Chapter 53

"You know she didn't mean it," Kakashi said softly, and even the rumble of his voice in his chest as he held her made Sakura feel better.

"I know," she sighed.

Her tears had stopped some time ago, and they'd been sitting in a warm silence, arms wrapped around each other, until he spoke.

"I know she didn't mean it … I just -" She paused. "She's just never said that to me before … or anything like it … But I guess maybe I should have expected it after she said she hated Sasuke ..."


Kakashi ran his fingers lightly over her side. "She said she hated Sasuke too?" he asked, slightly surprised.

Sakura nodded, and the movement made her hair rustle pleasantly against his collarbone. "He heard it …" she added, her voice faint.

"Ah …" Kakashi acknowledged, feeling a deep pity for his dark-haired former student, because he knew that, however long Sasuke had been gone and however poorly he showed it, Sarada was the person he loved most in this world ... and perhaps the only person he loved purely.

He was quiet for a moment, then frowned. "If Sasuke heard, why aren't you -"

"He didn't want to talk to me," Sakura interrupted, her tone implying that her answer should have been obvious.

"I see," Kakashi responded, giving her a light hug and trying not to think about the fact that she might have wanted to go to Sasuke first and had only come to him when Sasuke had shut himself off from her ...

One part of him - the morbidly curious and probably masochistic part - wanted to press for more details, but the rest of him wasn't sure that he was ready to talk to her about the status of her marriage, and he wasn't sure that she was ready to talk about it either, so he didn't say anything else, and the room was still for several minutes.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked finally. "Do you want to lie down?"

Sakura pulled back quickly at his words. "Kakashi, I don't think-"

Her eyes were startled, and he had to stifle a laugh at her expression … that hadn't been where his mind had been going at all, but once she revealed that hers had, he couldn't resist playing with her a little bit.

"Just here," he clarified reassuringly as he lifted a hand to her cheek and gave her a lopsided smile. "On the couch. With clothes on." Then, after a beat, he raised a mischievous eyebrow as he let his thumb caress her bottom lip. "Unless you want to …"


Even though the look in his eyes was teasing, Sakura could see a heat in it too, a heat that combined with the intimate touch of his hand and the way his half-smile spread into a rakish grin to send her heart pounding and her breath catching involuntarily in her throat.

"Kakashi …" she whispered, her voice husky as a flash of desire rushed through her.

His eyes dropped down to her mouth, and then she was aware of his body around hers in a much different way than she had been when he was comforting her.

Comforting her …

That thought snapped her back to reality, and she hit him in the chest.

"Don't say things like that!" she growled, trying to climb off his lap, but he just laughed and tugged her back.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he chuckled, and she glared at him, hating the way he could make her lose herself so easily, hating the way the familiarity of him amusing himself at her expense somehow washed away even more of her sadness ... but she didn't resist when he slipped his hands down to her waist.

His gaze softened. "Seriously though, I won't try anything … I promise."

With her eyes still narrowed, Sakura relented … her neck had been getting kind of sore. "Fine," she grumbled. "But you better not … that's not why I'm here."

"I know," he murmured, and though his expression hadn't changed, something in his tone - a hint of resignation maybe - made her loop her arms around his neck in a tight hug.


Taking her embrace as acceptance, Kakashi scooted Sakura off of his lap and helped her adjust until they were lying next to each other on the couch, he on his back, she cuddled up against him, using one of his arms for a pillow.

As she settled in, she slid a hand onto his chest, and when he covered it with his own, she automatically curled her fingers under his and snuggled closer, and then he couldn't suppress the idea that he hadn't imagined what he'd seen in her eyes a couple of weeks before … Even if she may not have originally wanted to come to him that night, even if he knew that she would be leaving him again soon, he couldn't suppress it.

"Sarada misses you," she said suddenly, breaking into his thoughts, her words partially muffled by his shirt.

Kakashi hummed. "I did get that impression when she threatened to put tacks on all my favorite reading spots if I didn't meet her at the training ground this morning …"

Sakura lifted her head to catch his gaze, an eyebrow raised. "She said that?"

"Among other things …" he smiled.

"That daughter of mine …" Sakura sighed affectionately as she rested her cheek back down on his chest.

"She's a good kid," Kakashi responded, tracing the curve of her hip with the hand of the arm she was lying on.

He felt her head move in agreement.

