This was swiftly becoming a custom, Riley thought as her mom came into her bedroom, carrying a bag of pretzels and a bottle of juice. "Rations?" she joked, as she sat up. She had been laying on her stomach reading a book she had picked up on a whim nearly a year before but had not so much as cracked until now. It was one of the benefits of being grounded. It gave her a lot of time to do the things she had been putting off for a while, like cleaning out her closet and rearranging her bookshelf.
"We feed you," Topanga rebutted, mock glaring at her even as she joined her on the bed handing over the pretzels before settling the bottle on the ground near the foot of the bed fo now. "Let's just all this a bit of a treat for good behaviour."
"I deserve this?" Riley asked hesitantly, recalling one of the heated comments that had passed between the two of them days prior. Her mom visiting her had turned into a nightly routine. The treat, not so much?
Besides her, her mother sighed and flicked some hair out of her face. "Maybe I phrased that badly," she allowed. "It's not that I want you to have the idea that good behaviour, goodness on the whole doesn't deserve recognition. I just don't want you to feel that you're entitled to have your way because you're a good person, because if you move with that mentality then you're not being good for being good's sake, but you're being good for the hope of a reward. And that is self-serving, and I definitely do not want a child of mine to go out into the world only acting in a way that benefits her."
"Oh," Riley said simply, taking a moment to reflect on what her mother had said. "I do that a lot, huh?"
"More than I realised before this week," her mother admitted. "I'm not putting the blame on you, Riley, not all of it at least, but somewhere along the line I think Cory and I started to send mixed signals to you, maybe even your friends as well, I don't know, but yeah, I think the prestige of being good went to your head a little more than it should. Huh," she added thoughtfully, tapping at her chin, "well that would make it a good thing that this happened, so we can nip it in the bud."
Once again, Riley took time to respond, her hands automatically opening the bag of pretzels in the interim. She offered it to her mom before snagging one. "Am I selfish, mom?" she asked.
"Why are you asking that?" her mother returned, biting on the snack.
"That's what being self-serving is, right? Doing something for my own benefit. I...I've done that right? And not just with the show. I've done things because they've benefitted me before."
"To the detriment of someone else?"
"I...I don't know," Riley admitted, around a mouthful of salty goodness. She thought about it, choosing to focus on her friends than on the world generally because that gave her a narrower focus. And yeah, now that she was looking at it from the perspective her mother had offered her, she could come up with more than a few times that she'd done things because it would be good for her. And had she ever stopped to think of the effect it would have on someone else? No, she hadn't.
She squirmed at the thought, and suddenly, almost unbidden two faces flashed in her mind, Farkle and Lucas, before a third face, Maya's came to the forefront. Her free hand clenched in a fist at the thought.
"What is it?" her mother asked, as if sensing her sudden change in mood.
"Mom, can we talk about something?" she asked, her voice growing tentative as she met her mother's eyes.
"Of course," she responded immediately, her tone serious. "Anything."
"I-" Riley paused, trying to see how best she could put her thoughts into words, because truthfully, her 'rebellion' as she liked to think of it, hadn't come about strictly because of her anger at her mother's edict. No, there was a lot more to it than that. She hadn't been feeling right for a few days at that point - still wasn't if she were completely honest- but back then she had been desperate for any reprieve from the thoughts in her mind and the feelings that coiled within her as a result of those said thoughts. That desperation had led her to throw herself into a marathon of her favourite show because she did not have to think about her own life if she was busy engrossing herself in the lives of others. That was why she had lashed out at her mother so badly. Her crutch had been working and the woman unknowingly had been trying to rip that from her and she had not wanted that. Yeah, instead of being reasonable about it, she had thrown what amounted to as a glorified tantrum, but at the time she had thought it justified. Not so much now. "I like Farkle," she said, finally giving voice to what had been plaguing her ever since that day Farkle had escorted her home, ever since she had met his gaze and felt a shift within her very being.
Her mother inhaled sharply, and looking at her, Riley say the slight widening of her mother's eyes before her surprise was replaced by a knowing expression. "You had an idea," Riley rightly deduced.
"I had wondered," her mother admitted softly, reaching over to stroke her cheek. "That sleepover you, Smackle and Maya had. It may have been geared towards Smackle, but the way both you and Maya reacted, I figured that there was more, that what we were talking about applied to the both of you as well."
