End of the Writer! Ch11

In the remains of the Jimmy Kale Show studio, Misty and Rei look around satisfied with their work.

Misty: "Well that was fun."

Rei: "Yeah, that's the first time I've actually enjoyed your company."

Misty: "Yeah... it's kinda strange, I enjoyed it too..."

They look at each other, their looks softer than before, then both smirk and draw their weapons: a knife for Rei, and a rapier for Misty.

Misty: "That was fun, but defeating you will be more so!"

Rei: "Hey, don't steal my lines!" Rushes at Misty.

Misty: "Time to end this!" Charges forward.


Wolfie: "Ah... so this is the Tower of Pop? Excellent, almost all the pieces are in place."

Wolfie and Miku are stood before a huge tower, made of bright pink stone... don't ask why, I haven't the slightest clue.

Miku: "It's very... pink."

Wolfie: "Yeah... it's kinda unnerving actually. It also looks suspiciously like that fortress from Save 8 to 10, you know, the place with Y.O.F.A.G. where Derrick locked me up."

Miku: "Maybe they borrowed the blueprints."

Wolfie: "Yeah... maybe."


Meanwhile, Aboard the Supreme Badassery IV.

Kiyoteru: "Approaching target at 5 meters per sentence, ready the Grammar-Canons!"

Iroha: "Who died and put him in charge Nyan?"

Miki: "Misty, but he didn't die."

Iroha: "That was a rhetorical question Nyan."

Piko: "Can we just do as he says, I mean he is the one flying the ship."

Iroha: "You may have a point Nyan."

Kiyoteru: "No talking in the ranks!"

Piko: "Okay, now you can complain."

Iroha: "This is confusing Nyan. So when can I and can't I complain Nyan?"

Piko: "Oh dear lord, why did I have to fall in love with a girl whose brain only ever works on something if it relates to Hello frigging Kitty?"

Iroha: "Because I'm just that sexy Nyan."

Piko: "Unfortunately true. You are quite amazing in bed."

Miki: "What... are you comparing her to me? Am I not good?"

Piko: "No! You're also wonderful, I love you both and you both make me feel incredible!"

Iroha: "Aw~ Nyan. I love you so much Nyan! And Miki too Nyan!"

Miki: "Me too!"

Piko: So the girls don't hear him, "Phew... crisis averted."

Kiyoteru: To Yuki, "And that, Yuki, is why threeways are often problematic."

Yuki: "Really? So the fact that one person can often feel rejected if the other two end up spending more time together, thus leading to a relationship break-down, and the general stigma of society against such relationships in the modern world have nothing to do with it?"

Kiyoteru: "...Well those might be reasons too."

Yuki: "I see, so aside from economic concerns, the lustful nature of humanity as well as humans' desire to be loved and held in high regard lead to an innate problem with polyamorous relationships, while society's current lack of acceptance of it leads to few people wishing to enter such relationships."

Piko: "Where did you learn about human lust Yuki?"

Yuki: Smiling brightly, "Kiyoteru taught me."

Everyone turns to Kiyoteru.

Kiyoteru: "Looks like my polyamorous friend got me in a mess of trouble again.

Gumi: Coming out from below deck, "So just when you think that you're alright, I'm crawling out from the inside!"

Kiyoteru: "She just came across the mention of lust and love in a poem she was reading, and asked me what the difference was!"

Teto: "You still attacked our poor innocent Yuki's mind!" Advances on Kiyoteru, her drills spinning.

Yuki: "But I love Kiyoteru-sensei! Please don't hurt him."

Teto: "But he probably lusts for you!"

Yuki: "No he doesn't! He's only ever taught me, and answered my questions. He wouldn't hurt me!"

All the 'loids look at Yuki, who looks to be on the verge of tears. Teto's drills slow to a stop.

Teto: "Ah... she's just too sweet, I can't hurt him now..." Returns to her position, as do the other 'loids.

Kiyoteru: "Phew... that was close." Thinks for a minute, "For the record, why did we bring Yuki? A battleship in the middle of a war zone is hardly the safest place for an eight-year old girl."

Yuki: "It's simple."

Kiyoteru: "Really?"

Yuki: "Yes, could you have managed that waste of nearly 300 words without me?"

Kiyoteru: "No."

Yuki: "You see I act as the joke catalyst, mainly by my excessive knowledge for a girl of my age, thus bringing in an extended joke, and a chance for Wolfie to provide entertainment, while using up words in a chapter when he cannot be bothered to simply advance the plot. I am, if you will, acting as a literary tool for creating a joke."

Kiyoteru: "Um... what?"

Yuki: "I'm here so Wolfie can make jokes and waste time."

Kiyoteru: "Ah... right."

Yuki: Yawning, "Oh dear, it's nap time! Then when I wake up I'll have to find myself a cookie and my own milk as the others are all busy."

Kiyoteru: "Tell me, are you five, eight, or twenty?"

