To all of my readers, over the past six months you have been extremely patient and supportive as my writing has been put on the back burner as I have dealt with personal developments both at work and at home. At the beginning of 2014, the resort I work for was bought out by another company, and there were several changes to the management, structure and procedures. To say it has been stressful would be an understatement…with my workload almost doubling, yet the pay only rising slightly.

Add to this I have come out as lesbian at the ripe old age of 36 and began to seek a divorce (it takes time in Arizona, even without children). This was not an easy decision, because my husband is a very good man, and we will always be friends – I've heard jokes from my family early in our time together that he is the male version of me. By coming out I have broken his heart, and for that I will always be sorry. Should I have seen sooner? Perhaps, but you must remember we have been together since 1998, and I was in deep denial in my young adulthood regarding my sexuality, so I clung to the stability and security my marriage provided.

But this could not continue forever. After my father dad and I lost a baby through complications, I began to look at my entire life through new eyes. I no longer desire to live my life merely please others, but I seek my own completeness as well, and this includes embracing my sexuality. Does this mean I will be alone? Perhaps, but better that than continue to lie to myself and those I care deeply about.

Now I'm just trying to find my place within the community here in Phoenix. I haven't dated since I was a teenager, and not being a bar hopper, meeting women is very intimidating right now. I'm friendly enough, and some people have called me a good looking butch (although I would think I'm more soft butch) but trying to figure out who is approachable and who isn't when my gaydar really is non existent. I had one brief fling that lasted about a week. She was hot but too flakey and I'm looking for more substance. It'll improve I'm sure, especially as I lose more weight (now down to a size 14 and just above 200lbs with more muscle than I've ever had) but it's still a lonely feeling.

I will not make any promises as to when I will be able to update the story, as I am dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but do not think I have abandoned The Turning Tide. I will be back, until than I love all of you and thank you for everything.