MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

(I don't know why I just wrote that. It seemed appropriate.)

This chapter follows the 2011 New Year's Ball, mentioned in the last chapter.

Also...EVANGELINE IS HERE! *happy dancing* And she is just as awesome in real life as I knew she would be ;)

Evangeline: Hiiii I'm with Reia! You jealous? *trollface*

Reia: Damn, this A/N is going to be long. But I don't care. *laughs creepily*

Evangeline: Har har, we'll write it again at the end! *is a troll, and so is Reia*

Reia: They see me trollin', they hatin' ;)

Evangeline: Okay, now let's write and go all epic on their asses!

Reia: While appreciating William/Thomas, of course (I got Evangeline into Downton Abbey. WATCH IT. Your life will be complete.)

Evangeline: It will be. WILLMAS IS LIFE AND NOTHING HURTS!

Reia: It is, my wise gay love-appreciating Swedish friend *bows* Now, TO THE WRITING. *Explosions go off in distance*


''Hey guys, I can fit my whole fist in my mouth!''

''Get away from the alcohol, Fletcher. It is evil.''

Fletcher yawned, turned over and fell off the couch. Nobody helped him up.

He whined and looked up at the other men standing over him. ''I think I've broken my lower back,'' he observed. ''I am in intense agony. Maybe even mortal peril. Ghastly, please start writing my eulogy.''

Ghastly blinked, surprised. ''You know how to say 'eulogy'? Maybe there is hope for you after all.''

The Teleporter smiled smugly and rolled over onto Ghastly's shoes. He was kicked none too gently in the head. Ghastly looked down, slowly, foot drawing back from Fletcher's head. ''Don't. Even. Think. About. Touching. My. Babies.'' ''Does Tanith know that you have children?'' Fletcher said, confused. ''Because I think that's a bit too much commitment for her to take on right now. She needs a man that can satisfy her needs. A man that isn't tied down. A man like the Flerminator-''

This time, it was Skulduggery that kicked him. ''A man? You can barely walk without crawling. Maybe we can consider manhood once you're potty trained.''

The other men grinned, and turned back to the mirror that lined the wall of Erskine's living room.

''Christ, I'm hot,'' said Anton, a surprised expression crossing his face as he saw his reflection. Erskine groaned. ''You think you get used to his ego, and then he comes out with a line like that.'' Anton shot him a sideways look. ''Well, I think I get used to how mind-blowingly gorgeous I am and then I look in a mirror and go 'Holy shit'-''

Erskine shoved him over. ''You can get off the floor once the weight of your ego isn't holding you down.'' Anton shrugged his shoulders. ''I can get used to living here.''

Dexter turned around, brushing his hair. ''Guess who moved next door!'' He sat on Anton with a grin. ''Hey, neighbour.''

The hotelier rolled his eyes as he shoved Dexter off his lap. ''Go kiss Leo. My ego is too big for anyone to even attempt to come close. My ego-residence is a castle complete with moat, drawbridge and several small forts. My ego is untouchable.''

Fletcher looked at the other men. ''Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?''

Skulduggery nodded. ''I think we are.''

''TOUCHABLE!'' Erskine screamed as the boys jumped on top of Anton. The hotel owner squirmed under the pile as Leo's foot ground into his face. ''No! Not my face! You can't deprive the world of such beauty! I-''


''I wonder how the boys are doing?''

Tanith turned around, wand of mascara in hand as she looked at the other girls in the room. Valkyrie was on the bed plaiting Amara's hair and Tariana, Evangeline and Reia were applying various items of makeup beside her at the mirror.

''Probably filling the house with water to see if I really melt,'' said Evangeline, putting her tube of lipgloss down.

''All too likely,'' Valkyrie called from the bed, as she finished Amara's hair and stood up, shaking out her customary black dress. ''Tanith, this feels uncomfortable. I can most definitely see my knees.''

Her best friend grinned coyly. ''That isn't a bad thing at all.'' ''You should hear my dad on the subject,'' Valkyrie grumbled, settling into a throw-draped chair in the corner. ''Knees are his Kryptonite.'' Tanith put her tube of mascara down on the mirror's ledge. ''Come on. You look great. We all do.''

Tariana smiled back at her. ''We do. The only thing is, I'll have to change if Guild comes to the Ball this year. You remember what he was like last time he was set loose in a room full of women in dresses.''

