Substitute

Dick scratched his bare chest as he made his way down the stairs with his lady friend. It was late, and he knew that he would be getting an earful from Bruce when he finally made it to the office. Apparently, having a grownup sleepover wasn't a good excuse for being late. He's have to remind Bruce of that next time the man came in slightly flustered with a subtle jump in his step.

Giving Alfred a sleepy smile, Dick grabbed two mugs of coffee and was about to leave the kitchen when he saw something peculiar. "Hey Alfred? Why is Jason's meat lover's sandwich sitting on the counter?"

The trusted butler raised an eyebrow. "Oh dear. It appears that I accidentally gave it to Master Damian and he left it here out of protest. Would you be so kind as to go to Gotham Academy and switch their lunches? I'd hate for both boys to go hungry. I very much doubt that Master Jason will touch the vegetarian wrap I made for Master Damian."

Dick sighed. Alfred did not make mistakes like this. This was revenge. Next time he was definitely spending the night at his partner's house. Or maybe the Wayne Towers? The penthouse remained untouched since they had moved back into the manor.

Sighing, Dick nodded and left the kitchen. Offering a brief apology to the girl for her untimely dismissal, Dick bounded up the stairs ignoring the curses being directed at him. Alfred would lead her out the door. Besides, what was she expecting? It was common knowledge that he wasn't looking for anything serious.

Shaking his head to dispel the thoughts, Dick quickly changed into a pair of slacks and a button down shirt. Rolling the sleeves up, Dick grabbed a tie, allowing it to hang loosely and crookedly from his neck.

Appeased that he was fit for society, Dick ignored Alfred's disapproving glare, snatched the lunch off of the counter, and hollered his goodbye before jumping on his motorcycle. It was way too nice of a day to take a car. That, and he looked badass riding a motorcycle. Jason would approve.

###

Dick pulled up in front of the school in record time. Swinging a leg off his bike, Dick whistled as he walked to the front office. He was glad that for once he was entering the school on his own volition and not because he had to pick up one of his brothers.

Marching into the front office, Dick sauntered up to the secretary who was currently on the phone. Dick paid no mind, leaning on the desk patiently and sending the secretary a wink. The woman giggled slightly, covering the reciever with her hand so that the person on the other end couldn't hear.

That was when the principal walked in. Dick smiled and reached out and shook the man's hand. They were decent friends now, Dick had even joined him and Ms. Stratten out for drinks one night with Zatanna. It was nice, and as long as his brothers stayed out of trouble, it would remain nice.

"What can I do for you Dick? I don't recall one of your brothers wreaking havoc, unless you know something I don't."

Dick kept the cheery grin on his face despite the implication. His brothers were devils. He knew it, Mr. Kade knew it, and the world knew it. It was only a matter of time before Bruce was being called about trouble that the boys had caused.

"No. Damian got Jason's lunch by mistake and when he saw the meat lover's sandwich, he left it. I was sent to switch the lunches before Jason realizes that he got a vegetarian wrap and throws a fit. Something about him being a man, and real men don't eat rabbit food. Honestly, I stopped listening about two minutes into the rant."

Mr. Kade chuckled and shook his head in amusement. Dick nodded his head at the packed lunch, "So, do I just leave this here? Or is there a special process to this? As you can see, I'm more adept at acting as my brothers legal council."

This earned a laugh from everyone in the office. Dick had to fight the urge to take a bow. He was a circus brat after all, earning laughs was kinda his thing.

Mr. Kade gestured to the visitor badges. "Our speaker system is down right now do to an unidentifiable student's prank." Dick could tell that the man suspected Jason but had no proof. "Could you do us a favor and deliver it yourself? We're a little short staffed right now."

Dick shrugged that sounded easy enough. He could deliver a few lunches before heading to the office and ignoring Bruce's haughty looks.

Dick was pinning the badge to his shirt when Mr. Kade grabbed a file from the counter and offered it to him. "Look, this is a little unconventional but like I said, we're short staffed today. Would you mind delivering this to Damian's teacher? You're heading that way anyways."

