Note: I thought all along that I was misrepresenting things and being lazy by calling the language that Buck and Nat speak Russian. I thought it should be properly called Cyrillic. After a little bit of reading, I found that the spoken language is properly called Russian, but that the alphabet the Russian language is written in is called Cyrillic. Other Slavic languages which are not Russian also use the Cyrillic alphabet. So much to learn! I know it's been a long time and I'm sorry for that. There's so much going on in the world right now. I probably read the news and worry too much. I should distract myself from distressing news with writing instead, right? This story is not over. I haven't given up. I think we're about 2/3 or ¾ done with it. Steve still has some development to do. Thank you for your patience. (Or if you're not patient, then I thank you for your tolerance) Oh, disclaimer… Any account of a real person in this story is for entertainment purposes only and is fictional, of course.


The Soldier hit the mat with a grunt but he didn't stay there. Natalia was too fast to risk lying around for. She was on him in an instant, giving him no mercy, no time to get his weight squared on his feet. Her body hammered him, elbows, knees, fists, all in the brief moment it took her to slither around him. He knew her intent was to use her momentum to pull him off his feet again. He'd taught her that. He bore the blows, then locked her in a hard grip as she moved past him.

At the last moment when her weight had him almost on the mats again he pivoted on his heel and used her momentum to put her down instead. His left shoulder plowed into her sternum hard, all his weight behind it, and his hand gripped tight around her throat. She wasn't done, like many other opponents would have been. Her heart was painfully squashed between her sternum and her spine and she couldn't breathe, but she didn't give up. Her legs and body were powerful and she used them to try to lever him off of her. He used that against her too. The more she bucked and fought against him, the more pressure and weight ended up over her heart and throat. He admired and anticipated her moves, balancing his body above her and countering to keep his weight where he wanted it. She was serum enhanced almost like he was, but she had to breathe eventually.

"Stop," he told her.

Her eyes glittered up at him from a red face, oxygen deprivation beginning to make her sluggish. Natalia quit fighting him as he asked. He'd had enough of fighting for now. He wanted something different. She was delightfully sly, likely to strike at him after a call for peace, to make him fight some more for what he wanted. He took away the pressure from her chest and her throat and rolled to lie beside her. His open posture left him vulnerable, but she would correctly interpret that as refusal to fight anymore. He didn't want to fight and his standing orders were to do what he wanted.

"You use this as an opportunity to be lazy like a child," she accused him.

Her voice was rough and she coughed.

"Those are your instructions, boss lady. If you do not like this sort of situation with me then you should change the rules," he replied.

"The rules stand unchanged for now. I can see that you enjoy having your way," she smirked.

"Certainly. Am I not a poor, mistreated victim? Shouldn't I have what I want?" he asked.

"Steve would be confused. You speak like a Brooklyn boy, but in the wrong language," she said.

"You are good at this Natalia, so credit yourself with my progress. I no longer know who I am. Possibly I am all of them? Bucky Barnes has learned to speak Russian somewhere along the way. Or the Soldier has learned to appreciate American humor. Prepare me, Natalia. Whoever I am, I think I want to fuck you," he said.

"Jarvis," Nat said.

"Privacy protocol engaged," Jarvis automatically responded.

The lock bolts slid into place on the training room doors and the windows looking out to the hallway went opaque white.

"You're a lot of work, Barnes," Nat said.

She rolled to her side and propped her head on her hand. Her other hand worked at freeing him from his athletic shorts. It took quite a bit of time and manipulation to get him from a soft state to something usable.

"Why are you doing this? You tell me to do what I want, but I feel I might be forcing you to participate. This is not good for a man's conscience, if I chose to be the kind of man who has a conscience," he said.

Buck rolled onto his side to face her. He frowned at her. This didn't feel much different from a medical procedure. At least Kenya pretended to be turned on when he'd paid her to spend time with him. Natalia gave him no such performance. She worked him dutifully, patiently in her hand.

"And now you speak English with a Russian cadence. Your mind is as nimble as your body," she said, ignoring his plea to salve his guilt.

"Talia, stop," Buck told her.

He put down a hand to still her motions. He smirked at the momentary clash of wills over his dick. He'd said that he wanted to fuck, so she was determined to see that Bucky Barnes got what he wanted. She was plenty complex enough to punish him with guilt for daring to use his reconditioning to get sex. Fortunately, his left hand was strong enough to make her stop trying to tug at him.

"Is this what you want?" he asked her bluntly.

"You're the only one here I can have sex with without things getting complicated. So yes, this is what I want. We both get what we want, though a girl could wish it wasn't so difficult to get some enthusiasm out of you," Nat said.

Bucky let go of her wrist and she resumed trying to work him to hardness. It wasn't possible to tell if she was lying, but he suspected that the simple truth served her just as well at the moment as a lie would have.

"I'm telling you that I want to. Isn't that enthusiasm enough, all things considered?" he asked.

Natalia rolled her eyes and worked at him harder. Hell, even if he didn't have a chemical suppressing his sexual response, her bored tedium would have made it difficult for him to get it up. Buck knocked her hand away from him and moved atop her. He reached down to do things himself, his left hand bracing his weight above her shoulder. He took a moment to push her legs open and tug her shorts aside. She looked slightly more satisfied.

"That's a little better," she commented.

"Yeah I know I'm a job and all, but your attitude isn't helping," he grumbled.

"It makes me angry," she said out of nowhere.

He liked the crimp of tension in her brow. She rarely showed real emotion, but that little crease was more genuine than any of her words.

"We were good together before they did this to you," she said.

"We were," Buck agreed.

He got rougher with himself. Pain sometimes spurred a reaction when gentleness wouldn't. It worked well enough for him to get inside. Natalia made a face, but she accommodated him.

"You were larger then," she commented.

"Geez, lady, you're gonna kill what little I've got," Buck grumbled.

Natasha surprised herself with a tomboyish gurgle of a laugh and he smiled briefly. More than all the mental manipulation and the anguish of the reconditioning therapy he was enduring, that strange, genuine laugh from Natasha seemed surreal. Her laughter was always carefully charming, sexy, or chilling. The odd outburst of awkward humor was like catching a glimpse of an exceedingly rare species of animal.

His mind began to second-guess the authenticity of her laugh, but then he made himself stop thinking of it. Too much thinking and he'd lose what progress he'd made toward being sexually functional. It felt moderately pleasant to be inside of her. As long as he kept moving, it should be enough to eventually get him off if she didn't nag him to death first.

"Take me with you," she said into the quiet.

"Where?" he asked.

The pace he set certainly wasn't athletic enough to keep him from talking in a normal tone. The sex wasn't very exciting, so he was far from out of breath.

"The next time you hit a Hydra base. I want to burn them for what they've done to you," Nat told him.

"We'll see. I was thinking about taking Steve along if I can get him to unbend a little and throw out the book," Buck said.

"Never. He'll want to keep casualties to a minimum," Nat told him.

Bucky sighed in resignation.

"He made me promise not to go it alone again," Buck grumbled.

Natalia felt warm and nice inside. He was a little harder now, so maybe she wouldn't stay disappointed through to the end. It pleased him that she rested a hand companionably on his arm while they talked. It was a small gesture, surely not a passionate one, but all the more genuine for its willingness.

"You're going to keep your word?" she asked.

"C'mon. It's Steve. He made me promise," Buck complained.

Nat smiled a little and nodded. She seemed to understand the compulsion of not disappointing Steve unless you really needed to. For that, he changed the angle of his hips for her. Nat laid her head back and closed her eyes. Her fingers tightened on his arm.

"I don't know what to wish for, Natalia. I could wish that it could be like it used to be for me and you. But then I wouldn't be able to help Steve with the girl. I got so much when I was a young punk and he didn't get any. Don't you think it's worth a miserable fuck now so he can finally have his turn?" Buck asked.

Things were feeling better. He was relieved that it was building this time, not fizzling out as it sometimes did. He doubled-down on his efforts before the hint of pleasure could slip away. Natalia did something and tightened around him. Yeah, that was good. He was less likely to lose it now.

"Barnes, shut up," Natalia said.

Finally, he felt fully hard. He used it to get her there. The only outward sign that she was coming was her slightly deeper breathing. At least he could feel her clenching around him, so he knew she'd made it. It took him another minute and a half of hard work to get himself there. The pleasure was mild and brief. It was better than nothing. He could admit to himself that it helped his ego to fight past what Hydra had done to him. Then he grunted in anger that he'd thought of Hydra during orgasm. Anger spurred him yet again. It wasn't much of an orgasm if he could think through it.

