Hope
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
A/N: This chapter is primarily told in flashbacks. Hello BrownEyesAngel and boomkarakaraka05, I hope you get your answers in this chapter.
In the end, the Shiba siblings understood why Rukia did what she did. Why she transferred her powers to Ichigo and why she had to break the rules for him. It was all because of Kaien, who looked so much like Ichigo. Kukaku punched her when Rukia finally came to apologize because she took so long. Rukia didn't know why she had not apologized earlier herself but the burden on her shoulders slowly eased. If only Byakuya will wake up soon…
The only time Rukia left his side in the infirmary was to bid Ichigo and the others goodbye. They left Seireitei a day after Rukia's family held a feast for them in the Kyouraku manor, after the Kyourakus insisted that they stay for a week of rest at the Kyouraku compound. The entire clan, including the servants of the household treated the "heroes" of Soul Society royally. The clan invited most of the officers of the 11th Squad, the Shiba siblings and ironically the very officers of the Gotei 13 who fought against them for the celebration. However, they were unable to persuade Rukia to attend the feast but they understood her reason as she stayed in the infirmary room where Byakuya was confined.
She watched with pride as her captain gave Ichigo the substitute shinigami badge. She thanked them for saving her, but the emptiness she felt in her heart while she was imprisoned was still lodged deep in her chest. It was because of Byakuya. He was still unconscious in the 4th Squad's infirmary, the only comfort she had was Unohana Taichou's assurance that he will pull through and was only in a healing coma. Her grandmother took to bringing her meals, toiletries and change of clothing in Byakuya's infirmary room. The food her grandmother brought were now prepared by the Kyouraku household cooks. There had been some visitors from the Kuchiki family but they all looked at her with thinly veiled hatred, showing that they, like she herself, blames her for landing him in this condition. There had been others, like Rika, one of the Kuchiki elders who did not blame her and instead expressed gratitude that she stayed with Kuchiki Taichou when he needs her.
Her former mentor, Sui-Feng once visited to apologize. The older woman told her about Yoruichi, how she felt abandoned and forgotten by her own mentor whom she felt betrayed the very ideals of what she herself instilled in Sui-Feng as a child. Rukia understood. She felt that Sui-Feng abandoned her too, but she knew that Sui-Feng's situation was worse off because she was literally raised by Yoruichi and grew up idolizing and imitating the former 2nd Squad captain. Now, though, the two were able to move on from it and Sui-Feng felt whole again. Rukia forgave her and told her that she could never remain angry or resent the woman who taught her everything she knows. Rukia almost felt lighter but her heart still felt heavy because Byakuya remained sleeping.
"You knew how I sought you out because you look like her?" Byakuya asked, his voice raspy from blood loss and from pain. "Byakuya nii-sama, don't waste your voice. You need to be healed." Rukia interrupted. "No, listen… please…" He begged. "You were never Hisana in my eyes. You were always Rukia. You're not her. Never saw you as a replacement. I fought it too much and denied it for so long, but I can't die without telling you that I love you Rukia. Love you for almost 40 years now… Not as my imouto, never as my imouto and not as a friend either…" Byakuya said before losing strength and succumbing to unconsciousness. 'Thank you for helping me save her, Kurosaki Ichigo.' He thought to himself as he looked at the boy being healed by Orihime. Rukia cried as her father sat beside her while rubbing her back in efforts to console her.
He was now out of danger, from both the poisons and the stab to his chest, which barely missed his heart. Rukia grew cold at the thought that he almost died. 'He loves me and not as a sister…' Rukia did not know what to do with that confession. She gave would mull on this thought for the next few days as she watched over him.
Two others of Rukia's friends who were in the infirmary were Toshiro Hitsugaya and Renji Abarai. Their other friends visited all three, bringing food to Renji and asking about how Toshiro and Byakuya are doing. Momo Hinamori was also recuperating, but was catatonic and depressed. Frankly, Rukia couldn't stand her at that moment. All she could think about was how easy Momo turned on her childhood friend, the one who gave her all his love. 'But I am not so different am I?' Rukia censured herself. 'How could I have been so blind?' She asked herself as she tucked Byakuya's hair away from his face.