Nodding, Dick took the file. Waving to the secretary and Mr. Kade, Dick sauntered down the halls whistling softly to himself. This would be a piece of cake. Speaking of cake, maybe he should buy one on the way to work, Bruce would be more likely to forgive him for being late with the incentive of a sugary treat.

###

Knocking quietly on the door, Dick entered the classroom. Much to his displeasure, Jason was not in the room, nor was his stuff. Ms. Stratten raised a curious eyebrow at him, but didn't ask. Dick folded himself in what he assumed was Jason's seat. Grinning at the befuddled teacher, he said, "I'm supposed to deliver something to my brother, but since he has decided not to grace us with his presence, I guess I'll have to wait."

Dick sat in the class patiently, every once and awhile volunteering an answer. He was not a genius like Tim or a chemistry buff like Jason, but Dick thought himself to be pretty smart. Especially with people. He could read microexpressions better than anyone in his family. Granted, most of them were emotionally constipated and therefore could hardly recognize their own feelings, let alone the feelings of others, but that was a different story.

It was one hour after Dick had arrived in the classroom, that Jason finally decided to make an appearance. The teen stormed in, disrupting the whole classroom environment. Dick would really have to talk to him later about entering the room quietly.

Jason, for all his self-proclaimed observation skills did not notice Dick. Texting rapidly, he said, "Fucker, you're in my seat. Go find a different spot."

Dick grinned, as smothered laughter rang out from all the teenagers in the classroom. Even Ms. Stratten seemed amused by Jason's oversight. Dick put both of his feet on the desk, crossing his ankles comfortably. "Wanna say that again, Asshat?"

Jason looked up from his phone and did a double take. "Dick? Wait what?"

Dick rolled his eyes as the class dissolved into giggles. Placing his feet on the ground, Dick stood up and wagged his finger in his brother's face. If he were anywhere else, Jason would've broken it, but as it was, Jason could only growl. "How is it that I arrived to your class faster than you did Jay? You were already dropped off at school when I woke up."

The whole class 'oohed' as if Jason were about to get in major trouble. Dick sighed. For a class of seniors, they sure were immature. "I just came to drop off your lunch. Apparently, Alfred mixed them up this morning. Damian got yours, so we'll just trade and I'll be on my way."

Jason raised an eyebrow at Dick. "You came all this way to deliver a lunch?"

"The King of the Manor demanded it of me, so yeah." Everyone in the class assumed he meant Bruce, but Jason knew that Alfred was the one who Dick was referring to. Probably in petty revenge for making him wash the bedsheets.

Jason opened his bag and pulled out a lunch bag. Peeking inside, Dick groaned. The handmade pizza was definitely Tim's lunch. Looked like he had another stop to make before he could go to work.

Switching the lunches, Dick took a few steps towards the door before doubling back and stealing Jason's coffee. Rushing out the door, Dick yelled 'bye' over the sounds of Jason's angry curses. At least he had caffeine though. It would be worth whatever prank Jason pulled out of revenge.

###

Dick walked into Tim's class to find Ms. Decraw droning on about Macbeth and Tim sound asleep. Thanking whatever possessed him to steal Jason's coffee, Dick waved it around Tim's nose. Immediately, the boy was up and alert and reaching for the caffeine. Dick allowed him to have it. It wasn't like he paid for it.

Tim blinked up at him before he seemed to realize what Dick's presence in his classroom meant. He looked like he was going to start packing his bags, so Dick held up his hand. "Look. Alfred gave Damian Jason's lunch, so Damian left it at home out of principle. I was told to go trade the lunches, but Jason had yours. So now, I'd like to exchange your lunch for Damian's so that someone doesn't end up in the hospital when he gets cranky."

It took Tim a moment to process Dick's words before he wordlessly handed over Damian's lunch. Dick sighed in relief. Maybe there was a chance of him making it into the office before Bruce learned how to weaponize the batglare.

Dick was in the process of walking out the door when Tim said, "Thanks for the coffee."

Dick shrugged. "Don't thank me, I stole it from Jason."

The last thing Dick saw before the door closed was Tim looking at the coffee as if it had committed a grievous offense against him. So basically, like it was Damian.

