Chapter 50:

Further and further into those endless frozen caves, where the mercury dipped below zero—Celsius, thankfully—Mayfield had found himself shivering, and certainly not just from the cold. In fact, by clear contrast, both original members of the New Justice Team, even in feeling fearful, were hardly bothered. Especially once Leela, voice echoing off the crystalline walls, bravely called her villain out.

"Zookeeper! We're here to answer your challenge... Stand and face us!"

Save for some very faint tinkles of icicles, nothing. Repeated callouts throughout went nowhere as well, even after they spotted, and stood in awe, over his enormous cloning machine. Like a virtual 12-gauge plasma in the chest; another tip of the cap to that mad maniacal monster. Who knew what he could've done, on the side of good…

"Well, if he won't come out, how 'bout we encourage him a little? Bender, Thomas, grab these vials and start tossing them in these holes. Doubt he'll go swimming in these frozen pits to fetch 'em."

Bender used his flamethrower burps to help melt some of the ice, and even helped Leela lift the massive minecart to begin tipping the entire contents directly into the water. A very careful, precise operation; they dared not break those glass tubes for fear of their accidental contamination.

"You won't have your serums forever Zookeeper… Now for the last time, come on out!"

"In due time, my dear, in due time. Actually, I'm glad that you personally could make it."

Leela spun in place, facing each direction in suspense, as that slimy voice reverberated in kind. "What the hell do you mean, you treacherous snake?"

"In the simplest of terms, I've always enjoyed playing games with the very few adversaries I've had… But you, my dear Clobberella, well you're my favourite of all. Each and every time we fought, I pilfered ANOTHER piece of your pathetic life; your hero career, your boyfriend, your sanity, your dreams, your desire to live…"

Unbeknownst to the team, The Admiral had arrived and was skating lithely about the ice fields.

"Well, Little Miss One-Eye, I'm not one to let go of such hot streaks so easily…"

Barely a second after, The Admiral had clapped his hand around Mayfield's mouth and stabbed a syringe straight into his neck, sending that serum straight through to his bloodstream. With screams to curdle diary, he fell to his knees, right before he spotted those veins beginning to glow purple and black.

Never wanted another reminder of how stupidly lucky he was with Leela's plight on Regbury-19… His worst enemies had gone ahead and given him one anyway.

"Well, well, well… Good evening team, must say it's been quite the LONG time since our reunion! Care to stay a while? I'll even bring out the tea and scones with cream."

After that natural entrance, Leela, having gone livid from the deceit, got ready to speed for him before she found herself restrained. None other than The Admiral to do so, the one who, only Mayfield knew, did express some resentment for feeling 'replaced'.

"You filthy RAT! What did you do to him?"

"Same I would've done to you that good month or so back, but with a twist. Admiral gave me some great feedback following my failed war, and now, your special man and my especially big pain has got a special dose… My two-point-zero, not only featuring everything my serum did before, but comes with the bonus of a brilliant boost in brainpower! Imagining that he's prepared to cooperate, anyway."

Leela struggled in vain against The Admiral, as The Zookeeper ripped out a red button while yammering on.

"Your little friend there will bow to my every demand, and if he doesn't, or if I just get sick of him… this baby will rip his body from inside out, guaranteeing a most slow & painful death! And you'll be there, helpless to save him, just like you were helpless to save Fry!"

"Oh I swear to every God in every universe… If I ever get my hands on you…"

"What, you'll pummel me senseless, just like your solution to every problem? I don't think so, missy! In point of fact, Admiral, let's make it a little more interesting…"

The Admiral nearly ripped Bender's door off its hinges in seizing the antidote from his compartment, where he slid it down towards a lengthy, darkened ice chamber. Before she could even react, he had also dug his paws into her outfit, earning quite the audible protest, before seizing HER single antidote, sliding it into another cavern, and watching as the wall started rising immediately.

Erupting from underneath, the icy floor soon gave way to a five-by-five grid, imbued with purple-&-black tiles, and an occasional green-and-gold tile sprinkled in. A most unique mind-teaser, that hadn't been heard of, let alone seen, for at least several centuries.

