Derek stared at her in shock. His wife was in the hospital. He wondered just who in the hell she thought she was. Apparently she had thoughts that were not the same as his. He couldn't believe her. She was a friend. Not a lover. She had no reason to move to Arizona with them. She had no reason at all. Derek thought back as he stared at her brown eyes. Who the hell did she think she was?
It was hard, if not nearly impossible to take care of Liam and tend to Meredith. Derek felt that he had to be there for her. He felt like he had to be around every minute of everyday. If she woke up and was okay, he wanted to be there. He wanted to see her sparkling green eyes and mile wide smile.
Mark and Addison were trying to help out, but they were so busy they could hardly do it. They barely had time for each other, let alone a child that wasn't even theirs. Derek would place Liam in the hospital daycare, but he didn't feel right about it. He knew that Meredith wouldn't want that. There was a reason that she pulled him out in the first place. Derek didn't have time to hire a nanny and after the way that Erin burned them, he wasn't eager to go through that again.
Derek wrestled Liam and bags in his hand as he walked down the hallway to his apartment. He spent equal time at both places. The apartment was closer to the hospital. Derek knew that Liam was more comfortable at home, but Derek wanted to be ready if they called him. He was always on guard. Always ready for the call that would not come.
"Oh! Here... Let me help you." Alexis, Derek's neighbor said with a smile as she was walked over and grabbed the bags from his hands. Derek looked into her brown eyes. At that moment, he needed those calm brown eyes. Something less harsh. It was a change from the anger and upset he was seeing all around him.
"Thanks... Holding LP and all of that... It's not always easy." Derek replied with a laugh as he put his key in the lock. "It's not easy, is it big guy?"
"Da... Ma? Mamama?" Liam asked as he looked into his father's eyes. They were eyes that matched his own. At least Liam's eyes had hope. He had hope that his mom would walk in at any time. His father's hope was fading just a little bit more each day.
"Mom isn't here, buddy. Maybe we can see mom soon." Derek told the sad little boy as she looked into his eyes.
"Oh.. Is his mom out of town?" Alexis asked as she walked into Derek's apartment with him.
"It's a long story." Derek said with a sigh as he looked around his apartment. "It's just a really hard time. And Liam's nanny quit, so we are really in a mess right now." Derek explained.
"Oh my god, that is terrible." Alexis said with a frown as she grabbed Liam's extended hand. "So terrible, little guy." She told Liam as she looked into his eyes. "So are you looking for a babysitter?" Alexis asked as she looked around.
"Not really. I just don't have the time to put into looking for someone qualified. I put him in the hospital daycare when I visit Meredith. But I hate to do that." He explained. Derek immediately regretted saying that. Now she would ask why Meredith was in the hospital.
"Oh! Your ex is in the hospital?" She asked quickly. "Is she okay?" She asked as she looked into his eyes, seeing that it was not okay. Derek didn't like that she said his ex. Not even ex-wife. Just ex.
"She's sick. But she will be okay. She will be okay." Derek said quickly. He was beginning to doubt his own optimism. "She will be okay."
"Good." Alexis said with a smile, knowing that Derek was lying. She could tell things were amiss.
"Yeah." Derek said with a nod as he poured himself a glass of water. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked as he looked over. If he didn't have Liam, he would be drinking scotch. He may even have a shot of tequila just for Mer. Anything that could do him in good and quick. Life was not worth living at the moment.
"Sure. I'll have a glass of water." She said with a smile as she watched him set Liam down on the floor. The little boy quickly ran around the baby safe apartment. "Listen, Derek... I know you don't know me, other than a quick hello in the hallway... But, I'm here. If you need to talk to me, I am here. And I was just cut out of my job. They phased my department out. I'm in between things, but if you need someone to watch Liam, I could." She told him with a smile.
Derek looked at the woman. He didn't know her well, but he knew her well enough. He had seen her in the hallway and talked to her. The other tenants had nothing bad to say about her. Derek smiled. She was just what he needed. He needed a nanny and she was available.
"Wow... That is an amazing offer. I just- Wow. Are you serious?" Derek asked as he sipped his water. "If you're serious, I would be more than willing to give it a try. I just- I hate sticking him in with all those kids, knowing he is cast aside. And he needs someone that is going to give him attention when I can't. He needs his mom...She's just not available. And he can't just be another number."
