Thanks for your comments. Keep em coming. xD No major adult content here. No major spoilers.

* Used -~- for Jack's former last name, since we don't know what it is.


Spare Wheel

Forty-five: Mourning


"It's strange," Jack told the Doctor as they got into bed that night, "but earlier I heard something that sounded like someone playing the spoons."

"Must have imagined it," the Doctor said dismissively. "Of course, the Tardis is old and full of odd sounds."

"Hm."

"Okay if I get a bit intrusive tonight?"

"Intrusive?"

"Step things up—see whether any anxiety crops up."

"Oh, right. Um, sure."

The Doctor smiled reassuringly at Jack. "I know you know it's me and that I'm not about to hurt you or anything, but if it's too uncomfortable—"

"I just say something and you'll stop," Jack finished for him. "I know. And if I lose it, you stop me."

"Agreed." The Doctor leaned down and kissed Jack's cheek. "Ready for lights out?"

"Yup."

The Doctor sonic-ed the lights off and lay on his side next to his friend. Beginning is the biggest step of any journey, he told himself. He put his arm over Jack and ran his hand lightly up to his shoulder, then down again.

Jack stayed still and his breathing didn't change noticeably, so the Doctor let his hand wander slowly down over Jack's chest. This time he became much more aware of Jack's breath—a little faster, a little louder.

"Okay so far?"

"Yes."

"All right." The hand continued its slow exploration.

"By the way, I meant to ask you about something."

"Oh?"

"Yeah… Gray wants to see my dad's grave."

The Doctor felt Jack tense slightly when the former's fingers moved over his nipple. "Mm. That's understandable. All right now?"

"Mm-hm. I wondered if you could possibly take us in the Tardis. We should go shortly after it happened. I don't think the Time Agency would think it a likely time for me to show up." Jack's speech was beginning to be affected by his rapid breathing now.

The Doctor paused, his hand resting over Jack's original heart. "Do you think they'll be guarding it?"

"I wouldn't put it past them. They probably want me back as much as I want my memories back. They'll be waiting for me with traps all through my time stream." His voice had grown calmer again.

"We can certainly give it a try. It would be good for Gray to have some closure." The Doctor caressed Jack's neck then, crept up over his jaw and traced his mouth.

"That's what I thought, too. My dad wanted me to keep him safe… I didn't, but at least I can bring him home one more time, right?"

The Doctor used the hand resting on Jack's face as a guide in the darkness and found Jack's mouth with his own. "Right. Sometimes it's still the right thing to do the right thing, even when the deadline has passed. You're a bit tense. Are you all right?"

Jack made another wordless sound of affirmation.

"This isn't working, is it?"

Jack gave a long, regretful sigh. "No. I'm afraid it's not."

"You trust me too much."

"To be honest, I'm just getting turned on. You just don't scare me at all."

"Supposing I actually tried to scare you?"

"Uh…"

"Oh, don't laugh. I'm serious. Would that be all right?"

"I'll try anything once."

"Yes, that's very you." The Doctor leaned down again and unceremoniously probed Jack's mouth with his tongue.

Jack jerked away with a slight gasp. Then he laughed nervously. "Okay, you caught me by surprise there."

"That was my intention. Any anxiety?"

"Maybe a little. You should try again."

"Are you having me on?"

"Yes, please."

"Jack, stop it."

"Sorry."

The Doctor pulled Jack's wrist up above his head and kissed his neck. He heard Jack's breathing falter and then quicken. "All right?"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm okay." Jack's tone was still fairly calm.

The Doctor found Jack's other wrist and tugged it upward, too. Then, lying half on top of him, he moved his lips over Jack's face and licked his ear. This time, Jack struggled. The Doctor released him.

"Too much?"

"No—not really. It's just… being pinned down."

"Well then, that's what we've got to work on, don't you think?"

"I guess so."

"Maybe we should leave off for the night, though—trying things too quickly will do more harm than good. Tell you what, though…" the Doctor shifted slightly so his upper half covered Jack's, and he rested his head on Jack's shoulder, against his neck. "Think you could sleep like this?"

"Yeah. For a while, anyway."

"Can you breathe all right?"