"Your tasks, like you have any choice, is to find and combine the healing antidotes, one of which I've hidden behind my final little game for the mind. You'll need some great vision under pressure. You'll need a keen & quick-witted mind while the clock counts down. Last but not least, Clobberella, you'll face a deadly spin on the most classic adage of all… But no reveals just yet!"

Both Bender & Leela were cursing, and Mayfield was screaming, before that corpulent criminal concluded his spiel.

"Judging by him, you'll have just one hour to complete all three games, maybe a little extra if you're good enough. Fail, and he'll be by my side as I rip the Earth asunder and conquer the universe with my army! Speaking of which…" he sneered, before giving two quick claps.

In moments, some dozen super-soldiers began marching in time, out of the darkness of his lair. They began surrounding the team, their narrowed purple eyes the only thing to human emotion they shared. Civilians still, but this time, no slouches to a scuffle.

"Whoopsy-daisy, I did forget to mention it… All this assumes that you can hold off my super-soldiers at every turn… Have fun!" He then began the ticking countdown, and stood there, Admiral flanking him, to enjoy his front-row seat.

Before she could unleash an almighty blue streak, Clobberella had found herself grabbed and tossed, unceremoniously, towards that dizzying brain teaser. Super King, for his self-imposed stature, was scooped up, and sent sliding on his shiny ass towards those shadowed chambers. Three minions ventured off towards the puzzle, one towards the chambers, and two stuck around for Mayfield, knuckles cracking and snarls lining their cheeks.

Now not only was time against them, but the resistance to tackle on top were in numbers they could never handle by themselves. Oh, and that forgot to mention, of course, the plenty of reserves still on deck.

Courtesy of his careless idiocy and Zookeeper's chess games, Mayfield had been bullied, harassed and broken down with impunity. Going for the old 'can't beat 'em, join them' gimmick, he guessed, since they had been given strict orders not to kill him. No-one knew but The Zookeeper, as to why.

Maybe he wished to understand the full effects of his new serum before disposing of him. Maybe he wanted to watch the helplessness in his eyes, before he forced him to his side… Gods forbid, that this self-made criminal actually wanted the ancient, one-armed delivery boy by his side.

After all, he had Fry, didn't he?

Meanwhile, struggling in that pitch-black chamber, the one who called himself The Greatest One of the Three had switched on his lights in search for his ultimate antidote, likely going glug-glug to the bottom by now. Hindering the 40% iron superhero throughout, and doing a 'royal bang-up' job, was one of Archbury's men, playing Keep Away like he were David Beckham against a toddler.

With the five-minute mark slowly crawling by, His Highness of Justice struggled mightily to have a clearer vision, having his head slapped or spun around while the vial got smugly kicked away. Had he not understood that his best buddy's freedom & life hung in the balance, he'd have given up long ago on that purple-clad pain in his ass.

Back outside, the lady who preferred punching above puzzling was burning against the bright light of logic, just as badly as her friend dancing in the dark. Completely foreign puzzle aside, she always had her knack for escaping bad situations with a long loud "Hi-yah!" than anything else. As such, even if she went after or struggled in spite of her opponents, she had been finding her spirit swiftly broken.

Mayfield, facing a growing triple-whammy of stress, sickness and struggle, had begun pondering on whether he should've remained in hospital. Since he left that bed, he'd been fired from his job, perhaps forced to work for this one-percent lunatic, and may've faced termination at any time by a horrible, haemorrhaging death, just for kicks…

With a searing jolt of pain screeching through his neck and extremities, Mayfield finally had to concede the truth. He was wrong that it couldn't get worse, that he never had a future left. Sure, it seriously sucked for him to get sacked, but compared to having his life, his friends' lives, and everyone else's lives in severe danger?

It was in that struggle and swallowing of his pride that a huge epiphany entered his head. More he tried to fight, the more he'd only waste time, and if the past few months ever taught him anything...