"I would love to take care of your son, Derek. When can I start?" She asked with a smile. Derek smiled back. This was perfect. Or so he thought.
--
iDerek looked over at his son. Right now it was like the pot calling the kettle black. He was in bed with Liam. He knew it was wrong, but Liam was the closest thing to Meredith that he could find. He had given Meredith such a hard time about letting Liam sleep in the bed with her. Now he was seeing why she did it. She was grasping at straws just as he was. She had an ache for him all that time. It broke his heart.
"Da... " Liam moaned as he opened his eyes and crawled to his father's chest. "Ma? Mama? Mama?" Liam asked as he looked around for Meredith.
"I know you want mom. You do. But mom is sick. Mom wants to see you, Liam. Mom misses you just as much as you miss her." Derek explained to his son as he rubbed his head. Sadly, the tragedy that happened with Meredith had made Derek and Liam closer than ever. It changed their lives. Derek had a strong connection that could never be broken.
Liam looked at his dad. Derek could see the wheels spinning. His son was much smarter than anyone would ever realize. He grasps situations. He didn't know what happened with Meredith, but he knew that something was wrong. It broke his heart, but he was thankful that Liam was young. He was hoping this was something he would never remember.
"So what do you think, son?" Derek asked as he kissed Liam on the head. Liam climbed up and gave Derek a sloppy kiss back.
"Ma hur? Ma ick?" Liam muttered as he turned his head. Derek nodded his head yes and watched as his son got a confused look on his face. It had been far too long since Liam had seen her. Derek laid his head back as Liam rested against his cheek, just as he closed his eyes, he heard the doorbell ring.
"Ah... Someone is here." Derek said with a sigh. He looked over at the clock. He had been in bed for far too long. It was already nine am. He told Alexis to be there at nine, and she was right on the dot. "It must be Alexis." Derek said with a smile as he picked Liam up and walked towards the door. He was still in his pajama pants and a tee shirt.
"Oh... Am I early?" Alexis asked as she looked at Derek's disheveled appearance. She looked down at her watch, knowing she wasn't there early. Derek smiled. At least she was punctual.
"No. No, you aren't early. I guess me and LeeLee were just a little tired, that's all. I need to take a shower before I go to see Mer. Do you think you could watch him while I take a shower?" Derek asked as he watched his son walk around. I know he is probably hungry. Well, I know he is hungry."
"Oh... I could feed him." Alexis said with a smile as she got into the refrigerator and looked for Liam's food. "Do you like eggs, little guy?" She asked as she watched Liam zoom around the apartment like he owned the place. "Does he like eggs?" Alexis shouted into Derek's bedroom.
"Scrambled, yes." Derek yelled as he stepped into the shower. Derek took the quickest shower he could. He wanted to be there when his son ate breakfast. He knew he would be gone all day with Meredith and he liked to be there when he could.
"What a big boy! You eat lots, don't you?" Alexis asked as she wiped Liam's mouth. "Do you want a drink?" She asked as she offered him a sippy cup of juice.
"How much did he eat?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. Liam was starting to get restless in the highchair.
"Oh, I made him one scrambled egg." She told him with a smile as she looked up. Derek looked at her with a frown.
"That's not enough. Why don't you mush up some peaches. I have fresh ones on the counter. One egg isn't enough for him." Derek stated quickly. As Derek grabbed the peach, he wondered if she would have picked up on the fact that he was still hungry. He hoped she would.
"Oh... Okay. He must be a big eater then?" She asked as she began mashing the ripe peach. Liam looked around, taking in what was going on around him.
"He eats like his mom." Derek said with a smile as he thought about her. Right now, she wasn't eating. He wasn't even sure how they were keeping her calm enough to eat. He hadn't seen her awake in longer than he could remember.
"I see." She said as she trailed off, trying not to think about the boy's mother. Derek watched as she fed his son. He went through where everything was and what was to be done with Liam. Alexis was a very smart, very confident woman. She may not be the most kid-friendly, but she seemed okay with the job. He felt confident that his child would be safe with her.
"Well, if you are okay... I need to go." Derek said with a nod. this was his full time job. He would just sit there and hold her hand. He loved it. He wished it were different, but if things had to be that way he would rather be no where else in the world. He was going to his full time job. He was leaving his son with her.