"For now. I'll roll you off if I have to."

"Okay." The Doctor kissed his friend's neck. "Good night, Jack."

Jack slid his hands up to encircle the Doctor in his arms. "Good night."


"I've explained it to her and she's willing to try, if you think it's okay," Simon told the Doctor the next morning.

The Doctor looked at River. "The only reason I'm hesitant is because it's your brain," he said. "I've seen nanogenes regrow body parts and reconstruct damaged brains, but growing a new brain part… well, I'm just not one hundred percent certain it won't alter your personality or something. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

River nodded. "It's a risk."

"Yes, a big risk."

River looked at Simon, not turning her head, but rolling her eyes far to the side. The corner of her mouth twitched. "You'd really miss this personality, wouldn't you?"

Simon laughed. "Yeah, probably. But whatever you turn into, you'll still be my sister."

"And I'm not sure, but it might do something to that telepathic ability of yours," the Doctor added.

"I'm ready," River said.

"Now? Okay, then. I'll get the nanogenes and let them check out Simon's brain first, to be certain they know what it's meant to be like."

River squirmed and Simon laughed.

"Don't worry; they won't drop your IQ to my level."

"Better not."

When the Doctor returned, John, Gray and the Master had joined River and Simon in the little infirmary.

"Oh, this reminds me of practical exams with Doctor Lister," the Doctor said, looking around the room.

"Doctor who?" asked the Master.

"Doctor Joseph Lister, right?" said Gray.

John gaped at Gray. "How do you know what the hell he's talking about?"

Gray shrugged. "I read the encyclopedias in the Doctor's library."

"All of them?" asked the Master.

"I think so. Unless I missed one."

The Master assumed an expression of new respect for the young human.

River watched closely while the nanogenes swarmed around her brother's head.

"Hey, who's the funny man?" John said in a high mocking voice, "There's nothing in here! Come on, nanobots, let's go home!"

"There has to be something in there," River said, as if taking John's comments seriously. "Something's controlling his motor functions and recognition and understanding of basic speech, and—"

"Thanks, River," Simon cut in. "I think it's safe to assume I have some kind of brain."

The Doctor smiled and guided the nanogenes to River's head with a gentle wave of his hands.

"Can they regrow anything?" Gray asked.

"That's the theory," the Doctor answered. "And this is the test."

The room became quiet. Only the soft, staticy sound of the nanogenes working could be heard. River's eyes widened and a smile grew slowly on her face.

"I can feel them…"

"Shh," Simon told her. He took her hand and waited until the glowing specks returned to the canister in the Doctor's hands. "River?"

River looked around, from one face to the next. "I don't feel any different," she said. "Do I look different?"

"You sound a little different," Gray commented.

Simon turned River's face toward himself. "Meme, listen: What is the first law of thermodynamics?"

River frowned and slid off her stool. "Ask me a hard one."

Simon glanced up at the Doctor, who smiled at him.

"River," said the Doctor, "can you hear my thoughts?"

"You're happy that the experiment seems to have been a success. And you're hoping the others will give you a bit more of the respect you deserve now…"

"All right, that's enough," the Doctor said, not quickly enough.

The Master laughed.

Gray took River's hand. Their eyes met and River's smile returned. She hugged him firmly. "Thank you so much."

"I didn't do anything."

River turned to the Doctor and hugged him, too. "Thank you, Doctor. I think I should take Dair outside now."

"River," Simon protested, "wait a minute. I have a lot of tests for us to go through…"

"Later," River said firmly. She kissed her brother's cheek and strode from the room.

The others looked at each other.

"I'm not getting in her way," John declared.


"So," the Master said to the Doctor when he was done programming Dair's subconscious, "if Jack will agree, I'd like to sleep by him. Tonight, if he's ready. No pressure… just want to talk to him. But I thought if you were there, he'd be all right."

The Doctor watched Dair and River walk across the rough ground with Simon trailing after them. "That might be a bit of a problem. You see, this morning Jack asked me if I could do the same for him and Gray."

"Gray? Oh, really. Just peachy. Well, I've been waiting for this longer than he has, so he can jolly well let me go first."