Screw pride, respect and this hopeless existence! His survival, for HIS future, HIS life, was all that mattered. Even if his reputation, worth whatever for what it was, had to wane because of it. To give that plundering bush pig a chance to control his life, choose whether he lived or died? Like hell he'd let that happen!

Lunging at and tricking the minions into discarding him, tossing him away like trash, he took those precious seconds to limp & run off. Out of those ice chambers, and far away. The Zookeeper had neither issues nor any qualms of letting him go, a fond memory in mind as he turned the screws on the already frustrated team:

"Some hero you selected, Clobberella! Wet his pants against a couple of my minions, and saved his own hide… Now wonder what that reminds us of?"

Only her leer of disgusted loathing followed him as he escaped their sights… Felt around, found his tube of Miracles, and rubbed on as quick as he could. Nearly melted those ice floors from speed alone. The ten-minute mark had passed; only fifty to go before his free will, and perhaps himself, would die permanently. Least he'd take those last minutes to control his own fate…

Out of those caverns, headlong to Leela's apartment. Bursting through that front door, he left a whirlwind in his wake as he smashed her door in, seizing that dreadful pink bodysuit with fevered eyes. Less of a struggle to get on, if only for super-speed, but still serious discomfort in wearing it.

Blinded by anger towards his friends, he'd blocked out the crucial knowledge of its several functions & features... Telephone service chief among them.

Feeling another searing pain course through his body, he scanned & tapped that long list of numbers of most everyone from New New York, including the one lady he had hoped to ring… Amy Wong. Tapping his emblem to confirm the name, it just went to voicemail.

The message simple, direct, to the point:

"Kif's number ASAP, stabbed with serum, will be ZK's slave soon, respond urgently!"

It took only a few minutes, but soon, he had found himself speaking with the diminutive green General:

"Yes, this is Temp General Kif Kroker speaking, state your business."

"Yo Kif, it's the bastard bounty hunter. Listen, you know who I am, and we're gonna need your help dude. I've been stabbed with some strange upgraded serum, and I don't have much time. Send super reinforcements, two dozen or so if you can spare 'em, and meet me on the front door stairs of the Museum of Natural History… I'll explain everything from there."

"Understood, I'll do what I can as quick as I can."

"Thanks, much appreciated. Please hurry, and please don't let me down."

Thankful for the powerful connections aside, it had begun to dawn on him about what this outfit truly meant. A cruel joke, sure, but also his coronation into the ranks of The New Justice Team. Mere months before, he'd have been the 'crook' they would arrest, maybe with a generous beating or two.

This was his to wear… Was an 'I' in justice, but not in team…

Should've been so obvious, what a complete idiot he had been! This whole surprise ambush, obvious numbers advantage, and never sticking to your word? It was Supervillain 101! Any hero worth their salt, himself included, should've realised… Well, two could play that game, and before these rescues and rumbles, he knew no-one better for never fulfilling a promise.

Punctuating the apartment walls with another horrid scream, watching his veins crackle and spark once more, he soon sped out the door towards Kif, but not before a quick note to advise his friend…

Just over fifteen minutes in, the frustrations continued to fester for His Highness of Justice and the Femme Fatale of Fists, still receiving no quarter nor mercy whatsoever from The Zookeeper or his minions. Leela had sank to her knees experiencing those scenes of dread again, even the very first, and last, time she found herself surrounded by powerful creatures in great numbers.

Only too late did she realise that he would resort to those dirty tactics again, something she thought she would've learned a long time ago.

Back in those darkened chambers, Super King had fallen into an ice hole and was seemingly trapped, stopped from even surfacing by his relentless foe. Could only burp flames, swear and swat at this nuisance, but to no avail. Not that he really cared; might've been freezing his shiny metal ass off, but if he could seize that troll and drown him like a runt, least he would not have failed in vain.

Mayfield reached the steps of the Museum, his agony once more piercing the skies much to Kif's worry. No longer suffering under his former boss's humiliating dress code, he was now decorated in his custom white uniform, flanked with at least two dozen or more super-soldiers of his own.

