Wow I can't believe I started this fic almost 4 years ago. It was never planned to be near this long, yet some how I have managed to get it finished. To everyone who has read this story and those who took the time to comment, THANK YOU and I hope you enjoyed it.
"My memories." Loki repeated, the warmth and comfort he had been feeling just moments before faded away as unease came to the forefront. He hadn't expected a way for his forgotten memories to be regained to be found so soon and he wasn't sure he was ready.
"This is great news, brother." Thor cheered from his side, ruffling his dark hair much to his annoyance. "You shall have your memories of all our hunts and adventures once more."
"It should not take the master mages long to prepare the spell." Odin affirmed.
"Perhaps we should wait and consider things a little longer, make sure they have perfected the spell and are certain it is safe." Frigga offered, shifting her view between husband and sons. She would not have her son playing practice dummy for a spell that would alter his mind. Though mostly she did not want to see her son, now so much more innocent, have to suffer through all the hurt and emotional turmoil his mind had been freed of. She did not ever wish to see her youngest broken so again.
"It is safe, father would not have suggested they could be returned otherwise." Thor assured his mother.
"The spell shall cast him no ill effect my love I assure you." Odin said, resting a hand on his wife's shoulder. He understood her worry for their boy, but the mages had been adamant that they had found and mastered a spell to return the lost memories.
"See you've nothing to worry about." The eldest prince encouraged.
"I still think it wise to wait, give everyone a chance to rest up from the recent battle properly." The queen argued back as Thor insisted.
"Surely the sooner he gets back his forgotten memories the better. He will finally be able to recall our family moments and the adventures when I relay them, so he may better experience the merriment."
Loki did not hear what his father had added next, he had taken the opportunity while they were distracted among them selves to slip from the throne room. He needed a little space, all their arguing hadn't helped quell the unease stirring inside. He understood his brother's excitement their was so much the two of them had achieved together that he did not recall, but with the good also came the bad and that is the part he feared.
He was planning to hide out in the gardens for a while as he had no doubt Thor would head straight to his room to look for him once he noticed him missing. As it turned out the gardens were not as peaceful as he had hoped.
"Yo, Loki what's with the gloomy face." Stark's voice rang out across the yard and Loki looked over to find the Avengers gathered around the benches by the stairs.
Sif and the warriors three had been with them but they looked to be saying their farewells as they drew closer to Loki and started up the stairs.
"We were just saying goodbye to the mortals in case we are otherwise occupied when they leave for home." Fandral pointed out and Sif gave a nod in greeting before stating as they passed and rounded back into the palace halls.
"If anyone gives you a hard time or tries anything while you are about on your own, inform us. We'll make sure they get what's coming."
"Are you alright? Has somebody said something too you? Because if people start giving you to hard a time for being Jotun you are more than welcome to come stay at the tower until things settle down a little." Steve stressed, wanting to make sure the kid knew he didn't have to put up with any bullying.
"Thank you, I have been fortunate enough to avoid any harsh comments thus far. No, it is just... I am able to have my memories restored." He replied taking the empty spot at the opposite end of the stone bench Bruce sat upon.
"Is that even wise." Clint blurted out, sinking in his spot as his team all flashed him a look at once.
"He'll still be Loki this wont change anything." Steve pointed out.
"How can we be sure of that." Clint argued. "I mean what if he..."
"Goes bat shit crazy power hungry again." Stark finished for him, no doubt the archer was attempting to find a politer way to say it, but Start liked to make things dramatic.
"Clint's just worried it may be too much for Loki to cope with, it is a legitimate worry. Loki didn't handle it very well the first time around after all." Natasha reasoned, it was a reasonable cause for concern after all.
"Yes, but they are his memories, no one holds the right to withhold them just because of an off chance they may be hard to handle. Loki is strong and he has a much larger support group this time around." Steve urged, they would be there to help Loki through.
"Come on, he got a free cleaned mental slate, why mess with it. Sure some of the good was wiped with the bad but who wouldn't toss away a few nice memories if it meant clearing out the awful ones." Tony argued. " I certainly wouldn't complain."