"Although …" he mused slyly. "You should probably consider teaching her that threats and violence aren't the best ways to show affection …"

All too predictably, Sakura yanked her hand from his to poke him in the ribs.

With a pained chuckle, he rubbed his side. "Actually, maybe I should teach you that first …"

She poked him again - harder - and snorted. "Who said I was showing you affection?"

He raised his hands in defeat and grinned down at the top of her head. "I was just going by your behavior over the many years we've known each other …" he shrugged.

She tilted her head up at him, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Who said I was ever showing you affection?" she asked bluntly.


Sakura had to tamp down a victorious smirk as she watched Kakashi's cocky grin turn into a pout at her words.

"Yeah," she continued breezily, seemingly ignorant of his distress. "I could have been hitting you this whole time because you deserved it, not because of some underlying sense of affection …"

His pout deepened, and she had to bite her lip to keep from giggling.

"No affection at all?" he grumbled.

She shook her head decidedly. "Nope! Just doling out much-needed punishment ..."

He frowned. "None at all? Are you sure?"

"None," she confirmed.

He looked betrayed. "I think I need to reevaluate my life …"

Sakura eyed him speculatively. "You should probably do that for many reasons …" she noted, barely containing a giggle … but then the corner of his mouth twitched ever-so-slightly, and she couldn't hold back anymore. "Your face!" she laughed.


"It's a very nice face, thank you very much," Kakashi replied haughtily, but he only managed to keep his expression straight for a few seconds before her giggles had him breaking out into a grin and hugging her tightly to him.


"Why is it so easy to talk to you?" Sakura asked after her humor had finally subsided. "Why's it so much easier to talk to you than anyone else?"

She sounded genuinely perplexed, and Kakashi almost wanted to laugh. Instead, he let go of her hand to lift her chin up until their eyes met.

"I don't know," he murmured, brushing his fingers through her hair and smiling when she blushed. "We've known each other for a long time, I suppose."


The tender look he was giving her made her heart flutter, and Sakura felt her cheeks burning in response as the world began to fall away again and she had to force herself to pay attention to their conversation.

"I've known a lot of people for a long time, though … longer than I've known you," she countered, furrowing her brow. "But I don't feel …" She shook her head. "It's like I can say anything to you."

She tilted her head curiously at him. "And you always make me feel better …" She gave a bemused huff. "Half the time, you hardly even say anything ... or you annoy me …" She looked at him pointedly. "But somehow you still make me feel better. It's weird."


The little wrinkle on her forehead as she frowned at him made Kakashi want to drag her mouth up to his and show her exactly how much her words had affected him, but he didn't; he just smirked and squeezed her hip.


Sakura blushed and turned away, then was quiet for a long moment before meeting his gaze again.

"I missed you," she whispered, and his eyes widened in surprise as her heart stopped …

She hadn't meant to say that … she hadn't even realized that she'd been thinking it ...

But when those charcoal eyes of his had locked onto hers, the words had just slipped out, and now she couldn't take them back; all she could do was watch him nervously while he didn't do anything but stare at her for about half a beat, and then his arm tightened around her, and he tugged her up and slid his mouth over hers.

Before she could fully process what was happening, she'd already run her hand up his chest and into the hair at the back of his neck.

She couldn't think straight … once again, he'd taken over her senses until he was all she knew … the roughness of his stubble rubbing against her chin as he deepened the kiss, the heat of his hand as he held her cheek, the masculine spiciness of his scent as she inhaled him through her nose ...

"Kakashi …" she breathed, her leg unconsciously hooking over his as he overwhelmed her ... as her feelings for him overwhelmed her ...

She had missed him so much. It wasn't even really about the way he could make her body burn with need, though of course that was enjoyable …

No, she had just missed him, everything about him, even the way he teased her, and all of her seemed to be fighting in that moment to hold him as close as she could.


That look in her eyes … that emotion in them that he was becoming more and more certain wasn't a figment of his imagination … Kakashi hadn't been able to stop himself from kissing her when she looked at him like that and told him that she'd missed him, and when she kissed him back and moaned his name, he couldn't stop himself from rolling her beneath him and pressing her into the couch as he dipped his tongue into her mouth.

"Sakura …" he groaned, biting her lip and grasping her thigh to hold her leg higher on his waist.