"Fuck!" he cursed.

Buck clasped his head in his hands and rolled off of her.

"Barely," Nat commented.

She snapped her underwear and the leg of her shorts back into place and got to her feet. Buck squared himself away and followed her over to the stack of unused mats. She got her towel and wiped at her clammy skin. He did the same, then frowned at her when she used her towel to wipe at the excess fluid on her thigh. She started to toss the towel in the laundry bin by the door on their way out, but he caught it.

"You know better," he said.

He shoved the soiled towel in his bag.

"I wasn't thinking," Nat told him.

Bucky looked harshly at her. Either she had been testing him to see if he was unfailingly vigilant about his DNA, or she was trying to get him to believe that she was a mere human, forgetful sometimes when her guard was down.

"You can shower with me at my place if it makes you feel more secure. Honestly, Barnes. I haven't had to worry about bio-security like you have. You know my ovaries are gone, so there's nothing for anyone to take from me. I was treating you like a regular guy. I'm sorry," she said.

Buck nodded. He went with her to her suite. She wasn't hurt that he didn't trust her with his semen. Personal security measures became a habit that was hard to break. She let him wash her in the shower so that he could know that everything went down the drain. It had been two hours since he'd said the words that turned him into the Soldier and he was acting more like it now than he had in the training room. It felt like progress that she wasn't afraid of him, especially with her naked and as vulnerable as she would ever be with him. He was cold and efficient while he cleaned her, but he didn't feel threatening.

Something about his gorgeous hard body and that silver arm aroused her more than their utilitarian fumbling on the mats had. She hooked a slick, soapy leg over his hip and pushed him back against the shower tiles. The move was open and nearly off-balance. Vulnerable, almost clumsy. He wouldn't read it as an attack.

"I can't get hard again this soon," he warned her.

She took his right hand and guided his fingers to where she wanted them.

"That I can do," he agreed.

Buck wasn't excited about more sex, but it felt good to be wanted. Natalia was working hard to help him get his head straight and he was grateful for her efforts. The least he could do for her was a little thing like this. For whatever reason she'd tolerated crappy sex from him, it was probably the same reason he applied himself to the rote memory of how to get a girl off manually.

There was no love here, nor any real affection. Time and misery had beaten the possibility of that out of them. What they had was history and understanding. A common enemy, and a common friend. It was enough for now.


"No, Tony. I'm funding this," Steve argued down the length of the conference table.

They stared each other down. Steve wouldn't have minded splitting the cost of production of the PR short films they were going to make, but the way Tony was trying to insist, Steve knew his angle. If he let Tony put cash into this, Tony would insist on getting his way in some ways Steve was sure he would regret. Like revolvers at high noon, they stared each other down. Another comment from Tony, and Steve would have to fire back another refusal. Tony knew why Steve was insisting on paying for everything. Steve saw Tony's resentment at being thwarted from having his way. Steve held his ground and stared at his billionaire friend with silent tenacity.

Tony snapped his cushy leather chair upright and got up to fix himself another cup of coffee at the sideboard. It was an effective way of ending the staring contest without looking like he'd conceded.

Pepper smirked and shared a tight smile with Maria Hill.

"Now that that's settled… Makeup. I know the artist who did-" Pepper stopped talking because Steve was already shaking his head.

"No makeup. I want this to look real, not touched up. You've got free reign with wardrobe, Pep, but I want this to look more like home-made movies," Steve said.

Natasha pushed into the door of the conference room and took her usual place next to Clint's empty seat. The archer had asked for some time off and Steve had gladly granted him leave. Nat's hair was slightly dark and damp and she smelled like she'd just showered. Tony set a coffee in front of her and she looked at the man, surprised at his kindness.

Tony carried his refreshed mug back to his seat.

"If you'd let me help, you wouldn't have to go low-budget," Tony commented.

"Budget isn't the issue. I want the pieces to look approachable, not glossy and removed from anything that could happen in the viewer's daily life," Steve insisted.

"Gopro," Natasha said.

"No. Not professional. Didn't you hear what I just said?" Steve frowned at her.

"Relax, Cap. A Gopro is a high resolution personal camera, made for people to take on vacation to capture action videos of them skiing, mountain climbing, landscapes, having fun with the family, anything they do. It's decent quality imaging, but it doesn't scream high production value. People will recognize the format and know that the shorts were recorded with a camera that almost anyone could purchase," she explained to him.

Steve felt heat flush his face at having over-reacted and snapped at Natasha when he'd merely misunderstood what she'd meant. She was being helpful and she had a good idea. He knew he was irritable today. It was difficult to keep his mind off of Estrella, wondering how she was settling in at Wanda's place, hoping she was safe outside of the tower. He missed her. He wanted to at least touch her hand or hear her voice, but she was gone. Steve closed his eyes and ground his molars together. He had to focus on work.

Thor grunted briefly at him, a low sound of encouragement and understanding. Steve loosened his jaw and looked to Natasha.

"No apologies. Let's move on," she said before he could open his mouth, "Do you have ideas about content?"

"We could do something with the bike, get some scenes from all around the country. I want people to recognize their region and feel included," Steve said.

Pepper got up from her seat and came toward him. He heard her murmur to Jarvis about illumination and the lights got a lot brighter in his end of the room. Steve squinted his eyes at the brightness, but Pepper came to take his chin and tilt his face up. She studied him impersonally, his hair, his skin, his eyes.

"You're right. I could use you to sell skin products. You don't need makeup," she said.

Steve ignored her cool touch on his face and got his thoughts back to business.

"We should do a group piece with all of us. Something funny, with a soft edge. People only see us tearing things up. It wouldn't hurt to humanize the Avengers for them," Tony suggested.

"I am not human," Thor pointed out.

"You look human. It could work," Tony said.

"That's a great idea. Flesh it out and we'll do it," Steve said.

Tony looked surprised.

"You like one of my ideas?" Tony asked.

"Sure," Steve said.

They both startled and Bruce applauded them with a slow clap.

Maria looked around the room. Her brow was low and serious.

"We might have a problem with optics," she said.

Steve looked to her curiously.

"Blonde, blonde," she pointed from Thor to Clint's empty chair, "Redhead, blonde, rich guy."

"Sam. Rhodey. Nick." Tony added.

"We're not using Sam or Rhodey as tokens. They're in it with a major role that's worthy of who they are, or they're not in it at all," Steve said.

Sam shook his head.

"I don't do bikes and I don't want my face everywhere. I'd never hear the end of it back home with the family. I'm just here to work. I don't need an action-figure," he said.

"Alright, but be aware that an apparent lack of diversity could give the wrong message," Hill said.

"Does green count as diverse?" Bruce asked quietly.

Pepper and Thor smiled at him. Tony made a thoughtful face, then shook his head.

"We know who we are. Nick Fury is the father of the Avengers if anyone is, but we can't out him. Sam, if you don't want to be on film we'll respect that. Colonel Rhodes is welcome if there's a natural role for him, but he's not a regular part of the Avengers and people know it. I'm not going to shoe-horn in a person of color just for the sake of doing so. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't on that issue," Steve said.

They were quiet for a moment, then Bruce spoke up again.

"I'm serious. If I do this, I'll be green. I don't want my face out there either."

Steve waited to hear more of his thoughts.

"He likes ice cream. Ice cream is non-threatening," Bruce said.

Steve smiled and nodded.

Pepper quickly typed notes onto her pad. She looked enthused about Bruce's idea though she didn't comment.

"Creativity isn't like battle planning. It's not all going to happen here at the table. I have ideas when it's quiet and I'm alone. We should group message for when we think of things. Everybody has input. Keep in mind that our goal is to counter Hydra's divisive, selfish aims and to appeal to a sense of service and community. Stay positive. If you think of anything at all, get it to the group. Jarvis, will you sort our ideas for clear presentation at the next meeting?" Steve asked.

"Certainly," the AI answered.

"We've already begun an effective PR campaign thanks to you, Captain," Maria said.

"Have you looked at the numbers?" Natasha turned to ask him.

"What numbers?" Steve wondered.

"Roll it, J," Tony said.

"How can you not be aware?" Thor asked.

The room darkened and the viewer in the presentation frame lit up. The barbershop video that Estrella had taken with her phone appeared in still frame, then began playing.

"Guys, come on. I don't need to see it. I was there," Steve said.

"You need to understand what's happening and how things are received by the public," Pepper told him.