The girls blanched, the Paedo!Guild Scandal of 2010 still fresh in their minds. Evangeline looked at the faces of the girls and winced. ''Don't tell me. I am so glad not to have been there when Guild went on his infamous paedo stalk.''

''If Anton's going to be in the same room as you tonight, I bet there's going to be a second paedo stalk,'' grinned Tariana, ducking the cushion Evangeline threw at her. ''I mean, since you and him got your mack on last week during the snowball fight-''

She was cut off as Evangeline jumped on top of her, hand over her mouth. ''No talking! Talking is not permitted!''

Tariana's eyes laughed as she looked up at Evangeline's frantic face.

''Ooooooooh, get some,'' came Fletcher's voice from the door.

''Bloody hell, that's my girlfriend!'' Erskine said, eyes widening as he looked through the doorway.

''Shut up Erskine, this is enjoyable.''

''Hey!'' Anton said, head poking around the door. ''Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?'' He slowly raised a video camera to his face. ''I think you are.''

''You're a paedophile, Anton,'' Tanith scowled. ''And you were all supposed to wait for us to get ready before meeting us!''

Erskine shrugged as the other boys appeared in the doorway. They were all dressed in various cuts of tuxedos, complete with white gloves. Skulduggery wore his usual tie, and Ghastly's shoes were so shiny they momentarily blinded anyone who looked at them. Fletcher had his hair swept back for once, and it gave him an air of mystery and hotness. Which was weird. Because it was Fletcher.

''I know we were supposed to wait for you, but Anton and Fletcher convinced us that we might catch you changing, so we were persuaded to Teleport in.''

''Don't look at me,'' Fletcher shrugged, noticing the girls' glares. ''I'm drunk.''

Valkyrie sighed, walking up to put her hand in Skulduggery's. ''I thought I told you to keep him away from the alcohol?'' The detective shrugged. ''I'm a genius, not a miracle worker.''

Erskine looked down at Evangeline as she climbed carefully off Tariana. ''You know, you could always just lie there,'' he suggested carefully. Tariana frowned up at him. ''I am this close to replacing your face in all the pictures of us with Kurt's, just so you know.'' Erskine smiled as he pulled her to her feet. ''Just a suggestion. I'm fine with me replacing Evangeline, just so you know.''

''Being best friends with Anton has rubbed off on you,'' she muttered.

''Wait, what's all this about rubbing off on someone?'' Anton had sauntered over, hands in his trouser pockets.

''Typical. You mention some naughty sexual act and he zooms over like a moth to light.''

Anton nodded sagely. ''Accuarate sentence is accurate.''

''Well, all this banter is certainly amusing, but I'd like to get to the New Year's Ball now.'' Ghastly checked his watch as the Crew gathered beside Fletcher, who stretched his arms out for them to grab onto. ''We'll be right on time,'' the tailor said, looking at Tanith's body, clad in an electric blue form-fitting dress, up and down with a smile. ''And I expect to have the first dance from you. You're far too attractive tonight to go to waste.''

''No eye raping, Ghastly!'' Anton shouted.


After they Teleported, the Crew arrived in the Sanctuary's Entrance Hall, mages mingling about as they spilled into the ballroom, snatches of conversation reaching their ears.

''Well,'' said Erskine, as he offered Tariana his arm, ''shall we?'' She rolled her eyes, but took his arm with a smile. ''You're such a charmer.''

''Whoo! Whoo! Erskariana!'' called a low voice from the back of the group. No-one turned around. They all knew it was Anton.

Erskine lead the Crew into the ballroom, and the group raised their eyebrows and made sounds of appreciation as they admired the room. The first thing anyone noticed was the light, sparkling from the chandelier and lamps, and the bar stretching across one wall. Various chairs and sofas were scattered around the sides of the room, and balconies looked over the marbled dancefloor where couples twirled, women's dresses flowing out as they danced.

The group stopped at the Announcer, and he looked them over with a practiced eye before raising his head as he called out the names of each partner entering the room. ''The Grand Mage Erskine Ravel and Tariana Grace, Elder Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low, Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant-'' ''I hate you,'' Skulduggery whispered as they walked past. ''-and, um, Valkyrie Cain, Dexter Vex and Reia Kellyn, Leonardo DiCaprio-'' there was an audible sigh of contentment as the gazes of the mages in the room fell on Leo and his cheekbones, ''-and Amara Calla...''

The Announcer looked at Anton and Evangeline, who were arguing furiously in front of him.

