Barney's POV

"Shit. Already?" Caesar asks as Drummer's voice comes over the radio in the plane.

"It was an easy recovery. David is innocent. He's just freaked out," Drummer explains. I growl, frustrated. They were already back in Langley with our dead man. And it was true, the plane was spotted on Thorn's surveillance.

"I'm going to fucking kill you when I see you Drummer," I threaten him. He sighs.

"It's over, Barney. Just let it go. I'll pay you for the trouble you've gone through so far," he offers. It wasn't a bad idea, but that's not why I was pissed.

"Put Brenna on," I demand. Drummer goes silent.

"She said no," he says flatly.

"What?!" I bark.

"She's in the back with the rest of the team, unloading our gear," he explains. I grit my teeth and the rest of my team leaves the cockpit and heads back to their seats out of respect to my privacy.

"And is she coming home afterwards?" I hiss through my clenched jaw. Drummer was quiet again.

"She's going off on her own, it seems. Of her own volition, I had nothing to do with that. She's accepted a job offer from our operations lieutenant. She'll be gone for awhile," he explains and my heart sinks. Then that was it. She was officially a mercenary, and it was my fault for driving her away.

"Can you tell her something for me?" I ask, trying not to let the pain show in my voice.

"What?"

"Tell her… I'm sorry," is all I manage. But there was so much more I wanted to say to her. Everything I wanted to say couldn't find their way to my lips in time, because Drummer hangs up the phone. And my heart slips one shade blacker.


Three months later…

Rusty's was busy tonight, which meant it was loud and lively. Which is how I usually like it, it makes it easy to talk about our jobs in a joking way without seeming like lunatics. But I couldn't help it. Each time the crowd parted by the door to let in someone new, I hoped her face would appear in the mass of people. But I knew that wasn't possible. She'd been gone for almost four months. I hadn't seen her nor heard from her since that phone call. God, what a shitty way to end a relationship with anyone. Especially your own flesh and blood. But, at least it was all over. And wherever she was, she was happy.

Drummer assures me from time to time she's alive by sending me pictures of her jobs once in a great while. Thorn tries to find her to this day, based on the information Drummer tells us about where she is. But he assures us it's a waste of time- he's not even entirely sure where she is. And she's was trained in her three weeks with him to lay low and off the radar. Now, he regrets, he trained her too well.

I don't work with Drummer anymore. I didn't blame him for Brenna and her choices… but that didn't mean I didn't resent him for all of this mess. Or David. I would very much like to run over David with my new truck, but unfortunately, he was on Brenna's new team she had assembled. So they were as good as gone.

I was impressed that she managed to put together a team, and a little proud. But I had to squash those feelings down. Pride, sorrow, regret, all of the feelings. They had to be repressed. Because it's been made adamantly clear to me that she wasn't coming back; ever. And maybe that was for the best. It still hurt like hell. Thorn still looked like shit. He'd beefed up a little bit more since she's been gone. I guess he's trying to keep busy. But his alcohol habits were… not great. Gunnar has kept a close eye on him because of it, but he doesn't want the help. So it makes it hard to try.

"Barney!" someone yells my name, and it's Christmas. He's holding out a beer to me.

"Thanks," I mutter and take a swig. He nods.

"Stop thinking about it. It'll ruin the mood. We just finished a twenty mil job. That's fucking huge," he grins. We were a little roughed up, Luna had a broken leg and Toll Road was shot twice in the shoulder. Doc was stabbed in the arm, but all of these injuries weren't concerning. And I was glad we all came back mainly in one piece. Especially now that my knee is finally back up to functioning. It took some time to adjust to the metal replacement.

"Yea, you're right. How's Toll Road?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"He said he was doing fine. Luna as well. They won't be here tonight though, they're just gonna take it easy I think," Christmas explains. I nod.

"Gunnar! She's not interested man!" I shout over to him, as he hovers over a grinning and uncomfortable hostess. He glares back at me, and the team erupts into laughter.