Steve set his jaw and watched the three minutes of edited singing that he'd already heard too much about. This wasn't meant to be a PR piece! It was personal. Had everyone seen it? He noticed the hit count at the bottom of the YouTube frame. It was staggering. Half of the population of the United States had seen it globally, and maybe the residents of some small village somewhere hadn't liked it. He studied the piece critically and tried to be aloof from the funny feeling that watching himself always gave him.

Tony clapped theatrically at the end of it and Thor smiled. Steve supposed it wasn't too bad. Then he noticed some of the viewer comments that Jarvis scrolled down to. 'OMG! He sings?' was a common theme. 'That shit auto-tuned' was shouted down by long screes of cursing in defense of Steve's vocal skills. Lots of people demanded to know who had done the recording, who the Captain was in love with. Several rebutted that he wasn't in love with anyone, it was just the words of the song, or that he was gay, or that it was heartbreaking and meant for Peggy Carter. It all made him think hard about public response.

"Exactly what they're saying doesn't matter as much as the fact that they're saying it. There's massive interest in the Captain. This lets us know that any PR pieces we put out with you in them will have high circulation. It's worth putting our time into this. We're going to hurt Hydra's ability to influence people toward their way of thinking. What little recruitment they have left should diminish further, if we do this right," Hill said with a confident smile.

Another image replaced the YouTube comments on the viewer.

Steve grunted.

It was him and Estrella on the street from right before the last Avengers mission. The back of Estrella's head and shoulders were all that could be seen of her, and one of her hands touching his arm. His right arm was up, hand extended, Iron Man's metallic gauntlet in view coming to grip and lift him. Steve's eyes were shut and he was kissing the girl with the long dark hair. Their mouths couldn't be seen from the camera angle behind Estrella's head, but from the romantically intent look on the rest of his face, it was clear what the Captain was doing. There was a dark blur at the very edge of the image, nothing detailed enough to identify Bucky. The rest of the New York City street background and the surrounding pedestrians were out of focus.

"It's an iconic shot Steve, whether you're comfortable with it or not. I know you don't pay attention to television or mainstream news, but it's been all over the media for the last few days. People love it. Jarvis, comments please," Maria said.

Lines and lines of comments scrolled on the viewer. Some people appreciated the image because it was iconic, as Maria suggested. It was being compared to the Kissing Sailor V-J Day image of 1945. 'Steve Rogers finally celebrates the end of the war' was a common sentiment, along with people madly interested in knowing who he was kissing. A comment which set off cold alarm in him was 'this has to be the person who took the barbershop vid!'

"Get rid of it," Steve growled.

"I'm afraid things have gone beyond that possibility," Jarvis said apologetically.

Jarvis flashed images of fan art that was already out there, the kissing image of him and Estrella manipulated so that Steve was wearing his old Cap uniform from the war, the shield on his back, his uplifted hand instead showing a 'V for victory' sign, and a white nurse's uniform on Estrella. Someone had left them as they were, but made it black and white and snipped them into the original V-J Day image instead of the kissing sailor and the nurse. A few were racier, but Jarvis respected his sensibilities and blurred past those quickly enough to merely let him know that the images were out there. There were children's line drawings which made Steve grumble in disapproval even more, and several with flowery embellishments and rosy coloring. Many of those were just plain embarrassing.

"Get rid of it," Steve said again, and Jarvis understood that he meant merely the image on the viewer in front of him.

Steve ground his teeth as hard as he ever had. Loud exclamations of curse words shouted in his mind, but he squeezed his eyes shut and made do with the quiet grind of his teeth. The lights in the conference room brightened to normal, but his team was silent in their seats until Steve unclenched enough to let out a slow, controlled breath.

The smell of ink assaulted his nose. His hand felt slick and goopy. Steve looked down to see a splintered ink pen dead in his fist. He set the messy thing down atop the blank legal pad near his elbow. Tony got up and brought him a wad of paper napkins. Steve absently began wiping ink from his hand.

Tony's grip was warm on his shoulder.

"It happens. You can go public and brazen it out, or you can hide her away and play dumb. That never worked for me, but you've got us and you've got Jarvis. Maybe you can play it off if Estrella isn't seen with you anymore," Tony said low and calm.

"Can we stop talking about her for five minutes?" Steve asked testily.

Tony studied Steve's pained, stiff expression.

"Yeah. We're done here. Break for lunch," Tony announced.

"It's nine forty-five," Bruce said.

"Then it's brunch. Go," Tony said.

The team left the room. Steve stayed sitting. Tony flopped gracelessly into the chair Natasha had warmed.

Steve didn't want to hear anything else. He almost warned Stark against opening his mouth, but he didn't. Tony sat with him and waited. Steve finished smearing around the blue-black stains on his hands and set the mangled napkins down.

"Nat's right. I'm going to get her killed," he said.

Tony made an ambiguous noise.

"You think there's any possibility that Hydra hasn't cross-analyzing every bit of recent imagery of me with any dark-haired woman? What have I done?" Steve seethed quietly.

"I already had Jarvis run the probability. The only known identifying link that would be any danger was the Mexican gang web page devoted to Ix-Chel. It was an obscure page with a modest hit count, one outdated image of her, and J scrubbed it before anyone would have thought to make the connection. There's plenty of stuff from our night dancing at Romero's, but we had you dance with several people that night. She's there in the videos that people uploaded, but her hair is a lot shorter and spiked red and she's much slimmer. Without a face on this new street image, I don't think people will make a hard connection to the girl you danced with at Romero's," Tony said.

"Call everybody back in. I want those last three Hydra bases gone. I don't care what we have to do to pin them down. Someone is going to use this to get at me, with her," Steve said.

Tony sat forward and leaned his elbow on the corner of the table between them. If he wasn't going to move, then Steve would do it himself. He started to get up and go call the team back, but Tony grabbed his arm.

"Sit down. We have time to think," Tony told him.

"She's out there with nothing but civ-level hard structure around her. I'm going-"

"No, you're not. You feel raw right now. Everything you think of feels urgent and you want it done yesterday. Stop feeling and think, Steve. God, you're useless. Shouldn't have even come to the office this morning," Tony chastised him gently.

Steve's automatic response was to lash out verbally and he almost did so. Then he didn't. Tony was right. He was acting like an idiot. Too reactive to everything.

"I'm not going to try to tell you how to feel because it won't matter. You're a miserable bastard and nothing is going to change that until you get it through your head that she didn't leave you," Tony said.

"She did," Steve pointed out, "and you knew she was gonna do it. You didn't tell me, and you knew."

"The girl didn't have a choice, Rogers! Lie to me, boy scout, I dare you. Tell me that you would have let her leave like she needed to if you knew about it ahead of time. Barnes knew she was moving out, and so did Romanoff. Go bitch at them about it," Tony said.

Steve temporarily burned away his worry for Estrella with the dear desire to punch right through Tony's face.

"Astin Reeve," Tony said.

Steve narrowed his eyes and refused to ask for more details. Tony ignored him and went on anyway.

"Astin Reeve was the first girl I loved. Dad didn't approve of her because the Vanderbilts didn't approve of us. We're all 'new money', but Stark money was a little newer than Vanderbilt money, so it wasn't as good. Security was ludicrously easy to get around back then and me and Astin were bored. It was just dogs and simple wiring. No internet at all. Grand-mammy Gloria spewed a brick when her precious one turned up breeding with a lowly Stark whelp. Am I going too fast for you here, Cap?" Tony wondered.

"Gloria Vanderbilt. You knocked up her grand-daughter," Steve said with a frown.

"Right. You were paying attention. I'm flattered," Tony said with false flirtatiousness, fluttered eyelashes and an effeminate hand gesture.

Steve was too concerned about Estrella and impatient to get out there and protect her to have much time for Tony's theatrics, but he couldn't stop a faint smile at the effort Stark was making to tell his story.

"Granny Glory called in her clan plus my father. They and their egos inadvertently ripped any social standing Astin had to shreds. Gloria demanded a remedy for damage done to her family's pedigree, and of course Howard had to get prickly at the insult. So then came the headline that Astin was going to marry into the vastly superior Stark fortune, thus snubbing her nose at her family. Nobody asked me or Astin what we thought about it," Tony said.

Steve couldn't resist asking, though he told himself that he didn't want to know. Tony was going somewhere with this and he may as well hurry him along.

"What happened?"

"Astin went into depression and never came out. There were drugs, then more drugs. A brief stay in private rehab, which I busted her out of. We went on a road-trip that stopped at the business end of a very unamused U. S. Marshall. The whole thing was in the papers for months. I couldn't turn on the radio without hearing my name connected to the old woman and her family," Tony said irreverently, but Steve could see something else in his eyes.

"How did it end?" Steve asked somberly.