Though they laughed and guffawed as men, shedding tears at the ridiculous outfit, they immediately stood to attention with just a look. Disciplined & loyal to the hilt, as the green one spoke:

"Temp General Kif Kroker and the DOOP Army, at your request for assistance."

"Bubblegum Battler, I guess, and thank you for coming on such short notice, sir. You're welcome for the entertainment too, boys! Look, to be level with you, it's a real losing battle now. We were set up and ambushed; had both our cures slapped out of our hands into impairing or inaccessible chambers. Worse yet, the fat bastard's only gone and made us solve puzzles, while holding us down with several minions of his."

"So what would be the tasks at hand, do you believe?

"Simply put, he believes I ran away like a coward. Well, he's got the last half right. Time we ambush him right back, but better. Turn the tide on him. First, we pin that fat idiot and his flunkies down so they can't finish us off. Second, we find my friends in there and help them in any way we can. And third, in conjunction with the first, we just knock that motherfucker out! I'm done playing nice… Now let's go put him into captivity."

"At once! Men, find those antidotes, help the New Justice Team, and secure Archbury & his minions, by any means necessary! For democracy & order, for the good of our planet... Failure is NOT an option, is that understood?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Very good, let's put this beast down."

Even with whatever 'sporting chances' he had given his adversaries, The Zookeeper's plan couldn't have worked better if he tried. He only wanted to break them, only wanted to watch the sad struggle of those super-zeroes… With one having ran off, Clobberella piercing the walls with her wails, and the air punctured with Super King's generous share of 'verboten' vocab, he grew a rather repugnantly smug grin with the ticking of the clock.

Hell, he wasn't gonna give them a second chance; after this, he would murder them all brutally, add Mayfield to his men, and begin seizing the planet. Such was the plan, as he taunted them once more:

"Nyeh ha ha ha ha ha ha! Looks to me like my undefeated streak continues again! Every defence force, every galaxy, the entire universe, they shall all BOW before my whim! Then, all the treasures spanning every star and planet will be mine to seize! Ultimate victory, IN MY HANDS!"

His dreams of grandeur were rudely interrupted, with a retort even smugger than his, if possible.

"Whoa! You didn't think you should've shut the gates before you let the horses bolt, did ya Zookeeper?"

For the first time, it was the wicked one who had whipped his head around.

"Wha, who said that… Mayfield?!"

Sure enough, just him, or so it seemed, as behind his back he began a countdown from five.

"Just call me the Bubblegum Battler."

"Y'know, Bubblegum Babbler, I think I've just changed my mind. It'd be more fun for my soldiers to just rip you apart limb from limb. Like a cowardly wuss, serum or not, will be of any use to me."

"How appropriate, Reggie. Cowardly wuss, indeed! Sounds like we're very much of the same tar…"

His countdown ended and almost immediately, several DOOP soldiers had rushed forward with heroic mayhem in mind. One had ripped the button from the Zookeeper's hands, another came moments after to lay a swift hook into the fat man's jaw, dropping his ass colder than the ice.

The Admiral didn't even have a chance to blink, before two more soldiers had him pinned down, pounding his lights out with an epic assault unto him. The remaining personnel, about twenty or so, had then split up into several groups; one to help Bender, one to help Leela, one to help with Mayfield's bullies, and finally, one to sort out, and serve, those significant reserves.

In the darkened chambers, that antagonistic minion had looked about ready to smash the vial, clearly smarter than most villains, when it was blinded by the shining of several lights. Before it could even react, he was snatched up, subdued and pummelled, with even His Highness of Justice aiming a few stomps for good measure. Within a minute or two, the cure-all antidote was secured, with his soldiers soon re-joining Leela's group to give her 'friends' a much harder time.

A little over the twenty minute mark, concerns began to arise when Mayfield started to cough up blood. The poisoning had been crumbling the city inside his tract, and if it weren't the worms working to repair the ruins, they looked raring to rip each other to shreds. Seemed it wouldn't be long before he slaved to Sir Archbury's every sick whim…

And judging by Clobberella's mounting frustration, they weren't going anywhere fast. Having already catered for her antagonists, the soldiers had moved on to the reserves, still meaning that she was gonna have a hard time with this puzzle. For each tile she influenced on the grid, the rest in the surrounding spaces flipped as well, causing all kinds of boilover.

