A/N: Kind of a filler chapter once again, but I hope you all enjoy anyway. This day was kinda hectic so that's why this is getting out so late, but here it is!

"She was a phenomenal woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, determined, dedicated, and sometimes she was even a little stubborn and hardheaded. She had always been that way. When I first met her in high school, the very first thing she said to me was 'don't you have anything better to do than stand in the corner like a creep'. She always had that spontaneous sass, and even in her adult life, it never changed. On more than one occasion, I found us butting heads over warrants, cases, the type of coffee we drink, and anything else that was in between. She loved to argue and sometimes I would egg her on just to see how far she would go. I often wonder if she ever caught on to my tactics, but if she did, she never said anything. I'm sure that she knew that annoying her was just one of my very favorite pastimes, but she also knew that I did it out of love. There of many of nights that we would bond over coffee and pizza as we tried to work out the kinks of a case. I admire her will to keep pushing along until she figured out all the answers. She has practically always been like that. She doesn't stop until she knows that she has all the answers and that she knows all of the answers are right. Sometimes I would stop by her office at well past midnight to still see her sitting there at her desk with that concentrated frown on her face as she stared into hours worth of paperwork. I admire her dedication to her job and to the victims that we deal with on a daily basis. I admire her confidence and her no shit from no one attitude that not only came out in the courtroom, but it came out in the squad room of the precinct, numerous times. I…" The detective clad in her dress blues uniform pauses as her voice cracks with emotion and her tears continue to flow freely down her face from her prior statement. Guilt weighs heavily on her shoulders as she takes several deep breaths and she looks up to make eye contact with Casey for a brief moment before the redhead looks away. "I-I…I broke a promise that I made to you, and for that, I cannot apologize enough. No amount of 'I'm sorry' can even begin to express my apologies, and I know that it can't fix it. I…I promised you that I would keep her safe. You told me to make sure that she was safe, taken care of and well protected, and I gave you my word that I would do that. I looked you in the face and I promised you that I would not let anything happen to her. I promised you that she wouldn't be harmed and I told you that you could trust me. I-I broke that promise to you and your resentment towards me is well comprehended. I no longer deserve your respect and once again, I cannot even begin to express how sorry I am that I allowed for this to happen. I just want you to know that ever since it happened, there hasn't been a minute in the day where I haven't wished it was me instead."

As Olivia finishes off and tips down the microphone before stepping down, Casey's jaw tightens involuntarily as she continues to stare off at nothing in particular. Anything to keep her from having to look at the woman behind the podium. Anything to keep from looking at the very woman she calls her best friend, the very woman that she trusted with her life and then some. The very woman who broke the most important promise that was ever exchanged between the two of them.

Shaking her head, Casey tightens her jaw once again as tears begin to leak from her eyes. Deep down underneath all of her pain and anguish, she knows that Olivia is not the one to blame for what has happened. She knows that what happened was completely out of the detective's hands, but at the same time, she feels as if Olivia was the one who blatantly took the gun and shot Alex in the shoulder. Like she was the woman who shot the lover of her life, sending her off to god knows where to live a life as god knows who for god knows how long. As much as her conscience doesn't want to place blame, her heart and mind cannot help but protest as they continue to point fingers and spit raging remarks.

Kimberly stiffly wheels a still very fragile looking Serena up towards the podium, only pausing to make sure the blonde is still safely bundled up. She can't help but mental shake her head as she recalls the fight that Serena had put up to get her to be briefly discharged from the hospital in order to attend the funeral. While practically everyone disagreed, the rather persistent blonde stood her ground as she was not having anything that anyone else was saying. She was going to the funeral even if it meant that she had to crawl out of bed, hijack a wheelchair, and find a way to get there her self.