''Look, if he calls out our names together it doesn't mean we're together-''

''Oh please, I know that you'll only use this as an opportunity to-''

''Would I really-''

''Yes.''

He scoffed. ''As if you wouldn't like me using it as an opportunity-'' ''Are you sure you're not together?'' The Announcer asked suspiciously. The two mages whipped their heads around to glare at him.

He looked away hastily. ''Fine, fine, be like that if you want.'' He raised his voice again, turning to the room as he called out ''Evangeline Evergreen, by herself, and Anton Shudder, who totally isn't getting any.''

Anton glared at him as he walked past. ''You are a mean, mean, man,'' he hissed. The Announcer shrugged. ''At least I've got a girlfriend.'' He winked at Evangeline, who raised her eyebrows. ''And by 'I've got a girlfriend', I mean I'm in an open relationship.''

Again, he was on the receiving end of a glare from Anton. ''I can and will cut you,'' the hotelier said with a dark look. The other man chuckled, looking sideways at Evangeline. ''Of course you will.'' ''I carry a knife,'' said Anton. The Announcer stopped laughing.

''Okay, you can maybe use that knife to cut the testosterone that erupted just now,'' Evangeline announced, standing between the two men. ''But you have no reason to cut the Announcer, because you're not jealous, right?''

Anton looked between the Announcer and Evangeline several times. He swallowed. ''Let's go get a drink,'' he said suddenly, pulling Evangeline away to the bar.

The Announcer looked down at the ground. ''Forever alone.''


On the dancefloor, Ghastly was twirling Tanith around so fast she almost caught Skulduggery a glancing blow with her foot. ''Watch it,'' he said, his facade's eyes narrowing as he looked at his friends' erratic dancing. ''I half expect them to go at it right in the middle of the crowd,'' he murmured in Valkyrie's ear as he pulled her away, one hand returning to her waist as another draped across her shoulder.

''Leave them be,'' she grinned as they moved around under the sparkling chandelier. ''If Ghastly ends up getting her pregnant - which is going to happen sooner or later, we have to admit it - I would get to be godmother.''

Skulduggery looked at her. ''You, being the godmother? It is I who will be godparent to their first born.''

Valkyrie frowned. ''Is that so?''

Across the other side of the ballroom, Leonardo was looking uneasily at the ring of sorcerers surrounding him. ''So pretty,'' one breathed.

''I could cut cheese on these cheekbones,'' an older female mage said softly.

''I bet his hair feels like a thousand dreams,'' said another, familiar, breathy voice.

''Fletcher!'' Leonardo snapped. The Teleporter looked up from his spot in the crowd of fangirling mages. ''What? They're right.''

''We're leaving now,'' the actor said, grabbing Fletcher's hand and twirling him onto the dancefloor. The Teleporter took a deep breath. ''Every...dream...coming...true...'' ''Please be quiet and dance with me. They're still looking at us.'' Fletcher craned his head over Leo's neck to see the mages glaring at where they moved on the floor. ''No, let them look. They're gonna be so jealous of me in the morning.''

Leo groaned. ''I'm stuck with you all night, amn't I?'' The blonde beside him smirked. ''Like a limpet.''


Madam Mist was droning. Erskine watched her wearily as he raised his glass to his lips, sighing as she kept up her never-ending stream of boring.

''There is no doubt Pleasant is a fine detective. Our finest, if you want to be exact, but I do not think anyone will dispute that fact. But a raise? He's already paid a substantial amount, though we have considerable resources that are more than sufficient to pay for any extra costs our employees might demand. He's asking for a five percent raise and while that is hardly extortionate, a three percent raise would be more appropriate. Well, to be perfectly honest, our stocks have decreased in value by point 5 percent in the past month. Perhaps it would be-''

She stopped talking as Erskine fell off his chair. ''Sorry,'' he murmured, standing up. ''I think I fell asleep.''

The two Elders turned around as Anton came up behind them, clasping a hand on his friend's shoulder. ''Apologies and all that crap, but Erskine has to come with me. Matter of national importance, you understand.''

He led Erskine away, who rolled his eyes as Anton's hurried footsteps. ''What's up? You need someone to brush your hair? Hot girl at the bar and you need a wingman?''

''I'm saving you from the evil monologue woman,'' Anton said defensively. ''I'm being a good bro. And yeah, there's this totally fine chick serving drinks.'' Erskine sighed as he was deposited on a bar stool, though he smiled when he saw Tariana on his other side. ''I'm so glad you got here,'' she whispered. ''Anton gives this really creepy grin whenever the bartender bends over. It's weird.''

