i'm so tired... sorry if it shows. :(
54.
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
that's what they say right?
i think it is
and even if it isn't it's what i do now
to myself
as i walk into the kitchen
and stare at the ticking red clock on the wall
that sounds like a thousand
ticking…
red…
TIMEBOMBS
"Bella… I'm–"
"I know, Edward. You're sorry..."
i could never not know that
even if i couldn't see him
or hear him
or feel him close
i'd still know
and that he'll let that sorrow eat away at him
if i let him "But not to blame."
"Did you hear–"
"Yes. I heard. Everything you said. Everything you ever have to me… when you weren't mumbling, of course. To my human ears…
"And, I repeat, you're NOT to blame. I don't blame you, Edward. Not for this. Not for the decisions of heartless, soulless, spineless, vengeful creatures."
that blame is all theirs
it lies with them
in their eternal graves
one of which hasn't been filled yet
the one thats emptiness will be my honor to disintegrate
"Just like I expect that you won't blame me for mine."
though expect is a bit strong
a bit more than a bit even
because it's a lot
but i can't let that lot matter
not so much that what else does doesn't
"You're none of those things, Bella."
maybe he just wishes i wasn't...
but "I'm at least one, Edward. And, if you don't already know it–which I, frankly, don't see how could be possible–you will."
"Bella…"
"No, Edward. THIS… happens my way. And if that's too much for you, then Be. On. Yours.
"I chose you, and this is what I was left with because I did. And because you didn't choose me back.
"And now... my revenge… well, I'm just not willing to sacrifice it. Not for anyone. Not even you. And not even if that not leaves me with no one, though, I imagine–no, I know–I'll still have Jake."
"Jake..."
yes Edward...
Jake
"Well, I'm glad you believe in someone, Bella."
so am i...
but i didn't say what i said to hurt you
to be spiteful
or cruel
i said it because it was something i could
something that felt solid enough to
and sturdy enough
to acknowledge
and to count on
and...
i wish it wasn't the only thing that did
but i didn't create that
the pain of it
or the truth that that pain stems from
for me
and for– "But, Bella, if it takes me a hundred years... or a thousand...
"I swear that someday you'll know that he isn't the only someone that you can."
i hope so Edward...
i really really do
.