"Astin committed suicide after they brought her home. I still don't know whether to be sad or relieved that she never was pregnant to begin with. She was a good girl, but intelligent and shy. I knew from the start that I was only an adventure for her, a little taste of rebellion. The family drama and the media frenzy were too much. If our families had left us alone and let it go quietly, nothing ever would have come of it, and Astin would likely be a snooty society mama like all the rest of them today, but with some blue-blood's kids rather than mine. Not for lack of trying on my part. I was thirteen. Probably still shooting blanks," Tony said.

"Thirteen? Tony! That's-" Steve sputtered.

"I know. I was a horrible little cretin. Not like it changes your opinion of me. Can anyone here tell me the moral of the story, as relates to current events?" Tony asked like a school teacher.

Steve slumped back in his chair and let out a breath that seemed to deflate his urgency.

"Haste makes waste, tragically for Astin. Tony, I'm really sorry that happened to you and to her," Steve said.

"Yeah, yeah. It was decades ago. Old pain, lesson learned and all that. Will you cool your nads long enough to think before you go out there and draw what's left of Hydra right to your girl? I'm telling you that they don't know about her yet. If you go roaring across town to save her right now, you'll only make things worse. Sit tight and try to use your brain, no matter how much your heart and your balls are aching," Tony told him.

Steve winced. Despite the story, Tony was a master at begging to get punched in the teeth. Sad anecdotes didn't equal hard data. Tony's experience might not be equivalent to where he found himself with Estrella. Gloria Vanderbilt wasn't exactly Hydra, though Tony's tone when speaking of the woman let Steve know she was thought of as a close runner-up.

"How do you know Hydra is unaware of Estrella?" Steve asked.

"There's no chatter. I was going to tell you at the next meeting, because this one was all about the PR campaign. Me and Jarvis bugged into some of their communications. We've got them on the run. They're mostly defensive, but they're desperate to get a hit on us. It's difficult for them to organize anything tactical because we've taken down so much of their infrastructure, but they're angry enough that they'd find a way if they knew about her. They fucking hate you more than ever. Let's give some credit where it's due… they hate me too, but you're their absolute all-time favorite. If they knew anything about Estrella they'd have already tried to get to her, but there's no mention of her at all," Tony assured.

Steve sat and tuned Tony out momentarily. His mind hummed through strategy, probability, options, logic.

When he had a plan, he focused his eyes to the room again, surprised to see Tony still sitting there.

Stark was smiling at him. Why was he smiling? It didn't matter. He had things to do.

"We're out until after lunch. I gotta go," Steve said.

Tony got up to leave the room with him. The man was still grinning.

"What?" Steve asked him suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing. I'm continually amazed by the wonders of Stark technology," Tony said.

He patted Steve on the shoulder like a proud papa.

"It was Doctor Erskine, Tony. And my parents. And God. And Howard. You weren't around, so you can't take credit for me," Steve said.


Estrella wasn't happy to see him. Bucky knew that the security monitor showed him waiting outside the door of the apartment. The girl took her time letting him in.

"'Morning," he said.

She barely stood aside to let him enter. Buck shut the door and secured it. Wanda was already away to work. His look around showed an unremarkable city apartment. The building was middling old, refurbished several times. He wouldn't call the place nice but it was respectable and comfortable, a hell of a lot better than his abandoned place in Brooklyn.

"I have work to do. Why are you here?" Estrella asked him.

"Lots of hits on social media, images of you and him. Hydra's itching to get at him. He's antsy," Buck said and shrugged as if that completely explained his presence in Wanda's apartment.

Estrella narrowed her eyes at him. The girl was a looker, even in a slouchy oversized shirt and unflattering sweatpants. Her skeptical pout made him grin. A pretty girl sticking out her lip at him was vaguely familiar and made him feel young again.

"Never mind me. Go work. I'll stay outta your way," Buck promised.

Personally, he'd let her get away with it if she wanted to smack him for intruding on her work day uninvited. Lucy's recent visit was all because of her and he was thankful.

Buck took a walk through the apartment to get a feel for the situation. There was the usual hum of latent appliances in the kitchen and the living room. Wanda had a smart alarm clock in her bedroom, and the energy meter for the rental unit pinged updates to wherever power meters sent such things. Then there was the known Stark surveillance tech that went with the security system. He was fast learning the subtle feel of Stark tech. It was somehow quieter and smoother than other electronic signals, more like a refined personality than a mindless data ping.

"J?" Bucky asked quietly as he settled on the couch in the living room.

"How may I assist?" Jarvis replied so low he was sure the girl wouldn't hear.

As usual, the AI's voice projected from an angle designed to make him sound like he was everywhere, rather than coming from a point source.

"Just checking," Buck murmured.

Jarvis let it pass without further comment. Bucky had grown accustomed to working with Jarvis during their op to exterminate the Ix-Chel gang members. For more than a week, he'd lived with the AI in his ear, at his side like a physical partner, nearly omnipotent in its ability to predict immediate events and see around corners and through walls. The AI had likewise become accustomed to James Barnes' terse, nearly silent mannerisms. There was no need to chit-chat unless and until action was needed.

He could feel the presence of a few discreet other devices, and likely Jarvis could sense them too. The tiny specks of tech in his awareness had the sharp, faint feel of Natalia's gear. Expensive, precise, expendable; like imaginary needles prickling across his skin.

Nothing would happen in this place without Jarvis and Natalia knowing about it. He wouldn't tell Estrella. She would be angry to know about all the surveillance, but he didn't care so much about her feelings. It was more important that she stay safe for Steve.

Buck settled on one end of the couch and let his awareness drift easy around the place. All he heard was the familiar hum of electricity, the rush of air through the vents, and Estrella's fingers typing on her laptop.

The girl sighed. He couldn't see her in her bedroom from where he was in the living room, but he knew agitation when he heard it. Buck turned sideways on the couch so he could at least see part of her if he looked into her bedroom doorway. All he could see of her was a sock-clad foot.

As the hours of the morning crept along she sighed many times, each sigh seeming more tense than the one before. Her typing fingers didn't slow down, but she was becoming agitated.

"Take a break. C'mere," Buck called to her.

He hoped she got angry at him for telling her what to do. Maybe if she had somebody to yell at she'd feel better. Steve was just as miserable as she was and neither of them wanted to talk about it.

Estrella reluctantly left her bedroom in the hall and joined Bucky at the other end of the couch, where his foot moved aside to make room for her. Again, she glared at him with a put-upon pout.

Buck leaned near her until he had his face at her neck. He took a deep sample of her scent today, then retreated back to his seat. Estrella pulled away from his intrusion of her personal space and glared at him.

"No worries. Needed to know. You smell better today, but it's nothing to me. You feeling alright?" Buck asked.

Estrella turned her face aside and jutted her chin. It reminded him strongly of the time on the bench in front of the coffee shop when he'd had to come down and save her unconscious ass from a pack of street thugs. Same pretty bones, but a lot more flesh and attitude.

"You want him," she stated and cut her eyes aside at him accusingly.

"Fuck, no. I told him he was gonna have to explain that to you, but he didn't. Why the hell do you think I want him? I don't want anybody. Ask Natalia," Buck said.

Estrella looked at him suspiciously, clearly unconvinced.

"You gotta understand. Things were different. When me and Stevie were kids, young guys, and all through the war, men could be pals. Good pals. You could be close and nobody thought you were gay. People could walk with their arms over each other's shoulders and nobody looked at you twice. That shit at his place yesterday, it's not like you're thinking. And besides, he'd have never popped off under me if you hadn't just been winding him up. Your fault, girlie, not mine," Buck assured her.

Estrella turned to look directly at him and gave him a narrow-eyed glare. Her demeanor was so typically that of a dangerously irate Latina that Buck could hardly keep from laughing but he managed to keep a straight face.

"How many times did I tell you it was time to go, that you were waiting too late? I warned you it was gonna be a mess, didn't I? You know that he's all soft inside. If you get past his shell he's like melted chocolate all over ya. You know he's smart, too. Wily little shit isn't above taking advantage of our friendship if he thinks he can sweet-talk his way past me to get to you. That's what that was. You shoulda heard him after you left. Caterwauling about wanting you. If you think he's after me, then you don't know how wrong you are," Buck said.

"I didn't say he wanted you. I said you want him," Estrella told him.

"And I just told you I don't. Not like that. I wanna be near him, sure. He's all I have left. Well, not really, now that you got Lucy to come around for me," Buck grinned at her and Estrella had to stoke up her anger to avoid smiling back at him, "I'm not right in the head yet, Estrella. I need Steve. I can't help but remember who I used to be when I'm around him. You should let it go because it's nothin like you make it out to be. You know you're just a hormonal broad, anyway."