"I'm not sure I like either of you sleeping by him right now. I don't think he's ready, and you've both done him harm in the past…"

"In the past!" the Master repeated. "You know I've turned a new leaf."

"For that matter, so has Gray."

"Yes. I think so, too. But which of us hurt Jack more recently? Which is he more likely to do better with?"

"I don't know. But in the meantime, I'm taking Jack and Gray to the Boeshane Peninsula. The rest of you should pop over to the Serenity while we're gone. Mal and the crew have been wanting to see us."

"What are you going to Boeshane for?"

The Doctor looked around, not caring to let anyone else here. "To let the brothers see their father's grave."

"What for?"

"Well… burial is important to humans," the Doctor explained, trying to be patient. "Seeing the grave helps them to comprehend their loss. Move on without forgetting."

"So… during this trip, Jack and Gray are likely to have some of that 'brother bonding' business."

"If we're lucky."

"So, Jack's more likely to be willing to sleep by Gray than me."

"Probably."

The Master sighed. "When he was kidnapped I knew we'd get him back, but this…"

"You miss him a lot, don't you?"

"Yes. It's not fair."

"No. I'm sorry, it isn't." The Doctor slipped his arm through the Master's.

After looking around in something near panic, the Master relaxed. "If that Simon looks back our way, let go of me," he instructed firmly.

The Doctor laughed. "Whatever you say, Koschei."


The Doctor waved at the others from the Tardis door. "We'll join you at the Serenity once we get back," he said.

Mal nodded and closed the shuttle doors.

"I hope the Master behaves himself," Jack commented.

"Oh, he should. He'll be sullen and antisocial, but I don't think he'll make trouble. I'm more worried about Dair. Here, help me set coordinates."

Gray sat on the cushioned passenger seat, not paying much attention to the conversation.

Jack went to the console to assist the Doctor. "Dair should be okay with River there to watch him. Mal couldn't believe he was the same person."

"I know," the Doctor laughed. "And how about River? He was gawking at her, too."

"I think Simon's gotten over being hostile to Gray, now that River's treating Dair the same way. But Dair had better watch out."

"What year are we going to?"

"Fifty eighty-three. Late in the year. That will put us a few weeks after it happened."

Gray pulled his feet up onto the seat and put his arms around his knees.

The Doctor glanced at him. "When we get there," he said, "do you want to go to the grave alone?"

"I'd prefer that."

"Okay." He set the time carefully and allowed Jack to adjust the geographical settings.

For once, the Tardis landed right on target. The Doctor checked the scanner.

"That's it," Jack confirmed. "We buried him on the hillside where he could… see the house."

He finished quietly, as if he hadn't meant to finish the sentence at all. The Doctor suspected that the thought had sprung up of its own accord, something from Jack's childhood that he had forgotten until now.

"Take as long as you need," the Doctor told Gray while setting the chameleon circuit on 50's police box. "It's just after sundown, so no one is likely to come up here."

Gray nodded and left the Tardis silently.

He walked slowly down toward the grave, trying to comprehend its existence. No one was ever buried here. This was part of our property… private land. You can see out across the bay and our house on the point. And Jack and Mom and Dad should be in that house waiting for me. I want to go home.

He stopped a couple of feet from the grave and stared at it.

Franklin -~-*

Loving father

Faithful husband

Our protector

5044-5083

Franklin. Father. Husband. Protector. Where is he? Tears sprang up in Gray's eyes and he sank to his knees by the tombstone. Where's my dad? He can't be here. It doesn't say "Dad." Where is he? The chiseled words became blurry in front of his eyes.

"Dad. Oh, god… Dad, please come back. Please. We need you." He let himself fall forward onto the ground and grasped at the sparse grass coming up under the dead flowers. "I need you. I'm so sorry. It wasn't Jack's fault. I hurt him. I killed him. God, I killed my own brother. I did such terrible things, Dad. You would be so ashamed of me. I'm so sorry."


Jack watched Gray's shadowy form huddled on the ground. "How long has he been out there?"

The Doctor checked one of his instruments. "About two hours. Did he fall asleep?"

"No… he's still moving around a little."

"Does it get cold around here at night?"

"Sometimes. But it's overcast tonight, so he should be fine."