"I saw Farkle," she admitted, referring to the mental exercise they had done. "I thought it was wrong but...I saw Farkle, and now I know that I like Farkle."
"And yet you sound as if this is the worst thing in the world," her mother answered softly.
"It is," Riley returned, her voice lowering with the force of the emotion she was feeling. "Mom, I can't like Farkle."
"Why can't you?" she asked easily. "Farkle's a great boy. You've known him almost as long as Maya and though the two of you gave that poor boy hell for a few years there, he's always been there for you and you've always cared for him."
There was something familiar in how her mother was describing her past interactions with Farkle, but it took her a moment to make the connection, and when she did, it was her turn to get wide-eyed.
"What?" her mother asked, curiously, taking in her expression.
Riley swallowed. Hadn't her mother realised what she had said? Implied? Farkle. A long-time friend - childhood friend. Sometimes neglected by both her and Riley, sometimes ignored but yet still a constant presence. Someone she had grown to appreciate more and more with time. Someone she now liked. Farkle, based on her mother's words, fit, almost to a T the very profile she had grown up hearing, the one her father used whenever he spoke fondly of his life growing up with the woman sitting across from her. What her mother had just described was basically her own childhood relationship with her husband.
So did that mean that Farkle was her Topanga?
That thought both comforted and disturbed her. She'd always said that she wanted what her parents had. She wanted a love pure, strong and everlasting as theirs, and for the past two years she'd thought that she'd found that in Lucas. But had she? Had she truly? The answer was obvious if she now had eyes for someone else.
"Farkle is my you?" she finally said.
"Oh boy," her mother exhaled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay? There is only one me, and the me that I am is for your father. If Farkle is for you, let's look at him in his own rights and not from your father and I's life."
"Okay," she agreed, "but that doesn't solve my problem."
"And what is the problem?"
"That I like Farkle."
"That isn't that big of a problem," her mother said. "You're young. You're allowed to like different people."
"Dad said he always knew that he loved you."
"Doesn't mean that we were each other's only relationship," she scoffed. "I'd have you know that both of us liked plenty of people before we got together, and there may have been one or two people while we were together."
"Besides the mountain girl?"
"Oh yeah," she said with a bit of a laugh. "At one point it seemed like Cory was chasing after a new girl a week. Not that Shawn was any better."
"And you?" Riley asked.
"Less," her mother answered, after a moment's contemplation. "I wasn't short on admirers myself, but I was a bit more selective. But, what's most important Riley is that you're allowed to like other people. Heck, now is the time for it. I get why this is such a big deal for you, it's always been Lucas this and Lucas that since the day you met him. But just because he's your first crush, your first boyfriend, doesn't mean that he has to be your first everything."
"I get that," Riley answered. "High school isn't like middle school mom. I see people break up every week. Smackle and Farkle broke up and if they could what exactly is left for the rest of us? But...it's not the same. I can't just...I can't just like Farkle, mom. It's not fair."
"How is it not fair?" she asked, genuine confusion lacing her tone.
"It's not fair to Maya," Riley said quietly, her fingers fidgetting once gain.
"What does you liking Farkle have to do with May-ooooh," her mother finished knowingly. "That's where the selfish thing comes in huh?"
"Now you get it," Riley said sadly, giving voice to the guilty thoughts that had been assaulting her lately. "I let Maya have Lucas after Texas and then I decided that I wanted him back and that put us in the triangle and I kept fighting her for him. I got him, Lucas chose me over Maya and now what? Now I like someone else? How is that fair to Maya?"
"Lucas chose you though, didn't he?" her mother pointed out. "You didn't force that decision."
"Did he really choose me?" Riley asked, with a sudden realisation, recalling the chain of events that had led up to their conversation at the lodge's bay window (and boy didn't there seem to be a bay window everywhere?). Thinking about it now, it didn't seem quite romantic that Lucas had asked her to be his girlfriend after reading Maya's letter, a letter that, she now understood, had basically told Lucas what to do. Not that he had had that much of a choice in the matter right? He had always steadfastly said that he liked the both of them, it was why it had taken so long for a solution to be found anyway, so if one of them had backed out then his dilemma would have been over. One or the other right? "Does Lucas like me?" she inquired. "I mean does he like me, like me?"
"I wouldn't know that."
"You would," she contradicted. "You're a lawyer mom. It's your job to figure people out so you can defend them or rip them apart."