Beside them, Anton screwed up his face as he tasted his drink and dropped it back onto the bar. ''This is flat peach cider! I asked for sparkling peach cider.'' The bartender turned around with one eyebrow raised. ''And what do you want me to do about it?''

''I don't know. Blow bubbles into it. But not really, because that's disgusting.'' The bartender picked up his drink and Anton put his hand out to stop her. ''Can I get an apple cider instead?''

She glowered at him, tossing her hair as she carried off his half-empty glass. ''And why exactly should I get you it?''

''I slept with you!'' Anton yelled at her retreating back. ''You should be grateful! Girls would pay for that sort of one-night stand!''

''It's over,'' Erskine said as Anton sank back onto his barstool. ''She's gone.''

Anton moaned and dropped his face into his crossed arms on the bar surface. ''These girls are going to kill me.''

''Should I take that literally, or am I hoping for too much?''

Erskine smiled as Evangeline's voice reached them. ''He'll be shot by one of them sooner or later. Don't give up hope. I sure haven't.''

''You know you couldn't live without me, Ravel,'' Anton yawned, raising his head. ''My absense of sexiness would rip a hole in your life.'' ''Keep dreaming.'' ''Oh, I do.''

The hotelier turned half around in his chair with a smirk firmly in place. ''Miss Evergreen. So good of you to join us.'' Evangeline returned the smirk. ''The pleasure is all mine.''

Tariana leaned over to Erskine, her voice low. ''Are they aware of the innuendos they're using, or...'' He shrugged. ''Beats me. But this is Anton we're talking about. Want to dance? It's a handy escape from the eye sex.''

She smiled. ''Sure.''

The couple slid off their stools and Erskine turned his head around as he walked with Tariana onto the dancefloor. Anton was balancing his new glass on his head as Evangeline rolled her eyes. Erskine's mouth tightened in amusement as he placed his hands around Tariana's waist. ''Let's not disturb them.''


''I would be the godparent.''

''No, me.''

''Oh please.''

''You would be a terrible godparent!''

''Take that back!''

''I would be an epic godparent. You would drop the baby on its head or something. If I was godparent it could play with Alice.''

''If your sister is anything like you, she'll probably bite Ghastly and Tanith's baby.''

''She's not a barbarian! Which is more than I can say for you.''

''I'm a skeleton, not a barbarian. Get your facts in order.''

Valkyrie glared at him before throwing her hands in the air. ''This is ridiculous. Why don't we just ask Ghastly and Tanith themselves who would be the godparent?'' Skulduggery shrugged. ''I don't know if we should. I mean, can you cope with the rejection?''

''I swear to God...''

She looked up as the clock dominating the top of the ballroom's front wall chimed. ''Ten o'clock.''

The man beside her shook his head sadly. ''I don't have to state the obvious, Valkyrie. I think we can both agree that one, it is definitely ten o'clock, and two, the baby would be a lot smarter if I was its godparent.''

Valkyrie's jaw worked furiously as she tried to think of a comeback. ''I hate you,'' she finally said. Skulduggery laughed. ''And the baby will obviously have my eloquence and talent at speeches.'' ''You are awful at making speeches!'' ''That's one person's opinion. And don't forget my snappy dress sense. My dress sense is not to be underestimated. Have you seen the tuxedo I'm wearing? It is, as Ghastly said, fabulous.''

''Ghastly only said that because he made it.'' ''Doesn't make it any less true.''

The two stopped their argument as Dexter, Reia and Amara passed. Dexter leaned against the wall, loosening his bowtie. ''How are the two of you getting on?''

''Excellently,'' Skulduggery said smoothly. ''In fact, we were just listing my best attributes. Got anything to add to the list? It's pretty long already, but we can all agree there isn't an end to the talent of some people. Namely, myself.''

Valkyrie made a sound very like 'Baahhhhhh' and stormed off, shoes clicking against the floor. The other three looked at her disappearing through the crowd, then back to Skulduggery. Skulduggery looked back at them. ''I think she might have food poisoning. The salmon canapes did look fishy, if you excuse my pun.''

He moved off after Valkyrie, and Dexter went very pale. ''I ate those canapes.''

Reia patted the twist of her hair as she moved off with the other two. ''Don't worry. I can stroke your hair if you start being sick.''