"Oh, to hell with this damn puzzle! Why couldn't I just get a combat simulation instead?"

"You sure that went any better, Clobberella?" a voice piped up.

None other than Mayfield's, stepping slowly towards her, while she stared with surprise and a generous lacing of contempt.

"Well, well… The coward shows his face, and yet, he wears the bravest outfit anyone could wear."

"Candy-ass though I may be, dumb-ass I won't be! If I stayed here, I'd be dead by now! You wanna argue when you've actually got a chance to move forward here?"

"You better believe I will, regardless of when I sort this mess out!"

"Look, much as it's been a long time, I can't help but feel familiar with this puzzle… Have you seen anything around the area that could help; any clues, codes or hints?"

"Glimpsed not a thing, even before I was having my ass handed to me."

Back in the long, long, LONG gone days of online gaming and dungeon exploring, Mayfield had remembered teasers like this. Sadly though, he only knew solutions which required force to succeed, and between him and Leela, they didn't have many arms spare to break in turning any odd tiles over.

However bleak it looked, there was positive news. The Zookeeper had been searched for some great clues; he had hidden a parchment of sorts for that puzzle. On it were 14 dashes, a visual chart, and above those dashes, an indecipherable language, with flickers of matching symbols spattered here and there.

"What in the hell in this?" Leela groaned. "The one time we needed clear instructions we get pure, unfiltered gibberish… Just like this damn letter I got as a baby."

She pulled out a white piece of paper, with a small tear in the top and about two dozen similar characters, also with several matches peppered within. Kept it with her, either at home or on the ship, ever since her old Orphanarium was condemned.

Mayfield noticed the matches, but was still utterly confused.

"Just wonderful, this character looks like a DNA sequence on LSD, and that one looks like a whacked-out pair of scissors… It'd take a genius to figure this out, so how are we supposed to, exactly?

"I don't know… This whole time I thought I was an alien. But if I can't even figure out the language… then who the hell am I really?"

"Discuss philosophy later, right now, let's call for calm and examine this thing. Looks to be room for one piece of paper, and there's the entire alphabet in stone blocks. Wonder if I just touch it, see what happens…

Mayfield yelped at the sudden, sharp shock, as an echoey voice threw itself around the room. Far from a typical greeting, it had issued an ominous warning.


"Of these stone letters,
you only get five.
Choose wisely heroes,
or you won't leave alive!"


"Well, this just began to suck more. What, no head starts or anything?"

"I suspect that all this was the son-of-a-bitch's ultimate game plan. Never for a moment, did he intend to give us a fair chance. Beats us all again, virtual guarantee, and this time for good. The planes of Hell take me, if I don't haul his heifer ass into the hole before I die… But that being said, Heaven help us."

Placing the obvious parchment into the slot, they took a fair bit of deliberation before they chose the letter E, the most common vowel they knew of. Hell, even a thousand years later, Mayfield could still rattle off the Bonus Round gimme letters of Wheel of Fortune… R, S, T, L, N and E.

Speaking of which, they soon settled for S, for between both pieces of paper, they found the symbol twice on a word's end, with an additional one elsewhere on the parchment. Could've been a plural or something.

They debated on O but hung back just in case; three symbols on the letter yet none on the parchment caused some doubts to surface.

Didn't take long before they issued a confident H; three on the parchment & one at the letter's end assured them of that. That was three down, two to go, and closing on 35 minutes left until the serum took over Mayfield's body.

Two characters that looked like old-time jacks on the parchment, plus one on the letter, gave them an ambiguous 'T'. Finally, preferring safety over solving a mystery, they settled for an 'L', seeing a repeat or two across both sheets.