Outrage flared up in her and she was on him before she could think better of it. Buck sprawled back and raised his hands defensively while she climbed over to pound at him with her fists. He laughed and it made her angrier. She aimed for his smiling face but she couldn't land a punch on him. That enraged her even more. How careful he was to avoid hurting her while he pushed her aggression aside made her see red with fury. He wasn't even trying! His eyes were closed, he was laughing so hard! How was he still blocking her hits?

"Ah, kitten, you gotta stop or you're gonna bruise up your hands," Buck finally gasped.

He sat up on the couch and tumbled her back onto her end of it. Her wrists were caught in the careful circle of his hands. She tugged away from him and he let her go. She scowled at him, but his good humor was damnably infectious. That made her mad, too. She was tired of fighting. Tired of stress. And she was only at the beginning. Her being a 'hormonal broad' was going to go on for days. It was going to get much worse.

"Okay," she said in defeat.

"Okay, what?" Buck asked.

The girl was curled into her end of the seat. She'd let her hair fall down to cover her face.

"Okay. I believe you. And I'm hormonal. It's only going to get worse. I don't want you here. You'll see, and you're loyal to him, and I don't want him to know. When it gets bad, he'll come over if he knows, and then all of this will be for nothing," she said, then sighed, "You could have let me hit you at least one time."

"Nah. I'da let you hit my belly, but bones are hard. Aim for the gut next time, not my face. Didn't want you to hurt your hand," Buck explained.

"I don't want you here," she repeated.

"Did you hear anything I've said? No way in hell am I tellin him what goes on with you here. He's already just about crawling outta his skin to get over here. We didn't tell him Wanda's address, but I bet he knows it. For the duration of whatever's gonna happen to you, you don't talk to him on the phone. No facetime, and don't text him if you don't trust yourself. That door," Buck nodded toward Wanda's new steel entry door, "might hold against a gang of street guys, and probably against a SWAT team for long enough to get help to you, but it won't hold against Steve. He'd rip it outta the wall or he'd go through the wall. We don't tell him anything. Far as he knows, no matter how bad it gets for you, we're cool as cucumbers over here. Alright?"

Estrella nodded. She glanced at him through her hair cautiously.

"You're not mad?" she asked.

"Why would I be mad?" Buck wondered.

"I attacked you," Estrella pointed out.

"You didn't attack me. You tickled my funny bone,"

"I still don't want you here," she said.

"Tough shit. We found out some things and Steve is worried. He sent me over here to keep an eye around the place. It's gotta be me for now, because Talia has work to do. You feel better now that you let off some steam?" Buck asked.

Estrella shrugged. She did feel better physically, but some things still bothered her.

"Your heart rate is slower. Your muscles aren't so tense. If you start winding up tight again take some slow, deep breaths. Fix us some lunch, then get back to work. It'll keep your mind off your troubles better than sitting around fretting over every little thing," Buck told her.

She whipped her hair aside and behind her shoulder to glare at him. He was so chauvinistic and infuriating! He- was being that way on purpose. She could tell from the smug grin he gave her that he knew he was being a shit. His mouth curled up at the corner until his teeth showed a little bit and he tilted his face up proudly.

"Oooooh!" she growled at him between her teeth.

Trying to fight him didn't do any good. His smart mouth was always ready to explain away anything. Instead of retaliating, she ignored him. Estrella got up, washed her hands, and fixed sandwiches for them. She thought of spilling his cold drink in his lap when she brought him his plate but she didn't want to stain Wanda's furniture.

She took her lunch to her room so she could be away from him and get back to her work as soon as she could. With her sandwich in one hand, she took a moment to text Steve with the thoughts that troubled her.

I'm sorry I acted the way I did these last few days. I'm sorry I made you act up, too. It's embarrassing that our friends saw us that way. I feel better today. I think being around you was making it worse, but it's not your fault. Bucky is here. He's still an asshole, but I see why you like him. He's loyal to you.

Estrella waited for a response. It was lunchtime. Steve should have the time to get her message and text her unless the Avengers were called out for something. He'd been so adamant about her not moving out, and about them being able to communicate while she was in isolation that she was sure he'd be eager to respond to her.

When he didn't, she eventually got her laptop and went back to her work for Stark Industries. It worried her that Steve was nonresponsive but there was nothing she could do about it. Working kept her from worrying too much. It was irritating to admit that Bucky was right. Slow, deep breathing did seem to help against the tension that wouldn't go away.


Tony had finally left him alone and Steve felt strangely calm for just having ended a conversation with Stark. Maybe because it had been a conversation instead of an argument.

Buck was away, so Steve knew that Estrella would be safe in a few minutes, soon as his friend got to Wanda's place.

Lunch. It was a little before noon. He could eat.

Steve didn't want to bother anybody to get something delivered and he didn't feel like putting on a polite face for the public outside the tower. He made his way down to the ground floor café. A quick scan of the room showed him that Sam and Thor were already there talking over their mostly empty plates. Both of his friends went quiet and Sam gave him a not-quite-smooth smile so he knew they'd probably been talking about him. Thor wasn't bothered to be caught talking. He smiled at Steve and gestured to their table.

Once he had a tray piled high with his favorites, Steve went to join them.

Sam talked about football and Thor argued with him while Steve ate. It was clearly busy-talk meant to take up the time while Steve fed himself. When his eating slowed enough that he felt he could talk between bites, he cut through the bullshit conversation to what they'd probably been talking about before.

"Tony said I shouldn't have come to work today. He's right. I apologize for being distracted," he told them.

Sam shook his head.

"You were on task. We got things done. It was Hill who derailed things with the media analysis. If not for that, you would've been fine. This all just went down yesterday, man. Cut yourself some slack," Sam said.

Thor didn't say anything, but he nodded agreement with Sam. There was kindness and understanding on his face, but also stern expectation that Steve would do as he should. That was comfort and encouragement stronger than words. Again, Steve felt warmed at the support of his friends. He looked away, down to his food. Buck was the best, but his newer friends were solid too. His emotions were running high today, making it hard to keep the cool demeanor of a good leader. He paid attention to his dessert instead of letting himself show undignified emotions again.

The chocolate pudding with dark chocolate shavings was very good so Steve took a moment to savor it from his spoon. Some chocolate things tasted synthetic and waxy these days, but not this. Tony and Pepper wouldn't have fake chocolate in any establishment they owned.

Before he ate the last bite of his pudding Steve felt his phone vibrate at his hip. It could be Buck. There could be trouble. Or it could be Estrella! He set his spoon down with a messy clatter and hurried to pull out his phone before it could even complete the buzz sequence to indicate who was texting him.

It was a message from Estrella. She was embarrassed, just like him. Steve smiled in relief at her complaining about Bucky. That felt right and normal, like nothing was wrong between them and she wasn't gone. He swiped to start responding to her message, but Sam's hand tapped at his.

"Uh-un. You don't wanna do that," Sam advised.

"Why not?" Steve asked sharply.

He so did. More than anything, he wanted to talk with Estrella while she seemed to be in a sweet, forgiving mood. Her words might even be implying that she understood about him embarrassing himself yesterday as she was leaving. He really needed…

"Remain aloof," Thor agreed with Sam.

"But she feels-"

"And you feel too. I get that. You feel a lot right now. Keep your cool. Let her wonder for a few hours. If you're always running to her, she's never going to feel the need to run to you," Sam told him.

The tables in the cafeteria were beginning to fill up with the usual lunch crowd but the three of them were back in a corner. Thor sent a slight frown to those who would have taken tables near them and people quickly decided it was best to sit elsewhere. Steve barely noticed. Estrella's message weighed heavy in his hand, begging a response.

He firmed his jaw against the impulse to text. Buck had said much the same thing. The distance between them could be put to good use, despite the pain of missing her.

"There you go, Cap. I knew you had it in you," Sam teased him.

Steve blew off that he'd been called by his title instead of his name. He knew what Sam meant. He could feel how his face looked. It took a strong dose of determination to slip his phone back into his pocket.

"Don't worry. You know she wants the D. She's not going to forget about you if you leave her be for several hours, or even til tomorrow. She's not the kind to go looking for it anywhere else," Sam assured.

Steve snapped a powerful frown in his direction. He didn't like anyone talking that way about Estrella, even if it was true.

"What does the lady desire? I don't underst- ah! Indeed," Thor said, at first confused, then smiling when the meaning became clear from the context of the conversation.

"I don't wanna hear that. Not about her," Steve ordered.