After several hours, we call it quits for the night. I check my phone and see that I have five missed calls from Tool's garage. My heart races and I call him back.

"Hello?" Thorn answers, and my heart sinks. I'm surprised I didn't notice he wasn't at Rusty's. But I suppose he has become the quiet one.

"What's up kid?" I ask.

"You need to get the team and get here fast."

Shit.


"What's this about Thorn?" Caesar demands when everyone is finally here, excluding our three injured members.

"I've started keeping tabs on Drummer about a month or so back-"

I sigh.

"Kid, you've really gotta let this go," I mutter. He shakes his head.

"No, listen. At first there was nothing. He was in Langley. But then he was spotted with Mira and Zane," he explains. My heart somersaults in my chest, but I remain stoic.

"So? Brenna is probably back from a job. No big deal," I try to sound nonchalant but my voice almost cracks. If Brenna was back, that meant she really did have no intention of coming back here.

"No, see, I thought the same thing. But they were boarding a plane with Drummer. There were more on the plane but I couldn't see who," Thorn says turning back his computer to show us.

"So… she's already on another job? I'm confused why this is important, Thorn," I huff, exasperated. Thorn rolls his eyes and point to the screen.

"That's where the plane is now. Look familiar?" he asks. I peer at the screen and I feel my breathing catch.

"They're in Kazakhstan," I whisper.

"Exactly. They never extracted David. They left him there," Thorn says. Tool shakes his head.

"That makes no sense. I get that they don't know anything, neither did we, but Brenna would never give up on this. Ever. She left all of us to help him, for gods sakes. So why would she leave?" he asks. He was right, it made no sense. She's the most stubborn and loyal person I know. Why would she…..

My stomach drops and I feel my black heart crush into a million disintegrating dust particles.

"She didn't leave," I whisper hoarsely. No, she didn't leave.

"What do you mean?" Thorn asks, his voice wavering slightly.

"She would've died before giving up," I choke out, and Thorn's face falls. I watch deep within his eyes as he completely falls apart. He storms out before his pain becomes evident.

"What's going on?" Galgo asks, confused.

"They never extracted David because they couldn't. They tried, and Brenna must've been killed," Tool breathes. As soon as he utters the words, I collapse into a chair. She was dead. She's been dead. For months.

"It makes so much sense now. Why we couldn't find her, or David, why Drummer hadn't tried to make amends by finding her. Why he won't talk to us. She must've died and she asked him not to say anything," Smilee says mournfully, putting his head into his hands. He was likely thinking of how he was gonna tell Reagan, who was already devastated by her best friend's absence.

"Barney… I'm so sorry," Christmas says. The team grows completely silent in mourning.

Sabrina… I'm so sorry I didn't save her. Please forgive me.

"What do we do?" Gunnar asks. I couldn't let this mournful shit rule me. She deserved so much better than what she got. So I'd start by avenging her.

"Intercept Drummer and his team, kill David. Whatever the fuck happened, it's their fault," I snap through my teeth. Sorrow and sadness over death was a foreign feeling. Revenge wasn't.


"Are you sure you don't want to name her?" Sabrina whines. I chuckle.

"What's the rule about puppies? Never name them if you want to sell them," I joke, and she swats at me with her free arm. In her hands, was a small infant girl. With big, bright green eyes. Like her mothers.

"Nice, you jerk. This is your daughter you know," she mutters. I sigh wistfully.

"No, she's not. She's your daughter, Sabrina," I remind her. Her face falls, and she looks back at her daughter with tears in her eyes.

"You think she'll turn out okay… you know, without you?" she asks, tears choking her voice. My jaw clenches as I try to avoid the emotion that arises when I see the fear in her eyes. I hated it when she looked scared.

"She'll turn out better, Sabrina," I tell her, and she nods as tears spill down her face because she knows I'm getting ready to leave for the millionth time. But this time, it was for good.

"She looks like you," she laughs sadly, through her tears. I swallow and lean down by the hospital bed, kissing her forehead.

