This chapter is mostly a WTF! chapter
I apologize for little Games action this go around, but all of the WTFness should make up for that
lol my sister said Raewyn annoyed her in this chapter, but I think she is acting like a normal freshly-divorced, hormonal, pregnant, single mother to 7 (almost 8) children who is also the only one in the inner circle who is out of the loop and who is worried about a 13 year old girl whom she has motherly feelings toward.
TEEHEE!
Mad World
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad World
-Tears For Fears "Mad World"
Haymitch...
I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache. "Ugh, whore." I mumble, rolling over in the bed.
Wait, what? Bed? I was sitting at the table last I remember. Shit. Where are most of my clothes? I think, realizing I'm missing my jeans. I look down at the floor, Oh. There they are. Ach! Why am I not wearing them? I don't sleep naked- what if Ever walks in? I stretch my arm out a little and feel the warmth of a second person.
Please don't be Finnick. Is the first thing that comes to mind. I suppose it is the fact that he claims to be in a sexual relationship with my only child that makes me think he is a rapist who will rape grown men and teenage girl alike. In hope hopes that it isn't Finnick, I move my hand closer to the person and feel hair- lots of it. I twirl it around my fingers before finally looking and noticing it is blonde. How many blondes do I know?
Holy shite. I think Effie is a natural blonde. I immediately sit up to get a good look at the person. Oh thank goodness it's just Raewyn. I think, reaching for her hair again. I gently stroke it before thinking to myself, What happened last night? Please tell me she has her clothes on. I lift the sheet just barely and immediately want to freak out. At least she her shirt on...and blue, erm...yenno. Did I sleep with last night? How drunk was I?
"Mm, morning Haymitch." I hear her mumble.
"Did I wake you?" I ask, concerned.
She shakes her head against the pillow. "I wake up earlier than this anyway."
"Seriously?" I ask, checking the clock. Six-thirty in the morning. I remember when Ever was little I had to get up that early to get her ready for school.
Raewyn just laughs sleepily, "You try getting seven kids ready for school and cooking breakfast for yourself, all seven kids and one controlling ass husband." She giggles to herself, "Well, no husband anymore. Thank God." She reaches for the floor and grabs her jeans, "So. How are you feeling after your drinking session last night?"
"Like I got hit by a car, a train and then another car." I say honestly.
"Good. Alcohol bad. No offense, you're a total ass when you're drunk." She says, lying back down beside me after pulling her jeans on.
My eyes widen, "What happened," I demand rather than ask.
"Oh stuff. But uh, don't worry about it. Unless...unless you want to, of course."
I nod, "Yeah, let's just forget about what I said when I was drunk. I didn't mean any of it."
Her face falls. "Any of it?"
"Wait, what?"
"You really didn't mean a word you said?"
"Huh? Okay that's it. What did I say? From the second you walked in."
She thinks,
"Okay so I walk in and I see you with a bottle so I say, 'Haymitch, don't you dare,' then you're all like, 'Fuck off!' and so I say, 'Good thing you are drunk. Otherwise, I'd have killed you just then.,' and then you say, 'Dammit bitch!' and-"
"Oh hell. Oh my God...I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean that- I'd never call you a bitch sober."
"Or tell me to fuck off."
"Right...yeah, forget I ever said that BS. Just...nothing I say when I'm drunk mans anything."
She looks down again. "Oh."
I'm confused so I ask, "Was there something I said that you, uh, that didn't make you want to kill me?"
After a few seconds of just staring at me she shakes her head more to herself than at me. "You know what? Just- just forget it. You were drunk and like you said nothing you say while drunk means anything." I mentally kick myself where the sun don't shine. Apparently she wanted something I'd said to mean something. Trouble is; what?
Not knowing what else can be said I simply say, "Yeah...right."
She looks at the clock again. Six forty-seven. "Cool, so...yeah, forgetting it now."
Holy heck, Haymitch. Why can't you just remember?
Ever...
I am surprised that I am the first up (out of my circle of victors, anyway). I go to the control room after realizing nobody is there for breakfast and find a seat. The music player is too tempting to ignore so I put the earphones in my ears and turn the volume up.
I do not even hear the footsteps behind me or notice the man standing behind me until I feel a cold hand on my shoulder. "Hey." I jump a mile or so into the air and scream bloody murder. "Hey, chill! It's Finnick!"
"Right, right, sorry." I say shakily.
"Walk with me." He commands.
"Huh?"
"Just come on." I nod and follow him. I inquire about where we are going. "To watch the tape from last night," He begins to explain. "I watched the rest of last night's going ons in my room. You might be interested in the faces in the sky."
I gasp, "Finnick! Is Ivy-?"