###

Dick knocked softly on the door to Damian's classroom. Entering, he scoped the classroom until he noticed his grumpy looking brother. He would never ever tell Damian, but he reminded him of a disgruntled kitten.

Giving Ms. Jax a small finger wave, he walked over to his younger brother and crouched down next to him. Pretending not to notice the way Damian face lit up, Dick held out the bagged lunch. "I believe this is for you."

Damian peeked inside and seemed to be appeased by the contents. "Thank you Grayson. This is more than adequate unlike that meat monstrosity that I received earlier."

"Sorry about that Dami. There was a small mix up. That was Jason's lunch."

Damian sniffed. "I figured. You may leave now Grayson. I'm sure that Father is waiting for you."

Dick groaned internally at the thought, but stood up and ruffled Damian's hair despite the boy's protest. Walking up to Ms. Jax, Dick gave his best flirty smile and bowed, holding out the file in the process. "M'lady. Mr. Kade asked me to deliver this to your fine hands."

Ms. Jax laughed softly and opened the file. Deciding that he was no longer needed, Dick headed to the door, waving goodbye at the kids. He stopped short when he heard the screech come from behind him.

Turning around, Dick watched as Ms. Jax dropped the file to the ground and grabbed her purse. "I need a vacation!"

Dick stared at her as she basically sprinted out of the classroom. Ignoring the whispers and giggles of the students, Dick walked up to the classroom telephone. Their, he used the directory to call the principle. "Ah, Ms. Jax. I was expecting your call."

Dick looked around as the kids started throwing paper balls at each other. Eyes wide, he watched as Damian's hands curled up into tight balls, and he appeared to be meditating. That was never a good sign. "Uh. Yeah. This is Dick Grayson. I think your gonna need a substitute in here."

"Dick? Where's Ms. Jax?"

"She yelled something about needing a vacation and then…" Dick trailed off as Damian lurched from his seat. "Damian!"

Damian glanced up at his glaring brother, and slunk over so that he was standing next to him. Apparently he was in trouble.

Dick glared at the rest of the students who were still rambunctious despite seeing one of their own being reprimanded. Dick could hear Mr. Kade demanding to know what was going on. Taking a deep breathe, Dick bellowed, "Enough! You are all going to sit down and be quiet until given further instructions! Just because your teacher left does not give you permission to act like a pack of rabid monkeys!"

Placing the phone back to his ear, Dick took a calming breath. "Now how about a substitute?"

"Sorry Dick, no can do. We're short staffed. But it seems like you've got a good grip on things."

Dick was about to say tell Mr. Kade that no, he did not have a good grip on things when the man hung up. Dick glared at the phone. He was never going out to have drinks with the man again.

Turning to face the rabid monkeys, otherwise known as Damian's classmates, Dick said, "Hello. My name is Mr. Grayson, and it appears that I will be your substitute today."

Shooing Damian back to his seat, Dick gave the class a grin. Only Damian would be able to figure out that it was fake, and that he rather be with Bruce after the man got out of a unnecessarily long meeting with Lex Luthor and was being less than friendly. "Does anyone have any questions for me?"

A girl with pigtails raised her hand. Dick remembered her biting someone in the earlier chaos. "Are you Damian the Demon's brother?"

Dick sighed at Damian's proud look at the nickname. Only his younger brother would find a nickname that was meant to be insulting to be the highest form of compliment. Well Jason probably would too, but Jason would yell obscenities out of principle.

Remembering that the girl had asked a question, Dick said, "Yes. I am Damian's older brother."

A few kids oohed and awed at the new information. There were a few more mundane questions before the kids seemed to lose interest in him. Not knowing what else to do, Dick went to the computer and opened his Netflix account. "Who wants to watch a movie?"

###

Dick mentally patted himself on the back. He was good at the whole substitute thing. The kids were happily watching Mulan. And even Damian did not have a single thing to complain about as he watched the heroine learn how to fight.

In his self-congratulatory haze, he completely forgot to tell Bruce that he was going to be late, well later, to work. A fact that he was reminded of when he got an angry text.

Bruce: Where are you? If you were anyone else I would have fired you by now.