"Hello everyone." Serena begins quietly as her hands shake around the microphone, mostly from fatigue, nerves, and anxiety. She utters a quiet 'thank you' when Kim takes the microphone from her and steadily holds it under her lips. "I-I don't have a lot to say here, but I just wanted to get this little bit out. Alex and I had known each other ever since we were little kids in diapers as well as Kim here. Our mothers used to call us the three musketeers simply because the three of us were practically inseparable. Alex was always commanding and she always found a way to turn everything into some sort of competition. Who could swing the highest on the swing set, who could climb the highest tree, until we got older then it was, who had the better girlfriend. The possibilities were always endless for her. One thing that I can say about her though that she has always been my best friend ever since. Yes we have had our disagreements but there had never been one time that I had ever doubted our friendship. She was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on or when I just needed a nice talk at twelve o'clock in the morning. No matter what, she was always there for me, every second of everyday and that was a gesture I was glad to return for her. Alexandra Cabot was more than just my friend, she was my best friend and she was my sister. I will always have a very special place for her in my heart and I will miss her greatly."

Casey stands on wobbly legs as Kim passes her the microphone and she moves to stand behind the podium. She hands her head and takes a calming deep breath before she finally trusts her voice to speak. "Um, I-I don't know what else I can say that hasn't really already been said. Alex was…Alex is the love of my life and she always will be. She will always be the woman that has captured all of my heart and has held it on a golden chain right next to her. I love her more than I love life it self. As cliché as this may sound, she was the sun in my early mornings and she was the air that I breathe. There wasn't anything in my life that didn't revolve around her simply because she was my life in general. I would always look forward to waking up in the morning just so I could see her sleepy blue eyes and drowsy smile. Even in her half conscious state, she still managed to be the most captivating woman in the world. My heart would always beat just a little bit faster when I would hear here singing in the shower or if I would catch her humming a catchy tune as she puttered around the kitchen trying to figure out what she could throw together for dinner. I loved watching her read books, simply because it was one of the only times that I could catch her in a moment where she would just be her self. I loved watching her sleep because she looked like an angel who has finally gotten to relax out of the horrors of this corrupt world. I-I don't know if all of you knew this before hand, but we were engaged. She asked me to marry her and I would ecstatic to say yes. We were in the midst of planning our wedding when this…happened, but there's no doubt in my mind that says she wouldn't have made sure that it was a lovely ceremony." She then pauses, clearing her throat as she finally, for the first time allows for her eyes to rest on the casket. "Alex, wherever you are, I just want you to know that I love you, Baby. Forever and always. Please never forget that."

Later

"Honey, you can't blame yourself." Veronica speaks quietly as she places a hot cup of tea down on the coffee table. She takes note of how Casey hasn't moved or spoken for the last thirty minutes. Shaking her head, she sighs quietly before she cautiously takes a seat on the edge of the sofa. "Casey, sweetheart, are you in there somewhere."

"You know the hardest thing of my life was getting out of bed this morning." Casey murmurs as she remains curled into the cushions of the sofa. "Not even when I got the call that my mother had died did I even have the urge to resist getting out of bed. I woke up this morning and I feel like the entire nightmare just started all over again. I couldn't…I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to see anyone, hell, a part of me didn't even want to go to the funeral. Does that make me a bad person? I didn't even want to attend the funeral of my own fiancée?"

Veronica sighs quietly as she folds her hands. "You're morning honey, it is quite natural for you to feel that way." she responds, before sighing quietly. "It is one of the most painful things in the world for a mother to know that you have outlived one of your children. She was…so young and I still feel like she had so much to accomplish in her lifetime. It kills me to think that while I have lived more than half of my life, my baby is lying buried in the ground."

Casey's heart clenches as Veronica's words seep through her ears. Oh how she wishes that she could tell her how Alex isn't really dead. How she wishes to tell her that she hasn't outlived her eldest daughter and how she is in fact alive, well, and very well protected. It practically kills her to think that this woman has to go on everything thinking her child is dead.

"You know, you are the closet thing I've ever had to a mother." Casey says quietly as she finally manages to sit up, still clad in her black dress from the funeral. "My mother was an alcoholic who beat the hell out of me whenever she got the chance. When I got the call that she had drank her self to death, I…I felt numb. I didn't mourn, I didn't cry, I didn't…I didn't do anything. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I went and I identified her body, and then I buried her. I didn't have a funeral for her or anything and you know what? At the time, I-I didn't care. More often than not, I find my self cursing myself for not bothering to spend time with her or trying to get her some help. I feel like if I had tried just a little bit harder, then maybe I might have had a chance at having a real relationship with my mother. Veronica I…I'm sorry that I didn't do more to keep her safe."

