Chapter 49: Mortality & Jealousy

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy.

So here's what's going on with Tasha and some other stuff you're sure to like. Enjoy=) Happy 2011 Everyone!

TPOV

The past week has been a nightmare to say the least. The last thing I remembered was fighting in the alley on our mission, feeling a sharp pain in my head and then nothing. The next thing I know I'm strapped to a chair in Rose and Dimitri's kitchen with Lissa leaning over me. I was so disoriented that I thought I was dreaming. In fact I'd been so in and out of it for the past few days that I was having difficulty distinguishing dreams from reality.

Lissa had told me to stay calm and that everything was going to be okay. She said she wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me. No offense to the Queen, but how in the world did she think she was going to protect me? I was the one with the fire power and the combat skills. I wouldn't have laughed at her if only I'd known what she'd meant by that.

I was then transferred quite rudely to what I'd realized several days later was the psychiatric ward at the court's infirmary. I was in and out of it for a while and many doctors, psychiatrists and the head of the Royal Guard had been to see me. They had all kinds of mind boggling questions that I hadn't the faintest idea of what they were getting at.

"For the last time I don't remember," I huffed in exasperation. Guardian Rustikov was interrogating me for the third time this week. They had my arms and legs restrained to my hospital bed and would not allow me to change into my regular clothing. It had been the same questions every time they came in here.

"What do you remember about the caves? What did Avery Lazar have against the Queen and how I had managed to conceal my appearance?" He barked at me.

I sighed and gave them my typical responses. "I don't remember being in a cave. I have heard of the last name Lazar, but no Avery, and I have no idea how to conceal my physical appearance."

Guardian Rustikov regarded me closely, but accepted my answers none the less. I heard arguing coming from the hallway.

"Are they in there again harassing my Aunt? What is it going to take for them to back off! They already have official orders from the Queen to leave her alone," my nephew bellowed.

My darling nephew, I felt like I hadn't seen him in months. He had been with me briefly during my spells of consciousness, but I'd yet to speak with him directly.

He entered the room giving Rustikov a death glare as they passed each other. I'd never been so happy to see someone in my entire life.

"Aunt Tasha, I'm so happy to see you awake," He said rushing over and hugging me tightly. I could see tears glistning his eyes.

"Hey Chris, what's the matter? Everything is fine honey," I tried reassuring him, although I was lying through my teeth. I may not recollect the events they were questioning me about, but I had been having some strange thoughts and emotions since I'd woken up.

Sometimes I felt angry for no reason at all. Other times I could feel pain or numbness course through me for no apparent reason. I also found that I wasn't always in the right state of mind. I found my mind wandering so much sometimes that I was convinced I wasn't in the same room I was in now. I could have sworn the other day I was locked up in a jail cell rattling the bars for them to let me out. When I'd screamed about it someone had come in and given me an injection to calm me down. It had happened several other times, but I was afraid that if I said anything their next move would be to give ma a lobotomy like that guy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

"I'm just really happy to see you," He replied still holding me in a death grip.

"How are you feeling?" He asked pulling back slightly.

"Physically I feel fine. I would be more comfortable at home with my own clothes and without these restraints though. I twisted my wrists in their cuffs, but it was no use they didn't budge a centimeter.

"I'm sorry about hose. Lissa will be down here soon to sort things out. She's just worked up right now about Rose," he explained.

"It's okay. I hope nothing is wrong. Is Rose having a difficult time with her pregnancy?" I asked. I hoped that wasn't the case. Poor Dimka would be worried out of his mind.

Christian gave me a funny look. "Ugh, well no," He stuttered letting out a deep breath and rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.

"I know there's something that no one is telling me," I blurted out. His head snapped up and I couldn't miss the look of surprise on his face. I had a sinking feeling that whatever it was had to be big.

"Please Christian just tell me. I'm a big girl. I can handle whatever it is. I've faced worse I'm sure," I said with a chuckle trying to lighten his mood.

He shook his head. "I want to tell you, but I just don't know how." He looked truly sick about whatever he was hiding.

"Oh come on just tell me already. All I know is that it involves a cave, some Lazar girl and Lissa."

"That's not even the half of it," He muttered. "Okay here it goes, but before I tell you just try not to freak out okay?"

I nodded. It couldn't be that bad could it?

As I listened to him explain the events of the last four months I realized how wrong I was.

Tears fell from his eyes as he held my hand explaining how I had died and they'd had a funeral for me, how Rose was assaulted by Jesse Zeklos and went into early labor, how the council had voted to revoke the offensive magic program, and how Rose had gone insane and tried to kill Lissa.