"Guy's, GUY'S!" Bruce shouted to get every one to quit with tossing their two cents about and shut up. Loki sat silently beside him nervous green gaze glued to the dirt beneath his feet, this couldn't be easy on the kid. With every one tossing in there own thoughts on the topic as though Loki isn't right their with them can't be making it any easier. "Enough okay."
"Brother there you are." Thor's voice sounded and Loki let out a quiet groan as he looked to the stairs to spot his brother and parents. Great looks like there was no avoiding this topic, everyone was voicing their own opinions but what about him. He didn't know how to feel about it all, he all ready had the swirling mess of memories Thanos had planted inside him to deal with and everyone weighing in wasn't helping.
"Is he really getting his memories back?" Steve asked and when both Thor and Odin nodded in confirmation, Clint bristled.
"I still think this is a bad idea. I've finally come around to this Loki the last thing we need is to have the old one back."
"Loki is still Loki. A few memories does not make my brother somebody else entirely." Thor huffed back.
"We have been assured the spell is entirely safe. It seemed during the altercation between my son and The Other in the cells, the memories that were taken from him had become bound inside the dagger. The master mages need only transfer them back into Loki." Odin explained.
"Can't they just transfer the good memories, family moments and happy times and leave the nasty ones bound in the dagger?" Tony asked and this had Loki's attention as he turned to his father with a small glimmer of hope.
"I'm afraid that is not possible, not at this point of time given enough time they might be able to find away to safely sift through and sort and divide the memories but that could take decades or centuries."
Loki deflated again at that, though it is what he had been expecting. Mind magic was apparently a very complex and complicated area of study and everything he had read or heard suggested the art took easily three times as long as any other to master. Not to mention Asgardians didn't tend to study in that field.
"Maybe we should all just let Loki have his say. So far everyone's thrown in their own thoughts on this but surely Loki's opinion is the one that matters most." Bruce pointed out, he felt for Loki. He had been caught up in more than enough Hulk debates to know how it feels to have everyone discussing you as though you aren't right there in the room with them. Even if with him they had technically been talking about his other half.
"You have been unusually quite." Odin noted as everyone quieted down and Loki was suddenly once again the centre of attention.
"I am quiet because I know not what to say." Loki said, his voice quiet and uncertain. "I do not know where I stand."
"Surely you wish to have your memories back brother, I miss being able to reminisce our later ventures with you." Thor stated though he no longer sounded confident.
"Thor you cannot push your brother to gain back his memories simply for your own sake. I understand that the two of you had good memories in recent times but you must also remember that the past few years had not been so easy for your brother." Their mother said, giving a warm comforting smile as she sat her self by her youngest and took his hand in her own.
"T-that is what frightens me." Loki breathed out. "I want to be able to recall all the trips and fun I had with Thor and the others, I do but... What if there is more negative than there is positive, I've done horrible things, what if Clint is right, what if it is too much. What if I hurt people and destroy things again. What if I start to feel like I did before and I can't handle it. I-I don't want to become a monster again."
"Honey." His mother pulled him into a hug as he continued.
"I'm worried there wont be enough room for everything and I don't want to loose the memories I've made since staying in the tower. The new friends I've made, the talks I've had with you and mother and how the Avengers and Pepper tried to make sure I didn't feel like a monster or a bad guy when they saw my Jotun skin. They tried to calm me down and make me feel as though nothing had changed. I have all these new memories now, along with everything Thanos forced into my head. I still cannot discern what of that the titan forced upon me is real from false, adding more will likely make it even more confusing. What if there is not enough room in my mind to take back these memories as well."
Bruce piped up again then, leaning forward so he could look past the queen to Loki as he said. "You know there is someone on earth who might be able to help you with what Thanos planted inside you. He specialises in the mind, I've heard he can unscramble memories, help uncover repressed ones, remove and even alter or create new ones completely. I don't personally know how to contact him but I'm sure Coulson could. I wouldn't put it past Shield to be keeping close tabs on his group as well."
"If we could arrange for this man to see and perhaps aid in helping Loki sort his memories than maybe it would be wise to hold off on restoring those he had lost for the time being." Odin stated, Loki had always had a more complex mind, often seeing things in ways most Asgardians couldn't.