"Long as it doesn't rain."

"It won't. It hardly ever rains here, and this year I remember was particularly dry. The settlement drinks water purified from the bay."

When it was completely dark outside, the Doctor set the scanner on night vision. Then they waited again.

"Doctor… it's been four hours. Do you think we should leave him alone so long?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I don't know. You sure it's not cold out there? He's shaking."

"I'm sure." Jack stared grimly at the scanner. "Can't we help him?" he said at last. "Isn't there something we can do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop him from being kidnapped. We could go now…"

"Jack, you're not thinking." The Doctor sighed wearily and put an arm around his friend. "If Gray hadn't been taken, would you have become a time agent?"

Jack hesitated, thinking it over carefully. "No, probably not," he said at last. "I figured I'd stay in show business."

"And if you weren't a time agent, you wouldn't have met me. And if you didn't meet me…"

"No Tardis to take back and save Gray."

"Exactly."

"It's the same reason I didn't use my vortex manipulator to go back," he remembered. "But I wanted to so badly. Just knowing that I could… even if it meant creating a paradox, I just wanted to see him again. To make him safe."

"I know." The Doctor pulled Jack against himself and stroked his hair. "I'm sorry, Jack. There are just so many uncertainties with time travel. If I change one little thing, some of my dear friends might just disappear, as if they'd never been. If we didn't come to this planet, I might never have seen Jenny again. And I wouldn't have met River and Simon and the others…"

"About those two," Jack interjected. "You knew their grandmother, right?"

The Doctor leaned on the console, frowning in thought. "Yes, I met her once. And I'm going to again. But I don't know when or how."

"What do you know about her?"

"That she will be… someone I trust with my life. Someone very dear to me." He turned to look at the scanner again. "Jack, I think you'd better go and fetch him."

"Okay." Jack pulled on his coat and stepped outside.

5083. Boeshane Peninsula. He took in a deep breath and was hit with a wave of memories as he breathed in a dozen subtle, familiar scents. Home. The year Dad died.

He walked down toward the grave, keeping his steps quiet so he wouldn't disturb Gray. But when he got close, he spoke to avoid startling him.

"Gray, it will be morning soon. It's starting to get light."

Gray sat up a little and became motionless again.

Jack knelt beside him and put his arm around him. "Come on, buddy. Come inside."

"Jack…" Gray shuddered against Jack's side. His voice sounded half choked. "I'm so sorry."

"I know. Me, too."

"What happened to him? Why can't he be here?"

"I don't know… by the time I got back to the house, he was already dead." Jack rested his head on top of Gray's. "I'd give anything to fix this for you, but I can't. I'm sorry. Come back to the Tardis now, okay?"

Gray reached out and traced his father's name on the headstone. "I told him what happened." He swallowed. "Goodbye, Dad. I'm sorry."

Jack helped Gray to stand and watched him stumble back toward the Tardis. Then he turned back toward the grave. Hundreds of years had passed since he had seen it. It was slightly different from his memory which had blurred over the centuries. But seeing it still revived some of the anguish of the day his father was buried.

We stood by the grave for a long time. When we got too hot and tired we sat on the ground and cried together. Dad was dead, but Gray was just gone. That was worse.

"I don't know if it matters what I say to you now," Jack addressed the tombstone. He knelt again. "But just in case it does… I want you to know I've been paying for my mistakes. I turned into a pretty selfish person, but the Doctor changed me. And even though I'm not the one who found Gray, we're back together now, like we should have been. And I swear I'll never lose him again. I'll die for him as many times as necessary to keep him safe. So if you're still aware of any of this… you don't have to worry about us. We're going to be okay. And… I'm so sorry."

He stood and wiped tears away with the back of one hand. "I love you."

He was about to turn away when he saw someone walking slowly up the hill. It looked like a boy. Suddenly, Jack was assaulted with severe déjà vu. He rubbed his eyes.

I remember this. Oh, damn it, that's me!

The boy increased his pace and Jack turned away, opening his VM as he went.

"Doctor, shield the Tardis now!"

A moment later, the Tardis vanished in front of him. Jack glanced over his shoulder. He doubted that his younger self had seen the blue box before it disappeared.

