Anime Character Humiliation Match Episode 51
By Kelly M. Maraglia/ Arcanum
Disclaimer: We do not own Slayers, Fushigi Yuugi, One Piece or Naruto. If we owned Slayers, there would be a fourth season and if we owned Naruto, we'd tell Shonen Jump to take a break from it and focus on some of its other stories. If we owned Fushigi Yuugi, the third OVA would never have existed. If we owned One Piece, we would praise Funimation for saving us from the horrendous 4Kids dub. Babbit Graywords is the creation of Sailor Aries. I obviously don't own the Red Sox then I wouldn't even think of trading any rookies for a pitcher who sucked last year.
Babbit Graywords sat looking highly annoyed that her regular coffee mug had been replaced with a Red Sox one. In fact, there was a Red Sox tablecloth and plates and forks too. There was a small cake that read, "Go Sox" on it and Babbit sighed as she waited for Xeria to make her grand entrance.
Xeria Metallium popped from the astral plane in full Red Sox gear. She wore white sneakers with a red B on the sides. Her red slipper socks could be seen under her Red Sox pajama bottoms. She wore a Red Sox World Series Champions 2007 t-shirt, with a Red Sox jacket, scarf and World Series hat with the stickers still on it. She finished off her wardrobe with Red Sox dangling earrings and a silver B-shaped pendant. The crazed baseball fan sat down with her Red Sox mug and sighed with a smile.
"Happy they won?" Babbit asked in a bored tone.
"Satisfied is a better term. Happy feelings and Mazoku don't mix." Xeria replied, slicing a piece of cake for Babbit and herself.
"Arcanum-san, it is December now. You can get over the Red Sox victory now." Aries recommended.
"Nah, it's not as satisfying as 2004 was but damn does it feel good. It's like a natural high." Arcanum replied, smiling.
"Should we get started with today's match?" Aries suggested.
"Absolutely! This idea was given to me by my Mark-sama!" Arcanum smiles happily, glancing at her boyfriend playing video games lovingly.
Xeria gagged and Babbit laughed aloud.
"ACHM 51 ready go!" Arcanum announced, starting the chain reactions of the clouds splitting and lightning striking. Suddenly, the stadium was filled with characters from the One Piece and Fushigi Yuugi universes.
"Contestants enter the ring!" Babbit commanded.
From the One Piece universe, stepped up a tall man in a business suit. He carried a small mouse-thing in his breast pocket. Many rowdy men from the stand starting cheering for him and the man waved at him calmly. From the Fushigi Yuugi universe entered a smiling monk carrying a staff. When he was cheered for, he reduced to chibi-size and gave the victory symbol. Babbit and Xeria grabbed question cards and approached the contestants. Babbit rolled her eyes as she approached Chichiri.
"So Chichiri, you're a much darker character beneath that smile aren't you?" Babbit accused.
"How did you know? No da." Chichiri replied.
"You remind me of an annoying Mazoku I know. No da? What is no da?" Babbit replied.
Chichiri pulled off his smiling mask and smiled at Babbit. The Slayers spawn walked away more confused.
"So Iceburg-san, it says you build ships. Can you fight at all?" Xeria asked.
"Nmaa if I have to, but I prefer peace in the world." Iceburg replied, earning many cheers from the crowd. Xeria turned green and returned to the announcer table.
"So before we get any more sick or confused, begin the match!" Babbit announced.
The tension was fierce in the ring as Iceburg and Chichiri faced off.
"Nmaa" Iceburg said.
"No da" Chichiri replied.
"Oh come on Arcanum, not another annoying saying battle!" Babbit cried to the sky.
"Wait for it," was all Arcanum replied. Aries-san got a worried look on her face and Xeria smiled.
Suddenly, Iceburg and Chichiri began doing funny movements with their arms and legs.
"Nmaa Fusion-Ha No da!" They yelled completing the Fusion Dance infamous from Dragonball Z (which we do not own).
"Oh what an upset! We now have one contestant for thirty minutes. Introducing for the first time in history, CHICHIBURG!" Xeria announced. From the smoke emerged a bizarre looking creature. It was a tall man, with light and dark striped blue hair. He wore Chichiri's hat and carried his staff. The little mouse-thing poked out of a pocket in his half business suit, half monk-robe which was covered by Chichiri's mantle.
"Nmaa no da!" Chichiburg yelled randomly.
"What do we do, Xeria? We only have one contestant now." Babbit asked in confusion.
"Ano sa, ano sa pick me! I'll fight!" A voice in the crowd yelled.
"That is an annoying phrase huh? Maybe that'll work." Xeria suggested.
"Might as well," Babbit shrugged and motioned for the person to enter the ring.
"Yatta I get to battle! Believe it!" Naruto yelled as he jumped into the ring from the crowd.
"Ah!" Everyone screamed, including Babbit and Xeria and started to run from the arena.
"Nmaa I will stop him no da!" Chichiburg announced.
Naruto started off the battle by attacking Chichiburg with his Rasengan, but the fused character protected himself with a barrier. Then he quickly built a ship and covered it with his mantle. The mantle's magic transported the ship away.
"I don't believe it! Where'd it go?" Naruto asked.
"Nmaa look above you no da," Chichiburg replied. As Naruto looked up the mantle appeared releasing its burden. The ship fell right on top of Naruto.
"Quickly Xeria before he regains consciousness." Babbit said in earnest, pushing the Mazoku into the ring.
"GamesetmatchtoChichiburg!" Xeria said quickly before Naruto emerged from the rubble.
"I lost? I don't BELIEVE IT!" Naruto cried.
"Ah!" Xeria and Babbit screamed before sending blasting Naruto. Luckily for the ninja, he was teleported back to his dimension before he was hit.
Babbit and Xeria both sighed.
"Dubs can be scary huh?" Babbit asked.
"I couldn't agree more." Xeria replied.
Suddenly, they heard something horrible. It was the 4Kids dub of the One Piece Strawhat crew.
Luffy was laughing stupidly; ZoLo was cracking stupid puns and Sanji, complete with lollipop, sounded awful.
"Ah!" Babbit and Xeria screamed and wasted no time in blasting them all into oblivion.
"There's only one thing that must be said." Babbit began.
"Yes, indeed.' Xeria agreed.
"Thank you Funimation!" They said in unison.
End Episode 51