"I know, but you need some logic in there to grab onto while you drift in all those feelings. You know what you want. So does she. That's all I mean. There's more to it than that but if you're all about the feelings today, then that's an easy fact to comfort yourself with. Do you see her chasing after anybody else?" Sam asked pointedly.

Steve's lips pulled back from his teeth a little and a quiet growl was all he could get out through his clenched jaw. Sam's brows went up at the unexpectedly feral look on their normally mild Captain, but he knew Steve went a lot deeper than the super-hero persona.

"Easy, friend," Thor said.

He moved his hand to touch Steve's arm and distract him. It appeared uncertain whether Steven would make good on his unspoken threat. As Samuel said, the man was running more on feelings today than his usual good sense.

"Come on, Steve. Push past that and think about it," Sam encouraged him.

Steve sat back in his chair, away from Thor's hand, away from Sam's helpful attention. He looked out the glass wall at the crowds on the sidewalk instead. People. Movement. Traffic. It all blurred to gray disinterest while he thought.

No way would Estrella go seeking after another man just because she wasn't under the same roof with him anymore. She was still cautious of him sometimes, for brief moments when he wasn't careful enough. For all that she inherently disliked Buck, she still clung to him for safety when the attentions of other men turned to her on the street. She liked Thor and Bruce as long as they were kind and non-threatening. Tony was by turns endearing and annoying to her, certainly not a romantic interest despite his wealth or his looks. Clint… Steve still didn't understand why she felt comfortable around the archer. She didn't know him at all. Estrella was even suspicious and reserved around Billy the courier, who Steve considered harmless. Nick Fury had her literally cringing away.

Colin was the best example of someone who might be a threat to Estrella's fidelity to him, and she intentionally kept her distance from him with prickly impoliteness if she felt the need. Sam was right. The only kind of guy Estrella might tolerate would be someone completely non-threatening, barely male at all. And then, she likely wouldn't be interested in the man if her attraction to Colin and himself was any indication of her natural preferences.

Steve cleared his throat and nodded. He looked to Sam and opened his mouth.

"You are not at liberty to apologize. All of the women have instructed me that I am to remind you of it," Thor said.

Steve turned to Thor. He wanted to spit out a heart-felt 'fuck you.' Instead, he shut his mouth and returned Thor's teasing grin with a bright, false one.

"You may go fornicate with yourself, as well," Thor murmured.

Steve laughed.

"Are you sure you don't read minds?" he asked Thor.

"Mind reading is not needed when the sentiment is clear on your face," the big man responded.

The tension was broken. No apologies were needed. Sam tapped him on the shoulder and indicated that he should finish his pudding and also that all was forgiven.

Steve ate his dessert and was tempted to lick the bowl. It was good stuff. He still very much wanted to respond to Estrella's message. He thought hard, wondering when would be the right time to do so if he wasn't supposed to right now.

"Restrain yourself at least until the dusk when our day of work is done. If you are so strong of will, then waiting until just before your lady's bedtime would be even better," Thor told him, again as if he was a mind reader.

Steve frowned, but he nodded.


He could hear her breathing. As she worked through the afternoon, the girl became more and more tense. She was trying hard to control herself and stay focused and on task, but with increasing frequency the sound of her fingers on her keyboard would pause and she would take several slow, deep breaths. Bucky smiled. This wasn't easy on either of them, but they were doing good. Steve wasn't over here pounding the door down yet and the girl was keeping calm and busy. Estrella went from her room to the kitchen to get snacks several times but she always went back to work.

Near four o'clock she'd had enough. Buck heard her laptop snap shut and then she hurried into Wanda's kitchen. He could hear position by her banging of cabinet doors and clattering of pots even if he shut his eyes and stopped watching her stiff movements. He got up to stand in the kitchen doorway.

"Whatcha makin?" he asked.

"You go away. You'll get yours, and I'll send you home with some for Steve. Let me think. I haven't made this before," she fussed at him.

She tied her wild black hair away from her face and paused to look at something on her phone. Buck liked the worn, comfortable feel of the little kitchen in Wanda's apartment. There was a green plant of some sort hanging in the window and an old set of ingredient canisters on the countertop among the more modern appliances. A well-loved spice rack was nailed to the wall near the stovetop and Estrella hurried to search through the spices and choose some of them to use.

Buck took a bathroom break after assuring himself that no threats from Hydra or anything else were imminent. When he came out Wanda was home and the kitchen was starting to smell like chicken, roasting flour and something spicy.

The large woman came to stand in front of him. She looked him in the eyes. If she was hoping to intimidate him by her size, her black uniform, or her unfriendly demeanor, she'd be disappointed. Buck gave her a charming smile and she frowned at him.

"Why are you in my house?" Wanda asked.

"Steve sent me over to keep her company. He's concerned that she might not be as safe as she was in the tower," he explained.

"James," he said, and offered his hand.

Wanda looked at him like he was a fly that needed to be swatted, but she briefly touched his hand. The woman walked away to the kitchen after she hung her bag on the peg behind the door.

"You got it smelling good in here. How come a half-starved girl like you can cook?" Wanda asked Estrella.

She wasn't interested in Bucky anymore. That was fine with him. Buck sat back down and paid attention to his duty. The women chatted in the kitchen and the smells of food kept getting better and better. Eventually Buck's mouth began watering. He swallowed and tried to keep his belly quiet.

Wanda came through the living room and ignored him until she disappeared down the hall. Buck shocked himself into stillness by saying the words in his head. The Soldier was better at resisting physical temptations like heavenly food aromas. Buck could use the assist, since he was still on the lean side and intended to stay that way.

After another hour and a half Estrella called to him. Buck or the Soldier, whichever mix he was at the moment, went to join the girl and the unwelcoming woman at the small kitchen table. They ate in near silence, except for the sounds of appreciation Wanda made for the excellent food.

"My thanks," he told the girl.

She looked at him strangely and so did Wanda. It didn't matter.

Estrella made a large bowl of supper for him to bring to Steve and she slipped the hot food inside an insulated carrier.

"Go. Bring this to Steve. Tell him I'm fine here. I don't need anybody watching for me," she told him.

He took the food and left. He waited a moment outside the apartment in the hallway to be sure she had properly secured the door behind him.

"All is well," Jarvis assured him.

He noticed everyone in the building on his way out. No one wanted his attention. People hurried away, out of his path.


She and Wanda were getting started on doing the dishes when Estrella's phone rang. Estrella hurried to wipe her hand dry so she could tug her phone from her bra. It clattered to the floor and she scrabbled to pick it up. She couldn't not smile because it was Steve calling. Finally, after hours of waiting to hear from him!

"Hi," she whispered.

She didn't know why, but that's all that would come out. Wanda waved her away to go take her phone call in privacy. Estrella went to her room and shut the door.

"Why are you whispering?" Steve asked her.

He sounded a little breathless too but she could hear the smile in his voice. Relief flooded through her. There was nothing wrong. He hadn't been upset with her all afternoon. He was likely just busy.

"I don't know. I was worried about you," she said.

"S- uh, I was… yeah. I'm fine," Steve stammered.

"Are you sure?" she asked him.

His stumbling over words meant he was stumbling over thoughts, changing his mind as he spoke.

"I'm sure. How was your day? Are you feeling alright?" he wondered kindly.

His deep voice was sweet and thrilling. It made her want to go to him, to feel his touch. He was probably in his room right now. She could tug him over to the bed and they could sit together. His skin was warm. She could pull his arms around her and it would feel wonderful to be near him.

But then she would have to tell him what she was thinking. Nervous butterflies crashed in her belly. She should tell him now what she had to say, but she was afraid to say it. He was probably still upset from yesterday.

"Eya?" Steve prompted her.

"Oh! What did you ask?"

"Are you alright?" he asked again with a hint of humor in his voice at her distraction.

"I'm okay. I don't know how to feel about yesterday. Natasha thinks I'm weak and stupid. I'm sorry that I made you… you know. In front of our friends," she said hesitantly.

She could feel the heat in her cheeks. There was embarrassment, but thinking of Nat, she was angry that the woman had seen Steve in that state. He wasn't for her to see.

"They're good friends. They were trying to help us. Try not to let it bother you, sweetheart. Nat's been all business today, like nothing happened. You don't need to worry about her. Or Buck. Nothing bothers him much. Did he behave for you today?" Steve asked.

"He doesn't need to come around, but yes. He was okay. He made me so mad! I know he does it on purpose. I just sent him home. He should be there soon," she said.

"You sent him home already? I wanted him to stay until later. Why did he-?"