Dick: Oops. Funny story…

Bruce: Start talking

Dick: It's a long story…

Bruce: I have time. I had to cancel my meetings because SOMEONE decided not to show up today

Dick: For the record, I would've been on time…

Bruce: Dick. Start. Talking.

Dick: Well Alfred sent me to the boys' school to give Jason his lunch and exchange it for Damian's

Dick: When I got there, they were short staffed, so they wanted me to deliver it

Dick: Which was no problem, except Jason decided not to show up for another hour

Dick: So then me and J switch, but I realize that Jason has Tim's lunch

Dick: So I steal J's coffee and head to Tim's class where I used said coffee to wake him up

Dick: Tim and I switched and I went to Damian's class

Dick: No problem, everything goes fine until I deliver the file that Mr. Kade wanted me to give Lil D's teacher

Dick: She totally freaks and leaves

Dick: I call the Mr. Kade and guess what? He assigns me to watch a bunch of rabid monkeys!

Bruce: Rabid monkeys?

Dick sighed in relief. Bruce was asking a question! Hope was not lost, perhaps Bruce would not castrate him at the end of the day!

Dick: The kids started acting up as soon as Ms. Jax left. Damian was about to pounce on some poor unsuspecting kid

Bruce: What's that got to do with rabid monkeys?

Dick: They were acting like rabid monkeys. Duh.

Bruce: So you're a teacher now?

Dick: Only the coolest sub ever

Bruce: You should have called me and let me know what was happening

Dick: In my defense, I was trying to keep Damian from murdering one of his classmates, and after that, I let the relief wash over me and lull me into a false sense of accomplishment

Bruce: ?

Dick: Damian didn't murder kid = Dick too relieved to think of other responsibilities

Bruce: Fine. Just let me know next time so I don't plot your murder in more detail than I care to admit

Dick shuddered. Why did Bruce have to tell him that? To keep you from ever leaving him in the dark again. Dick hated it when the voice in his head had answers to questions that should remain unanswerable. And even more so, he hated the way his fingers trembled slightly as he typed his reply. In his defense, Bruce was the Goddamn Batman. And even though Nightwing had been dealing with the man for years, he was still slightly unnerving and terrifying when he was truly angry.

Dick: Deal

###

Dick wasn't sure what round of Hangman they were on. All he knew was that he had a new respect for substitute teachers. He wasn't really qualified to try and teach them something, so he had decided to be the fun babysitter and play games, watch movies, and read a few books out loud to the class.

But he was tired, and kept surreptitiously glancing at his phone. Counting down the minutes until the final bell rang and he could leave. He didn't care what Bruce would think, he was going straight home and taking a nap. Or maybe falling into a coma. He couldn't remember being this tired before.

When the bell did finally ring, ten whole minutes later, Dick waited for everyone to leave before closing the door behind him and Damian. Much to his immense relief, the door locked, which meant that Dick could head to the office and yell at Mr. Kade. And terminate their friendship. Friends don't put friends in situations like that. Only best friends were allowed that privilege.

On the way to the office, Jason and Tim sidled up next to him. Seeing Dick's raised eyebrow they both shrugged. "Demon Brat texted us. Told us that you were stuck here as a sub." Tim explained. Jason meanwhile, was glaring at anyone who so much looked in their direction. It wasn't everyday that you saw all four Wayne children in one place.

Reaching the office, Dick didn't bother with decorum, he slammed the door open and walked in like he owned the place. Considering who his father was, it was possible.

Mr. Kade came out of his office with an amused look on his face that immediately vanished the second he saw the four unimpressed Wayne's.

"Do I look like I have the qualifications to be a substitute to you? Or for that matter a babysitter? I'm not an idiot, I know you made me deliver the file with the intention of me staying and babysitting the class when Ms. Jax declared she needed a mental health vacation."

Mr. Kade crossed his arms, but said nothing. There was nothing to say, Dick had pretty much summed it up.

Seeing that he was correct, Dick's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I had four meetings today that were cancelled last second because of you. Do you know how much money that could have cost us if Bruce wasn't able to charm them into reschedualing last minute?"

Mr. Kade scoffed and muttered something about rich kids and money addictions. Dick's dug his fingernails into his hands to keep himself from saying something he'd regret. How had he had drinks with this guy?