"Well that is part of it," the woman allowed before she sighed. "I still can't speak for Lucas though Riley, or rather I won't."
"But why?"
"Because you're looking for an out and I'm not going to give that to you. It'd be easy to justify your own feelings for Farkle if you didn't have to worry about whether or not Lucas likes you romantically and I'm not going to give you that out."
"This is more of me looking out for my own interest, huh?" she asked ruefully.
"This is you looking for an easy way out of a tough thing," her mother corrected gently. "Riley, how about we just focus on you right now, huh? You and your feelings, because that is what should influence what you do going forward."
"And what should I do?"
"What is best for you?"
"Won't that be selfish?"
"I walked right into that," Topanga replied, laughing, and despite the situation, even Riley cracked a smiled at that.
"I have to think about Maya though," Riley said after a moment. "God...she's been the most affected by this, by me. I've been walking all over her."
"I wouldn't say that," her mother said. "Maya's no doormat, not for anyone, not even you."
"She is when she thinks there's something I really want," Riley rebutted. "Or at least she used to be," she added, recalling how lately, heck, ever since the lodge actually, Maya had increasingly distanced herself from her actions or else called her out of it, this past week being a prime example of that. After all, she was the one in trouble, not her best friend, and Maya had done quite a bit to try to dissuade her from her course of action before leaving her be. Previously she would have gotten right in the mix with her, whether or not she fully agreed with her. Now not so much. But that didn't change the fact that she had gone along with her before. Heck, even though she and Maya had spent most of Boxing Day rummaging through clothes in order to re-invigorate Maya's wardrobe, she had hardly worn any of it so far, and now, thinking about it, Riley felt guilty. She'd been the one in the first place to encourage Maya to get rid of all the clothes Uncle Shawn had bought her, and then she'd been the one to encourage her once again to get more clothes, some of which were in a similar style to the very ones she had sold. And Maya had gone along with it. In the same way Maya had gone along with her stretching out the triangle for a lot longer than perhaps was necessary. Hadn't Maya for weeks prior to the Ski Lodge called for a decision to be made either way? Maya had seemed fed up of it all at times and yet, due to her own persistence had continued along because she herself had not been ready for a decision to be made. Because...because...Riley swallowed and shook her head, dismissing that thought before it fully formed.
"I fought so hard to get Lucas," she said, meeting her mom's gaze. "I fought Maya for him. I got him. How can I not like him now? How can I like someone else? How can that someone else be Farkle? How can I do that to Maya? After all of that, how can I give him up?"
"Riley," her mother said, her tone quiet, "you realise that you're sounding like you mind is already made up? That you know that you want to break up with Lucas? For Farkle?"
She had no immediate response for that.
Topanga looked up as she heard the click of the front door being unlocked before it was pushed open, mildly surprised to see that it was Maya entering. "Hey," the teenager greeted, even as she closed the door behind her and started to shrug out of her jacket, "that book any good?"
"So-so," Topanga replied, marking her spot and setting it aside, eyeing the teenager curiously. "Riley's still on lockdown for a week, you know," she pointed out.
"Six days to be precise," Maya corrected with a cheeky grin.
As the teen walked over to where she was, Topanga saw her eyes drift over to where Auggie and Ava were playing quietly in the 'adult' bay window, seemingly oblivious to everything and everyone save the world they had created for themselves using Auggie's legos.
"Besides," Maya added, as she dropped down beside her heavily with a small 'oof', "this is more of a Topanga Matthews visit."
"You're here for me?" Topanga said, unable to keep a hint of excitement out of her tone. Cory was usually the first one her daughter and her friends tended to turn to whenever something was wrong or they needed advice unless it was extremely personal in nature. Topanga always tried her best not to take it too personal, after all Cory simply just had more access to them than her on any given occasion, but right now, it was her that she needed, not her husband and that, if she were honest, caused her to puff out her chest slightly with pride.
"I need a sort of legal perspective here," Maya admitted, reaching down to take and start playing with the end of one of her braids. Her hair had just about reached back to where it was pre-summer cut last year, Topanga noted, reaching over to finger the other braid fondly, even as she mentally chuckled at the disaster the cut had ended up being for Riley. Only her kid would sneeze and jerk mid-snip causing her to end up with a long bob hairstyle rather than the few inches that she'd taken the two girls in for as a welcome to high school treat.
