So, um hi. I know it's been three weeks since I last update and I'm sorry about that. Things just got a bit busy for me with assignments, plus I was writing for Kataang and Tokka week so go and check those out if you want. In other news, this story now has over a total of one hundred favourites and follows so yay. This chapter takes place around the time of the Crossroads of Destiny and I hope that it makes the wait worth it.
Future Envisions
Much to my annoyance, Suki continued to pester me after our first meeting. Based on my understandings, she'd lead herself into thinking that there was a way for her to get out of here, and that I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. Both of those thoughts were wrong, since there was no way for her to get out of here, even if by some miracle her Loverboy would come to rescue her. He'd still have to get her out of here, which is easier said than done.
Stepping out into the prison yard, I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air before exhaling as I took in my surroundings. Since it had been roughly two weeks after I was released from my old cell, I was slowly beginning to recover from that ordeal which meant getting more of my strength back, even if I was still pretty weak. But it still meant that I was able to do more things with every day, and for that I was thankful.
My gaze turned to the sky, which looked so welcoming and free, compared to down here that was anything but that. While people weren't as harsh as they could be towards me, I still received my fair share of belittling from the guards and the other inmates. Most of the other prisoners had backed off after Chit Sang gave them a few warnings, but the guards were much harder to deal with. Mainly because they were constantly around me and refused me to let have any upper hand over them.
Now it was time for me make the most of my daily exercise routine, which was the only bit of freedom that I had in my eyes. Although I was still trapped, I was at least allowed to do something and had the choice of doing what I wanted, even if my options were limited. It wouldn't be long before Suki joined me, since we seemed to have the same hours for everything. While it was good to have at least someone to talk to in a civil way, it was still annoying since she always found a way to get under my skin.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Suki joined my side as we worked together underneath the steam that came from the Boiling Rock. In the time that I had known Suki, I had gotten to know a bit more about her. From what she had told me, her mother died in childbirth with her while her father died on an expedition and had since been raised by her Island's leader. At eight-years-old, Suki had begun her training for the Kyoshi Warriors and based on her spirit alone, I could tell that she was a strong fighter. Plus, she had that look in her eye that said she could take you head on if she wanted to.
"So, how's you're day been so far?" Suki asked.
"Awful," I replied.
"Oh…" Suki trailed off awkwardly. "Well, I'm sure it'll get better."
"It never does," I stated.
Suki sighed, "You really are a pessimist, aren't you?"
"I wouldn't say I'm a pessimist, I'd say that I'm just stating the obvious," I argued.
"Sounds pretty pessimistic to me," Suki commented.
"Well, that's you and I'm me. In case you haven't realised it already, we're both different," I snapped.
"You really do see no hope for yourself, don't you?" Suki observed.
"Haven't I made that obvious already?" I quipped.
"You can't just give up on hope – that's what they want you to do. And based on what Sokka told me, you're not one to give up when things get tough so you can't give up now. Not when there's still a chance," Suki insisted.
I scoffed, "You really think you know me just because of a few words from a boy with a boomerang, don't you? I hate to burst your bubble sweetheart but that was who I was and not who I am anymore. You've already seen that I've changed."
"You've might've changed your personal beliefs, but that doesn't mean you've changed who you are," Suki pointed out.
"But by being forced to sit back and experience all kinds of misery with no way out, I have changed. When you go through something like that, it's something that you have to get used to. Something that you can't fight, since fighting will only make it worse," I said.
"But fighting gives you hope, which you clearly need," Suki argued.
"I don't need hope. I just need the strength to make it from one day to the next," I stated.
"That strength can come from hope," Suki suggested.
"It doesn't. My strength doesn't come from hope; it comes from everything that I've been through. Even though now I don't have that much strength in me, I still use it to keep going," I rambled.
"Because it's the only hope you have left," Suki insisted.
I glared at her, "I have no hope left. Why would I, when I'm locked in the most secure prison in the Fire Nation and have no way of getting out?"
"Sokka will come and bust us out," Suki proclaimed.
"You mean he'll bust you out. He wouldn't want anything to do with me; not that I wouldn't blame him," I scoffed.
Suki sighed, "But you still can't give up. If you can win me around I'm sure you'll win Sokka around."
"I have no intentions of 'winning him around' as you put it," I snapped.
"So what, you're just going to sit back and take all of the crap that they give you?" Suki asked.
"It's what I deserve," I crossed my arms.
"No it's not. Nobody deserves that sort of treatment, especially not you. I wouldn't even wish that on the Fire Nation Princess who put me in here," Suki said.
My blood ran cold at the mention of Azula as my mind flickered back to the lightning bolt that she hurled at me. The memory was enough to remind me of the pain that my entire body experienced on that fateful day and I grunted in repressed agony.
"Are you okay?" Suki questioned.