"No! Absolutely not. It's...well, you should see for yourself." I nod and let him lead me to a door that reads: GAMEMAKERS ONLY: RESTRICTED
"Finnick, it's restricted." I whisper.
He shakes his head and assures me nothing will happen to us. "The Capitol loves us." Says Finnick with a bite to his voice. He is still pissed about my prostitution- don't get me wrong; I ain't thrilled about it either but I've come to terms with it. To an extent...
He opens the door and I see Beetee is waiting for us on the other side. "Beetee?" I ask in surprise.
Beetee shushes me in a kindly manner. "Finnick, bring her over here."
Finnick leads me to a small screen and presses a button that rewinds the tape. "Watch the faces carefully." He tells me.
The anthem of Panem plays on the tape and then the face of Baines is cast into the sky (as expected) and I know Cassi's will appear next. It isn't until I see the face of the girl from 11 appear in the sky that I realize I am wrong.
"But Beetee how..." I breathe, starting to ask a question. Finnick presses a finger to my lips while Beetee moves to a screen with D11 marked above it and rewinds that tape. He does the same to cameras D12, D9 and D6. He explains that this will show what happened from everyone's points of view.
"Starting with District 9's point of view..." Beetee says before pushing a button to play the tape.
The tape shows Baines attacking Eri Tudor, who then gets up and stabs him to death- not that I blame her. The cannon blast awakens Cassi and Ivy; both girls immediately take sides. Eri & Ivy vs. Cassi. Cassi bursts into tears at first, "Y-y-you killed B-B-B-Baaaaaiiiiins-s-s-s!" Her demeanor changes in an instant. "You will pay!" Eri's face screws up in fear and suddenly Ivy throws a knife at Cassi's back. It appears to be right dead on her spine and a cannon blast seems to confirm it.
Beetee stops the tape here and then switches to the District 12 point of view. "This is the point of view Panem saw." He explains before keeping quiet so I can watch.
I see the same thing Panem saw last night. Ivy's knife-throwing was an involuntary action, much like my District 1 kills last year.
Again, Beetee stops the tape at the cannon blast before switching over to the District 6 cam.
The truth is plain as day. How anybody could have missed it confuses me to no end. The knife was lodged into Cassi's flesh, but it barely missed her spine. She heard the cannon blast for the other tribute and she is seen smiling maniacally to herself. The girl holds her breath and keeps from breathing or moving; even after Eri and Ivy have wandered away she doesn't move until they are long gone.
"That cunning little rat!" I shout.
Beetee shushes be again before showing me the District 11 tape. The girl looks a lot like most residents of the district with her dark hair, skin and eyes. She cannot be older than fifteen- perhaps even as young as fourteen. She undoubtedly is from a poor family and likely had to collect a lot of tesserae. She only has a small backpack, possibly filled with useless items, and a dagger is her only weapon. The pack of Careers, which consists of Districts 2 and 4 since 1 left (along with the boy from 10) are upon her before she can even sense their presence. Not like she'd have had a chance anyway.
Beetee stops the tape as soon as the cannon goes off. "Now look at the time stamps for the District 6 and District 11 cameras." He gestures to the cameras and I see what he means. The time stamp for Cassi's "death" is 10:23:30:89- for the technologically impaired, it means ten hours, twenty-three minutes, thirty seconds and eighty-nine milliseconds past noon. The time stamp for the district 11 girl's death is 10:23:30:98. They are almsot identical.
"I see what you mean, Beetee." He nods and fast forward the District 6 tape. "Cassi is not far from where Ivy and the girl form 9 are, now." He adds.
We leave the camera room and go to the control room to watch the Games.
"Ms. Ever! Ms. Ever!" Shouts Hila.
"Hila!" I exclaim happily. Oh, shoot! I'm not supposed to be happy about seeing her- snow might punish her.
"Ms. Ever, sponsor money has come in from District 12!" She calls back still running towards me.
"What? They started a sponsor program this year?" Is my response. District 12 has had a good year- me winning and all- so they spent less money on food and such but...I thought they'd just save up the extra cash for themselves. "Thank you for telling me, Hila. I will go count it now."
"I'll...show...you...the...way." She replies breathlessly. Hila follows me into a room where there is a carefully sealed box full of money. Money to help keep my best friends alive. I open it and pour out all of the money and gasp upon seeing all of it. Something wrapped in a black cloth catches my attention, so I pick it up.
Kenton...
"Kenton!" Yadira calls from downstairs.
I roll my eyes at my sister, "For the last time, Yadi! I will not paint your finger nails!"
"Not that, stupid! Cray's here to see you!" Yadi shouts back.
Cray's here...Cray's here...Cray's here... Those are the only two words I heard from that. I want to just grab a Peacekeepers side arm and shoot myself in the face. Cray knows about my hunting, but he doesn't care! None of the Peacekeepers here really do- so long as we don't cause a disturbance while doing so. Has Cray had a change of heart?
