February 2002- April 2002
He was sitting next to Monica in the hard fold out chairs in a rec room in the middle of Manhattan. Chandler seemed rather nervous but he kept looking at them and at the front. He had only asked Monica and Joey to join him which Joey felt kind of honored about. Chandler was celebrating a birthdate, he had been sober for a year. He was getting a chip and he wanted Monica and Joey there for support. When the moderator asked who was celebrating a year of sobriety, Chandler stood and looked at both of them, practically beaming. When he got his chip, he proudly showed it off to them. It was a round bronze chip with the number 1 engraved in a triangle.
"Look, look, how cool," Chandler said.
"Congrats, man," Joey said, he truly was happy but his mind was distracted.
"I'm so proud of you sweetie," Monica said, kissing him.
"Thanks and I hope it's okay that I just wanted you here although….I did have the one beer right before our wedding, you think I should give this back?" Chandler asked, suddenly looking worried, "because maybe it's not really a year?"
"No. Keep it, you earned it," Monica said.
"You deserve it," Joey said, "I know it's been tough, man."
"So cool," Chandler said, "it's like I'm an award winning alcoholic."
Monica and Joey both laughed as Chandler kept staring at the chip. Joey was so intensely proud of Chandler for getting this far. He knew it was hard but as the meeting began, his mind wandered. It wandered to the familiar place it had been wandering to since that dinner with Rachel. He could not stop thinking about her. It was constant. Maybe it was her being pregnant, he wasn't sure but she truly was beautiful. She was sweet and kind. He knew he was going into dangerous territory. Rachel was having a baby with Ross. It was wrong. It was all wrong. He could not be feeling these things for Rachel. Yet, he couldn't stop and it was terrifying him.
After the meeting, they went to S'Mac, a fancy mac and cheese place, to get all sorts of different kinds of mac and cheese for Chandler. Chandler ordered for the table and Joey was still thinking of Rachel.
"So Joey, is all that okay?" Chandler asked.
"It's good," Joey said, he hadn't really even paid attention to what had been ordered.
"You did order a lot of food," Monica said.
"It's fine, you can never have too much macaroni and cheese," Chandler said.
"You're being very cute tonight," Monica said.
"I made it a year and-okay-you and I are gonna have sex tonight, right?" Chandler asked.
"Of course."
"Can I wear the chip?" Chandler asked.
"Yes," Monica said as she kissed him again.
Joey kept trying to focus. He wanted to make jokes, Chandler discussing sex with Monica right in front of him was weird. So much he wanted to say but his mind was stuck. He wanted so badly to focus on Chandler, this was a huge deal for him but he could not stop his mind from going back to her.
"Joe, you okay?" Chandler asked.
"I think I'm in love with Rachel," Joey said, rather matter of factly.
"What?" Both Monica and Chandler asked together.
"I don't know how this happened. We went on that date and...I just-'cause she felt sad and I opened up to her and I-it's wrong, I know it's wrong," Joey said.
"You can't pursue her," Monica said.
"I know but I can't stop thinking about her. Every single moment and-and-I've never felt this….okay, I felt this with that chick I was in the play with-"
"Kate," Chandler offered.
"Yes," Joey said.
"How did you forget her name?" Chandler asked.
"I haven't talked to her in awhile. I-this isn't gonna work, I can't….shit…"
"Okay, again...you can't pursue Rachel," Monica said.
"I know," Joey said.
He knew he couldn't. Monica was stating the obvious. He knew could not go after Rachel but it truly was eating him up inside. His mind kept thinking back to her, to what he could say to her.
"Oh my G-d," Chandler said.
Joey shook his head and looked in Chandler's direction as Phoebe, Ross and Rachel walked into the restaurant. Rachel had a cake box with her as they walked towards the table.
"They didn't want to miss the celebration," Monica said.
"Hey, guys," Chandler said getting up to hug them and to show off his chip. "Look, one year."
"Oh, G-d," Rachel said as she began tearing up.
"Are you crying?" Chandler asked.
"I'm pregnant, shut up," Rachel said.
"Show the cake," Phoebe said.
"Oh," Rachel said as she opened the box to show a cake with a number one on it.