--
It seemed great. The first day, Derek came home and Liam was completely content. He had worried about Liam all day long. Meredith was still drugged up, but she was conscious. She was there, but she wasn't. She was overly tired and extremely disoriented. The strangest thing that Derek noticed was that she never asked about Liam. Derek didn't bring him up. He didn't want to upset her. He didn't want her to ask where Liam was, and him have to say that he was with the babysitter. He couldn't tell her that Erin quit, and Liam wasn't allowed on that floor of the hospital. It wasn't as if they talked. She just laid there in a daze. He talked to the wall.
Derek drove down the long driveway up to his house. It was their house. It would always be their house. Even when the trailer was there, it was theirs. Derek would never forget the first time that he and Meredith made love in that trailer. She cheated on her husband with him. He always had guilt about it. There were mixed feelings. Either way, he knew that first time that she was the love of his life. That was all that mattered to him.
Alexis was now watching Liam in the house. Derek knew that Liam was comfortable in his own home. Derek wanted Liam happy. He had the huge absence of his mother in his heart. Derek would do anything to make his little boy happy. Besides, Alexis was just watching Liam. Her being in their home meant absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
"Da!" Liam shouted loudly as he ran to his father's open arms. It always went the same way. Derek would drop to his knees, open his arms and pull Liam tight, but gentle embrace. "Da..." He repeated as Derek stood up, holding him in his arms.
Liam didn't ask for him mom as much anymore. He hadn't see her in so long, it was almost as if he forgot about her. She was a memory, and Derek was having a hard time reminding him about her. He would show Liam pictures, but he knew it wasn't the same. Liam needed to touch his mom. He needed to smell his mom. He just needed her.
"He was wonderful today." Alexis said as she walked up to Derek. "We had all kinds of fun. And you pottied in the big boy potty, didn't you, Liam Patrick?" She asked as she rubbed his little arm.
"Mama was good today, big guy. Mom misses you so much. Do you miss mom?" Derek asked as he walked over to the sofa and sat down with him. "Mom?" Derek asked him.
"Mamamaa..." Liam said with a big giggle. "Ma."
"Yep, mom." Derek agreed with a smile. "Did he have lunch?" Derek asked Alexis as she sat down next to him.
"He had some chicken at noon. Ground chicken and soupy potatoes." She explained, hoping it was up to his expectations.
"Good. Did you have soupy potatoes, Liam? Were they good? Were they mmm?" Derek asked as he looked into Liam's bright blue eyes. Liam smiled as he looked at his father, absorbing what he was saying.
"Pay?" Liam asked his father. He loved it when Derek would get on the floor and chase him around on his hands and knees. It was their game. It was their special time.
"You want to play? I think playing could be big fun." Derek agreed as he placed him on the floor and got down there with him. Liam squealed loudly as he tore off towards the dining room. "Get back here!" Derek teased as he crawled quickly after him. Liam would look back and yell and he tried to get away.
Derek and Liam played their games. Derek would catch Liam and tackle him down. Liam liked being caught just as much as he liked running. He knew that being caught led to hugs and kisses. Derek would laugh every time he saw his son slow way down to be caught purposely. Derek and Liam played until Liam finally laid down on the floor and cuddled up with a pillow.
"So how was Meredith today?" Alexis asked as she looked over at Derek. Derek drew in a breath. He just wanted to pour. He wanted to tell her everything just so he could get it out of his head and off his chest. He had to get it out before he imploded.
"Oh god..." Derek moaned as he looked into her eyes. "Not good. Not good at all. I'm not sure she will ever be okay." Derek said sadly. That wasn't him. He was never that negative.
"So what is wrong with her? Is she sick? Did she have an accident?" Alexis asked as she looked over. Derek looked at her and frowned. He tried to fight the tears, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop it. He couldn't hold the pain in anymore. Derek looked over at her and then away as the tears fell. He lost his wife. He lost everything He just wanted to back. He needed it all back.
Derek sat there and explained the whole thing to her. She was such a good listener. She made him feel better. He didn't even think about the fact that he was supposed to be a strong man and he was there bawling like a baby. All he could think about was how good it was to get it out. He had needed to get it out. She made him feel like it would all be okay. Derek felt her hand on his back. He drew in a deep breath and looked over at her.
"It will be okay, Derek." Alexis said with a smile as she rubbed his hand. "I'm sure it will all be okay. Your ex will get better." She said softly. She said it, but she was hoping it wasn't true.
