Sorry for hurting your feelings.

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Longest chapter btw. Yay!


God damn it! How could I fall for that? How could he even do this to me? What the fuck have I done wrong to deserve this? This situation couldn't be worse, locked up in a closed inside a school in which teenagers kill each other, If I wouldn't get something to eat, I would starve to death in this closet. Not that that would matter, my heart wouldn't be able to carry this pain for a long time.

The tears streamed down my face, and I realised that this wasn't the first time I cried over him. I thought back at all the memories we had, were they fake too? I just should have listened to what everyone had to say about him, they were right.

But at least I wanted to know why, and how he could do that to someone? And indeed, this was not what it seemed like at all. A lot had happened, but this was the biggest plot twist in my story. I used to love him, and I did. I really did. I trusted him even in a life-taking situation. I used to think that maybe once upon a time we would get out of this situation, and live happily ever after. Because every love story has a happy end, right?

I pushed the doors with all my might, setting my left foot against the back of the closet, to force some more power. But after a while I gave in. I was weak, falling for everything people would tell me. Yeah, if you don't stand for anything, you would fall for everything. But the situation with Cato was different, I didn't jump from a flat to fall for him, he basically pushed me off.

My legs collided underneath me, as I sat down in the little space I had, quietly sobbing. No shoulder to cry on, not him here to comfort me. No, I was alone. I had so many questions on my mind for him, and I didn't want to leave them unanswered. And I tried so hard to just get myself together, but I couldn't. My life already was as good as over. I didn't even know how to feel anymore, angry or sad?

I still could feel the feeling of when he kissed me on my cheek for the last time, then kicked the door, hurting my leg again. But what was pain compared to the pain inside of me? No but seriously, how could he do this to me, knowing that I have a lot of damn feelings. And I knew that if I wanted answers for these unanswered questions, I simply had to ask it.

...

But it wasn't that easy, I was locked up in a fucking closet. Not sure how weird it would be for all these directors watching me sitting here, if they could see me. I would be that girl who was locked in here by her boyfriend, then started pathetically crying about what happened. I didn't want to be that girl. I wanted to be strong, confident about whatever I would do, I wanted to break free and just walk up to him to ask why. But I had to accept that I wasn't that type of person.

So I kicked, pushed and hit these doors, fighting my way out. Which actually was a huge fail because of the fact that my hands started to hurt like hell, my legs were tired, let's keep it on the pushing part.

But I held on, and after a while the lock broke and the door fell open, and me too. I felt some pain in my knee on which I fell, but crawled up. No time to cry over a graze.

I looked around me, an English classroom it was. And the air was so much fresher around here than in the closet. Fuck that closet. But now I was all alone, in this school. And I wasn't going to just sit here, I was going to find Cato and make him tell the truth, no matter how hard that would be. As if it was the last thing I ever would do, I could not leave this question unanswered.

There was a little mirror on the wall, where I walked towards. I looked inside of it, and damn what the fuck happened to my hair? I untangled it with my fingers, but it still looked awful, but whatever. But I had to make sure that I wouldn't look that bad on my funeral, right? I grabbed a waterproof marker, and drew these warrior stripes on my face. People had to watch out, the war was on. But after all, actually the only enemy I had in this school right now, was Cato himself.

I tried my best to look all confident, but it was nothing but pain that I saw in my own eyes.

'Ugh forget it.' I groaned, then walked out of the classroom, into the hall.

All alone and quiet it was. And I was even more scared now to walk into someone without having Cato on my side. Although I was so damn angry at him, I mean yeah I would feel better to punch him in the face right now, but I didn't want him to die or something. Even though he wouldn't even mind about watching me die. Not fair, but still I felt this way.

My eyes stitched around searching for a weapon, or whatever I could protect myself with. My eye caught a fire extinguisher at the wall, which was probably the most weird thing I would attack someone with. But I did grab it from the wall, and it was actually heavier than I thought. Cato for fucks sake I needed you now. People are never there when you actually need them. Fuck people. I tried to put on my I-don't-care-about-anything mood, but I was nothing but broken on the inside. Just had to cover things up.

I supported the heavy fire extinguisher with one arm underneath it, while the other held it up. I pulled out the little thing, so it was ready to blast some stuff out of it when someone came. Not sure if it would stop someone, but if it wouldn't I could always hit someone knock out with the fire extinguisher itself.

I walked through the school with a ''What-Now?'' kind of feeling. Where the fuck would Cato be? That motherfucker who wanted me to die so he could win, but after all I still loved him, yeah that one. I really hated myself for thinking that. But in another way I was so damn angry at him that he could be the one who was going to be smashed by my fire extinguisher, also known as weapon. Mixed feelings, the colourful black, were the worst you could ever experience. Feelings inside would always hurt more than the ones who just harmed your body.

I almost got an heart-attack when I bumped into someone when I walked around the corner, I gasped. I was ready for the attack, just to defend myself. But it was just that girl which I marked as suicidal at the first day. The fact that she was still alive, prove me wrong. I shouldn't judge people at first sight.

