Chapter 45
Lauren tossed and turned the entire night, but she at least stayed asleep. The same couldn't be said about Joey though. He lay awake watching his girlfriend in his arms, she cried in her sleep, crying out for help, saying his name over and over. He didn't want to risk waking her so simply held her tighter, brushing his hands up and down her back. She seemed to tense occasionally and Joey wondered if she was still in pan, he had managed (eventually ) to get her take the pain killers and antibiotics she'd been prescribed.
Joey knew Lauren was blaming herself because he was doing the exact same, he was holding himself responsible for what had happened. Tanya had explained that there wasn't anything they could have done, nothing could have prevented the miscarriage from happening. Laurens cervix had opened which in turn had stopped her body from developing the foetus. No matter how much she was told though, Lauren was still holding herself responsible.
*JL*JL*JL*
Lauren stirred in his arms at 5am, her eyes shooting opened and then instantly closing at the appearance of tears. "I'd forgotten what happened…" she sobbed, letting Joey offer her some comfort. "This is never going to get better is it ?"
"we'll never forget babe" he kissed her cheek softy and brushed her hair from her face "but it will get easier, we'll have another baby Lauren… we'll have a whole squad of them" he smiled
"Do you promise?" she asked weakly the vulnerability in her voice, painful to hear. "You don't see me differently or hate me because I couldn't do the most natural thing there is, and keep our baby safe?"
Joey reached for her pulled cautiously her up into his arms "now you listen to me! Don't even think for a second that I see you any differently Lauren… you are still the same person I fell in love with this time last year, you're the strongest, bravest person I know and I can't imagine a point on my life when you aren't there. I promise you we'll get that dream babe… and I never break a promise" he told her, relived when he felt Lauren nod against him.
"I love you too…"
*JL*JL*JL*
That morning seemed to be a turning point for Lauren, truly believing Joey words she began to get up in a morning not instantly thinking she was to blame for everything.
"Do you want to do anything today? Maybe go out somewhere, even just to a café for breakfast or something?" joey was pretty fed up of being cooped up inside the flat now, he only had two days of leave left and he wanted to be able to leave knowing Lauren was in a better place. They had been back to the hospital and Lauren had been given the all clear, she was told there didn't seem to be any issues in regards to her having children in the future either, which had relaxed her mind somewhat.
Lauren pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and looked up at Joey through her lashes. "Maybe breakfast at that little quiet place in town?"
"Ye we can do that" he smiled "Do you want me to run you a bath ?" she shook her head.
"I had a shower at 6 this morning when I couldn't sleep." She sighed, rolling her eyes when Joey glared at her. "You were asleep I didn't want to wake you, I know you haven't been sleeping either."
"Still could have woke me." He told her kissing her head from behind as he leaned over the sofa. "I'll go and shower then" he told her "Will you be ready in… say 45minutes."
She glanced at the clock and nodded "I can do that" she watched Joey walk into the bedroom and followed him, sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up "Joey?" he turned to face her, a little startled by his voice "Thank you for everything".
*JL*JL*JL*
Their lives returned to somewhat normal in the last couple of days Joey was home , things were still fraught but at least Joey wasn't as concerned about leaving her than he had been the previous two days. Susan had spent the previous day with them and had been able to stem an argument when Joey had suggested that Lauren moved in with her mum and Dad for a while. Joey had been surprised at how averse to the idea Lauren had been, but after some coaxing she told him she wasn't a child and didn't need to be babysat. Susan had told Joey that he couldn't mollycoddle her, doing so would just make the situation worse and that he just needed to let her be, trying to get her to do something she didn't want to would be removing her control, something she already felt she'd lost after the miscarriage.
Eventually Lauren calmed down and spoke to Joey properly, the first time in a long time really. They'd agreed that things had happened , but that didn't mean things needed to change and so Joey relented, backing down to the idea of her moving back to Walford.
*JL*JL*JL*
It was early on the morning Joey was leaving again and he'd decided that it was for the best if Lauren wasn't there when he left. So he'd arranged for her to go out with his Mum for the day. Lauren knew what Joey was trying do and as much as she was grateful of the distraction, she would have much rather had the emotional goodbye.
"I'm going now babe ok? Have a nice day out with my mum" he smiled and hugged Lauren, feeling her snuggle into his warmth. He kissed her forehead "I'll see you soon ok?"
"Stop this Joey…I know your only trying to make this as easy as possible but I want my proper goodbye." Lauren told him
"I know I'm sorry…I just, you know how much I hate this"
"ye I know you do and I do too but this is your career…" she smiled weakly "So I'm going to say be safe. I love you and please write to me…"
"you know I will." Joey smiled "I'm going to go now…"
Lauren nodded and gave him one last lingering kiss as he left the flat. She had to try to get her life back on track.
So Joey's gone again and things are back to some sense of normal for Lauren... how is she going to cope now? Back tomorrow and only 10 chapters left :( xx