"Just… remembering past trauma," I answered. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do and that makes no more time for chit chat."
"You can't avoid this forever," Suki called.
"Watch me," I muttered.
Once I was away from Suki, I continued about with my daily routine. Slowly, I was beginning to grow accustomed to my life here and as much as that terrified me, it was something that I would have to deal with. There was no escaping this place and I was going to be stuck here for the rest of my life. Not even Suki's night in shining armour could help me and although I wouldn't say it to her, I doubted that he could help her either.
My usual job consisted of smashing pieces of rock into smaller pieces so that they could be used for coal. This was the only job that gave me some sort of power, since I was able to take out whatever emotions I felt on the rocks. With every smash, I was able to unleash every bit of pent up energy that I kept inside. It wasn't the same as blasting their heads off with my own firebending, but it was still enough to keep me satisfied.
Footsteps could be heard from behind me and I just maintained my focus on my task at hand, since that was what was expected of us. But my attention was caught when I felt a hand forcefully grab my shoulder and I hesitantly turned around. My gut sank when I stared into the eyes of one of my abusers and by abusers, I didn't mean the other inmates. Although Chit Sang could get the prisoners off my back, there was nothing he could do about my guards.
Slowly, he leaned towards me so that his mouth was just inches away from my ear as he whispered into it. "I've been deprived of some quality time with you for far too long, my dear. Keep your hands where I can see them and I promise I'll be gentle."
Shivers went down my spine at the implication of his words. By 'quality time' I knew that he meant having his way with me in the most disgusting way possible. As much as I wanted to give him one straight in the jugular, there was nothing I could do without warranting anymore pain and suffering. And I didn't want to risk losing the small bit of freedom that I had.
Reluctantly, I followed him out of the courtyard and I could feel someone's gaze following me, so I briefly turned around to see Suki staring at me before I gave her my best reassuring nod. It wasn't long before I was lead down a dark corridor that didn't lead to any of the cells which made me realise that this was what it's purpose was probably for. Expectedly, I was forcefully shoved against the wall as my hands were held above my head.
Just like I tried to do every time something like this happened, I did my best to block out every touch, every feeling and every word that came from him. I tried to imagine myself beating the fuck out of him, which only made me want to do that even more. Everything about this situation was being patient, and waiting for the moment to pass which was exactly what I wasn't good at. Patience had never exactly been my forte and it was certainly a skill that I could use now.
In an instant, I felt the force against my body relieve itself which left me shakily leaning against the wall. Only once I was sure I was alone did I look around to see if I was, which was the case. Relief swept through me knowing that my ordeal was over, for now at least. My back slid down the wall as I let my exhaustion get the better of me. It was almost laughable how pathetic I was being and I knew that my old self would be whacking me on the back of my head for acting like this.
But experiences like this change people, and they change the way you feel about yourself. And right now, I wasn't feeling so good about myself. There was nothing that could make me feel worse than how I felt now, which was worse than how I'd ever felt in my entire life.
~*•°•*~
Ironically, the only time I ever felt safe was in my cell. When I was outside, I was surrounded by people who constantly ridiculed and abused me. When I was in my cell, I was by myself and allowed to freely entertain myself with my own thoughts without fearing for whoever I bumped into. Being in my cell gave me time to think and time to reflect, which wasn't really something that I could do in my other cell since I was constantly being tortured on a daily basis.
One thing that was constantly on my mind was the past and what I could've, should've and would've done differently. Looking back, I could've made my decision earlier because maybe then I wouldn't have ended up like this. Who knows, I could've wound up with the Avatar and his rag-tag team? Logically speaking, I shouldn't have been so blinded by my loyalties and made a different decision from the beginning. Now that I am locked up in a cell with no way out, I would've never easily pledged my loyalties to Daisuke.
Everything wrong that had happened to me was my own fault and could've easily been avoided. If things had been done differently I never would've ended up like this. I never should've ended up like this, locked up in a cell with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company and then the worst people possible to deal with. There was nothing that could get me through this. Not even my training was enough to get me through this, as it had already shown given how I had ended up now.
Unfortunately for me, there wasn't that much time that I had to myself in my cell since there was always someone who unexpectedly showed up to spoil the only freedom that I had in this wretched place. Sometimes I imagined myself actually breaking out and finding freedom in this messed up world. But that was only wishful thinking, since I knew that I was never getting out of here regardless of what happened with the war. If the Avatar won, I'd still be locked up in here as a war criminal and rightfully so. If Ozai won, I'd still be locked up forever. Whatever the outcome was, I was screwed.
As much as I wanted to envision myself with a peaceful future, I knew that it was something I could only ever dream of. In my eyes, the perfect future consisted of me being on my own, with nobody chasing after me or wanting me dead. I'd be able to walk around without fearing for anybody spotting me or getting into some sort of confrontation. Maybe then I wouldn't constantly be on my guard and would actually be able to trust myself with people, which was something that I couldn't remember doing for the longest time.