'P-Please don't kill me.' She stumbled.

'It's okay.' I said, my voice sounding more terrified than I wanted it to. 'I'm not going to be a murderer.'

'It is awful!' She looked down. 'I just saw someone dying and I couldn't help.'

'Where?' I asked, I had to play this game on the strategy if I couldn't win with strength.

'Close to the sport hall.' She said. 'Don't go outside.'

'Well I just wanted to.' I shrugged. 'We can go together, if you want?'

The girl nodded, as we walked through the halls of the building together. It felt better to have someone walking next to me, knowing that I wasn't alone in this. But it felt so much worse than if I would walk next to Cato, if we just skip the fact that he wanted to kill me, I did felt a lot saver next to him. No doubt possible, I really hated him but I missed him. This girl was smaller than me, that probably meant that if there was going to be a fight between us and someone else, I had to take the lead. Usually Cato would. God damn I already hated this.

'What's your name, by the way?' She asked me quietly.

'Clove.' I answered, not leaving her question unanswered. 'Yours?'

'Nina.' She said. 'So you are that Clove?'

'Yup.' I nodded. 'Wait is this negative? Was there something wrong with my reputation?'

'No, but you used to date Cato, right?' She told me.

Bam, feelings stabbed with an emotional knife. Hello heartache, once again. '

Used to,' I replied. 'How do you know that?'

'Who doesn't?' A little smile formed on her face. 'A lot of people in my class were jealous of you. I simply told them not to. No offense to you, but Cato just is a popular type, which after you would break up, leaves you with all the shit in the world.'

'No offense to me?' I laughed. 'Girl, I'm with you. He can go fuck himself.'

'Broken up?' She frowned.

'And broken down.' I nodded. 'It's hard letting someone go you thought of that it would last forever.'

'There is no such thing as infinities and forever's. Overused words that don't even exist. Everything has an end.'

'But may the end be a new beginning.' I finished. 'Just kidding, we all going to die in here.'

'And may our break downs be our break through.' She said.

It was good to just talk to this Nina, but I really didn't knew her even though she did knew me. I couldn't imagine the fact that people were jealous of me because I was dating that douchebag named Cato. Like she said, this type would just leave you broken, and kick you after before they would leave. I guess that it wasn't human to leave me into something worse than he already did.

It was hard, it was impossible to love someone who would rather kill you. And I already knew that this was over, so damn over. It didn't matter whatever he would do, how worse he would treat me. I would always fall for it. And I knew that he might be trying it again, and I would probably just act like I didn't know anything about him. Well dear Cato, not this time. I'm not buying that shit anymore.

It was actually a pretty nice weather outside, as we arrived there. The sun was shining bright high up in the sky, free to light the world. And we would be here in continued darkness, ending each other's lives. I looked up, at the building of the school as I heard some voices coming from there. It was hard to see, but I guessed that I saw someone walking on top of the roof.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard Cato's voice coming from that same place. He was on top of the roof, and I had to go there too.

'We're going up there.' I told Nina.

'That roof?' She asked. 'I guess that I will fall off.'

'You won't,' I said. 'Trust me.'

'Okay.' I could see her hesitating a bit, but she did trust me enough to go with me. But I, unlike Cato, did understand that trust is something where not should be messed with.

I never knew something of a stairway that would lead that way, so we had to climb up. But climbing on the outside of such a high building wasn't danger-free at all. One wrong move and you would fall and splash to death, just like the feeling inside of me. I looked up at the construction of the building, every floor was a little smaller than the one under it, so it was a small edge after every floor you would climb on. It would be a way to climb up via these drainpipes, so I guessed that was the only option I had.

I set my feet on a little protrusion of the drainpipe, as I moved my hands up to grab it there. I was almost on the ground, so it wasn't scary yet. Not dangerous either. But these things changed as I after a while, sat shakily on the edge of the third floor, watching Nina climbing towards the third floor too. I was afraid of heights, I always was. It was crazy to know that I did this all, just to get one fucking answer of Cato, if he wouldn't kill me immediately as he saw me. And for the first time in forever, I knew he hated me back.

...

I heard Nina muttering from there, so I looked down. And I was just able to see her losing her grip, as she fell backwards. My heart just stopped as I heard her screaming while she fell through the air, on her way to the ground. I stared down to her motionless body, as good as dead she was. Why her?

'Oh my fucking god.' I gasped.

'Well, that one is surely dead.' I heard someone say from the roof.

'Just one step closer to winning, right?' Cato said, making the blood inside myself almost boil. I clenched myself to the windowsill, making sure I wouldn't fall off. Still couldn't believe the fact that I told her that she could trust me climbing up here, but she fell off and was dead now. In fact I was a murderer now.

'Hey Cato.' I heard Gale talking. 'How much did you kill?'

'One.' He replied.

'Clove?' Gale asked.

They fucking knew about it?!

'Excuse me!?' I yelled towards them. 'I am still fucking alive.'

'What the fuck.' I heard them saying.