Chandler laughed as the other three sat with them. Rachel sat by Joey and he could breathe in her perfume, he could touch her. He looked as Ross and Rachel pored over the menu together. He had to stop, this all had to stop.
"So Pheebs, did you see," Chandler said, handing her his chip.
"Wow," Phoebe said.
"Oh and you guys don't need to order, I've-I've like ordered all the things," Chandler said.
"Very true. We will be having macaroni and cheese for the rest of our lives," Monica said.
"What's wrong with that?" Chandler asked, "but seriously guys thank you and….and I am sorry about everything and I hope you can trust me now and….I am sorry for putting you through so much pain and for being so selfish. I love you guys, a lot. Ross, Phoebe and Rach, I hope you're not upset that you didn't come with me to the meeting but-"
"Sweetie, it's okay," Rachel said as she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "We forgive you. It's all good."
"Yeah, it's pretty amazing man," Ross said.
"I agree. That is a cool chip," Phoebe said.
Rachel was being so sweet to Chandler. She was always sweet. Where did this feeling even come from? It made no sense and he wished desperately he could get rid of it. The macaroni and cheese soon arrived and it filled the table. He concentrated on the food, concentrated on the fact that Chandler kept polishing his chip with his napkin and placed it next to him while he ate, he concentrated on Phoebe laughing because Chandler was trying to make her laugh so hard she spit soda out of her nose, he concentrated on Ross being gentle with Rachel which pained him. He really disliked this. He hated having crushes or feeling things. He liked doing things, doing people. He was a man of action, not a man of feelings.
Fast forward to a few days later, Chandler and Joey were playing video games in his apartment while Monica and Phoebe were talking about something. Nothing more had been said about Joey's crush. He just felt no more should be said about it. It would be wrong to say more. He would simply have to wait until it vanished.
"How was it?" Monica asked.
Joey heard the door open and close behind them and could see Ross and Rachel in the reflection on the screen. They were coming back from a doctor's appointment.
"Good, good….um, we found out the sex of the baby," Rachel said.
"Really?" Monica asked.
Joey pressed pause on the game as he and Chandler got up to join the rest of them in the kitchen. Rachel and Ross kept looking at each other. They looked like a couple. They were a couple. They were each other's lobsters, whether they wanted to admit it or not.
"You tell them," Ross said.
"We're having a girl," Rachel said. Monica and Phoebe immediately began hugging her, "and I'm moving in with Ross."
"What?" Joey asked.
Rachel was moving out? He thought he had convinced her to stay when she had first gotten pregnant and had thought of moving out but she had decided to move out again.
"You're moving in together?" Monica asked.
"Well, I just….it's easier," Rachel said.
"Nothing for you two is easier," Phoebe said.
"True," Rachel said.
"You're moving out?" Joey asked.
"I'm sorry, Joey," Rachel said as she hugged him. He didn't want a hug, he wanted her to stay, "You understand, right? I mean-"
"Look, I wanna be there for Rachel. I wanna be there for the whole pregnancy. Everything I didn't get to see when Carol was pregnant. I want to be there this time," Ross said.
"I understand," Joey said.
"I think that's great," Monica said as she approached Ross to hug him. Joey let out a sigh as Chandler patted him on the back Although, it made sense. Rachel should move in with Ross. Ross and Rachel made sense. Joey would never make sense with Rachel.
She moved out quickly after the decision was made and Joey was alone in the apartment, staring at the blank television screen. He watched as his front door opened and Chandler walked in.
"Hey, man...you alright?" Chandler asked, sitting at one of the stools. Joey turned around in the barcalounger and faced him.
"She was the best roommate I have ever had," Joey said.
"Gee, thanks," Chandler said.
"Well, dude….I pictured her naked far more than I ever pictured you naked."
Chandler cocked his head to the side as if processing Joey's statement. Joey knew exactly how it sounded but he did not care.
"Okay….that's weird and another thing-"
"I know it's wrong and….maybe this is good, maybe I'll get over her. I have to, this is wrong. I don't have feelings," Joey said.
"You do have feelings, Joe. They just...you know come out in the form of hitting someone with a bat."
"I've never hit anyone with a bat. Beat Christopher with a gun a couple times."
"Well, that's better."
"I need to get over this. How do I get over this? Usually I get over a crush by sleeping with her. I can't do that here."