"It's not your fault honey. Sometimes, things happen that are not in our hands."

"That's what I keep trying to tell myself…"


Alex wraps her arms tightly around her self as she curls into the window sill of her simple two story home. She watches as the raindrops rhythmically pour over the windowsill, mimicking the tears that are running down her cheeks. She hasn't even been there considerably very long, but even now she feels as if there is absolutely nothing in Wisconsin. But maybe it was planned that way.

"You should probably think about going to bed soon."

Alex is jarred away from her thoughts as she turns and finds the lean, yet fit redhead watching her with intense green eyes. She snorts and shakes her head before turning back to the window. "Deputy Hastings, shouldn't you have better things to do than worrying about my wellbeing?"

The deputy marshal sighs and folds her arms before shaking her head. "I didn't mean to offend you. I have just noticed that you haven't slept well. I just think it would be in your best interest to try to get some sleep. I'm worried." She pauses trailing off before awkwardly clearing her throat. "And you can call me Liza."

"I will go to bed when I very well feel like it." Alex snaps unintentionally before she closes her eyes as she realizes the harshness of her words. "Goodnight Deputy Hastings."

"Good night Emily."

Alex winces at the use of her newly given name of her new identity. Her tears form more freely just as she realizes she has no idea how long she is going to have to go by this so called 'Emily'.

"My name is Alex…"

1-6 Precinct; Manhattan, NY

Kim strides into the SVU squad room, not the least bit of surprised when she is met with nothing but complete silence before she makes her presence known. It has been a while since she's worked an SVU case, and that was only one case. It actually kills her to witness the heaviness of the atmosphere in the room.

"Kim? What are you doing here? You're at homicide right?" Elliot asks curiously as he swivels in his chair to be met with the brunette attorney. "What's going on?"

"I'm your pending ADA for the moment until the office can transfer in a new one." Kim speaks quietly, her exhaustion displayed evidently in her voice. "For the meantime your cases will be split between me and my supervisor. Abbie is in a meeting at the moment which means that I'm the one here making the house call. I have a meeting with Cragen in an hour but I thought I would come a little early to check on everyone." She concludes before her eyes land on an empty desk. "Where's Liv?"

For a brief moment, Elliot looks as if he has seen a ghost as is face turns paper white and he turns back around towards his desk. "Haven't seen her." he responds quickly, ducking his head down as his pen hastily scratches across a report.

Kim quirks an eyebrow and sets her brief case on the floor before leaning against the detective's desk. "There's something that you're not telling me, Stabler. Spit it out." she demands, slipping into her courtroom voice.

"Really Kim, if Olivia hasn't told you then it really isn't my business to tell and I promised I wouldn't say anything." Elliot replies quietly as he ducks his head once again.

"Elliot, I have not slept for the past three and a half days. I am tired, I have a constant headache, I have been on my feet for the past three hours, and I have not eaten anything since twelve noon as of yesterday. It would be in your best interest to tell me the whereabouts of Detective Benson. So, I am going to ask you again; where is Olivia?" the exhausted attorney concludes with a low growl deep in her throat.

A shudder involuntarily runs down Elliot's spin as he sets down his pen and hesitantly looks up. "I got here this morning and she wasn't here and her desk was clear. I'm about to start asking questions and the next thing I know is Cragen's coming out to tell us Liv turned in her shield and left. That is literally all I know. I've called her, I've texted, left voice mails. Hell, I even called the hospital to see if she was there with Serena but she's not. I dunno where she is."

Kim's eyes widen in complete shock as her jaw practically hits the for and it takes her a moment to compose her self. "You mean she quit and she's just gone?" she screeches before her eyes widen once again but this time her face contorts into anger. "She legitimately decided she was going to run off when her wife is in the hospital alone and practically paralyzed from the waist down?! Of all times, THIS ONE is the one she decides to leave?! Where is she Elliot?!"

"I'm not lying to you, Kim, I'm not. I really have no idea where she is."

"Well she better hope that I'm not the first one to find her."

Gee, I don't know about you guys, but I definitely wouldn't want a cranky Greylek looking for ME. Leave your thoughts?