He rolled over and tentatively reached for her only to find the space beside him empty and cold, indicating that she'd been gone for some time. Glancing at the floor next to him, he saw Emily sleeping soundly in her sleeping bag and wondered where Sue had gone. Sliding from the bed, he went in search of his wife.
She was staring unseeingly into the dying embers of the fire, tears streaming down her face although she was not making a sound. He made a wide circle around the couch, approaching her in full view so he wouldn't startle her. Slowly sitting on the edge of the coffee table, he reached out and took one of her ice cold hands and waited, knowing she would talk when ready.
"I'm so tired of crying," she finally whispered, her voice thick with emotion and exhaustion. "I can't seem to stop. HEAD-HURT. THROAT-HURT. EYES HURT."
"AGAIN, COME BED," he entreated, gently tugging on her hand. "REST YOU NEED."
"I can't sleep," she admitted, wiping her eyes. "It's why I got up. I didn't want to disturb you. I know the day has been just as long and probably as emotional for you. My mind won't shut down. I'm still processing the new family members I have. It's just so strange..."
"What's so strange?" he asked when she trailed off.
"I don't want to keep bringing it up," she replied, brushing off what she was going to say.
"Sue, tell me. How can I know what you are thinking, what you are wrestling with, if you don't let me in? I want to help. I want to be here for you."
"You are here for me, Jack, in so many ways. I don't want to be more of a burden than I've already been." She watched the disappointment bloom in his eyes. Sighing, her focus returned to the fire before she relented and finished her earlier thought. "I was going to say it's just so strange to basically blink my eyes and lose five years of my life. I still find myself wanting to wake up to discover this has all be a dream," she revealed, her eyes widening in horror, her hand covering her mouth at what she'd revealed to him.
He lowered his lashes, looking at the floor, hoping to hide the hurt he felt, surprised at its intensity. He felt her turn her hand in his and tighten her grip, not letting him pull away. He was aware of her kneeling in front of him, as her words washed over his bruised heart.
"I didn't mean that the way it sounded. You've got to believe me. You and Emily are the incredible parts of this whole ordeal. I don't want to wake from either of you," she tried to explain. "I just wish I could remember. I don't feel like a momma or a wife. I feel like a frightened girl who wants to stay wrapped in her daddy's arms until everything makes sense again."
He lifted damp lashes to look directly at her, his earlier fears haunting him. "What about my arms, Sue? Can't you find peace and security within the circle of my embrace? I'm willing to hold you no matter the reason. I want to be the person you turn to for help, strength, security, acceptance, and love."
She nodded and laid her head on his knee for just a moment, closing her eyes when he stroked her cheek ever-so tenderly. Rising back up, she met his gaze. "I want that too. And I'm trying."
He gave her a crooked smile, his eyes dark and bottomless. "Good. It helps to hear you say that," he confirmed, stifling a yawn.
"Go on back to bed," she urged with a smile at his sheepish expression. "No reason for us both to lose sleep."
He rose and tugged on her hand, causing her to stand beside him. "Come to bed with me," he urged.
Her breath caught at his words, before she chastised herself for reading more into them than was there. "Okay," she agreed, squelching a yelp as he swung her up into his arms.
"What are you doing?" she wanted to know.
"Showing you how strong and capable my arms are, just in case you need them in the future," he informed her with a confident wink. "And as soon as we get upstairs, I'm going to show you how gentle they can be as I tuck you close to me and hold you through the night."
She covered a yawn of her own and relaxed into his sure grip, enjoying the feeling of being cherished as he carried her to her childhood bedroom, laying her gently on the bed. He slid in beside her, pulled up the covers, and gathered her into his arms, settling her head against his firm chest. His hand rubbed lazy patterns across her back. That, coupled with the steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek, ushered her into a peaceful sleep, allowing him to simply enjoy holding her, trying desperately to ward off the growing feeling of anxiety that was twisting in his stomach.