"Call Kristi….maybe she'll sleep with you," Chandler said.
"I liked confiding in Rachel...she's just so understanding and non-judgemental and-"
"Maybe you're getting ready to settle down."
That seemed to come out of nowhere. It seemed like an insane statement to make.
"Maybe. No…..I don't know. What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know, it's not a bad thing," Chandler said.
"What isn't?" Joey asked.
"Falling for someone."
"Are you really giving me relationship advice?"
"Hey, I'm married," Chandler said.
"Well, okay point taken….but it can't be a relationship with Rachel."
"No but someone…come on, if I can be married…"
"Yeah but….I like being a bachelor. Committed to one person...that's you-"
"Not always."
"And Ross. Just….the same person every night. You know."
"I know," Chandler said.
"What happened to you, man?" Joey asked. "You used to get it and now you're married."
"Well, I guess the trick is finding someone that you just like hanging out with all the time? I don't know, I just like hanging out with Monica."
Joey looked at Chandler and rested his head back against his barcalounger. He just needed a way to purge himself of Rachel. Some way to get rid of these feelings.
"Hey, you two," Monica said walking into the apartment.
"You two wanna go out with me tonight?" Joey asked.
Maybe that would work, a night out on the town. They hadn't done that in a long time.
"Where?" Chandler asked.
"I need a wing person. I need to get rid of these Rachel feelings. Chandler, you okay going to a bar or a club….to help me pick up women?" Joey asked. "I can't really take Ross. I don't know where Pheebs is and you two can work."
"Well, let's see...I'll ask my wife if I can pick up other women. Monica?" Chandler asked.
"Not for you, dumbass...for me, to Rachel purge," Joey said.
"I don't feel comfortable with you going to a bar or a club," Monica said, looking over at Chandler. "Sorry."
"That's why I asked both of you," Joey said, truthfully he didn't feel comfortable bringing Chandler to a bar or club either but he needed someone. He couldn't ask Ross, he definitely couldn't ask Rachel, Phoebe he would probably just end up hooking up with, same with Kristi. Chandler was his wingman.
"You know, Mon, you and I together might make a good team in trying to set Joey up," Chandler said.
"You think?" Monica asked.
"Oh yeah, you and me together….checking out the ladies. This could be fun," Chandler said.
"But if you're tempted," Monica said.
"I'll let you know. Besides, I'm gonna be with you two and that's all I need….and a Red Bull," Chandler said, smiling a little.
Joey laughed. Chandler's addiction had now transferred from drinking and drugs to Red Bull. He always seemed to have one in his hand and the rest of the group had taken to stocking Red Bull in their respective fridges so Chandler always had something.
The walked into Club Infinity with its neon purple strobe lights and blue infinity signs everywhere. Monica quickly grabbed Chandler's hand as Joey looked at his friend, wondering if he had made a mistake. Even in the darkness of the club, Joey could tell Chandler was freaked.
"I need a Red Bull. I can't-I need a Red Bull," Chandler said at a tone so low, Joey almost didn't hear him. They walked towards the bar and Joey looked back at them.
"I'll order drinks," Joey said. "One Red Bull, Monica, scotch on the rocks with a twist."
"Club soda with lime."
"Monica," Chandler said.
"No, not tonight. No arguing. Shhhh," Monica said.
"Did you just 'shhh' me?" Chandler asked.
"I'll do it again," Monica said.
"Fine….Joey, can you at least get a beer. Please? Normal," Chandler said.
"Fine….but you two are helping me get laid tonight," Joey said.
"We're not helping you get laid," Monica said.
"Yeah, you don't need us for that," Chandler said before looking at Monica who still had a very firm grip on his arm "are you gonna hold on to me the entire evening?"
"Yes," Monica said.
"You know what you need? You need to get one of those leashes they use on children to keep them from getting lost at amusement parks," Chandler said.
"You don't think I haven't looked into that already?" Monica asked.
"Joe, maybe you can help me get laid tonight, Chandler joked. Monica laughed as she playfully smacked him. Joey grabbed himself a beer and handed Chandler his Red Bull and Monica her water. The trio walked towards some couches and sat together, scanning the crowd.
"Anyone look nice?" Chandler asked.