"Well I am the resident lawyer," Topanga finally said. "Now tell me, is this legal advice for you or for a friend, because if it is for you, I'll thank you for coming here without a police officer in toe this time."
Maya snickered at that, but had the grace to look shamefaced for a moment. "It's for my friend, Liam. I'm sure Matthews told you about him."
"In great detail," she answered dryly. "Apparently he's you on all the steroids without a Riley to keep him in check, and apparently he loves attacking my husband."
"Now I wouldn't call it attacking per se," the teenager said, her tone amused, "and it wouldn't be so bad if Matthews wouldn't shriek whenever he sees him."
"He locked him in a closet."
"He got himself out."
"Only because Shawn taught him how to pick locks back in the day."
"The point is he got out," she said pertly.
Topanga chuckled at that, tugging lightly at the girl's braid before releasing it. "Now tell me, how can I help Liam?"
Topanga had honestly expected Maya to relate some minor, and more than likely amusing situation Maya's friend had gotten himself into, something that she would only have to offer a few minutes of advise on to bring the situation to a good end, but no, by the end, when Maya was done speaking, Topanga was sitting up straighter, her head and heart hurting for a teenager she hadn't yet had the pleasure of meeting, and angry at a mother who dared to hurt a child in such a way.
"I just want to know how much of a chance she actually stands of getting him," Maya finished, her tone morose. "I want to give him some hope, any hope that I can because he's getting worse and I don't know what to do anymore. He's getting worse every day and I don't think that I can handle it anymore."
"Worse, how?" Topanga asked, concerned, because she could tell how genuinely worrisome this was for the girl. "You don't think he's going to hurt himself right?"
"I don't think so," she answered, "but he's...lashing out? At everyone?"
"Well that's not good."
"I know it isn't," she agreed, "but it's hard to tell him to calm down when he may have to go back to his abusive mom."
"I understand why you'd want to help," Topanga told her, "but right now, without seeing all the points of the case, I don't want to give you or him false hope," she said.
"But-"
"Let me finish," she interrupted gently. "With just what you've told me I would say that he has nothing to worry about, but the fact remains that if it's gotten to this point, there must be something going in her favour or else it would have been thrown out already. Or maybe she's found a sympathetic magistrate."
"That's what Liam says."
"And like I said I can't give credible advice without more information."
"That's okay," Maya answered, and Topanga reached over to hug her, seeing the look of defeated acceptance that took route on Maya's face. That broke her heart, and she sort of wished the girl had let her finish speaking before she had taken the seeming dismal to heart first, but she was sure she could soon fix that.
She pulled back and chucked Maya under the chin, causing her to look up at her curiously. "I said I can't give a definitive answer without all the information, not that I'm not going to help." She smiled when, a second later, Maya's eyes widened in sudden hope. "What I need you to do if give me his guardians' contact information and I'll see what I can do."
"You can?" Maya said loudly, excitedly.
"Only if they let me," she hurriedly tacked on, "but if I can help I will." After all, that was why she had gotten into law in the first place. Oh she had had her moments of disillusion over the years, most recently around the time she had ended up becoming co-owner of the bakery with Mrs. Swatski, but that had become a turning point for her, a reminder of why she had settled into law in the first place. Oh, she and her husband really were similar in many ways though to some it was not clearly obvious. They both enjoyed doing their best to make a difference in the eyes of others. The real difference was that while Cory preferred doing so on a micro-scale, much like Mr. Feeny had done, one troubled child turned teenager turned adult at a time, she much preferred to handle the more legislative side of it, working to make sweeping changes that would benefit the lives of many people rather than solely the individual. Things like this, a kid who was seemingly on the path to being failed by the justice system was right up her alley, and that did not include the fact that, according to Cory, there were a lot of similarities between the blonde before her and her friend. Sometimes she could not help but wonder what would have become of Maya had she not wandered into Riley's bay window all those years ago. That one moment had been live changing for so many of them, Maya from the start of course, but the rippling effects were being felt more and more now, and would continue to resonate into the future more than likely. It scared her a bit to think of Maya growing up without their influence, without the knowledge that she deserved love and that she should not define herself based on her father's inaction. Maya was the Shawn she and Cory had stood by from youth, and if Cory were right, Liam was Maya's version of her future father, and there was no way she was not going to give her the assistance she needed to help him.
"Thank you, thank you!" Maya said excitedly, reaching around to grab her by the middle and squeeze tight, something Topanga laughed at even as she returned the hug. "You're the best aunt ever."