He wanted her ... he wanted her with every fiber of his being, but the part of him that was somehow managing to remain level-headed - in spite of the fact that he had the woman he loved back in his arms - knew that even if she wouldn't hate herself (and probably him too) if they did, they couldn't take things any further that night … it wasn't like before; Sasuke was back, and she was going to have to go home to him, not to an empty house.

And while Sasuke's sense of smell wasn't keen enough to pick up on the fact that Sakura had been held by another man if that other man weren't wearing cologne or some other distinguishing fragrance, he would be able to smell it if they had sex, and he would be able to smell it if she came home freshly showered.

Kakashi didn't want Sakura's marriage to end because her husband found out that she'd been having an affair … if it ended, he wanted it to be because she had decided to end it ...

So he made himself find the strength to keep his hands from ducking under her shirt the way they were itching to do, and he made himself find the strength to keep his mouth on hers instead of trailing kisses down her neck to her breasts the way his body was telling him to do.

And when she pulled back to catch her breath, he made himself find the strength not to kiss her again and instead to shift his weight to the side so that he wasn't lying completely on top of her.

"Sakura …" he murmured, tracing her chin with his thumb.


Sakura kept her eyes shut as she tried to regain control of her heart rate; for at least a few seconds, she wanted to pretend that the real world didn't exist, and she couldn't do that if she could see it, if she could see that she was in Kakashi's apartment, on his couch ...

Because if she could see that she was in Kakashi's apartment, then she would have to remember that he lived there while she lived in a house with her husband and her daughter, and that was the real world ... but if she couldn't see it, if all she could do was feel him, breathe him in, then she could imagine that they were anywhere, under any circumstances.

She gripped his shirt.

When he quietly called her name, she finally, reluctantly opened her eyes to find him looking worriedly down at her. With a soft, sad smile, she lifted her hand to his face.

Why does this have to be the real world?

"It doesn't," Kakashi said simply.

Sakura's hand flew to her mouth. She'd thought that Inner Sakura …

Had she just said that out loud?

While she gawked at him, Kakashi gently pried her fingers from her lips, and the love in his eyes made her stomach flip and her chest swell. She unconsciously held his hand as he drew it away from her mouth and settled his body until he was resting entirely on his side, propped up on one elbow, his hand in hers on her abdomen.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Sakura," he repeated, and the warmth in his voice seemed to sink into her heart.

She sighed heavily. "It's only been a couple of weeks, Kakashi …"

"That's true," he agreed. "But you're here …"


Kakashi wasn't sure that that had been the right thing to say, that it had been the best move to call attention to the fact that Sakura was still cheating on her husband, and the pain in her eyes at his words made him doubt himself even more.

But then she sighed again and nodded. "I know," she whispered, her gaze falling to his collarbone. "I was so upset after what Sarada said, and I didn't want to leave Sasuke when I knew he was in pain, but …"

She paused, and Kakashi waited for her to continue.

"I don't know how to handle him when he's hurting," she admitted sadly. "And he's not … he wasn't the one I wanted to hold me …"

Her last sentence was spoken so quietly that even with his hearing, Kakashi almost couldn't make it out, but he did, and it filled him with a happiness that was bittersweet, because even if she had wanted to go to him for comfort first, she still wasn't his ...

She slipped her hand from his, and then he felt her fingers drawing circles on his chest.

"I don't think divorcing him would be a good thing for Sarada right now …" she said eventually, and he could hear the fatigue in her voice. "After what happened tonight, I think she needs stability … and Sasuke is making an effort. We got into a …" She shook her head. "I told him how I was feeling, and he seems to have taken it to heart."

She looked back up at him, her fingers stopping their movement, and he hated the sorrow in her eyes. "I just don't think it's right right now … two weeks isn't enough time."

He let out a deep breath. He could understand what she was saying, and her point about Sarada needing stability was valid ... but he still didn't want to let her go.


Sakura watched his face as he considered what she'd said, and the struggle she saw there made her heart hurt. Only semi-consciously, she turned onto her side and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"I'm sorry for coming here like this," she whispered, burrowing her nose into his chest. "I shouldn't have … it's not fair."

She felt him sigh, and then he pulled her close. "It's okay," he murmured. "I wouldn't have wanted you to be by yourself after that."


Sasuke should have been there, he thought bitterly. If you're going to be with Sasuke, he needs to be there for you ...

Kakashi clenched his jaw as he tightened his hold on her and forced his anger aside. "But you're never going to find out if you and Sasuke can actually make it work if you keep coming to me when you need to talk to someone …" he said slowly, hating that he was telling her that, even if it were the truth ...