"Keep thinking of Rachel," Joey said.
"That girl looks like Rachel," Monica said. "But Joey, before we begin….do you know how to hit on a girl without trying to get her into bed."
"Isn't that why you hit on girls?" Joey asked.
"Oh my G-d," Monica said.
"I bet that scotch is looking pretty good right now," Chandler said.
"Yeah, Joe, not every girl is gonna wanna sleep with you," Monica said.
"You shut your mouth," Joey said.
"No, it's true," Chandler said.
"Okay, practice on me," Monica said.
"What?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, what?" Chandler asked.
"Like when you first moved in and you practiced," Monica said.
"G-d, I wish Phoebe was here. Oh, we have cell phones now….I can call her," Chandler said, digging into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He quickly dialed.
"Really?" Joey asked.
"Hey, Pheebs. It's me….Monica is teaching Joey how to pick up women. We're at Club Infinity…...yeah, get here…..I'm drinking Red Bull, give it a rest," Chandler said.
Monica and Joey both laughed as Chandler continued yelling into his phone for Phoebe to get there. They would always be protective of Chandler. Nothing would change that. Phoebe did eventually show up and soon it was just the four hanging out with all plans of trying to pick up anyone thrown out the back window. He would just have to get over it. He was Joey, he could get over it. He went through relationships quickly. Out of sight, out of mind or at least she wouldn't be living with him so he could get over it.
He tried, day by day, he just tried to forget it. He focused on work, auditions, doing anything other than thinking of Rachel even though that empty room seemed to serve as a constant reminder that she was not longer there. He would invite Phoebe over sometimes to keep him company, sometimes she'd lay there next to him and it became even more their private time because they had the whole place to themselves. Their friends with benefits started up again, which would always lead to talking, gossiping about the group and discussing the future.
"Hmmm, I missed this," Phoebe said as she lay there in the dark, his arms around her as he kissed her neck. When Rachel had moved in the benefits part of their friendship had truly ended for good, now it was in full swing.
"I'm telling you, you should be here all the time. It makes sense you know, you're my partner," Joey said.
"You like Rachel."
"I should never have mentioned that."
"You know it's wrong."
"I do. Why can't you and I date, Pheebs. How perfect would that be?"
"Because I'm thirty four years old and all of my friends are married or are in serious relationships or having Ross' babies-"
"You have more than one friend who fits into that last category?"
"Well, no...but I wanna find someone. I'm ready to settle and I don't know if you are. Could you actually imagine yourself like Monica and Chandler?" Phoebe asked.
"I don't know. Oh, speaking of Monica and Chandler, the whole soulmate thing….not cool. You know he flipped out about that," Joey said, he had heard it through Chandler what Phoebe had done. Introducing Monica to a guy she thought was her soulmate, Chandler was now more convinced than ever Phoebe hated him.
"It wasn't on purpose."
"Come on, Pheebs. It's me. I thought you weren't mad at him anymore? He got a chip," Joey said.
"Okay….great, he made it a year. I mean, I'm happy for him….and I'm proud but….look, okay, my mother killed herself, my step father is in prison, my dad vanished, even my biological mom has cut herself off, I haven't spoken to her since I gave birth to the triplets. I barely see Frank Jr. or Alice or the triplets. People make promises to me and then they break them. I want to forgive him, I want to move past it, I so do but….I keep waiting, waiting for him to vanish again or leave….he ran out on his own wedding and I'm sorry that I keep saying Monica can do better and the soulmate thing was not cool, I get it but-"
"He's trying."
"I don't know why I can't just let it go. I want to though and I think Monica and Chandler are pretty perfect together and if I find someone who looks at me the way he looks at her….even when she's not aware he's looking….that smile when he's just so amazed and in love, I want a guy who looks at me like that," Phoebe said.
"I look at you like that," Joey said.
"No, you don't. We're friends with benefits and the fact that you have a crush on Rachel is weird because you know that will never work. Ross and Rachel are each other's lobsters. I want someone outside the six of us and you should want someone too. G-d, we're so co-dependent and insulated….I guess, that's the right word but …..maybe it's time for us both to grow up."
"You wanna stop this?"
"I don't know."