"Jack?" the Doctor's voice crackled over the com. "What's wrong?"

But then Jack put his hands out and found the Tardis door. He pushed inside, closed the door behind him and ran to the scanner.

"He saw me."

"Who did?"

Gray joined Jack in front of the scanner. "God, that's you. It's really you."

"What happened?" the Doctor asked anxiously. "Think! What happened when you saw yourself as a boy?"

"Um…" Jack racked his brain, feeling slightly dizzy as his memories rearranged themselves to accommodate two versions of the incident. "Nothing… I didn't know who it was. I couldn't figure out where he went, so I looked a little. But I was kind of scared. I didn't know who would be coming onto our property, and I was so scared the raiding party would come back. But if it had anything to do with Gray, I had to find out…"

The young Jack outside was peering around at the empty space where he had last seen the stranger.

"…or if it was a friend of my Dad's, I wanted to meet him. But I never saw him again. I just heard a strange sound…"

The Doctor threw the dematerialization switch and the Tardis produced its usual whooshing sound.

Young Jack looked around warily. He ran forward a few steps and stopped, just ten feet from the departing Tardis. Then the scanner went blank.


Jack stayed on the hillside a bit longer, searching for the mysterious figure in the long coat. But whoever it was, they were definitely long gone. Not a trace.

With a sigh, he walked back down to the grave.

"These are old," he said, pulling the dead flowers away. "Sorry. I'll get some more. I won't be able to come every day pretty soon, though. My agent got me a contract with the Time Agency to do some ads for them. Like a real contract. A whole year. We won't have to worry about money for a while. We're probably going to move off-planet. So we'll be safer, but I won't get to see you much."

Jack turned the flowers over in his hands. "Maybe I'll get some artificial ones so they'll last while we're gone." The brittle leaves went out of focus as Jack's eyes filled with tears. "I'm not giving up on Gray. When I have more money I can make a better search. Hire people to help me. I'll come back and start over. Search everything. Ask everyone. I'll find him, I promise. I promise, Dad." The tears ran down his face. "I'll never give up."


A quiet party was waiting for them on the Serenity. Kaylee was particularly glad to see the Doctor again and everyone welcomed the newcomers.

As soon as he could get the Doctor away from the others, the Master pulled him aside.

"How did it go?" the Master asked.

"Gray hasn't said much. He spent a long time by the grave. We've all got time lag now… exhausted. Feels like bedtime, not mid afternoon."

"How are they getting on?"

"Better." The Doctor glanced across the room at the brothers and they saw Gray slip his hand into Jack's. "Much better. In fact… I'm not sure supervising them is really necessary."

The Master nodded. "Probably not. I'm not so jealous now. I just wish… I miss him."

"I know."

"Wash has been a big baby the last couple days," Mal's exuberant voice rose above the others'. "Pretending he's so horribly injured so Zoe will play nurse to him."

"Have not!" Wash exclaimed.

"SERENITY! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS, COME OUT AND WE'LL TELL YOU OUR DEMANDS."

For a moment, no one moved. The Master's eyes landed on Inara's face, her smile fading slowly as if time was moving at a fraction of its normal rate. Then her eyes looked to Mal.

"What the hell?" said Mal.

Wash moved first. "I'll take a look," he said, heading for the cockpit.

River took Dair's hand and closed her eyes.

Wash's voice came over the intercom. "Looks like half the city out there, cap. They're armed. What should we do?"

"Find out what they want?" the Doctor suggested.

"More Browncoat haters?" said Zoe.

"Oh, I doubt it," said the Doctor. "If they were going to do anything about that in force, they would have after that little incident when we first got here."

"I paid off the mercenaries who came with us," said John. "So it better not be about money."

"I don't recognize any of them," said Wash.

Mal turned toward the main door. "Guess I better see what it is they want." He checked his gun and tucked it out of sight.

"I'd advise you to leave that behind," the Doctor called after him, but Mal paid no attention.

Dair crouched on the floor, pulling River down beside him. "They're coming back," he said.

"No," River told him. She put her hands on either side of Dair's head and stroked his temple. "It's not them. They'll never come back."