My wishful thinking often got the best of me, and there were plenty of times when I found myself in a state of emptiness as I think about what could've been. It's sad, really. That despite being as young as I am that I was doomed from the start. There was never going to be a happy ending for me, regardless of how my life turned out. Mainly because darkness followed me wherever I went, and there would never be one moment of relief from the restraints of this world I found myself locked in.
A loud smashing noise interrupted my repressive thoughts and I looked up to see that my door had opened. Sighing, I forced myself out and made my way onto the edge as I passed by the other prisoners. To them, I was still an outsider and a disgrace to their country. I'd practically committed the biggest sin I could ever commit and I'd be forever condemned to their distaste. My walk lead me to the lowest floor of the prison, which only meant the more stairs I had to walk up. For anyone else, that would be no problem but when you've been battered and bruised it's hard to walk up four flights of stairs after you've already been through enough pain.
Today was one of the days where Suki joined me on cleaning duty, since we didn't always have the same schedule but we sometimes wound up in the same place at the same time. As much as it was nice to have someone around who didn't look at me with disgust, Suki's presence often became too much, especially when she always insisted on believing her delusions about me when they were just that – delusions.
"Hey, Abby. I was wondering where you disappeared to," Suki greeted me.
"I went back to my cell," I stated.
Suki nodded, "That, I can see. But before that? What happened with that guy who dragged you off?"
"Nothing that concerns you," I muttered, since it was true.
There was nothing about this situation that deserved Suki's attention. If she knew what was good for her, she'd just look the other way and ignore my very existence. While she probably already wasn't in the good books of the other prisoners because she was an outsider, her association with me probably did her no favours either.
"But the way he grabbed you… and that look on your face…" Suki trailed off before eliciting a gasp. "Please don't tell me that he didn't, you know…"
"If it helps you sleep at night," I replied.
"That's horrible! How could they do that to you? You're barely even an adult and they're treating you like one!" Suki exclaimed.
"That's how the Fire Nation works, sweetheart. From the moment you can talk and understand full sentences, you're condemned to the Fire Nation's twisted way of life. You grow up before anyone else can, and before you know it, you're a trained killer," I explained.
"But what they must do to you… it's so twisted and messed up. I wouldn't even force that on the Fire Nation Princess for putting me in here," Suki admitted.
Again, I felt myself black out at the mention of Azula. Any mentions of her brought unsettling memories in my mind. There was never any good memories with her, they were always bad and filled with pain. Not to mention, they were a constant reminder of how badly I'd screwed up and brought this fate upon myself.
"Listen, Suki. I'm a special kind of prisoner. And you wanna know why? Because I'm a traitor. I betrayed my country. In their eyes, that's the greatest sin of all which makes this punishment justifiable," I said.
"But you betrayed your country for the right reasons. That doesn't mean that you should have to suffer at the hands of the people who share your own heritage," Suki insisted.
"Regardless of why I did it, I deserve it. And if I were you, I'd put as much distance as you could between yourself and me so you don't suffer anymore than you should," I suggested.
Suki shook her head, "No. I'm not abandoning you for my own self-preservation. One thing that you should know about me is that I'm a loyal friend and I'd be willing to go down in flames for them if I had to. And you're my friend, whether you want to admit it or not. So you're stuck with me."
"F-friend?" I stammered, since that word had always been so foreign to my vocabulary.
"Yeah, I think we've known each other long enough to be friends," Suki gave me a soft smile.
"It's just that… I've never really had proper friends," I admitted awkwardly.
Suki raised her eyebrows, "Really? You've never had one friend?"
"Do associates count?" I asked.
"If you only consider them associates and nothing more than no, it doesn't count," Suki chuckled.
"Then yes, I've never had any real friend. Everyone who I've always considered myself relatively close to has always just used me or only stayed with me out of fear for what I'd do if they didn't," I said.
"Not even where you, you know, grew up?" Suki questioned.
My mind flashed back to the people I knew at the Tatakai Stronghold. There was Kenji and Liling, who were only teachers and carers to me and nothing more. Then there was Seung, who I only knew because we trained together. He probably considered me a friend, but I'd never opened myself up to him to the point where I could consider him a friend. Other than them, there was nobody else who stuck out to me.
"Especially not where I grew up. While I might've lived with people my own age, we were trained to fight. Not to be friends," I answered.
"Maybe if you had had an actual friend back then maybe you wouldn't be as closed off as you are now," Suki observed.
"Yeah, maybe. But I guess I'll never know," I murmured.
