Chapter 49

Sydney sat in her room while Meaghan was in seclusion. She was worried about her. The thought that she had cut herself, that she had threatened to slit her wrists was distressing to Sydney.

Sydney decided to see if Meaghan was going to be out of seclusion soon so she went to the nurse's station. She noticed Faith was just getting on for the night shift. She hadn't seen her in awhile and it made her feel good inside to know that she would be on for the next 12 hours.

"Sydney, can I help you?" Faith asked with a smile.

" I was just wondering how much longer Meaghan will be in seclusion," Sydney asked.

"She should be out soon assuming she doesn't do anything that would prompt us to keep her in seclusion longer. But she's probably tired. I imagine she will be going to bed for the night once she comes out. Why don't you go find something else to do instead," Faith explained.

"I was just worried about her. I wanted to make sure she is okay."

"That's very kind of you Sydney. You can talk to her in the morning, alright," Faith said.

"Okay," Sydney said as she turned around and headed back to her room.

Suddenly, she stopped and turned back around to see Faith heading back into the nurse's station. The seclusion room was diagonally across the hall from the nurse's station, just enough that she could go to the door without being seen. But she would have to be quiet.

"Meaghan?" Sydney said as she opened the door to the small window.

The light in the hallway allowed Sydney to see Meaghan's figure slumped down in the corner of the dark room.

"Meaghan?" Sydney called out again quietly.

She saw Meaghan look up. The girl smiled as she saw Sydney's face in the window and immediately went to the door.

"Are you okay?" Sydney asked.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I heard what happened. I was worried about you."

"I'll be fine. I was just upset and kinda lost my temper but its fine."

Sydney could see the ashamed look on Meaghan's face as she tried to pretend everything was alright. Sydney knew differently.

"If you want to talk about it, we can. I mean when you get out of seclusion," Sydney offered.

"Thanks," Meaghan smiled lightly overtop of her shamed look.

"What's going on here?" a nurse asked as she emerged from the nurse's station.

"I just wanted to see if Meaghan was alright," Sydney confessed.

"Sydney, you know you're not allowed to talk to patients in seclusion, now go on," the stern nurse explained.

Sydney waved lightly to Meaghan as she left. Sometimes she really hated the nurses there. They had stupid rules that frustrated Sydney. Hopefully, she would be out of there soon, Sydney thought. She was doing her best not to fight with anyone, and she hadn't seen Sark or any other ghosts in awhile. She was hopeful and already had a plan in mind. All she needed to do was get level three privileges, then her plan would be set in motion.

It had been a couple of days since that day Meaghan had been in seclusion. Sydney had been keeping a close eye on her. It pained her to see the long red cuts across her forearm. Meaghan didn't to want to talk about it, so Sydney decided she would just stay away from the topic.

"I hate it here," Meaghan said despondently as they sat in Sydney's room.

"So do I. But its not forever," Sydney said, knowing her future plans.

"It could be. This place makes me want to die. I feel dead in here!"

Meaghan was noticeably frustrated by being in the hospital. Sydney had noticed a change in her attitude since she had been in seclusion. She seemed more pessimistic and bitter about everything, like she was getting even more sick of this place.

"They can't keep us in here forever, I'm sure of it."

"But they can, Sydney. After a couple months in here, they can just ship you off to a mental hospital for life. This really is the rest of my life and I'm tired of it!"

"Don't worry. I'm here for you. I won't let them hurt you."

Sydney was hesitant to tell Meaghan about her plan as much as she wanted to. She couldn't risk telling anyone, even if she was thinking of taking Meaghan with her. She wasn't sure if she could, but hearing how much Meaghan hated this place, she felt like she owed it to Meaghan to get her out of here, to save her from this place. It was obviously killing her being here.

"You're a good friend, Sydney. I don't know what I will do when you get out of here."

"I told you not to worry about any of that. It will all be fine."

"Okay."

They smiled at each other lightly. Then Sydney sighed and looked out the window. Her thoughts may have been occupied by Meaghan the last few days, but she still thought about Nadia much of the time. Right now, the thought of her sister had flooded back into her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Meaghan asked.

"My sister. I miss her."

"I know you do. I wish she could see what I see in you, the goodness, the remorse for what you did. Then she would be able to see past what happened and talk to you again," Meaghan explained.

"I need her to know some things, but I don't know how since she won't talk to me or listen to anyone else about me."

"What if you wrote her a letter? You're father could give it to her. I mean she might just tear it up, but there is a chance she would read it."

Sydney smiled. "A letter. That is a perfect idea! Thank you"

"I just want to help you all I can." Meaghan smiled.

"I think my father is coming this week. Maybe even tomorrow. I'm not sure," Sydney said thinking.

"I'll leave you to write it then."

Meaghan and Sydney smiled at each other as Meaghan left the room. Sydney sat down at the side table with paper and a pen eager to write. As she stared at the paper though, her mind went blank

"Damn it, I don't even know what to write," she said to herself.

Sydney stared out the window and let the light flood into her eyes and wash over her face. She closed her eyes and pictured the last happy time she had with Nadia. They had been sitting in her house talking about Eric and how Nadia was falling for him. Sydney smiled as she thought about it. After a moment she frowned. She didn't even know if Nadia and Eric were still together. She didn't know anything that was going on outside of the hospital. Sydney sighed and went back to her letter. Staring at the blank sheet of paper, she just let the words come to her.

Dear Nadia,

I know you don't want to read this letter. But I'm asking you to just give me a chance and hear what I need to say. I know you don't owe me anything and I couldn't blame you if you ripped up this letter right now, but please just listen.

I know I hurt you so much. Every time I close my eyes, I see you falling into the water and I just hate myself. I know that doesn't change what I did, but honestly, it sickens me to know what I did to you. I just wish I could go back and change things but I can't. I feel so much shame. You can't even imagine how much shame I feel at this moment, how much I hate myself for what I did to you. I don't expect you to forgive me ever. But I wanted you to know how sorry I am and how much I love you.

I want to explain why I did what I did even though its no excuse. I just got so caught up in The Guildiya and saving everyone. No one would help me and I went overboard and, I don't know, I just lost sight of everything. It was stupid. But in my heart, I was trying to save everyone. I know that doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it okay and it will never take away the remorse I feel. Nonetheless, I felt I owed it to you to explain what happened.

Nadia, I'm so sorry. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I am so so sorry. Please know that. I hurt you so badly and I can never forgive myself for trying to kill you. Nadia, I need you to know I love you. You are my sister. I spent my entire life wanting a sister and then I got you and you were perfect. I couldn't ask for a better sister but I went and ruined it. I'm sorry. Please please know how sorry I am. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you so much.

Sydney