Phoebe fell silent as they continue to hold onto each other. Joey really did not know what he wanted. He wasn't sure he was in love with Phoebe but was he ready to just be done with his whole bachelor lifestyle? That he wasn't so sure of.
Soon April rolled around and Joey was still trying to ignore his feelings. On the day of Rachel's baby shower, he went with Chandler and Joey for an audition to be the host of a game show. Maybe if he made himself busy, it would mean that he would be away from Rachel. He especially appreciated Chandler and Ross being there for support.
"I've never done hosting," Joey said, "this is...I feel like I should be British."
"British?" Chandler asked.
"Why British?" Ross asked.
"Why not British. I mean, okay...how does this sound, 'okay, welcome to Bamboozled'", Joey tried in an accent that sounded more Jamaican than British.
"I wouldn't do that," Ross said.
"Yeah and on a related note, I'm so glad I spent all that money on that dialect coach for you. Money well spent," Chandler said.
"You paid for a dialect coach for him?" Ross asked. "You really are his Sugar Daddy."
"I know, right," Chandler said.
"He's not anymore," Joey said.
"Yeah, Mon made me stop," Chandler said.
"Good. Hey, Joe...I had wanted to ask, when Rach moved out, you seemed upset are-"
"I'm fine. I just lost a good roommate, it's all good," Joey said, he would not discuss this now. Especially not with Ross, instead he got up, ready to audition, "After this we'll go and I'll buy lunch for us," Joey finished.
"Yeah. twenty, thirty dollar lunch….that'll make us even," Chandler said.
"Bite me, Sugar Daddy," Joey said as he walked off towards another room to begin his audition. It went alright. It was for a game show. It was a fine audition, nothing too special. After lunch, he headed back to his apartment to read through a script for Days of Our Lives. Ross and Chandler had invited him for basketball but he felt he needed to work. He felt so adult, choosing work over play.
"Joe?" Rachel asked as she walked into the apartment. She looked so pretty.
"How was the shower?"
"Good. How was the audition?"
"It was alright."
"Hey….can we talk?"
"Yeah."
"Okay….alright, this is hard but lately….are you okay? Ever since I moved out, you've been acting weird. Is something going on?" Rachel asked.
"I'm fine."
"Joey, I know you. What's going on?"
Joey let out a sigh as he put the script down and looked at her. He so did not want to tell her this. She didn't need to know this but she wasn't leaving. He felt like he had no choice. He had to tell her.
"Alright, Rach….this is tough but ever since our date, I've been….I've had...I've had feelings for you," Joey said, trying not to look at her.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"I know….it's dumb but I don't know and I guess when you moved out, I felt sad and-and I shouldn't because you should be with Ross and live with him and it's weird and-"
"Oh, Joey….Joey, I love you so much but not-"
"I know," Joey said not wanting her to finish. He knew she didn't feel the same and he didn't need to hear it.
"Not in that way. But you're sweet and I loved our date and I love getting to know you. Really getting to know you. I love that. I will always love that but I'm having Ross' child and at the end of the day….somehow, I do believe Ross and I are going to find our way back to each other and I'm so sorry."
"It's fine, Rach."
"Really?"
"It's fine."
"You're not going to orchestrate a hit on me?" Rachel asked, grinning at him.
"No. No...I won't. Look, I'm gonna get back to memorizing lines."
"Joey."
"I'm okay, Rachel."
Rachel nodded as she leaned and hugged him. He hugged back. He wasn't sure if he had just made things worse between them. He still wanted them to be friends.
"Does Ross know?" Rachel asked. "Does he know how you feel?"
"No, no….only Chandler knows and Monica, probably," Joey said not wanting to admit that Monica did know just in case Rachel went to Monica asking why she hadn't told Rachel.
"He tells Monica everything."
"So she knows….and I told Pheebs. So Ross is the only one who doesn't know and I don't want him knowing," Joey said.
"Okay. I won't tell him."
"Thanks. I'll get over it," Joey said.
"I love you, Joe. I do."
"I know."
Rachel hugged him again. Joey took her in again. This was too much. He needed this to end, this crush. It had to end. There was no other option. It had to simply end. Rachel would never be his girlfriend. It wasn't supposed to be the two of them, so he would have to get over it. He was Joey, he got over things quickly and this would have to be one of those things.