''Are you sure you won't just be doing that to feel my hair?''

She looked at his glossy, swept-back waves. ''Of course not.''


''Tanith. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. When you and Ghastly have a baby will I be godparent?''

The blonde woman looked at Valkyrie's face as she twisted around the dancefloor with Ghastly. ''What do you mean, when we have a baby?'' Valkyrie shook her head. ''Considering the amount of times the two of you sleep together, I'm surprised you aren't pregnant already. Now come on. You'll choose me over Skulduggery, right? He's a skeleton! The baby would be terrified.''

Ghastly looked at the two females before him. ''Don't I get a say in this?''

They ignored him.

''Val, I'm pretty sure we're not having a baby any time soon. Ghastly's shoes take up our everyday life anyway.''

''Hey!'' Ghastly said. ''Keep your voice down. You might hurt their feelings.''

''But you'll pick me as godparent, right?'' ''Not a chance,'' said Skulduggery, sliding to a stop beside them. ''I am prime godparent material. But let Valkyrie down gently. I know that if you had to have a second choice - not that you would, we all know I'm perfect for the role - it would be her.''

''Actually,'' said Tanith, looking slightly awkward, ''if we ever do have a child then Erskine is going to be godparent. Him being the Grand Mage and halfway mature and all.'' Skulduggery's head snapped back as if Tanith had hit him. ''But I'm mature! I'm more mature than Erskine! He's nine months younger than me!''

''Yeah, because that really makes a difference,'' Valkyrie muttered. Skulduggery frowned at her. ''Don't pretend you're not as upset about this as I am!''

Ghastly leaned forwards slightly. ''And the two of you are the godparents to my Prada loafers, don't forget.''

The three others turned to look at him. Ghastly shrank back. ''Okay, you can all forget I'm standing here.''

His girlfriend turned back to Valkyrie and Skulduggery. ''Look, you can be godparents to lots of other kids. Why are ours so important to you?'' Skulduggery stuck his lips into a pout. ''Because your children will be able to fight like beasts, make Oscar-worthy clothes and have amazing hair! I don't know what person wouldn't want to be godparent to your kids.''

''I wouldn't,'' said The Announcer as he passed them.

''Nobody asked you!''

''Our kids are going to be such bosses,'' Ghastly said dreamily. Tanith sighed. ''Great. Just what we need. A broody Ghastly.''

''I bet he'll be the one to wear the apron when he cooks dinner,'' Skulduggery grinned at Valkyrie. She laughed and nodded. ''And he'll be the one to discuss outfits with his teen daughter.''

''While Tanith plays football with their boy in the back yard.''

''And I bet Ghastly will make apple pie. Lots of apple pie.''

''Baked into the shape of loafers.''

''Naturally. And Tanith will go out on the pull to help the son pick up girls.''

''Ghastly will buy all their clothes.''

''And slap them when they buy something that doesn't go with their complexion.''

''I can see it already.''

Tanith pushed her hair over her shoulder. ''This is just embarassing, so we're going off now. Ghastly, you coming? Ghastly?'' She turned to see him staring off into space. ''Our shopping trips will be legendary,'' he whispered.

''I'm worried,'' Valkyrie said. ''Now that Ghastly wants kids not one piece of Ireland will be safe from their activities that should probably be kept in the bedroom.''

Skulduggery nodded. ''The trees won't be safe.''

''Neither will the cars.''

''Or the bushes.''

''Or walls.''

''Or couches.''

''Or buses.''

''Or Anton's paedo cupboard.''

''Or Ghastly's office.''

''Or changing room stalls.''

''Or my house.''

''Or really anyone's house.''

''Or telephone poles.''

''Or park benches.''

''Or the Bentley.''

''HEY. But yes, really nothing will be untouched from their coitus...ing. Apart from their beds. They'll probably be the only things that remain intact from the sexual armageddon that they bring down upon us. Sexmaggedon. Even the name fills me with horror.''

''You know,'' Ghastly said. ''I don't think we have actually slept together in my office yet.''

Tanith looked at him. ''I think we should maybe go rectify that mistake now.''

''I think we should.'' Ghastly took the blonde's hand and led her off through the crowd. Skulduggery stared after them. ''What have we done?''

Valkyrie sighed. ''Unleashed a monster. But come on. At least Erskine will get godparent status out of it.''

''Who cares about Erskine? He's the Grand Mage. He gets to order people around like slaves and everyone still puts up with it.'' ''Yeah. But you're the one that gets to beat people up.''