They waited in almost complete silence, some on the floor, some in chairs, others standing. Jayne had just begun pacing when Mal reentered the ship.

Mal came in slowly, turning his gun over slowly as if deep in thought. "It's… really too bad," he said.

"What did they say?" the Doctor prompted.

Mal brought his gun up and trained it on John. "They said they want Captain Hart here, or they're going to take my ship apart piece by piece until they find him."

"Hey now," John said quickly, putting his hands up, "I didn't do anything… what do they want me for?"

"There's a lot of folk in that town lost loved ones on your expedition. They're a bit beyond upset over it. They reckon someone's gotta pay for it, so they're going to string you up."

"What?"

"They can't do that," said Gray.

"Of course they can't!" John agreed. "Jack, tell him."

"You're just going to hand him over?" asked Jack.

"If you have any better ideas to protect my ship and crew, I'm all ears," Mal answered. "But that crowd isn't giving me much time."

"Can we get to the Tardis?" asked the Doctor.

"Negative. They're between us and it. And they're watching her pretty close. Must have seen you arrive."

"Maybe they have us outnumbered," said Jack, "but they're not militia. They don't have the experience that we do. So, we stand and fight."

"Just one problem with that plan. They're holding April hostage."

"April?" asked Kaylee.

"A woman who was along with us on the mission," Mal told her. "They said they're not planning to hurt her, but they're not letting her go until we give them Hart."

"Tough luck for April?" John said with a halfhearted shrug.

"John," Jack scolded.

"Where does April live?" asked River.

"She said something about the southern district," Zoe said. "I don't know where, though."

"We'll find her." River took Dair's hand and tugged until he stood.

"Wait a minute," said Simon. "Where do you think you're going?"

"You distract them and Dair and I will go out the maintenance hatch. We'll find April and bring her here. No bargaining chip."

"No way."

"It's a good plan," said the Doctor. "We just need to stall them a bit."

"I think I can do that," said Jack.

"Good. I'll go with River. I know what April looks like."

"I'll go, too," Simon said quickly.

The Doctor shook his head. "No, you'd better stay here. If someone gets hurt, you need to be where you'll do the most good. I'll look after her."

Simon sighed reluctantly, but he made no further protest.

River led Dair and the Doctor away.

"Okay," said Jack in a purposeful tone, "Mal, put that gun away. John, hand over your coat."

"What for?" John asked.

"Most of the townsfolk didn't see you up close. Maybe I can fool them into thinking I'm you."

"What good will that do?"

"We're playing for time. I can't die."

"Oh, Jack… they'll hang you."

Jack shrugged. "Maybe. Don't think I've tried that one yet."

"They're not vintages," John snapped.

"Coat."

"It doesn't fit you."

"I'll wear it open. It's worked before."

"Jack," Gray said, seeming to suddenly find his voice. "Don't go out there. Please." He and John moved forward to take Jack's arms as if they had planned it together.

"Come on, guys… I'll be okay."

"I can't let you do this for me," said John.

"TIME'S UP, REYNOLDS. SEND HIM OUT NOW!"

"Give me the damn coat, John."

Lord, they're going to just stand there and argue until the townspeople start shooting, the Master thought.

Jack leaned forward suddenly and kissed John. "Give me the coat."

The Master stepped forward quickly and peeled the coat off John before he could protest.

"Jack…" John whined.

"Shut up. It's okay." Jack turned to hug Gray. "I'll be okay." He shrugged out of his own coat and took John's from the Master.

Dismally, John took off his belt and gave it to Jack. "Sword would make it more convincing, but I left that in the Tardis. Guns will have to do."

"I'll just be dropping them on the ground anyway."

"I'll collect them," Mal offered. "Now come on—let's get this farce underway."

The Master followed Mal and Jack to the Serenity's airlock.

"Don't let them kill you too hard, Jack."

Jack looked back at the Master. "If there's fighting," he started.

"I'll protect Gray. I promise."

"Thank you."

Mal gripped Jack by his borrowed collar and dragged him out of the ship at gunpoint.

The Master retreated back toward the kitchen where the others were convened. You'd just better hurry, Doctor.


Cliff-hanger! *is evil* Hope you enjoyed.