Byakuya rowed the tiny boat, they were nearing their destination. Rukia felt queasy, regretting ever making that agreement to eat a meal with him once a month. It wasn't that she was scared of swimming; she just didn't know how to swim. She started panicking. Perhaps it was her shaking out of fear added which unbalanced the food they brought for a tiny picnic at the small islet in the middle of the lake or it could just be a horrible way of fate to punish her for some crime she committed in the previous life but the boat capsized. The water was so deep, she gasped for air, struggled and sank. Byakuya quickly swam towards her. She grabbed him, almost drowning him in the process in her desperation. Being a logical person, Byakuya swam down, Rukia panicked and started struggling again. Before she could actually drown, she felt a warm hand wrap around her waist. Byakuya held her as she swam. "I won't let you go. I'll never let you go…"
Rukia held his hand, it was soft, despite the numerous odd calluses which showed how hard he dedicated himself to swordsmanship. She placed it on her cheek.
"What are you doing?" That irritatingly knowing voice asked for the nth time. "Trying to see if Ukitake Taichou would take off his clothes..." Rukia answered without bothering to removed her eyes from her binoculars. It was her most favorite real world invention. Byakuya sat beside her. "Why do you love him?" He asked seemingly exasperated and tired. 'We all have our stressful days, I suppose he would, too. But why won't he just go home instead of sitting with me here?' Rukia asked herself and turned to look at him. "Because he's nice, because he's sweet and treats people with care. He's gentlemanly and he's courteous. The list goes on and on…" Rukia answered glaring at her friend. "Why else would you love someone?" Rukia asked. Byakuya stared at the night sky. "Because you do… Because you can't help but love someone no matter how cruel or how insensitive she is. No matter how the person you love tears your heart to bits and steps on it every single time you're with her. You just come back the next day and still hand your bloody battered heart on a platter, hoping that one day, she will notice your existence and maybe see how you feel for her…" He answered uncharacteristically, his eyes narrowed and his lips set in a single line. Rukia hugged him and wondered at this weird out of character scene, before shrugging it off. "There… there… Onii-sama, you're like the most handsome guy in Seireitei and if the person you like won't notice you. It's her loss? Yes?" She said rubbing his back. She thought of a suggestion to help her friend out. "Why don't you pretend to date someone else or I don't know say you like someone else? Maybe she'll get jealous and…" Byakuya grabbed her hand with an almost surprising force that had Rukia been a non-combatant, the hold would have hurt her. "I am not inconstant in my affections. Nor would I force something false out of her. I will only accept her feelings if they are true. Not because she wants to compete or any other such shallow reasons…" He withdrew his hold on her arm after he saw how tight he held her. "I just need her to listen." He continued in a softer voice that Rukia almost did not catch. She hugged Byakuya, feeling sad at his predicament and kissed his cheek. At first he stiffened, but he soon relaxed and placed an arm around her. She smiled at him before continuing to do her "Ukitake-Taichou Watching" activity for the night.
"I'm sorry Byakuya. I did not listen. I know you've shown me how much you love me, but I was blind, stupid and selfish. Please forgive me? I know I could love you. I'm near in-love with you. It's not gratitude. I've been feeling this way for sometime but I've been afraid to explore it since you once said there's this girl whom you cared for unconditionally and I never dreamed it was me. It's not even the silly crush I've harbored for Ukitake Taichou either. Give me some more time to get to know you and to explore a proper relationship with you that has nothing to do with stalking Ukitake Taichou." Rukia told Byakuya. She knows he wouldn't hear or if he did, he would remember. She took this opportunity because she did not know how things would be like between them once he wakes up. "Then, will it be alright if I court you properly, Kyouraku Rukia?" A voice weak from days of not being used asked. Rukia looked at his slate gray eyes and smiled for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Tears fell from her eyes as she carefully hugged Byakuya who slowly raised an arm to return her hug.