"Don't act like Jarvis isn't here watching, and like Thor or Tony couldn't get here in under a minute if Jarvis knew anything was wrong. You worry too much," Estrella fussed at him.

Steve didn't want to scare her by mentioning his new concerns about Hydra so he smiled at her fussing instead. It was nice to hear her scold him. It was so typical of her.

"I want you to date other people," Estrella said out of nowhere.

It took him a full second to comprehend what she'd said. He was having trouble understanding what she meant by it. It was like she was speaking an unfamiliar language because surely her words couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant.

"What?" he squawked.

He stood up abruptly and began to pace the short distance of carpet in his room beside his bed. It wasn't enough, so he ripped his bedroom door open so he could stalk the length of the living room too. Cold desperation jolted through him like when they'd been at the pool and she said she needed more time and space away from him.

"Bucky and Natasha said you never dated other people. I want you to use this time while I'm away from you to go out with somebody. No, with two people. Before I decide to marry you, I want to know that you had the opportunity to pick somebody else. You never even tried with anybody else. What if there's somebody out there who's better for you, but you don't know because you didn't try? What if you need all the women and I won't be enough for you, with the way your body is now? No. Before I decide anything with you, I want you to try with other people. You go on two dates before you see me again. We can go out, but you have to do two dates between dates with me," she insisted.

"Wha?" he squawked again.

Steve tossed his phone onto his bed in passing and made fists in his short hair. He pulled until it hurt. His hands had to get busy with something. He didn't want to break his phone because he needed it to talk to her and his suite didn't need any more damage.

What the hell!? What the bloody fuck was she saying? He could hear her voice calling insistently from the abandoned phone but he finished his hair pulling circuit into the living room and back again before he could safely pick it up. She'd wanted time and distance. Now she wanted him to date other women. He wasn't an idiot. He knew what this sounded like. But she'd mentioned marriage.

"Eya. I'm not dating other women. I'm dating you," he said, determined.

Marriage. She'd said 'marry you'. But… His emotions were in turmoil.

"Yes, you are. But you go find some other people to go out with. I'm going to be away from you for at least nine more days. Get on the internet and find a date. Get Natasha to help you, or Bucky, or Pepper. You go out. I'd better see pictures of you out with somebody before I see you again," she demanded.

"No. I don't want to," he told her.

"Too bad. You don't always get to have what you want," she held her ground.

She heard him make a frustrated sound, then the phone muffled against something soft again. On his end of the call, Steve paced some more while he tried to get his brain out of crisis mode and back to thinking again. He grabbed at the phone. The glass screen cracked in his grip but it still glowed, still worked.

"Why?" he managed to ask her.

"I told you. We never dated anybody! We're like high school kids on our first crush. Women look at you all the time, but you never give them a chance. I don't want you to think you're sure about me now, and then wonder later when we're bored and twenty years married because we never dated anyone else. I want to know that you can be around other women and you'll stay true to me. Or, if you can't because of what your body needs, I need to know that too. So you get out there and play. I can't see you right now anyway. You need to stay busy," Estrella said.

"This is a test? You want to throw meat at me and see if I can resist biting?" he griped.

"Call it whatever you want to. Just go do it," she said.

"You said 'we.' Are you going to date other guys?" he asked.

"If I want to. I never had the chance. Mami was going to let me start dating when I was sixteen, but then…that never happened. You shouldn't worry, papi. I won't have sex with them. I think I'll be too scared," she said.

Steve sat down on his bed like his strings had been cut. There was noise in the hallway. It was Buck coming home. He couldn't pay attention to that right now.

He wanted to rage at the idea of her dating other men. With her beauty and her eyes, she wouldn't be safe! He'd have to find out the time and place of her dates and then send Buck to keep an eye out from a distance, or… no. He couldn't go himself. That would be wrong. It felt wrong.

She was talking about marriage, finally. She wanted this, apparently needed this to feel sure about them. Unlike him, she'd never had the opportunity to go out. He'd had opportunity before the war, but no one had wanted a little bony guy who looked like he could blow away. Other thoughts came to him as calm and logic seeped back into his mind around the edges. He hated this, but he could use it.

Sam had told him to play it cool. It was too late to pretend that he was fine with them going out with other people, but he could try to scrape up some dignity at the last minute.

"If you want out of this, if you don't want me, then tell me. I can take it. I've been hurt before, Estrella. I'll get over it. Tell me to stay away and I'll leave you alone," Steve said.

He knew his voice sounded chilly. He couldn't help it. He was braced for the pain if she wanted to end this. She didn't say anything for a long moment. He could faintly hear her heart tripping faster than normal. Was she afraid? Was she getting her courage up to tell him what he didn't want to hear?

"That's stupid. I know you didn't read the letter I wrote to you. Get Bucky to give it to you. I'm not throwing us away, Steve. I have to be sure. I love you," she said.

"Right. See ya later," Steve bit out, then he ended the call.

He tossed down the cracked phone again. Steve went to see what Buck had that smelled so good. He was raw inside, burning. He pasted it over with a stiff face as he walked into the kitchen. Buck looked at him while he slid something out of an insulated carrier.

"What's that?" he asked.

"She sent it for you," Buck said.

Steve's stomach lurched. She'd sent him supper?

He peeled the plastic wrap off the bowl.

It was chicken and sausage gumbo, with fried rolls perched at the side. It smelled delicious and steam rose from the freshly made food. It was the same meal they'd been served at the restaurant in New Orleans while they were on vacation. She'd gone to the trouble of finding the recipe and making it for him because she knew he'd really liked it.

Steve felt low. He was hungry, but he felt more like throwing up than eating. He'd just been very rude and cold to her and she'd sent him something wonderful. Something meant to remind him of their time together. She didn't want to end their relationship or she wouldn't have done this. He leaned down and braced his elbows on the countertop, his hands fisted in his hair again. His eyes felt hot so he squeezed them shut.

"Buck," he ground out.

"Yeah?"

"The letter. The one she wrote," Steve said.

"I'll get it. You should eat while it's hot," he told him.

Steve ambled to his bedroom, feeling hollow and crunchy inside. He carefully picked up his abused phone and went back to the kitchen. He got a spoon, then sat at the bar. He pulled his food close but he ignored his watering mouth. He took the folded hand-written letter that Buck held out to him.

"You read this?" he croaked.

He didn't care if Buck could see the look on his face. It was only Buck. Useless to try to hide anything from him, anyway.

"Sure," his friend said with a shrug.

Bucky went to take a shower and left Steve alone in his misery.

While his food cooled Steve read her words of love and wanting, worry and conflict. There was no lie in them. He could hear her voice in his head as he read, trembling and emotional as she would be, saying words like this to him. None of this was easy for her. She did what she had to do, and all the while her heart was hurting. Like his. Part of the paper smelled of tears and he caught the faint scent of her lips on a corner of it.

He picked up his phone. An edge of cracked glass sliced his finger a little, but it was nothing. He absently rubbed around the bead of slick blood and thought for a moment before he texted her.

I was rude and unkind. I'm sorry. Thank you for supper. I love you too.

He sent the message then ate his supper slowly. He was really hungry but he wanted to enjoy the flavors. After only a few minutes his phone buzzed at him, rattling a sparkling shard loose onto the bar top.

It's okay. I understand.

She didn't say she forgave him. She didn't send him a little red smooch emoji, or the pink hearts. It was good enough. Better than he'd done today. She'd at least responded and not left him hanging for hours.

Steve washed his dishes and set the bowl out to be returned to Wanda's place. He went to the living room and looked at the supplies stacked against the wall. New panels of sheetrock, a bucket of drywall mud, screws, power tools, and hand tools.

Buck got out of the shower and came to help him. They made a pile of debris out in the hallway on a tarp. When the wall studs were bare and clean Buck taught him how to put up the new panels. They worked quietly until past midnight.

He kept thinking in circles. How was this going to work? Could he do what she asked and walk the narrow path that would keep him out of trouble? He liked women. He loved Estrella, but he really liked women. Always had. Now that his needs drove him more harshly he was afraid of what her demands to date other women might bring. Was he going to mess up and lose her? Like he'd messed up and lost Buck?

He shook himself out of those thoughts. Buck looked at him every now and then. His hands, both the flesh and the metal one, worked steady at smoothing mud onto the panels Steve screwed into place.

"I should have gone back for you when you fell. You wouldn't have had to go through all those years if I'd just gone back to look for you," Steve said.