That had Topanga freezing, and now it was her turn to look at the teenager with wide eyes. "What did you say?" she asked slowly, hoping her ears had not deceived her.
Maya pulled back and offered her a sheepish grin even as she tucked some stray hair behind her ear. "Well you're not my ma," she joked, "but you're so much more to me than just my best friend's mom. So...Auntie Topanga?"
"I willingly accept that," she said with a grin. "Wait till I tell Cory! He said I'd have to wait at least until the wedding.'
The competitive tone was obvious in her voice if the charigned look Maya gave her was anything to go by. "You know I just called him uncle to snap him out of it right?"
"Even better," she declared, "therefore I win because you actually mean it."
"Okay," Maya said simply, snickering, before pulling back to look over the couch. "Yo, losers," she said loudly, "last one in their outside clothes doesn't get any hot fudge sundae."
Now that definitely caught the two children's attention and in seconds there was a mad scramble as the pair hurried to get dressed.
"You're taking them out?" Topanga asked, surprised.
"Yeah," Maya said simply. "Look, Riley is on lockdown and I really don't have anything to do. So I'll take the kiddies off your hands for a bit so you can relax in peace. It's the least I can do."
"That's really sweet of you, Maya," Topanga said honestly, a bit moved by the girl's generosity. "Let me get my purse-"
"I've got it," Maya interrupted her with a smile. "I get an allowance now, remember? Between that and my leftover lunch money I can give those two a good run. Don't worry."
Topanga smiled, suddenly feeling quite proud of the teenager before her. God, Maya was a far cry from that sassy and skeptical child that she had first met and she was quite proud of the young woman she was becoming.
"Then I'll treasure every second you have them," she said softly even as Ava raced past her to latch her arms around Maya's middle with a victorious shout. "Call me if you need anything."
"I will but I won't," Maya responded with a grin, flicking at Auggie's nose when he reached her. "Later, not-my-ma."
"That's Aunt to you, young lady," she retorted.
"Later, Auntie Panga," Maya amended with a grin, before, grabbing her jacket, led the two children out the door.
"Boo this season," Maya said with a sneer as she took in the ridiculous amount of hearts that seemed to multiply the more she looked around her.
"It's a day not a season," Liam corrected, "and stop acting like the Grinch. You got a man, shouldn't you be glad for a day of love?"
"For one, Valentine's is not until this Sunday and today's Tuesday, and two, I'm not really feeling the romance thing."
"Me either," Liam said although his tone was far from dismissive as hers was. Indeed, an edge of devianceness crept into it as he said, "I told Alex we could just forget about the whole wooing and dating nonsense and just get down and dirty."
"Eww. How about we agree to keep those things private? I really don't need to know if you're getting your freak on or not."
"Don't be a prude, Blondie. It doesn't suit you."
"I am not a prude," she protested, as they entered the empty art room. "I just rather not hear about your goings on. I know Alex. I like Alex. I even like you half the time, and so I don't need the visual of you and Alex together...doing stuff."
"Prude," Liam repeated, rolling his eyes even as he moved to the cupboard to start taking out materials for them to work with. "I like Shane, and I like you yet you don't hear me complaining about what the two of you get into."
"We don't get into anything."
"And that's half the problem," he replied pertly. "I keep wondering if there's something off with you, you know. Shane's hot, and you're...not so bad yourself."
"Can you never just compliment me without an insult getting thrown in?"
"I can," he answered, "but where's the fun in that?" he answered hre with a playful grin. "Anyway, don't distract me. As I was saying. You and Shane get up to absolutely nothing and it ain't right. You sure you're straight, girl?"
"Oh come on," she groaned, glaring at him. "Are you really asking me that?"
"Well it's one of the only explanations I can come up with," he said with a shrug. "If you can't even bring yourself to hold your own boy's hand when you're walking down the corridor I got to wonder if you really like him or if he's just your ticket to keeping things on the down low."
"We both know I'm straight, Liam," she said, pinning him with a firm look.
"As far as you know," he amended with a grin, before suddenly he lost all playfulness as he came to where she was sitting and dropped a few pages down in front of her alongside a pen. "I was hoping that'd be the explanation, because otherwise it'd lead me to come to a next conclusion I really rather not reach. Oh, wait," he added sarcastically, "I already got there."