He sighed. ''And now you've just reminded me of why I love my job so much.'' ''Happy to help.''

Skulduggery straightened his back, and reached out his white-gloved hand. ''Care to dance?'' She took his hand. ''Show me what you've got.''


Anton raised his head. ''I sense sex.''

Evangeline rolled her eyes as she played with the glass on the bar in front of her. ''I just said that I liked your shirt. That isn't an open invitation for you to nail me.''

''No, it wasn't...doesn't matter. But speaking of my shirt, it is excellent. My taste will forever be perfect.''

She raised her eyebrows at the female bartender he had been looking at. ''Yeah. I salute you and your trashy taste.''

They both jumped as Leo's hand banged into the bar beside them. ''Help me,'' the actor gasped as Fletcher dragged him back onto the dancefloor. ''Come on, Leo! They're starting the foxtrot!''

Shudder raised his glass to Fletcher as he pulled Leonardo away. ''The child makes me proud.''

''Who makes you proud?'' Erskine sat down in the empty barstool between them. ''Whatever they're doing, it must be devious and wrong.''

Evangeline flicked her glass, and it spun on the table, reflecting the light from the chandelier. ''Fletcher was just attempting to dance-rape Leo. Nothing much unusual.'' Tariana appeared from the crowd, and she clasped a hand to the red-haired girl's shoulder. ''Gelly, can you help me?'' She held out the skirt of her purple dress, the deep colour clearly showing the rip that ran up the side. ''Someone stood on my dress, and it would be great if you could help me fix it up.''

Erskine winked at Anton before turning back to look at Tariana's exposed legs. ''Yes, it was most definitely an accident.'' Anton smirked as he gave his friend a fist bump. ''Yep. Completely devious and wrong.''


''They've really cleaned this place up, haven't they?''

Amara leaned over the balcony that ran around the walls, overlooking the richly decorated room. The bodice of her gold dress rubbed against the railing and she shifted slightly, the gauzy feel of the skirt soft against her knees.

Beside her, Dexter shrugged. ''The Ball's really just an excuse for them to open up the Torment's wine cellar. But don't let anybody know I told you.'' There was a scuffle behind them and the two looked round as Reia and a grinning Ghastly and Tanith walked in. The younger girl set a tray holding various glasses on a side table and walked up to the railing to look over. ''I met these two on the stairs going down so we all decided to get the drinks. I have no idea what they were doing away from the ballroom and I've no great wish to find out.''

Dexter raised his eyebrows as he took a drink of his wine, and Ghastly nodded smugly back at him. ''OK,'' the blonde man said as he turned around, ''I did not need to know that.''

''Look!'' Tanith strode over to the railing, pointing to where Valkyrie and Skulduggery were dancing under the chandelier. The girl tipped back her head to laugh at something Skulduggery said and Reia grinned, resting her glove-covered elbows on the balcony railing. ''That's cute.''

''That's PDA!'' Dexter protested. ''We should do something about it.'' ''Don't be a cockblock, Dexter,'' Amara frowned. He blinked innocently. ''I wouldn't dream of doing anything like that.''

''How easily do you think the chandelier will come down?'' Dexter asked, turning to Ghastly. The other man looked at it. ''Well, it's ancient. The cable attaching it to the ceiling would be pretty hard to cut...if we were ever thinking of doing something like that,'' he added hastily, noticing Tanith's expression.

''It would be ten times easier if we could snap the join of the chandelier to the cable instead of the cable itself. It would come down like Skulduggery after an ego trip.''

Tanith stared at them. ''You're not seriously thinking about doing this.'' Dexter let out a laugh. ''We're the Dead Boiiish. You should have seen the things we got up to in the war. There was this one time with an Anton and a cherry cake-''

''Enough,'' Reia said, trying not to imagine what unspeakable things the hotel owner could do with any cake at all. ''It's not even an hour until midnight. Let them have some peace for once.''

''What is this peace you speak of? I haven't heard of it. Have you, Ghastly?'' The tailor shook his head sombrely. ''I don't think I have, no.'' ''It's what I have when you two aren't around,'' murmured Tanith.

''Shoot the join,'' Amara said suddenly. They turned to look at her and she shrugged. ''Well, it would be funny.'' The two men grinned and Dexter put his hand into his tuxedo jacket to draw out a revolver. Tanith frowned. ''You're carrying a revolver in your jacket?'' ''Well, why not?''