A mind that though it had always seemed strong and cunning turned out to be far more fragile than any of them had saw coming. The boy had always had a habit of keeping his worries and hurts to himself, something they had all been far to blind to. Having someone who understood to help him sort through his inner thoughts, memories and emotions could do Loki some good. Perhaps help repair some of the damage his families careless negligence has unknowingly caused over the years.
"If he is able to help, perhaps then, once any or all false memories thanos planted inside you have been cleaned out. Then we can talk about returning the memories stored in the dagger and you can make your decision then. That is of course, only if that is alright with you. In the end the decision is yours to make." Odin offered, giving his son a moment to think things over.
"I wouldn't mind giving it a try. I mean as scary as the thought of having someone else inside my head sounds, if he can help me sort through the mess left inside my head it's worth a try." Loki replied, giving a small genuine smile.
"Of course this man will not be going any where near your mind without fist meeting with me and your father." His mother added.
TWO MONTHS LATER.
Frigga smiled happily to herself as she combed her hair from her seat at her vanity, Asgard's king had his own room of refuge for when he needed time to himself, a short reprieve from his duties. So too did the queen have her's, only small, fitted with a vanity, a daybed and small balcony overlooking her own gardens. A warm fireplace for the colder evening and room for her weaving and needlework. A room not even the king himself dare enter without permission.
For all the hardship and pain her youngest had suffered both those recent and old, it seemed things were finally turning around for him. Loki had finally found true friends he could call his own outside of Sigyn in the avengers, a second family of sorts. He spent almost as much time in Midgard as he did Asgard now days. He had even begun to find a form of camaraderie in his Jotun brother's, He and Thor had already had one visit to the frozen realm since the two realms had come to an agreement that saw Asgard and Jotunheim closer than they had been in over a millennia. The realms had already hit a few rough patches and there were bound to be more to come but both realms kings were now doing what they could to re-educate their people and learn more of each other.
Never has she seen Thor throw so much gusto into anything outside of combat before, eager to learn all he could about his little brother's birth race. Thor's own interest and eagerness to get to know the real Jotnar and chase away the discrimination and prejudice they had been fed since children was really helping Loki come out of his shell. Helping him come to terms and find self acceptance in himself, they all helped to encourage and support Loki as a family. He still wore his Æsir skin the majority of the time and they did not try to dissuade or discourage it, the choice was Loki's and none but him could decide what was most comfortable. When he did where his Jotun skin no one fussed, they wanted him to feel comfortable in both so they treated him no different.
Odin was more attentive of his son now, of both sons, he made sure to make time for family. He took time from his duties to spend with his sons, determined to nurture Loki's talents and hobbies this time around and not try and build him to fit common expectations. She could see he was still struggling, he had always shared more common interest with his eldest but he was trying. It was still only early days and the unease and lengthened silences that fell between the two would lessen over time. Odin like his father before him was set in tradition, so learning to break away from that and encourage Loki's differences was not the easiest task for him. Though it was a change he was willing to do his all to openly encourage and embrace, for he truly did love his adopted son.
Loki was the happiest she had seen him in far too long, he still had some issues but no one is perfect nor should they be expected to be. They were doing things properly this time, they brought in a special healer who was helping sort the memories Thanos had placed in her son's head. It was a slow process and could take years before they were all filtered and removed, Loki had only had four sessions thus far but has found trust in the man. It was her sons mortal friends that had found him and extended his aid, a crippled man with special powers who specialised in the mind and she had sensed the moment he introduced himself to them that he had a good heart.
They were still unable to undo the effects the time stone had had on Loki, unable to return him to his true age because even after Odin had merged the fragment they held with that in the gauntlet, the stone remained incomplete. A fragment still missing, only a tiny sliver but it was incomplete all the same and Odin dare not attempt to use in whilst it was still partially unstable. Until the remaining fragment was found Loki would remain as he is. The remaining splinter could be anywhere in the nine realms or as they had recently discovered possible even between, in the reaches between the branches from which Thanos came. It could be years, millennia even before the stone was complete.
Perhaps she was being selfish, the queen thought, brushing her thumb over the small fragment of glimmering green stone that adorned her ornate silver comb before placing it back in its box and tucking it safely away at the back of her drawer.
Then again Loki had been granted a second chance, they all had. A chance to do things over to try and get it right this time, give their youngest the time and encouragement he required. And who was she to deny that.