Silence fell over us and I could still feel Suki staring at me with her blue eyes. It was strange how looking into different peoples eyes could be so… different. There were so many eyes that I could remember which only left me feeling empty on the inside. Suki's eyes were comforting and soft, which wasn't exactly what I was used to. It was somewhat admirable that she hadn't allowed the prisons torture to break her spirits, unlike me who cracked under the pressure. Funny how someone with no survival training wound of staying true to themselves while I had allowed them to corrupt me, despite the training that I had been through to withstand that treatment.
"Abby, can I ask you something?" Suki asked hesitantly.
"You already did," I shrugged.
"Do you honestly believe that there is no hope for you?" Suki inquired.
I sighed, "Suki, there's something else you should know about me. And that would be that I'm a lost cause, meaning that there is nothing that could save me. So don't waste your time saving me when your attempts will be in vein."
"I wish there was something I could do to help inspire you. I also wish that we had met under different circumstances, because even despite our obvious differences I think that we would've been good friends," Suki offered a small smile.
"Who knows," I murmured. "But there's nothing that could 'inspire' me. Any fire that I had has been snuffed out to make me more miserable than I could possibly be. It's not like I wouldn't deserve it anyways, after everything that I've done. There is nothing that you could say or do to convince me otherwise."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of my associates glaring at Suki and I. Realising that we had been slacking off in our work, I quickly got back to it so that I wouldn't receive anymore pain. Suki seemed to notice this and looked around before noticing the face who haunted my nightmares. I guess she noticed the affect that he had on me, which she didn't like at all as she scrunched up her fists in rage.
Before I could even do anything to stop her, Suki stormed over to the man with flaring rage in her eyes. I never would've thought that I could see her that angry, and she probably wouldn't be if it weren't for me. Now she was about to only cause more trouble for herself, and there was nothing that I could do about it.
"Hey, you! Who do you people think you are, tormenting innocent people like they're worthless?" Suki yelled, earning the attention of everyone around us.
"What have I done to give you that impression, miss?" the man asked in a sickeningly cocky voice.
"You and your little friends treat everyone here like they're dirt, just because they're criminals! Well, criminals are people too! And maybe they wouldn't be criminals if your country didn't corrupt people with its regimental beliefs," Suki ranted.
"Are you blaming us for their poor decision making, dirt girl?" he questioned as he spit on the ground near where Suki was standing.
Suki narrowed her eyes, "Yes, I am blaming you for destroying peoples lives! There are some people here who don't even deserve to be here, but you lock them up anyways because you sick people have no sense of morality!"
"Suki, don't," I warned her.
He smirked at me, "You should listen to your friend, dirt girl. The penalty for speaking out of term is a lot harsher than you could imagine, you wasted scum."
"There is nothing that you could do to break me down!" Suki proclaimed.
"Really? Then why don't we put that resolve of yours to the test? Men, take her away and perhaps slam some sense into her," the man suggested.
"Go ahead and do your worst!" Suki snapped as she was lead away by the guards.
While Suki's resolve and passion was admirable, in a place like this it was something that you couldn't show. Any sign of revolting was dealt with serious consequences, just like Suki was about to receive now for her outburst. Although I hadn't done a good job of it, I had still tried to warn her but Suki chose to send herself to her own fate.
People like Suki didn't deserve that treatment, especially when she didn't even do anything wrong. Me, on the other hand, was a completely different story. There was no amount of torture or suffering that would not be justifiable for me. If there was a way for me to take the pain and suffering that Suki was about to endure, I would. Because she didn't deserve that, unlike me who deserved everything that had been done to tear me apart from the inside.
It would seem that Suki's appearance hasn't done much to Abby's stubbornness. Again, sorry for keeping you guys waiting for that long month but hopefully this makes up for it. Updates for this story should remain at a normal pace now, but there might be a few delays and if that's the case, just wait for the next week to pass before getting the missed chapter.
SPECIAL MENTIONS
ZabuzasGirl: It's always nice to see a new reviewer to my stories. And a little positive feedback never hurt anyone either so thank you for the review and here's to hopefully more to come :).
Mogor: How is Abby a 'foul' for wanting to give up? Looking at it from her perspective, you can't blame her for being hopeless when she has perfectly valid reasons for feeling that way. As always, it's good to see that you're at least feeling sorry for Abby, which means that I'm doing my job as the author.
dragonmasterd55: Technically, the one year anniversary of Blinding Horizon is on the 28th of August which I'd know for a fact since that's in the publishing date in the story info and if it were published on the 28th of July I'd remember writing it on my birthday since it is the day before that, which I didn't. So you're a month early and I'd save the anniversary posts for next chapter which will be posted on the anniversary.
Arwen347: I'm glad that you liked the dialogue between Abby and Suki, since it is interesting to write. Abby was always going to meet Suki at the Boiling Rock, but I changed my mind a couple of times on how it was actually going to happen. As for Chit Sang, he's clearly going to be presented a bit differently in this story, since he'll be more like a guider for Abby which is something she could certainly need right now.