He raised his arm and he squinted slightly as he lined up his vision with the chandelier. Amara sat down on an overstuffed arm chair, crossing her legs. ''Did you copy the gun-carrying off Skulduggery?''

''Nonsense,'' Dexter said as he thumbed back the safety switch. ''He copied it off me.'' He pulled the trigger, and the gunshot was swallowed up by the snapping sound of the chandelier as the bullet tore through the rusting joint.

The chandelier crashed to the floor, and shouts and exclamations of the mages as they dived out of the way filled the great ballroom.

Dexter chuckled as he holstered his gun.

Underneath the chandelier, Fletcher was stirring. He looked around as he sat up, the skirts of ladies' dresses spread out across the floor admist the shattered crystal and broken gilt handles of the chandelier.

He noticed Leo beside him stirring faintly, and Fletcher looked around to make sure nobody was watching him. The Teleporter stood up and grabbed hold of Leo's ankles as he dragged him off of the dancefloor. Fletcher laughed oddly. ''You're mine now.''


After the final tinkling sounds of the smallest pieces of glass shattering had stopped, Evangeline looked up. The grand chandelier that had previously overlooked the room was lying in pieces on the floor and mages had rushed over to help the ones stirring underneath the broken shards. (Though some were laughing hysterically at the injured sorcerers. The Announcer had fallen off his chair.)

Thankfully the ballroom was still lit up by the numerous lamps lining the balconies and walls, and she turned to see Anton beside her, hand on her lower back. He caught her eye. ''Are you OK?''

She smiled, and he removed his hand from her back to help her to her feet. ''It's lucky we didn't get hit by any of the shards. I must've fell off of my seat when the chandelier hit the floor - I got a shock.''

Anton nodded, helping her into her barstool before looking around at the upper balconies of the ballroom. Evangeline crossed her legs over, looking at his narrowed eyes. ''What is it?''

''I don't know. But I suspect Skul Crew mischief was involved with the falling chandelier.''

Evangeline grinned as her eyes found Dexter, Ghastly and the three girls on the balcony across the room from them. Dexter toasted her with his glass and she smothered her laugh as she turned back to the hotelier. ''Really? Mischief? I think it's just your martini talking.''

''It's done that to me before,'' he muttered as he slid onto his seat. ''No, really. I was at this bar in Moscow and my sixth martini told me what a handsome devil I was. Though looking back, that was probably just me drunk.''

''Your taken name should be Sherlock.'' ''Actually, I was going to call myself Humperdink, but Erskine talked me out of it. A wise move on his part.''

The Elemental girl raised her eyebrows with a smile. ''I definitely prefer Anton.''

He winked. ''That's what most girls say about me to their boyfriends.''

''You should really stop.''

''That's not what you'll be saying to me later tonight-''

Anton broke off as Evangeline pushed him off his barstool. He looked up at her with a hurt expression. ''If you wanted to hit me, all you had to do was ask. I'm always up for the kinky stuff.''

She hopped off her own stool and sat on top of him. ''Well, Erskine is always pushing you over, so I thought I'd try. It's certainly efficient.''

He smirked. ''And you like to be...efficient?''

She smiled coyly, brushing the collar of his tuxedo. ''Maybe. And sometimes...I'm really not efficient at all.''

He looked up at her through black eyelashes, his smirk frustrated. ''Babe, you can't say things like that.''

''Oh really?'' Evangeline stood up, pushing her hair off her face. ''I think I just did.''

Anton stood up, taking her hand and marching her onto the dancefloor where the last pieces of glass were being removed from the ground. ''Let's dance. I like dancing. I'm good at dancing. In fact, I'm a bloody fantastic dancer.''

''Oh God, it's the return of your ego.'' ''Don't be stupid,'' he replied, taking her hand as the string quartet started another tune. ''It never left.''

She leaned closer, the coy smile back in place. ''It left during the snowball fight.''

Anton's back stiffened slightly, and he swung her around a touch too forcefully. ''That was a temporary lapse in my awesomeness.''

''Sure it was.'' ''You believe me?'' ''No. But you'll act like a little bitch if I don't agree with you.''

Erskine, dancing past them with Tariana, nodded. ''True.'' Anton shot him a glare. ''Nobody asked your opinion!''

''But you all wanted it. Secretly.''

Tariana smiled at Anton and Evangeline as Erskine twirled her away from them, the beads in her purple dress sash winking as the light caught them.

