Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Host. Just Aiden and Macey.


I was so tightly wound that I shrieked in terror; I was so terrified that my shriek was only a breathless little squeal.

"Sorry!" Ian's arm went around my shoulders, comforting. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, still breathless.

"Following you. I've been following you all night."

"Well, stop it now."

There was a hesitation in the dark, and his arm didn't move. I shrugged out from under it, but he caught my wrist. His grip was firm; I wouldn't be able to shake free easily.

"You're going to see Doc?" he asked, and there was no confusion in the question. It was obvious that he wasn't talking about a social visit.

"Of course I am." I hissed the words so that he wouldn't hear the panic in my voice. "What else can I do after today? It's not going to get any better. And this isn't Jeb's decision to make."

"I know. I'm on your side."

It confused me how much those words hurt me. But then again, it didn't. I saw this man as my truest friend. As my brother.

"Then let me go, Ian. Go away. I want to be alone."

I shrugged his hand off.

He grabbed it again. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm on your side whereas giving Melanie her body back, but… Wanda, we can get you another body. You wouldn't be a parasite. You could have a fresh start. A new life. With Melanie. With us." His head bowed. "With me." He whispered.

"Oh, Ian." I entwined our fingers. He squeezed them. "I love you. You know I do, but not like that. And I know you know that you don't feel for me like that either."

"No, Wanda. I do."

"No, you don't. I think you have feelings for someone else."

I imagined his face heating, and the corners of my lips went up as tears raced down my face.

"Is the name Lily coming to mind?"

"How'd you know?" He whispered.

"I watched and listened. And I'm happy for the both of you." I hugged him. "You both deserve your happy ending."

"So do you." He said into my hair. "You can stay."

I shook my head. "I can't. I have to give her back."

"Why?"

"Because I love him. And I love Melanie. And Jared loves her. And-"

"And Jared loves you."

"No." He could hear the lie. Of course he could, I couldn't even lie to myself.

"Yes, yes, he does, Wanda." He said softly.

"Yeah. Maybe." I sighed. "But he loves her more."

"You really believe that don't you?" Ian scoffed. "Well, sorry to tell you, Wanda, but you're wrong. You have-"

"Please, Ian. I can't take anymore." A sob seeped into my voice.

He sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry."

I allowed myself a few moments. But I could hear the ring on the clock of my life go off. It's time. Time is up.

I sighed and extracted myself from his arms. "I gotta go."

"Wait."

I jumped out of his reach and raced to Doc's.

I walked into the room that had always frightened me with my shoulders squared. Doc had everything prepared. In the dimmest corner, I could see two cots pushed together, Kyle snoring with his arm around Jodi's motionless form. His other arm was still curled around Sunny's tank. She would have liked that. I wished there was some way to tell her.

"Hey, Doc," I whispered.

He looked up from the table where he was setting out the medicine. There were already tears streaming down his face.

And suddenly, I was brave. My heart slowed to an even pace. My breath deepened and relaxed. The hardest parts were over.

I had done this before. Many times. I had closed my eyes and gone away. Always knowing new eyes would open again, but still. This was familiar. Nothing to fear.

I went to the cot and hopped up so that I was sitting on it. I reached for the No Pain with steady hands and screwed the lid off. I put the little tissue square on my tongue, let it dissolve.

There was no change. I wasn't in any pain this time. No physical pain.

"Tell me something, Doc. What's your real name?"

I wanted to answer all the little puzzles before the end.

Doc sniffed and wiped the back of his hand under his eyes.

"Eustace. It's a family name, and my parents were cruel people."

I laughed once. Then I sighed. "Ian's waiting, back by the big cave. I promised him you'd tell him when it was over. Just wait until I-until I... stop moving, okay? It will be too late for him to do anything about my decision then."

"I don't want to do this, Wanda."

"I know. Thanks for that, Doc. But I'm holding you to your promise."

"Please?"

"No. You gave me your word. I did my part, didn't I?"

"You did."

"Then do yours. Let me stay with Walt and Wes."

His thin face worked as he tried to keep back a sob.

"Will you be... in pain?"

"No, Doc," I lied. "I won't feel anything."

I waited for the euphoria to come, for the No Pain to set everything glowing the way it had the last time. I still didn't feel any difference.

It must not have been the No Pain after all-it had just been being loved. I sighed again.

I stretched out on the cot, on my stomach, and turned my face toward him.

"Put me under, Doc."

The bottle opened. I heard him shake it onto the cloth in his hand.

"You are the noblest, purest creature I've ever met. The universe will be a darker place without you," he whispered.

These were his words over my grave, my epitaph, and I was glad that I got to hear them.

Thank you, Wanda. My sister. I will never forget you.

Be happy, Mel. Enjoy it all. Appreciate it for me.

I will, she promised.

Love you, we thought together.

Doc's hand pressed the cloth gently over my face. I breathed in deeply, ignoring the thick, uncomfortable scent. As I took another breath, I saw the three stars again. They were not calling to me; they were letting me go, leaving me to the black universe I had wandered for so many lifetimes. I drifted into the black, and it got brighter and brighter. It wasn't black at all-it was blue. Warm, vibrant, brilliant blue... I floated into it with no fear at all.

Goodbye, Wanderer…


Author's Note: Thanks for the wonderful reviews. They were lovely. After this chapter we have two more!

In response to Rez: Thank you! And don't be frightened.

See you soon!

-BethDee