I gasped as he recounted how I'd attacked Lissa and Rose and Rose and Dimka's baby girl. He explained that no charges were being brought against me because I'd been compelled to do these things by this Avery girl whom he told me was in jail. She had brought me back from the dead and I was now bonded to her. Well that explains the strange emotions and the flashes of the jail cell. Not that being bonded to someone who was mentally unstable was much of a comfort.

I was experiencing what Rose does because she is shadow kissed and I guess so am I now. Going into that mission I'd feared for Christian's life and for Dimitri's life, but never in a million years had I feared my own mortality. I don't know if it was cockiness on my part or just plain naivety, but I hadn't thought for a second that I'd be the one to lose my life that day.

When Christian finished talking we were clinging to each other and sobbing. I was trying so hard not to fall apart. Even though he was in his twenties, I still felt the overwhelming desire to protect Christian. If I let him see how upset I was it would only cause him to worry so I put on my best brave face and took a deep cleansing breath.

He dabbed my eyes shakily with a tissue.

"How is Clay?" I asked wondering if my now former boyfriend had been informed of all this insanity. If he had I was afraid of what he might think. I was so in love with him. I truly thought he could be the one, but chances are even if he hadn't moved on to another woman yet he still wouldn't want someone as screwed up as me.

"He's a mess. He still thinks you're dead,"Christian croaked.

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

Christian raised his eyebrow at me in shock. "Uh no. He's still too upset over your death," He explained quietly still staring at me with his mouth agape.

"Close your mouth you'll let the flies in," I told him with a small smile.

That did it he finally cracked and let out a small chuckle. "Sorry it's just that only you would ask me something like that in a situation like this."

"Sure beats the hell out of asking who showed up for my funeral," I joked.

"Touche," he acquiesced.

He spent the rest of the afternoon filling me in on the horrific events that had transpired since the mission. I could only hope that things would get better from here.

RPOV

They'd released me from the hospital on Lissa's orders, but with strict instructions that I not be left alone. Dimitri and Lissa both knew that I hadn't been myself and that my actions were heavily influenced by the darkness I'd consumed, but the doctors had no way of knowing that as they were not privy to my inner thoughts.

Dimitri had left Alisa with Viktoria and had come to the hospital to escort me home. I felt like a prisoner in shackles. I heard Dimitri let out a laugh beside me.

"Hey don't laugh. You're not the one who has to have an escort to the potty," I huffed.

He held me tight against his body. "Oh like that bothers you. You leave the door open anyways," he said rolling his eyes.

"That's so not the point," I whined.

"I know it isn't and that is why I'm willing to make you a deal," he said turning the key in the lock of our house and escorting me through the doorway and into our living room.

"What's the deal?" I asked eagerly.

"I will agree to try and let you go through your usual routines, but you have to promise to keep the bond wide open to me one hundred percent of the time. No exceptions Roza," He said in his serious Guardian tone.

"I promise Comrade," I told him sincerely.
"If at any time I can't get a hold on your feelings your freedom ends," He warned. Normally his bossiness would bother me, but I owed him this. He had every right to keep tabs on me after what I did.

"Thank you for putting your faith in me," I said lifting my face so that I could kiss him softly on the lips.

"I always have faith in you Roza," He whispered lifting me off my feet and carrying me upstairs to our bedroom.

He lay me gently on our bed and hovered over me.

"I've missed you so much Milaya." He pressed his lips to mine and then slowly grazed them across my neck making my heart race.

I opened up the bond flooding his mind with thoughts of love and passion. He did the same and I groaned in pleasure as he began to rid me of my clothing running his large calloused hands across the sensitive parts of my body.

He took his time caressing every single part of my body before slowly and sweetly making love to me. He held me tightly in his arms after. There was no doubt in my mind that this was where I was meant to be.

"Do you know what it would have done to me if I'd lost you?" He asked his voice thick with emotion.

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat as I thought about the little trip Mason had taken me on.

"I'm so sorry," I cried holding onto him with everything I had in me.

"I couldn't sleep in here without you. It was too lonely. Alisa was a mess too."

My heart broke at his words. I began to cry harder as images of him trying to comfort our screaming daughter in the middle of the night without me fluttered through his mind.

"Shh Roza, I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I just missed you and I just wanted you to know how thankful I am to have you here in my arms."

I let myself relax in his embrace. We lay there for a little while just reconnecting through the bond.

"Hey we should go get Alisa so Vivie and Adrian can have some alone time."

He stiffened. "I'm not sure that's possible right now."

"Why not? He did wake up didn't he?" I asked panicked that he was still in the hospital.

"Calm down Milaya," He said stroking my hair softly. "He is awake, but since he found out about you he's been drunk out of his mind."

I remembered what Mason had said about him being wasted every night since I'd passed away.