"Nah. Things are how they're meant to be. If you'd come after me Zola would have gotten away. Red Skull would have bombed half the world dead and enslaved the other half. Life would be hell for everybody. It turned out better with the way you did things. We need to move on from that crap and get happy with where we are," Buck said lightly, like it didn't matter to him.

"Yeah?" Steve asked.

"Yeah. You did good, kid. Quit agonizing over it. We're too tough to die anyway, ain't we?" Buck said with a crooked smile.

Steve huffed a subdued laugh. This was the Bucky he'd grown up with, easy to shrug off even the worst things life could stick them with.

"Alright, then. If I'd gone back for your sorry hide, we'd be ancient and gumming our food by now," Steve agreed.

"I don't think so. Do you know how old Natalia is?" Buck asked.

"Her file says she was born in nineteen eighty-four," Steve said uncertainly.

Buck wouldn't have brought it up unless there was more to it.

"She's over sixty. I don't know how much over," Buck told him.

"But Zola's brain said-"

"I know. Zola was a damn computer. He trusted his data because that's what computers do. She was a kid, not a woman yet, when I met her. That was a long time ago. She hasn't changed much since then, except to mature into a woman. She doesn't have the exact same kind of serum that I have, and I don't have quite the same kind you have, but you and me, Steve? We're not gonna be gumming our food for a long, long time yet. If we don't find a way to die first," Buck told him.

Steve grunted. He kept working. What Buck said about Nat and the implications about their life expectancy didn't surprise him. He'd had the thoughts before.

They weren't physically tired, but they picked a spot to stop working. They cleaned up their tools and headed to bed.

"I'm gonna need to find girls to date. Women, I mean," Steve told him.

"Have fun with that," Buck said.

Steve watched him move around in his room, strip down to his shorts and get under the covers. Buck's skin wasn't irritated at the edge of the metal anymore. That made him happy.

"What, you're not gonna help me?" Steve complained.

Buck turned off his lamp and rolled his back toward the door.

"Nah. You got the internet for that. Or ask Natalia. I'm busy. Got a girl to watch. Find your own dates," he said, then he yawned.

Steve frowned all through his shower and brushing his teeth. His body was aroused, the dumb thing, but his mind and heart were too troubled to want to do anything about it. He was still frowning and thinking when he turned off the light and laid down for the night. He rubbed at his skin; his arms, his shoulders, and his chest with his own hands but it did him no good. It wasn't his touch he was missing. He shifted restlessly under the covers and his movements only made him more irritable. Tomorrow he would push away his emotions and be the man he was expected to be. For tonight, he'd allow himself to feel the hurt, the uncertainty, and the loneliness.


Estrella tried not to let Steve's abrupt end to their call make her cry. His cold closing told her that he was hurting and trying to hang onto some of his pride. Unlike before when he'd been pleading with her not to leave him, her pheromones weren't there to influence him today. Steve's hurt and his rudeness were probably what was natural to him as a man not under her unfair influence. She took a few moments to breathe deeply again, then slipped her phone back into her bra. She had no pockets to put it anywhere else right now.

She couldn't leave Wanda to clean up alone. Making gumbo dirtied a lot of dishes. There was still work to be done when she joined her friend in the kitchen. She didn't remember where she'd gotten all the dishes from, so she cautiously bumped Wanda aside and did the washing while Wanda dried and put them away.

"The walls in here are thin. I didn't mean to listen in, but girl, are you crazy? You want your man to date other women?" Wanda asked her.

"No, but he needs to. I want him to be tempted and to show me that he's strong. I want him to have a chance with somebody else. He wants me now because he has no choice. I am what I am. With everyone else he's shy, like he's still a man that nobody wants. Wanda, what if he only finds his confidence after we're married, and then he wants to test it, and I get hurt, and our children get hurt? He's got a strong sex drive but his self-esteem is holding him back from using it. He needs to learn his value, to see it in other women's eyes. If he still wants me after that, then I'm okay," Estrella explained, partly figuring things out as she spoke.

"He knows women want him. He tried to get past me with it once," Wanda cautioned her.

"He did?" Estrella laughed, then she shook her head.

"It's not the same. He's shy if he's really got a chance for sex, except for a few times, but that's different because there was money. I want him to see and know that he could have women, but then to choose me anyway," Estrella said.

Wanda made a disapproving sound and turned her mouth down.

"Why are you insecure? You're fine now. He wants you. Men don't stay true, anyway. Accept that he's going to cheat and take him if you want him. You'll have him most of the time," Wanda advised.

"No," Estrella denied, "I'm not like that. If he cheats on me, I think I would kill the woman. If he's going to be mine, then he's only for me."

"You don't go to jail for a man," Wanda said.

"He's not just any man," Estrella pointed out while she scrubbed at the inside of the big pot.

"You're not just any woman. Why do you have to come hide behind a steel door and a reinforced wall with me? They tore the whole wall open, out in the hallway. They put some more stuff inside the wall before they closed it up. That door's not just a door. The frame is bolted into the whole wall. Why'd they do all that?" Wanda asked.

"I thought Natasha told you. Men won't leave me alone. It might get bad this week. If you want me to go, Natasha can take me somewhere else. You have her number," Estrella said.

They put away the last dish and let the big pot sit in the rack to dry. Wanda tossed the dishtowels into the laundry machine.

"Nothing's coming through that door. You can stay here. Whatever it is with you, I'm glad to see you healthy. You were two steps away from dead and you looked like a bum, smelled like a bum. He didn't want you then, not like a woman, but he took you up and tended to you like a real friend. You shouldn't make him jump through hoops. You already know he loves you," Wanda challenged her.

"Love isn't enough. Not for people like us. We're different, Wanda. If I have babies with him they'll be different too, and people will try to take them. I need him to be there with me to keep us safe. It has to be this way," Estrella said.

Wanda didn't argue with her any more. Her friend looked plainly skeptical, but they left it at that.

"Bucky says Steve can get through that wall if he wants to. If it gets crazy here and you get scared, tell me and Natasha will take me away," Estrella assured her.

Wanda looked insulted.

"It's not just the wall he'd have to get through," she said.

Estrella smiled and tipped up to hug her friend. Wanda didn't know what she was offering to go up against, but it was okay. Steve would stay away. Their friends would see to it.

They went their separate ways and Estrella shut herself in her room for the night. She wanted badly to text Steve, but she messaged Jesse instead.

What kind of guitar is yours? How much did it cost? Do I shop at a pawn shop to find one I can afford? How do I know I'm not buying a piece of junk? I think a new one would be too expensive.

She settled into her bed and picked up a piece of paper off her night stand. It was her cell phone bill, but it worked fine as a fan to cool herself. It would be nice to take a tepid bath but Wanda was in the only bathroom.

She needed something to distract herself from how much she was dreading the next few days so she hoped that Jesse would text her back. This was just the beginning, but already she was feeling hot. Estrella paused her fanning to fold the paper so it would be stiffer and move more air. She suspected that she couldn't open the window to the cold November night. It looked like a new window, and not a normal one. Jarvis would probably notify Tony or Bucky or Steve or all three if she tried to open the window.

Estrella fanned herself with one hand. She peeled the bed back to just the sheet with the other hand. She pushed off her sweatpants and struggled out of her bra. Her phone made Jesse's tone and she picked it up.

I probably paid too much for it, but it's good. I need sleep. I'll talk to you later about it, Jesse sent to her.

It wasn't even late in New York, and Texas was a time zone earlier.

Okay, old man. Get your sleep, she replied.

Jesse responded with a middle-finger emoji. Estrella smiled a little, then put her phone away. She turned off the lamp and lay on top of the covers.

She fanned herself and worried until she fell asleep. Steve would probably do as she asked him to. It already hurt to think of him going out, spending time with others. She didn't want him looking at another woman as he looked at her, but she had to give him that chance.

She had to do the same. As soon as her fertility faded away, she would find somebody to go out with. Steve was her friend, her hero. His libido was all amped up, so maybe what she was had hooked into him more than she should be. What if what she really needed was a plain, nice guy who wouldn't provoke her into the kind of helpless wanting she felt for Steve? Maybe she could live as a normal person without Steve around to push her to extremes. If she had children with a normal man, people wouldn't be after them because of Steve's DNA. She felt guilty to think that way, but she had to think of everything before she decided to marry him. It was crazy to consider marriage so soon, anyway. She'd only known Steve for a few months.

Estrella slept fitfully, moving to fan herself when being too hot woke her up. Halfway through the night she got up to fix a bowl of leftover gumbo. She stood in front of the open refrigerator door longer than was healthy for Wanda's utility bill.

When her belly was full again she tried her best to sleep until morning. Soon she knew she would be too restless to sleep.