"Ken-ton!" Yadi shouts impatiently.
"Shut. Up." I say to myself through grit teeth. "Cray...what, er, what brings you here?" I ask politely.
Cray smiles and pulls an open envelope from his jacket pocket. "A letter to you from the Capitol. Oh relax boy! It's from your girlfriend."
"Ever Abernathy is not my girlfriend! We're just friends!" Ugh, District 12 irritates me. Pretty soon there is going to be a massacre; single-handedly caused by yours truly.
Cray just lights a cigarette and guffaws. "Judging by what Little Miss Abernathy wrote with her own pen, I wouldn't be so sure about that boy. Sorry about reading it. That's one part of my duties as head Peacekeeper that I actually take care of; being nosy is fun."
I roll my eyes, "Whatever."
"You said Ever!"
"Oh just shut up."
Cray laughs once more before turning and leaving.
"Oooooh is Ever your girlfriend?" Yadi asks in a singsong voice.
"No! Now go."
"Fine. She's out of your league anyways." She says before stomping off.
Once Yadi is gone, I pull the paper from the envelope and read it:
August 27th, 3378
Hm, it's dated and everything. That's not like her at all.
Dear Kenton,
That feels weird, her addressing me like that even if it is proper letter writing.
You will never guess who I asked about sending a letter- an Avox! She was really nice but I'm afraid I made an ass of myself my offering her a blueberry muffin. No tongue no taste; how could I have forgotten?
I chuckle to myself because it sounds exactly like something she would do.
I know that you are probably in no mood to hear about all of my problems when I am sure you have plenty of your own, but I needed to talk to someone.
No, no, no! Believe me Ever, this year has been pretty easy for my family and the rest of the District. Thanks in no small part to you, of course. I think.
The reason I don't speak to my victor friends is I am afraid to.
Victor friends. I almost forget that she really is in a whole other league now. Yep, totally out of mine.
And my father...well, Daddy has enough to deal with without listening to my problems right now. Though, I am sure he would drop everything for me in an instant, I'd rather speak with someone whom's ears (eyes in this case) are freshest. You can burn this is you don't want to read about my depressing issues- I will be acting like I never wrote this letter once I return to 12 so I expect you never to mention it again.
Yeah, like I'd forget this. I would listen to Ever whenever she needs me too. I slap myself so being so stupid. Out. Of. Your. Flipping. League. Even before she won her Games she was. Haymitch wouldn't want his only daughter marrying a Seam boy. No doubt I'd work in the mines- probably die working them for that matter.
Okay, that comment about marrying her deserves a kick to the groin. Who said anything about marrying her?
Besides, she will probably end up with some victor kid anyway.
Well, maybe not...
Kenton, I just feel so lost. The Capitol. It is a scary place. All that I saw it as when I was a little girl was the place with the pretty lights. But now? I see it for what it really is and I don't like it. Kenton, I need you to understand that I cannot tell you everything. It is for your own safety that I keep what I am about to hint at a secret. I know you will be curious but any questions you ask about the subject will not be answered. Just know that it is horrible: Kenton, the Capitol makes me do things that I never wanted to. I've become a different person while I am here. When I return to District 12 you will not notice any change in me whatsoever. I will put on my happy face- perhaps after going through a few weeks of depression over Ivy's death. (Surely you too must realize it is hopeless.) But I will act like the same Ever for everybody back home because I know that is what they want. They want to believe their"victor" is still strong and cannot be defeated. If that is what they want then that is what they will get. Just believe me when I say that it isn't an easy part to play.
I want to just run to the Capitol and give her a much-needed hug but then I remember- nope, can't do that.
I suppose this is better saved for when I return home, but I'd rather get it out now. Being a victor has ruined everything for me. I just look at father and wonder if that will be me next year...or perhaps in two years? Five? Ten? Twenty? Thirty? Who really knows, Kenton? I just want to stop worrying.
"It won't. You're stronger than that."
I have already begun mourning Ivy's death. I have prepared what I am going to say to her father, mother and Josh in my head. I know I should be prepared for give a few sentences offering my condolences, but it seems like the more and more I prepare myself the less prepared I am. I won't even bother asking you why that is because I doubt anybody can fairly be asked that.
I nod as I read this part. I, too realize it is hopeless. But Ever needs all of the support she can get, that is why I sent the money to her.
Here is a question I do not mind asking you, though. I sound too old to be Ever Abernathy, don't I?
"You do, love. Ach! I mean Ever! Ever!"
I am running out of energy to keep my eyes open and I want to get this sent out as soon as possible, so I'm afraid I will have to stop writing soon. But before I do:
Kenton, please! Stop sighing up for tesserae. That money you have stashed in your pillow? Use that to survive until you are eighteen.