"Then you'll always have a piece of me with you," I tell her lowly, allowing myself these few moments of emotion before I walked out on her and my own daughter.

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me something?" she asks. I lean back and look at her gorgeous green eyes that melt my icy heart every time.

"Anything."

"I need to know that she wasn't a mistake to you," she says, closing her eyes as if in pain. I grip her face and force her to look at me.

"No. She's… she's the best thing that could've ever happened to me. So are you. She just can't be near me. You know why. I'd never forgive myself if I lost her because of what I do," I choke. She nods, cuddling her child closer to her.

"Now I want you to do me a favor, okay?" I ask her. She nods.

"Don't tell her about what I did. Tell her I was a superhero or some shit. Kids like that stuff, right?" I ask. She laughs at my cluelessness and nods.

"I'll do that, Superman," she giggles. It'll be the last time I hear her laugh, and I try to memorize the sound in my head. My hand tightens around hers, and I lean down to meet her lips on last time.

"Raise her right, Sabrina," I murmur against her lips.

"She's your daughter. She's already perfect," she whispers through a sore throat. Oh, how I wish that were true.

"I love you. Both of you. I always will," I stand up straight, walking stiffly toward the door.

"I love you, Barney. Forever," she says, and the last thing I hear before I shut the door is a small whimper from an infant.

I launch up from the bench in the back of the plane, nightmares like no other plaguing my head. These nightmares were different than the ones I had when Brenna was captured. These were worse. Playbacks of memories where I could've done the right thing. Where I should've done the right thing.

"Barney? You alright?" Mars asks. I stand up and head toward the cockpit.

"Fine," I mutter. Lee was still flying the plane.

"You were only asleep for an hour or two. Are you sure-"

"How long?" I ask before he finishes.

"A couple more hours still. Which means you can still sleep-"

"I'll fly from here on out," I interrupt him once more. He sighs, giving me back the controls. I had to rid the feeling of death and despair from my head. It was so much worse knowing I'd failed Sabrina twice, both in keeping her safe and Brenna. I really was meant to be alone. Brenna never had bad luck. Not once. She was always meant to die, because that's how the world runs around me. And I shouldn't have let her back into my life. Not once. I don't care if Wiley would've killed her first. Then it wouldn't have been in some freezing shithole in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Rage like no other consumes my soul and I dial Drummers number on impulse. Christmas looks at me.

"Thought we weren't gonna tell him?"

"I'm changing things."

"Barney?" Drummers voice comes across the plane audio, he sounds shocked. He should sound regretful. He will.

"How long were you planning on keeping this from me, Drummer?" I roar, and his breath sucks in sharply.

"How did you figure it out?" he asks, impressed. I close my eyes as pain grips me once more. Part of me hoped there was a slim chance we were wrong. But now we knew for certain.

"Was she afraid?" I hiss, because he'll die slowly if she was. Something about her being afraid has always bugged me, even with Sabrina.

"No. She wasn't. She was incredibly brave," Drummer said evenly. I grit my teeth. Of course she was, Brenna would never go out like that. I should've been there. At least then she could've said her goodbyes. She didn't deserve it.

"You better hope you're gone by the time I get there. I'll make you suffer ten times the amount of pain she felt before she died. I swear to you," I fume.

"Barney, wait, no!" I hang up the phone before he has the change to a single pathetic excuse.

"He knows we're coming now," Christmas sighs.

"I want him to live in fear during his last moments," I growl vengefully. Christmas sharpens his knives quietly.

"I'm truly sorry, Barney-"

"Don't," I almost croak pathetically.

"Okay," Christmas says, turning back around. Eventually, he gets up and heads to the back of the plane. Likely for my privacy.

My hands clench around the controls of the plane as I send a first silent prayer to my girls above, if there was a god. I prayed Brenna's soul was still pure enough to avoid the eternal damnation I would endure. I prayed that Sabrina was currently engulfing her daughter in her arms, and wherever they are, if possible, they were happy.

Without me.