I looked up at them, seeing that brown haired boy looking over the edge, back at me. 'How are you still alive?' He simply asked, then turned to Cato. 'I thought you killed her.'

'I thought so too.' I mumbled.

'Jeez, I didn't meant to kill her. I never did, actually.' Cato said.

'But you just s-' The boy began.

'I don't know what you are talking about.' Cato replied.

Lies, all lies. Was this seriously how he was to defend himself? Damn it I hated him. I really did this time.

I stared in front of me, into the open space of air. Then down, seeing Nina's dead body, making me look away immediately. Then I saw some matte black cars with shaded windows riding towards this place.

'Shit!' Gale mumbled. 'Clove, get up here. Fast.'

'Trusting you guys?' I spat. 'Hell no.'

'You trust me?' Cato said.

'After all this shit you have pulled me through, you seriously think that I fucking trust you?' I yelled now.

'What the fuck are you guys even talking about?!' He responded. 'Just get the fuck up here.'

'Clove, we are all in the same damn situation.' The brown haired boy said. 'You are saving your own damn life if you would get up here. Your choice.'

'So you guys can kill me after?' I frowned, then looked up at them. 'How about no.'

So I just kept in mind that I would keep sitting there, refusing to climb another drainpipe. Mostly because of the fact that Nina just fell, and the same could happen to me. So I just sat there shakily, trying to hold my grip and sit without moving. No move meant not falling to me right now. I didn't want to admit it, but damn I was so afraid to fall down. Getting there with these boys would mean my death anyways, so I guessed that that wasn't an option. But I saw these black cars stopping in front of the school, and after a while a few persons in dark coloured suits, with ties and shit like that, came out. Did this meant that we finally were save? Were they going to free us from this game?

'Clove come here or I'm going to get you.' Cato told me. 'You can't just sit there.'

'Guess what I'm doing right now. Fuck you and your limits, I set my own.' I said.

'They're going to shoot.' Gale shouted when these men in the suits, grabbed some weapons. My heart literally stopped for a while and I just stared at them. Knowing that if they would be able to shoot a bullet through me, I wouldn't be dead immediately, okay if they would hit me in my heart I would, but I would fall down and crash on the floor just like Nina.

'Get to the middle of the roof, it's saver there.' Gale said while he and that brown haired boy ran towards the middle. Of course it would be harder to hit them when they would stand there, unlike me, I was probably their first target sitting here. '

Cato come!' The boy yelled. 'Just let her be.'

But he didn't went to them, and kept standing on the edge of the roof, looking at me. Probably not knowing that he would be just an easy target just like me. I still refused to get up there. He held out his hand, not that I was even able to grab it from here, however if I would climb that drainpipe I was.

'Clove I'm serious, why aren't you just getting up here?' He asked. I looked up at him.

'Because I simply don't fucking trust you anymore.' I told him with a feeling that almost was ripping my heart out.'So better go follow your frenemies on the middle of the roof.'

'No.' He said. 'Why don't you trust me?

' 'Because you fucking never came back to me!' I yelled. 'And now don't fucking lie to me, if it was up to you I still would be in that fucking closet, dying so you would win this shit.'

'For fucks sake where is everyone talking about?' He said, then looked back at me. 'Just come here.'

I rolled my eyes and got up from the edge I sat on, shove towards the drainpipe. Every movement went so damn shakily, and I was so afraid of falling off. I grabbed the drainpipe as I pulled myself with a lot of effort up. An half heart attack when the pipe cracked a little. Cato still held his hand out, and when he was able to he grabbed my arm, trying to pull me up.

'Do not fucking touch me.' I muttered.

'Don't fucking overthink like this.' He told me.

'I am not overreacting at all!'

'Overthinking is going to kill you, literally.' He said, then did pull me up the roof. Really not what I wanted to, but at least I couldn't fall down now.

I thought about falling. He could just simply push me off, just like the fall in love thing.

...

Because all this time I fell in love the way you would fall from a flat,

I walked away from Cato, away from the edge. Step by step I walked towards the middle of the roof, where Gale and that other boy were sitting too. I knew that everything Cato said was one big lie, he could tell me to trust him again. But it would never, ever be the same. He told them his plan, but in my face he couldn't just tell me that I needed to die. At this time, I wished I never fell for him.

Regretting that you're falling,

He ran towards me, I still turned my back to him. His arms wrapped around me for a while, as the time came on which the men with ties began to shoot. The sounds of shots reminded me of what happened in that alley with the elder woman, what happened in the classroom with the girl.

Knowing that once upon a time you would be on the ground,

And then I felt an indescribable sharp pain in my stomach. I winched, where after my sight got blurry as fuck. My legs collided underneath my body, as I fell down onto the ground. I always thought that pain of feelings would never overwhelm pain in your body, but this prove me wrong. Paralyzed by this persistent pain, the only move I could, and wanted to make was my hand, searching for his, knowing that this was the end. The only thing my hand found was the rough stones of the roof. And then everything went dark.

You would be laying, broken and dead.


...

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