract someone."

"Distract?" Lydia asked. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Be a woman," J'Ziir finally turned to look at her. His eyes traveled down her body and when they reached her breasts, they stopped there. "Use your feminine charms. Like with Brynjolf."

"You...saw that?" Lydia stuttered. "I...he kissed me. And. Yes...I...moment..arily returned his kiss...but...! Why do I need to defend myself to you? I don't owe you any explanations. You left me behind, didn't you? Tell me, how many women did you conquer during this time?"

"Too many to keep count," J'Ziir replied and Lydia frowned. "While you "practiced" with Brynjolf."

"He's is like ten men packed into one neat package," Lydia smiled.

"And he smells like sewage, doesn't he?" J'Ziir sneered. "Kissing him must have been memorable. Hope you didn't catch any weird diseases from him."

"At least he didn't poison me," Lydia snapped back. "Unlike someone I know."

"Wait," J'Ziir grasped her hand. "It affected you?"

"So what if it did?" Lydia asked but didn't pull away. "If it caused me pain, would you care?"

"I...you seem to be fine now," J'Ziir said and released her hand. "Nothing serious then, I assume."

"I could be dead and beheaded and you'd still say that it's nothing serious, right?" Lydia sighed. "What am I expecting? Warmth from a man like you?"

J'Ziir watched her. He felt strange, he wasn't sure what to say or think. Ever since he came back to Riften all he wanted to do was look at Lydia. That night when she was left alone in the camp, he spent the entire time next to her. Just watching. And trying to understand the reason why he was pulled to her, over and over again. He knew Lydia had feelings for him but he had done nothing to encourage those emotions. If anything he always tried to push her away the best he could. And he knew he should have pushed her away during that night in Whiterun as well.

"Who's this man you need distracted, my Thane?" Lydia finally asked. "And what do you need me to do?"

"Like I said, use your...assets," J'Ziir glanced at her breasts. "His name is Maul. He's a big guy, a brainless brute. All you need to do is draw him away from his post for a few minutes. Just be careful."

"Why?" Lydia asked.

"For your own sake," J'Ziir said. "He might get a little too excited if you show him too much."

"I mean why do you need me to distract him?" Lydia rolled her eyes.

"Haven't you heard?" J'Ziir asked. "The Black-Briar's. Sibbi and Ingun are dead. Hemming will soon be too. But Maven...she doesn't deserve a quick death."

"You are behind this?" Lydia touched his shoulder. "Don't you know that everyone in Riften is looking for you? How dangerous this is?"

"No one is looking for me," J'Ziir said. "Since they don't know the culprit."

"But...if they find out," Lydia began to panic. "If they do...they will hunt you down...kill you...I...I can't let them do that. I won't...I..."

"Are you worried for me?" J'Ziir was slightly amused. Her hands gripped his arm and he almost smiled.

"Yes!" Lydia yelled. "I mean...you're my Thane...I'm your housecarl…and my duty is to protect you. And if I don't know where you are, how can I carry out my duty?"

"Just do what I ask and everything will be fine," J'Ziir assured her.

"But...she's a powerful woman, J'Ziir," Lydia pleaded. "Please, please don't do this."

"You want me to fight dragons and be the hero of Skyrim," J'Ziir grinned. "And now you ask me not to kill one person? Which is more dangerous, Lydia?"

"She is," Lydia said. "With dragons...you know how they react and you can almost predict their movements. They don't plot or conspire. But Maven Black-Briar...she's worse..."

"I don't care," J'Ziir answered. "She dies. With or without your help. With your help, it will be easier. Without it...I can manage."

"I will help you," Lydia agreed and refused to let go of him. "I won't abandon you, J'Ziir."

Those words sunk deep. There was actually someone who stood by him. Suddenly he had the weirdest urge to pull Lydia into his arms and kiss her. He was usually able to resist such sudden impulses and he believed this time would be no different. But then his brain refused to listen to him. Instead, his frozen heart burst into life and took control. He saw Brynjolf pull Lydia closer and lean in. And he remembered his own powerless rage.

Regain control! A small voice shouted somewhere inside his head but something else, something more compelling forced him into action. He saw Lydia's eyes widen as he scooped her into his arms. She didn't even have time to breathe when the sudden storm of passion, affection, anger, jealousy, and fury swept her off her feet. His lips conquered hers, demanding, suffocating and hard. She didn't think, her body responded on its own and she practically melted in his arms. Her hands cupped his face and gently she softened the kiss, accepted his furious assault and pressed herself deeper into his embrace.

He lost himself in her. J'Ziir hadn't thought that having her here in his arms could be this perfect. During this silent moment, everything in him was in complete balance. His revenge felt so meaningless compared to this moment. Being the Dragonborn and saving Skyrim was nothing without this woman by his side.

"J'Ziir," Lydia whispered against his lips. "You came back to me. You did..."

"I came back," he said. He couldn't say more and Lydia's lips captured his once more. Silently he thanked her for not demanding any more than this from him.