Confirming their selections by pressing those blocks, praying that such theories were sound, the magical caves, or whatever they were, had soon imbued the parchment with the letters chosen. Mayfield could've kicked himself; were those bonus letters already in place, he might've solved the puzzle in no time flat.

it only took a casual glance, much to both their reliefs, at the remaining letters for Mayfield to find the natural solution… Never short of reasons to be grateful, for all those game shows watched as a kid…

CHASE THE LIGHTS, simple as could be. One problem… What in the ever-loving hell did that mean?

Humming and hemming while the countdown clock approached the half-hour mark—and with that, another great growl of agony—Mayfield remembered something in the time his attention drew to his veins, caked with such vicious hatred.

In his fading senses, he smiled with how quickly Kif visualised everything between himself, the crew and Zapp Brannigan, even before Bender stood in front and shared that damning evidence. Realised, like a finger-snap bolt of lightning, that he knew the perfect challenger to Zookeeper's statement…

Asking Clobberella to wait, he approached him, still barking orders.

"General Kroker, your attention if you're able to spare it?"

"Please make it quick. What's this?"

"It's the solution for our puzzle, and what looks like a visual chart and instructions. Haven't a clue what it's telling us, and was hoping you could clarify it precisely."

Kif took only moments to scan the paper. "Hmm… Seems to follow a pattern. There's your top row, the ones underneath get flicked, and the pattern continues in that sense. See here this other side… This bottom row grants every combination of patterns, and upon discovery of such, how to properly switch them… That sound like the situation at hand?"

Mayfield glanced back at the parchment, at the puzzle, and pondered Kif's words… Soon enough, his eyes lit up, and he flashed the biggest grin he could.

"Thank you Kif, you bloody genius!" with a grateful slap on the shoulder. "Clobberella!"

Mayfield sprinted back and almost slid over in his excitement, while she paced both confused and contemptible around the puzzle still. In the immediate aftermath of giving her Kif's thoughts, her eye sparked with knowing. Within a minute the puzzle had become an absolute walkover, and before long, both the cloning machine and that solid ice wall had unsheathed.

With her spare individual antidote lying idle, it was time for the last test, and Gods only knew what that twisted tyrant had in store for them. As close to twenty-five minutes remained, they rushed headlong towards their compatriot Super King, smoking his Zuban cigar, knowing that they needed his cure-all antidote to progress forward…

So did he, and like he was going to part with it…

"Alright King, looks like we're clear, just got one more puzzle to do… The antidote, please?"

"Sure thing, but it'll cost ya."

"Come on, don't fuck around now. Can't count your cash when you're crushed into scrap metal."

"I'm not talking cash, at least, just this once… I'm talking a little test of my own."

"Mom-damn-you, you… Fine, what do you want?

"Take a puff of my cigar, just one, and you've got your antidote."

Angry at this giant waste of time, Mayfield took as small a puff as he could before handing it back. Within seconds, his guts had grown green and, quite aside from his serum, he felt a violent illness course through his body. Hurling and dry heaving into a spare ice hole, Bender proved as good as his word, after laughing evilly.

"I swear, if we ever survive this, I will settle our accounts Bender… One way or another."

"Super King, knave, and I'd like to see that! Now stop screwing around and save the world, will ya?"

After five precious minutes lost to sickness, of which potentially hours were spared by Miracle Cream and the remaining worms, the third and final test loomed beyond. With the antidote in Leela's careful grasp, they had rushed over the gap and found themselves locked behind that massive wall of ice once again.

In front of them laid two single seats and computer screens, perfectly chiselled out of ice—a truly marvellous sculpture even if a rather foreboding one to the game show fanatic.

In the middle of those two seats laid a letter, once again written in Archbury's elegant, swooping scrawl and describing a series of instructions. Beyond that still, another syringe of sorts, confirmed locked inside an invisible safe, with a liquid that looked to match the one in Leela's hand. Two holes, connecting to all kinds of pipelines.

All they could do was stare at each other with shuddering concern, as they read through those instructions. Twenty minutes left, plus whatever the antidote could give, to save the world.

For all the shaky history they once had, now was the time they needed each other the most…