"Oh god not this again," she muttered, irritated. "What is with you, huh? You never cared about what was going on between Lucas and I before. Why now?"
"Because you're lying to Shane and he deserves a hell of a lot more than that."
"I thought you were on my side."
"I'm on the no lie side," he snapped with a ferocity that cusd her to actually flinch. "Do you and Shane even have plans for Valentine's day?"
"No," she answered reluctantly, not looking at him. She hadn't even thought about Valentine's Day to be honest, mostly because she had been so busy, and if Shane had, he hadn't mentioned it. But then again, he had been quite busy himself. He had gotten a part in the play, not the lead, that had gone to Dylan, but he had a prominent role nonetheless and getting ready for it was time consuming, not that that had surprised her. It was why she had been so against auditioning in the first place. What had surprised her, given the fact that he had not mentioned it, was the fact that Kira had auditioned and gotten a role as well, the role that Shane had wanted her to go after, a role that had Kira playing his love interest. Shane had eyed her curiously after he had let that little tidbit go, but if he had expected a reaction from her, he had been disappointed. She was his friend after all right? Why did she care if they had to act together? Because of the feelings she probably had or did to have for him? She still had not found out exactly what had been the outcome of their conversation back in December after Liam had revealed the fact that she liked him, and frankly, it was still as irrelevant to her now as it had been then. Shane being occupied gave her more time to focus on herself. Why would she ever complain about that?
"The play is next week anyway," she finally said. "I doubt he'll have time to do 's a performance that same week."
"I'm sure he'd make the time if you'd ask him."
"I won't pressure him."
"You just don't give a damn, do you?" Liam said, snapping once again.
"Liam?"
"You're pretending that you're being considerate, but you just don't want to do anything with him. Why don't you just admit it?"
"What is your problem?" she demanded, snapping herself. "This doesn't concern you."
"The hell it doesn't," he retorted. "I'm tired of this. All of this."
"Yeah well I'm tired to," she told him. "I'm tired of you being angry all of the goddamn time and drinking your life away, but since I know you're not going to stop that I guess neither of us are going to get what we want."
"Low blow, Hart," he declared, narrowing his eyes at her.
"Yeah well you started it," she huffed.
"Why do I even talk to you?" he grumbled, though, this time his voice lacked some of the heat from before.
"Because I'm one of the few people who puts up with you."
"Yeah well I don't know why you do," he said. "I'm as bad as they come."
"Yeah, you keep saying that but it isn't true."
"That's not a safe assumption," he said, tone suddenly dark. "I can be good and evil if I want to be."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," she said, scoffing again. "Look, we're not getting anywhere with this, so how about we just leave this alone for now and go draw?"
"Fine, but you know I'm right."
"You're not," she declared, not realising that, eventually, he would do something to prove just how wrong her statement was.
"Thank you for coming Lucas," Riley said, her voice sounding slightly shaky to her own ears.
God the past week had been interesting to say the least, and awkward. She hadn't breathed a word to Maya in the limited time they had had together, mostly because she hadn't known how to repeat what she had said to her mother to her. There was also the fact that she knew how much the words that had settled heavily on her heart would change things in so many ways, and thinking about it she had not a clue how Smackle had been brave enough to end her relationship with Farkle. But, she supposed, like her friend, she knew that this was something that had to happen.
It was something she had thought about long and hard over the past few days, and no matter what angle she looked at it, no matter what consequences she knew would come from this, now that she was firmly certain that it was Farkle that she truly liked, she couldn't in good faith remain in a relationship with Lucas. It wasn't right, and while she supposed her younger self was screaming in terror all now at the thought of it. After all, how many hours had she spent here pining over Lucas only for this to happen, for her to realise, accept and acknowledge that Lucas was not the one she wanted, and wasn't someone she could make herself want. She liked Lucas, of that there was no doubt, but she didn't like him in the most important way, and that was all that mattered.
That was the reason why, the second her mother had handed her phone over with a proud smile and a teasing warning to "be good or else" it wasn't Maya that she called to celebrate, it was Lucas, who, thankfully, had been willing to give up on his homework for a few hours to come here. Which led them to where they were right now, seated together on the bay window, space enough for one person to sit between them.
"Anytime, Riley," Lucas answered, and Riley felt her lips quirk slightly. There was a time when Lucas' accent could make her heart anymore. Briefly she idly wondered if it was for the fact that it had faded somewhat with time, but no, she was pretty certain the true reason was that she just wasn't enamoured with him and every little thing to do with him anymore.
