Conversations

This chapter builds on the moment in Broken Bird when "Mr. Pain" tells Ducky it must have been Trent Kort who revealed the tapes of their actions in Afghanistan. In the scene, Tony is shocked that Kort was involved, but we don't get to see Ziva's reaction. Also, I assume most of you reading have been following the chapters of this piece, but if you're just joining us, this one relies a little bit on conversations Gibbs and Ziva had in the chapters for Cloak and Dagger (52 and 53).


"I'll be fine, you needn't follow me," Ducky said firmly, sadly, as he stepped out of the elevator and headed toward Autopsy.

Gibbs and Ziva both hesitated, but accepted his words and remained inside as the door slid shut. Gibbs reached out and hit the button for their floor, then gave Ziva a surprised look as she pushed another button as well.

"Ziva? Case is over, time to go home."

She shrugged. "I want to go run in the gym for a while. It has been too cold and dark to run at night this week."

"A little cooler than Israel?" he teased lightly.

"Yes."

Her tone was so serious, Gibbs turned to look at her more carefully. "What's wrong?"

Ziva pursed her lips. "I wan to go run, I need to think some things through."

Gibbs didn't take his eyes off her face. They'd resolved the fight they'd had before Michelle Lee's death, but tension still lingered. "Are you upset about Ducky?" he asked tentatively.

Anger flickered in her eyes as she met Gibbs' gaze. "No," she snapped.

Gibbs felt himself bracing for a fight. "Tell me."

Ziva closed her eyes, took a calming breath. She glanced at the numbers above the elevator door. They were nearly to the bullpen.

He caught her glance and reached over, hitting a button to stop the elevator. They needed to have this out now if they were going to.

She met his gaze, irritation sweeping her features. "You wanted information about Ducky."

"Yeah."

"And you went to Trent Kort."

Ah. There it was. "Went to McGee first," he defended himself.

Ziva shrugged. "I was a spy, too, remember? I have my own contacts in the CIA if we need something, without you owing favors to a man like Kort." Her tone was bitter.

"This seemed like the quickest way," Gibbs retorted, trying to keep his voice level.

Ziva shook her head once. "I got your file once, remember? From another continent. And you didn't even ask me--"

Now Gibbs shook his head. "I don't have to ask you everything, Ziva. Or tell you everything."

She snorted. "Believe me, Gibbs, I come from a place where it is the job of those in charge to keep secrets."

The flicker of fear he saw in her eyes as she spoke told Gibbs everything. This had nothing to do with Trent Kort. "Are you waiting for me to call you on the secrets you're keeping?" he asked quietly.

Ziva's eyes went wide. "No," she whispered.

He leaned back against the wall, fighting the instinct to slip into one of his interrogative postures. "Ziva, you know I would always help you."

She nodded slowly, looking away.

"If you don't share what you know with me, why should I share what I know with you?" He studied her fiercely, his silence demanding an answer.

Ziva finally looked up and gave one. Her anger had vanished. "I have orders," she said softly. "I am—not allowed."

Now his eyes flared with anger, as he realized the one thing that would keep Ziva from relying on him. He said, as gently as he could, "Ziver, one more act of obedience isn't going to earn you your father's love."

She jerked back as if slapped, pressing against the wall opposite him. She seemed suddenly bereft, but when she spoke her voice was even. "Gibbs, it is not relevant to NCIS. I swear." Her eyes pleaded with him to believe her, so he nodded.

"Alright, Ziver. Though if you need help..."

She smiled tightly in acceptance.

"But I'm not apologizing for calling Kort," he emphasized. "I don't answer to you here. What we do here is about the job, about getting it done, not about trust or love or anybody's feelings." He stared her down until she nodded. Then he turned back toward the doors, leaning over to set the elevator in motion again.

He heard Ziva sigh gently as she stood beside him, but she didn't speak until they stepped out into the bullpen. Even then, he wasn't sure whether she'd meant for him to hear the words she said under her breath

"We can't do any of this without trust."

Gibbs turned to reply, but Ziva had headed in the opposite direction, was hailing Abby at the far end of the hall. He stared after her, knowing she was right and wondering how far their relationship had slipped when his first instinct was to go to Kort instead of her.