"We donate a lot of money to this school, and believe it or not, it is not all a bribe to prevent you from expelling my brothers."

There was a distinct grumbling from behind him, but Dick didn't bother turning around. They all knew it was true, even if they would never admit it out loud.

Mr. Kade seemed to realize how much trouble he had just potentially given the school financially. "I'm sorry Dick, it was only meant to be a joke. You handle your brothers so well that I assumed you could handle a room full of rugrats."

Dick eyed the man before turning around and starting for the door. "I'm no fool Mr. Kade. And please call me Richard. Only my friends call me Dick."

With that, Dick disappeared out of the office, only mildly concerned that his brothers did not follow him. Shrugging to himself, Dick walked to his bike. His brothers could handle themselves. But just so that they didn't worry, Dick sent out a text.

Dick: Alfred will pick you guys up. Going home. Need a nap. Zzzzzz

Pocketing his phone, Dick jumped on his bike and raced towards the manor, making a quick pit stop at the bakery that Bruce liked so much. Bruce had to forgive him after he presented him with a cake.

###

Jason glanced at his phone before showing it to his brothers. So far, they had exchanged a staring contest with Mr. Kade. The man had been amused at first, but seemed to be growing more and more flustered and frustrated.

Jason broke the silence. "Tim, Damian, you wanna know what I heard when Dick told this guy that they weren't friends?"

Tim shrugged and Damian scoffed. "I'm sure you will regale us with your opinion no matter what my stance on the matter is, Todd."

Jason rolled his eyes at Damian's tone. Kid was a brat. "I heard Dick declare open season on him." Jason jerked his thumb at Mr. Kade for emphasis. "No more disappointed looks and the whole 'I expected better from you' speech."

A vicious smirk crept its way up Damian's face. It was was truly terrifying how violent that boy could make a simple expression look. "I stand corrected Todd. That is fascinating. I believe that I understood his words the same way."

Mr. Kade looked at Tim, as if expecting him to talk some sense into his brothers. Didn't he know that the only topic they could agree on was Dick?

Tim tilted his head to the side innocently. "Jason, I don't think that there was any other way to interpret those words."

Mr. Kade gulped. He was completely and utterly screwed.

###

Bruce walked into the door only to have a cake thrust into his face. "I bought cake. So you have to forgive me now!"

Bruce wasn't sure how that logic worked, but he could work with it. He had forgiven Dick the moment he had started rambling through text messages. How his son managed to convey the kicked puppy expression through texts, he would never know.

"Deal."

"Don't you wanna read it?"

Dick bounced around as Bruce carefully opened the box. There, was his favorite cake from his favorite baker, with the words 'I solemnly swear to never accidently become a substitute again' in delicate cursive.

Bruce chuckled and pulled Dick into a one armed hug, carefully balancing the cake in the other hand.

Dick pulled away and started to back away. "Oh. And you might be receiving a call in the next few days about the boys."

Bruce stilled. Eyes narrowing at Dick's retreating form, he growled out, "Why?"

Dick chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck, still walking backwards. "Well I might of said something that they might interpret as me declaring open season on Mr. Kade."

Bruce sighed and rubbed his eyes. When he looked up, Dick was gone. He better start writing the check for the damages that would undoubtedly come within the next few days. That and the whole, 'Please keep my sons enrolled even though they deserve way worse than expulsion.' Why couldn't they all be a little more like Dick and charm the staff into thinking that they were perfect angels when the student body knew that they were actually the devil in disguise. It would make his life just a little bit easier. And prevent him from being the main beneficiary of Gotham Academy.

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A/N: So that's 50 whole chapters! Go me. Please review for the sake of reviewing the 50th chapter if that makes any sense to anyone.

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Okay. So I need a way to make money, but as many of you know, I'm a student and ill so I need really flexible hours. Anyone have any ideas? I figured that there are hundreds of people viewing this daily and maybe someone out there is in a similar situation, or is just smarter than me when it comes to this. Like I said, I couldn't think of anything but I figured that the internet is a vast place and maybe you guys would think of something I didn't. Thanks for all your help and ideas!

XOXO

Nickijae