"You know," Lucas continued, "I'd thought you'd be spending the night with Maya to celebrate her freedom."
"Maybe tomorrow," she responded quietly, "tonight it's you I really want to."
"About?" Lucas asked, crossing one leg over the other as he turned more to face her.
"Us." She was looking directly in his eyes as she said the word and she saw a flicker of emotion in reaction to her word. He cleared his throat and briefly glanced away.
"I kind of wanted to talk to you about that as well," he said, looking at her once again.
"Me first," Riley said quickly and a tad too loudly. She didn't want Lucas to say something, anything that would make what she wanted to do any harder. Lucas was great, so great, and it wasn't his fault per se that this was what she wanted to do. She knew better than anyone just how wonderful a guy Lucas was. Time had just proven though that, at least to her, he didn't hold a candle to Farkle.
"Okay," Lucas said, a hint of amusement to his tone telling her that yeah, she had been a bit too robust in her outburst. "Go ahead."
Except suddenly, now that she had the freedom to say exactly what it is she wanted, she felt tongue-tied, nervous even with palms that were suddenly far too sweaty. God, she thought again, how had Smackle managed to do this? She stood up abruptly, and started to pace back and forth, well aware that Lucas' eyes trained her every movement, even if he chose not to comment on her behaviour.
"I lost the corsage," she finally blurted out, whirling on the spot to look at him.
"What?" he asked, with genuine confusion.
"The one you gave me for Homecoming," she explained, the words escaping her in a rush. "I think I lost it at the dance itself. I didn't realise until I got home. And it was such a pretty one too."
"It doesn't matter," Lucas said carefully, though his tone made it clear that he wasn't quite certain exactly why she wa bringing this up or why it was so important to her. "I can get you another one if it means so much to you?"
"No, it doesn't," she answered. "I mean it was important. It was a pretty one, but...I lost it and I didn't even notice. And when I did? It still didn't matter."
She turned away and opened a little box on her desk, pulling out a thankfully well preserved rose. "I still have this," she said, handling it carefully as she turned so that Lucas could see it.
"A rose?"
"Farkle gave it to me right before Maya's first performance. I still have it." Indeed she had found herself looking at it fondly more than once over the past few months, and often stroked it fondly.
Lucas looked from the rose to her contemplatively for a long moment before saying, "What exactly is it you want to tell me Riley?"
"That I like roses," she answered, before catching herself. "No, that's not what I meant."
Lucas laughed, a loud boisterous sound as he leant forward and rubbed at his forehead. She couldn't quite decipher what he found so funny, and indeed, there hadn't been any real amusement in that sound although it had been a laugh. Even now Lucas was glancing up at her with an expression she didn't understand. He snickered as he met her eyes before raking his hand through his head.
"Come here Riley," he bid finally, patting the spot beside him, "and bring your rose with you."
"I don't think I'm doing this right," she admitted even as she listened to him, settling the rose carefully onto her lap. "You get what I'm trying to say?"
"If I understand correctly," Lcas answered, "we're breaking up."
"Are we?" she asked, reflexively before shaking her head roughly. "Of course we are. That's why I asked you to come over. I think we should break up."
"Thank you for telling me," he joked, and despite the situation she chuckled, realising that yeah, that was a really belated thing to say.
"I'm sorry," she apologised a moment later. "I...I guess I should explain why."
"I would like to hear your reasoning," he answered, and once again there was something that was not quite mirth in his voice as he said that and that same odd expression on his face as he looked at her.
"I...I like someone else," she admitted, the words that had been weighing heavily on her mind slipping loose with remarkable ease. But then again, Lucas wasn't reacting negatively in any way. Indeed, he seemed almost supportive of her, as if he were assisting her in breaking up with him, and wasn't that such a weird thing. But then again, that had always been Lucas. From the start he had been a constant figure of strength and stability for his friends, their backbone so to speak in so many ways.
"Yes. Mr. Rose."
"Lucas," she complained, reaching over to smack his arm. He chuckled but gave her a reassuring look.
"Riley, it's okay."
"How can this be okay?" she asked. "You're my boyfriend and I want to break up with you because I like someone else. You should be...you should be angry. I should be worried about Texas Lucas coming out."
"I thought we agreed not to call it that," Lucas asked wryly, "and as for why...Riley, this isn't too much of a surprise to me that you like Farkle."