"Go and find him," Dimitri told me. He knew I needed to do that to have piece of mind.

"Thank you," I told him kissing him softly. "I'll pick up Alisa and then find him. You should get some sleep."

He nodded in agreement. "Remember what I said about the bond," He warned.

"I know. Keep it open."

I kissed him goodbye and got dressed.

VPOV

"You're such a good baby Alisa. Dimka and Roza are so lucky to have you." I said rocking my little niece back and forth. She'd just taken her bottle and was sleeping peacefully.

If only she knew how much I longed for a baby of my own. Even though I was young I wanted so much to become a mother like my sisters. All of my siblings had children even Dimka and that was almost unheard of for a male Guardian to have children. I loved Adrian with everything in me and I couldn't help but want what most women wanted. I wanted to get married and raise a family with the man I loved. Unfortunately I feared that it would never happen for me. To tell the truth even if Adrian wasn't currently on a bender we probably would never get married or have babies anyways. Not that he wouldn't want Dhampir children, I think he'd just prefer them from a different Dhampir mother.

As much as I loved my sister in law I had to come to terms with the fact that Adrian was and still is in love with her. He was always so concerned for her. I know they dream walk all the time which he rarely does with me. Sometimes I wondered if they made love in their dreams. Dimka would go insane if he ever found out. Okay slow down girl before you go and make false accusations.

They have some sort of strange attachment to each other and I couldn't help, but be miserably jealous. If she said jump, he said how high. If she was in trouble, he'd jump in and save her. He'd die for her. I would never understand how my brother put up with another man being in love with his wife. I knew I was being unreasonable and that it wasn't her fault, but I couldn't help but be annoyed at Roza right now. She had everything I wanted including the love of the man I wanted to love me.

Speak of the devil.

"Hey Vivie, how are you holding up?" She asked entering our kitchen through the Narnia doors. Damn she was so nice I couldn't hate her properly and feel good about it.

"I'm okay. I'm so glad you're well and home," I told her giving her one of my bright smiles and a one armed hug.

She held out her arms and I gently handed over her sleeping daughter. She smiled down at her baby and kissed her rosy little cheek lovingly.

"Mommy missed her pretty little girl," She cooed. Again jealously swept through me, but I managed to hold it at bay.

"Hey I'm sorry about Adrian. I'm going to try and find him and slap some sense into him," She told me.

"He's actually right upstairs. I carried him home the other day and he's been holed up in there ever since. I've been sleeping in the guest room," I admitted.

"You mind if I go up there?" She asked.

"Enter at your own risk. He's really cranky and wasted," I warned her. Although I had a feeling that as soon as he saw her he'd go back to his normal self damn him and his stupid obsession with her. I felt bad for having mean thoughts. She was only trying to help. Dimka would be so mad at me if he knew how much animosity I held towards his wife. Ugh! Fuck my life! I took the baby from her as she went upstairs to help the love of my life.

APOV

I don't know how long it had been since Viktoria had carried me home from the hospital and I didn't care. I'd run out of booze yesterday and hadn't had the energy to go out and get anymore. I was sobering up and it was hell. Getting more liquor was on my list of to do's along with apologizing to Viktoria and confessing to killing Viktor Dashkov. Neither of which I was looking forward to.

There was a knock at the door. My head was pounding and I just wanted to be left alone.

"Go away!" I shouted at who I thought was Viktoria. I'd be lucky if she ever spoke to me again the way I was acting.

The door was locked and I hoped she'd take the hint and beat it. Instead I was so startled that I fell off the bed when there was a loud crack and the door came flying off its hinges. Someone had kicked it in.

Oh crap I must really have pissed her off now. I cowered behind the bed waiting for her wrath to descend upon me.

"Get up from behind that bed or I'm going to come over there and kick your ass!"

"Rose?" I questioned jumping to my feet.

"Of course it's me. Quit acting like a coward and get over here."

Tears of relief spilled down my cheeks as I threw myself at her. She caught me and held me tight as cried into her hair.

After I'd stopped sobbing like the crybaby I am, she led me over to the bed and sat down next to me.

"You have to stop doing this to yourself," She started.
"I could say to the same to you," I shot back.

She looked down for a minute. "You're right. We both suffer from the side effects of Spirit and we have got to figure out a way to stop it from interfering in our lives."

"It wasn't just Spirit," I told her softly.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

I looked her in the eye and took a deep breath.

"I killed Viktor Dashkov," I confessed. Her eyes went wide and she gasped audibly.

So who thinks Viktoria and Adrian are going to break up? Who thinks Viktoria and Rose are going to have a smackdown? Do you think Adrian and Rose make love in their dream walks? Be the 1000th reviewer and I'll send you a teaser for the next chapter=)