He hated that he was telling her not to go to him with her problems while she tried to sort out her marriage, and he had a feeling that he might end up regretting it … if she thought she couldn't come to him, would she just stay with Sasuke anyway, even if he didn't give her what she deserved?

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, debating, and then opened them as he leaned back to look at her. "I'm always here for you if you need me, but …" He brushed his hand over her cheek, and he knew that she could see his hesitation. "But you should try to need him first."


"Kakashi …"

Sakura was once again staggered by his selflessness, and it only made her want to stay more.

"I- " she started, then stopped. "I wish things were different."

"I do too," he admitted. "But you need to do what you think is best. I don't want you to be with me if you have doubts."

She nodded in reluctant agreement.

Neither of them said anything for several minutes, and then Sakura let her hand drift from his waist to his jaw.

"I should go …" she said quietly.

She felt the muscles in his jaw move before he sat up and helped her to do the same.

"I'll walk you to the door," he replied, and they both stood.

When they had reached his entryway and she had slipped on her shoes, she paused, unsure of what he would want from her.


Kakashi watched Sakura trying to figure out what she should do, and he finally decided that the world could go to hell for one more minute, and he dragged her into a long kiss, holding her securely against his body as he took from her everything that he could before he had to let her go again.


Sakura didn't fight him when he drew her to him and slanted his mouth over hers; she wanted that kiss as much as he did, and she lifted herself onto her toes to get as close to him as she could.

She didn't want to stop. She didn't want to leave his arms, and when he slid his tongue along hers and grasped her waist tightly, she had to remind herself again why she thought she needed to.

After what might have been minutes, she forced herself to break her lips away from his, and then she caught his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see the longing in hers, before forming the seal for Shunshin no jutsu and transporting herself back to the house she shared with her husband and daughter, back to the place where she lived and Kakashi didn't.


It was almost midnight when Sakura quietly opened the door to her bedroom and slipped inside to change. She could tell that Sasuke had heard her come in, but he didn't say anything until she'd climbed under the covers beside him.

"Where have you been?" he asked, tonelessly as usual.

"Ino's," she answered automatically, and she didn't have the emotional capacity left that night to feel guilty about the ease with which the lie had passed from her lips.

"Ah," Sasuke murmured.

"I needed someone to talk to," she explained tiredly, thinking that that at least was the truth. "And you'd come in here and shut the door, so I assumed you wanted to be alone."

There was a hint of accusation in her voice that she didn't bother to hide, but her residual anger was disarmed when he thanked her.

"I did need some time," he admitted.

He seemed about to say something else when he was stopped by a tentative knock on their door.

"Mom? Dad? Can I come in?"

It was Sarada. Sasuke and Sakura exchanged looks, and he nodded.

"Come in," Sakura called softly, and the door cracked open as their daughter walked through, her eyes on the floor. "What's wrong?"

Sarada wrung her hands together nervously. "I'm sorry …" she whispered. "I didn't mean what I said before."

Sakura sighed. "It's okay, sweetheart," she replied. "We know." She heard a sniffle coming from her daughter's direction, and her heart hurt. "It's okay," she repeated. "Come here."

At that, Sarada ran over to the bed and threw her arms around her mother. "I'm really sorry, Mom … I don't know why I was so mad," she cried as Sakura held her close and stroked her back soothingly.

To her complete surprise, Sasuke sat up and leaned closer so that he could put his hand on their daughter's head, an action which immediately made Sarada turn from Sakura to wrap her arms around her father's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," she sobbed, burying her face in his shoulder. "Please don't leave! I didn't mean it …"

Sakura watched as Sasuke hugged their little girl. "I'm not going anywhere," he said gently.

"Please don't leave again …" Sarada repeated, tears choking her voice, and Sakura reached over to brush her fingers through her hair, trying to comfort her.

"It's okay, Sarada … no one's going anywhere," she reassured her.

Even as she spoke and then more sharply when Sasuke opened his arm to allow her into the hug, Sakura's heart twisted as she couldn't stop herself from thinking about Kakashi, from missing him ... but at least for now, as she sat on the bed with her arms around her husband and their daughter, she knew that she was making the right decision.


A/N: More fun and games to come, at least for a little while longer.

To MissHuffer, I update when I finish a chapter … I'm not patient enough to sit on things :)