"I never said Farkle," she said quickly.
"But it is him," he said knowingly, reaching over to carefully trail a finger over the rose's stem.
"It is," she said, not able to deny it. There was no point to, the truth would have had to come out eventually anyway unless she planned on nursing her feelings silently. And why would she do that? She liked Farkle, and increasingly, it was something she wanted the world, and Farkle himself to know. Everything had to be in order first before that could be done first though, and tis was the first step to doing that.
"It's was always going to be Farkle."
"I...I don't think so," Riley said, contradicting Lucas' definitive statement. "I only realised recently."
"Realised doesn't mean that it wasn't always there," Lucas said giving her a small smile. "It makes sense. You are very much your father's daughter."
That statement had her smiling a bit, realising that, in another way, Lucas had indeed confirmed what she herself had said to her mother. Farkle was her Topanga. She had just needed the time to realise that and see who he really was in her life.
"Lucas, I'm sorry," she apologised.
"Don't," he said easily. "Riley, I'm not upset. I mean it. I know you like Farkle. I've known for a while."
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in disbelief, wondering if it had been so obvious a thing.
"Would you have believed me?"
"Probably not," she admitted with a rueful shake of her head. "Not before at least."
"Is this it then?" Riley couldn't help but ask after a silence descended upon then. "We're done now? Exes?"
"I don't think I like the idea of us being exes," Lucas said after a moment. "It sounds like we failed."
"You think we didn't?" she inquired curiously. "We didn't fail at being a couple?"
"I don't think so," he said.
"We weren't like other couples," Riley pointed out. "We stopped doing couple things."
"A while ago," Lucas tacked on, rubbing at the back of his neck. "But, we didn't fail. We...just...I don't know how to say it."
"We never really tried," Riley said. "I mean I didn't. I was just content to have things as they were. It didn't matter to me...did it matter to you?"
Lucas stared at her, as if uncertain how to reply.
"Lucas?" she pressed gently, scooting closer to him.
"I was content too," he answered gruffly.
There was something in his tone, but something told her to just leave good enough alone, and since she hadn't listened to that voice too often recently, something that had landed her in trouble, she decided to follow it's suggestion this time around.
"So if we're not exes," she said, bringing them back to the matter at hand, "what are we?"
"Can't we just be friends?" Lucas asked. "We've always been friends, and I rather us have that title than anything else. Exes means we tried and failed and I rather us not be defined by that label. I'll always be proud to say that you were my first girlfriend Riley, but I'd even be prouder if I could say that we're friends, and that will never change, because I care about you, Riley. I really do care about you. I love you."
"I love you too, Lucas," she answered sincerely, "and I will always be your friend. I would never not want to be your friend. And I'll always be proud to have you be my first boyfriend too. And I'm glad we got through this okay. I was worried you would be angry at me."
"I don't think I could ever be angry with you Riley. At least not for long," he tacked on, probably remembering the disaster that had been the first few days of high school. "And more importantly, I would and never could hurt you."
"And that's what makes you a great guy."
"That means a lot coming from you," he told her sincerely, offering her a gentle smile. "What are you going to do now?" he asked next. "Are you going to Farkle?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "Talking to you was the first thing. I still have to tell Maya and then Farkle. Or maybe that should be the other way around?"
Lucas chuckled. "Talk to Maya," he suggested. "Trust me, any guy who gets into a relationship with either of you two is going to have to learn that they won't ever be number one for the two of you."
Riley chucked at that but nodded in agreement.
"I think she's with Liam again tonight, but if you call her I'm sure she'll come over."
"Tomorrow's fine," Riley said after a moment's thought. "I think I just want to be by myself tonight."
"Is that my cue to leave?" he joked.
"Silly," Riley said with a bit of an eye-roll. "And no I'm not pushing you out. Stay. We can hang out a bit."
"Only if you feed me."
"I think I can manage that."
"It's the least you can do," Lucas joked, "after all, you've done gone and been cruel and broken up with me right before Valentine's Day just because you were too lazy to get me something."
"Lucas," she snapped, smacking his arm and glared at him, something he only grinned at in response. "Did you get me something?" she asked, giving him a pointed look. His silence was answer enough and she huffed, smacking his arm again.
She interpreted his silence right. He had not gotten her anything. But, as she would eventually learn, he certainly had for Maya.
A/N: Happy New Year!