Oh fudge! Not good, not good, not good!
Yes, I know. You will be working in the coal mines at that point but I promise I will try to think of something I can do to keep you from the mines. I know that you and I had figured that that money would only last a year but I have recalculated it and have come to the conclusion that the money will last- if used sparingly- much, much longer than that. Also, you know that Daddy and I will give you any amount you ask for.
"You know I would never ask that..."
But please.
Stop putting your name in there more times than I has to be. You are the only friend I have left. Damien is too busy with his family to even say "hello" when we pass in the streets, Ivy will die within a matter of days now, and Josh will likely never speak to me again. Oh he may come around eventually; if we give him 20 or 30 years.
I shake my head at that sad realization of this whole situation. It is true, every single word of it.
I suppose you are depressed
"No. Just worried about you."
and I am trying to tihnk of something happy to end this letter with.
No need.
I don't know if this will make you happy or not, but...
...the starfish bracelet you made me for my birthday?
Haven't taken it off since, and every time I feel lost, lonely or just confused I look at it and I think of you. I have no idea why you automatically come to mind and please don't freak out when I say this, but I like it. I really like it.
I swallow at reading this. What...what does she mean by she 'likes' thinking about me all the time? Does that mean she possibly-? Can she-? It is even possible for her to-?
In spite of myself, I smile.
Love always,
Ever
I fold the letter up and place it back in the envelope.
Why can't she just realize that I care for her enough to not mind her "depressing" letter? I sigh and pick up a pen and paper and begin to compose a reply.
Twenty minutes later and all I have is:
Dear Ever,
I give up and just assume that it isn't late enough to sit down and write.
Before I fall asleep tonight. Yeah, that's when I'll write it.
Haymitch...
After over and hour of silence, I turn to Raewyn and just ask her. "What was it that I said?"
"Hm?" She asks airily.
"I said something last night that you wanted me to mean. What was it?"
She shakes her head and tells me it's stupid anyway. "Don't worry about it."
"No. It's bothering you so it's bothering me, too."
She sighs and finally looks at me after the hour of silence. "Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"I was trying to get you to tell me what was going on with Ever. We went back and forth for a while until you said," She looks away and continues, "Until you said that you wanted to tell me everything but it was dangerous and that you- hell Haymitch, you will think it is ridiculous."
"No, please."
Still looking away she says, "You said that you...loved me too much to see me get hurt." She gets defensive before I can say anything, "Hey, you said it. But like we've already established, you were drunk so just...whatever, you know?"
I stare at her for a moment. "I really said that?"
"Yeah."
"Well...I think that's the one exception to the nothing-I-say-while-drunk-means-anything rule. I actually meant that one." I say honestly.
Her faces brightens up. "You- you really did mean that one?"
"Of course. I just with I didn't have to be wasted to say- oof! Unexpected." I mumble before returning her tackle-hug by wrapping my arms around her.
"Now did you mean the 'bitch' and the 'fuck off' comments too?"
"Of course not."
She giggles like someone ten years younger than her actual thirty-one years. "Good."
Ever...
District 1 is out to get Ivy. Mentor from 10 sent message to tribute years ago. They are a little expensive. Use all of the money I've sent to warn her.
-KR
I gasp and drop the cloth full of money on the ground. It scatters but I don't care.
Kenton.
He did this for Ivy.
But not just for her. They get along okay but she is more like his annoying kid sister than anything. (And he knows what that feels like. Yadira is only a little younger and Ivy and myself). He didn't do this just to get District 12 another victor. He did this for me. Me. Me!
I shake my head in disbelief. But he's out of my league! He is older by three whole years!
But who cares about the age difference? MY parents had eight years between them. Mom was 18 when she had me, 17 when she got pregnant. Daddy was in his mid-twenties, I believe.
I feel like I have a split personality disorder.
He's too good for you.
He's perfect.
He's out of your league.
He loves you.
He'll never want you.
He wants you.
You're too good for him.
Make that a multiple personality disorder.
He just wants sex like the Capitol men.
He won't pressure you into anything you don't want.
You can never make him happy.
You will make him happy.
He doesn't deserve you.
Okay, can I kill personalities 1 and 3?
I finish counting the money and I am sure I've made many mathematical errors. I blame Kenton for that. Damned boy- he is driving me insane.
If he doesn't confess his feelings for me (or lack thereof) when I get home first, I will. That is my final decision.
"Ms. Ever, the Games are starting for the day." Hila informs me.
"Thank you Hila." I gather up a large sum of money that is close to the amount Kenton and I know was sewn into his pillow and I stuff it in my pockets.
Time to send Ivy that lifesaving letter about District 1...not to mention Cassi of District 6.