Yuki: "I dunno any more, but I'm sleepy, so I'll go nap."

Kiyoteru: "Okay, see you later."

Chewy: Suddenly blinking from the corner he'd been standing in, "Ah... I finally got off TV Tropes... where is everybody?"


Rei: "DIE!"

Misty: "DIE!"

Rei: "NO YOU DIE!"

Misty: "NO YOU DIE!"

The two continue to swing at each other.

Misty: "Haha! I'll kill you!" Swings at Rei, who blocks.

A little red orb just above Rei's head breaks suddenly, and Mist hits the right shoulder button.

Rei: "What the f*** is going on?"

Misty: "You're going to die! Critical Finish!" Thrusts his sword repeatedly into Rei, who gasps at the sudden feeling of being penetrated for the first time in her life.

Rei: "That sounds so much worse than it is, why do you always have to narrate things to make them sound so disgusting?"

Because I do, now can we get on with the fact that you're dying?

Misty: Thrusting violently into Rei, "You're finished!"

Rei: "No! It hurts! It's going so deep!"

Okay, let's finish what I started before this turns into one massive *censored* joke.

Misty: "Good idea."

So yeah, where were we? Oh yes, Rei was stabbed to death, painfully.

Rei: On the ground, bleeding to death "Ah! No... this is not over... one of my myriad of clones will hunt you down and kill you!"

Misty: "Really? 'Cause most of your clones don't even know I exist."

Rei: "I... I... I... did not think of that." Dies.

Misty: "You know, those were really awful last words. Anyway, time to join Wolfie."


Wolfie: "And another enemy piece is removed."

Miku: "You're being a chessmaster now?"

Wolfie: "No, of course not. If a game were to go against me, I wouldn't make careful moves with the pieces. I don't change the pieces, I change the freaking board."

Miku: "That's... true."

Wolfie: "Anyway, the plot marines are nearly here, and Lumi's monsters are close behind. The metalheads have already taken down the left flank. Soon, very soon, the Tower of Pop shall fall, this will be the end of them! And I still haven't got that TV Tropes page."

Miku: "Yeah, we'll crush them!"

Wolfie: "Just one thing left to do..." Takes out a bow an arrow, and shoots through a window in the tower before them.

Miku: "What the...?"

Wolfie: "You'll see."


Bleeper: "So... They are at our very gates..."

Fangirl General: "Sir... we don't stand a chance in the open. We must retreat to the Tower."

Bleeper: "No... we will not retreat! We will stand and fight with honour!"

Wolfie's arrow flies through the window, and embeds itself in the wall next to Bleeper's head.

Bleeper: "What the...?"

Bleeper takes the arrow, and a scroll unwraps from around the arrow.

Letter: "Dear Big Bad, I just though I should let you know the following. We have taken the plains and the castle. You have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums... drums in your keep. You cannot get out. A wolf lurks in the dark. You cannot get out... I am coming."

Bleeper: Shaking, "Withdraw the troops. Every fangirl is to return as fast as they can. We will hold the tower with everything we have."

Fangirl General: "Yes sir... at once." Leaves.

Bleeper: "And so they come, with plotter and tentacle, to bring me to my end."


Wolfie: "The story grows old, and reaches out to every person... to those who march on this field of battle... to those who wait at home, for their loved ones to return. And I swear those who wait will not wait forever... for I am the Writer!" Shouting at the tower, "The Wolf of Hermes is my name! Eat my claws to make me tame! But no more! No more! Hear me now Big Bad! I will destroy you! I will tear down your high tower! I will destroy you, as you destroyed my world."

Wolfie's sword appears in his hands, as the plot marines march up behind him, followed by Lumi heading the monsters, Misty with the Metalheads, the Supreme Badassery IV overhead, the Vocaloids stepping up towards him, and Miku at his side, all with grim determination on their faces.

Wolfie: Turning to the army at his back, "Once more, unto the breach dear friends, once more, or close the story with our noble dead! In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility. But when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger: stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with hard-favoured rage then lend the eye a terrible aspect."

A cheer is heard throughout the army.

Wolfie: "This is the day of Valentine! And gentlemen at home and now a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap while any speak of those who fought with us upon Saint Valentine's day!"

A second cheer, as the army turns its sights to the tower before them.

Miku: "So here we go."

Luka: "Let us pray we all survive this fight."

Wolfie: "All men, all women, all monsters and those of doubtful gender, all of you who fight today, I hope for your safety. My guards! To me!"

Chapter Champion Pi and the rest of an honour guard squad surround him.

Pi: "We are ready when you are."

Wolfie: "I ask you, today protect Miku. If anything should happen to her..."

Pi: Nodding, "I understand, Commander."

Wolfie: "Very well..." Breathing deeply, then shouting, "Begin the assault!"


And so we come to the final battle... there will be no more postponing, no more waiting... this is it...

Well, after I do the last special chapter.

Bis Bald

BW