''It's almost midnight,'' Anton told her, eyes very dark, after Erskine and Tariana had disappeared through a gap in the dancers. Evangeline looked at the clock at the front of the room, minute hand almost vertical. ''Hmmmm.'' The smallest hand ticked around, eating up the time. Fifty seconds until midnight. Forty seconds until midnight.

''What about the Hotel? Don't you have to be with it?'' He shook his head, gripping her waist as he moved her in time to the concerto. ''I've left a friend in charge with it. It's appearing in London and Fletcher's Teleporting me to it tomorrow.'' ''That's convenient.''

He smirked suddenly, dipping her down low. ''Believe me now when I say that there are times when I am convenient...and times when I am really not convenient at all.''

''Stop making word porn,'' Erskine hissed as he twirled by with Tariana.

Evangeline ignored him and caught Anton's dark eyes with her own green ones as the seconds ticked away even more closely. ''You know, babe, you really can't say things like that.''

He swung her up to her feet, his eyes once again finding hers as he seemed to come to some internal debate. ''That's a shame. Because I plan on saying these things to you a lot more often. If you would...be good with that.''

Evangeline took a breath in, and then there was chiming, loud rings filling the ballroom, and the mages were laughing and embracing one another. In the middle of the dancefloor Tariana and Erskine were smiling as they kissed, his arms encircling her waist.

''Happy New Year,'' Anton whispered to Evangeline as they swayed on the spot, her hands still locked around his neck. ''Happy New Year, Anton,'' she whispered back, and she didn't protest as he brought his face down, lips slanting across hers. ''And even though that was the worst asking out thing I've ever heard, I'm good with that. I'm great with that.''

Across the floor, Valkyrie rubbed her crossed arms as the door behind her opened and a breeze hit her skin, ruffling the folds of her dress. She felt a cool breath against her neck and smiled as he spoke. ''If you really wanted to be a godparent, I'd have let you get it.''

Valkyrie raised her eyebrows, though she knew he couldn't see them. ''You'd 'let' me be godparent?''

There was a tugging hand at her elbows, and she allowed herself to be turned around. Skulduggery looked down at her. ''I'd let you beat me up and take any claim I could have to godparent off of me.''

''Sounds about right,'' she grinned, and leaned up to kiss him.


The New Year bells sounded on, and Tanith looked at Valkyrie and Skulduggery, kissing a few feet away from where she stood with Ghastly under a lamp stand. She laid her forehead against the tailor's. ''Do you think we should tell them that we still haven't picked a godparent?''

He smiled. ''No. I don't want to be the cause of the fourth World War when Valkyrie and Skulduggery battle it out to be godparent of our child.'' Tanith frowned lightly, eyes still closed. ''What happened to the third?'' ''Your father would start that one when he found out I knocked you up.''


Leo opened his eyes as a booming filled his ears. He groaned, touching a tender spot on his head as he sat up on his elbows and looked to the side. He was on a velvet recliner to the side of the dancefloor, and around him mages were calling 'Happy New Year!' and smiling and generally being a lot more cheerful than they usually were. (Probably all the free alcohol at the bar.)

There was a fourth chime, and a Fletcher's head filled his vision. ''HAPPY NEW YEAR! How about a kiss?''

The actor blanched. ''Did you knock me out? There was a bang-'' ''That doesn't matter. And anyway, there's nobody else for you to make out with.'' He leaned closer, and Leo was about to start panicking when a light voice sounded behind him. ''Do you need some help?''

Leo turned around and jumped off the recliner, grabbing Amara's hands. ''Thank you. Thank you so much.'' She smiled, and Leo felt himself smile back in response before half turning back to Fletcher. ''Looks like I've found someone after all.'' He kissed Amara, cupping her face in his hands as the last chimes of the bells sounded. She flushed slightly as he drew back. ''Looks like you haven't lost it since Titanic.''

He laughed. ''I hope I haven't. Want to go get a drink?''

Amara smiled and nodded, slipping her arm through his. Fletcher watched them walk through the crowd, standing on his tiptoes. ''Guys? Where you going?! Guys! How about a threesome? No?''

He sighed as they walked out of sight, scuffing his shoes against the marble. He took a step, then stopped as he noticed The Announcer under the balcony, looking back at him. ''No,'' Fletcher said, shaking his head as he turned around and walked away. ''Even I'm not that desperate.''