From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 11:32 AM

Subject: Guess what!

Hey! Great news! Leia made the tape go away! I can't believe that I have people who can make embarrassing things go away. It's so weird. I guess those girls sold the tape to one of those tv tabloid shows, with an exclusive arrangement, but Leia has a contact there who told her about it and offered to not use it, and give it to her to destroy, if another show from the same company (a more reputable one) could do an exclusive backstage thing at my video shoot. I can't believe it's actually gone. I was making myself sick over it. I did get reprimanded by like, everyone on my team pretty much because I didn't give anyone a heads up. I was just too embarrassed. I still am. I didn't ask if they watched it or not once they got it but I'm sure they did. Finn's assistant Robyn said the girls went on one of your message boards talking about it but then when it never aired most people stopped believing them. I don't want to know what they all said about me before. I would probably agree, though.

All week I've been going out and meeting pretty much every top 40 DJ in southern California. It's so tiring, and some of the morning DJs are total assholes. They all think they're the first person who's ever "jokingly" asked what I'm going to give them for playing my single when it comes out and I have to put on this whole innocent act and be all "Well I hope I can come back and be on your show!" God I hope I don't have to. I will though, won't I? Shit. Shit shit shit. I guess I can't really complain, though because there are worse jobs.

It still sucks though.

Hey if we had gotten to spend Halloween together, what would you have wanted to go as? I'm going to a party with Finn and Poe, and they're doing a couples costume, but they won't tell me what. I have no idea what I'm doing yet. I think we would make an amazing Vincent Vega and Mrs. Mia Wallace. What do you think?

xxxxxxx

Rey

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Sunday, October 24, 1999 at 10:21 PM

RE: Guess what!

I think we'd make a killer Sid and Nancy. (See what I did there?) but yeah Vince and Mia is good. The question is, before or after the overdose?

Whatever you do, send pictures. Go to my house and use my scanner if you have to.

I don't have much advice on the DJs except to remember they are just boring nerds who can't think of any other way to be interesting than to say stupid shit. They want to rile you up. It's a point of pride with them. Sometimes I just repeat back what they said and then say hmmmm and nothing else. Most of them fucking hate me and don't want me on now so it all works out. But if they don't already have you doing media training then ask your manager or someone at the label about it. It'll help out a lot.

And I have to say that having people whose job it is to make things go away for you is the best part of this business. Just make sure that you keep up with who you owe favors to, also, because people may call in that favor any time they want. (That's not a warning about Leia. I mean, she does that obviously or she wouldn't have gotten where she is, but one thing I'll say is that she only calls in favors when she needs to and only to help other people.)

Love, Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Monday, November 1, 1999 at 10:56 PM

Subject: Halloween

Finn and Poe ended up going as Kirk and Spock! And they finally took pity on me and told me a couple of days before, so I could go along with the theme. I was Nurse Chapel. It was fun, especially the blonde wig, but you won't believe how many guys think "Hey baby, beam me UP!" is a good pickup line. But whatever. I met some cool people. Probably the coolest was Melissa Etheridge. I'm still kind of shaking about that, actually. Since there were a shit ton of musicians at the party, toward the end of the night a jam session kind of broke out and she encouraged me and I sang "Come to My Window" while she played guitar. It seriously feels like a dream. Finn said the party was a success for me in terms of networking and I'm just like, it was a success in terms of MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Anyway I attached some pictures. Tell me what you think.

I miss you.

Love,

Rey

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Tuesday, November2, 1999 at 5:16 AM

RE: Halloween

Hey so, please tell me that costume wasn't a rental.

Love,

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Wednesday, November 3, 1999 at 7:05 AM

RE: Halloween

It wasn't a rental. I totally bought it and it's hanging in my closet right now.

xo

Rey

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Friday, November 5, 1999 at 6:29 PM

Subject: Question

Hey so I know we got distracted when I called you the other day but I forgot to ask if you're allergic to alpaca.

Love,

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Saturday, November 6, 1999 at 12:21 PM

Re: Question

Not that I know of?

Love,

Rey

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Monday, November 8, 1999 at 4:07 PM

Subject: Hola from Peru

I went surfing today. It's been a long time. Way too long. So long it was embarrassing and I'm glad as fuck I was by myself and no one recognized me. I wiped out again and again and I thought about how not long ago I would have blamed it on the rented board. But it was a really fucking good board. I'm just out of practice. The only reason I stuck with it when I was younger even though it was hard, was because I wanted to be better than my dad. And then somewhere along the way I started to love it, and then I got pissed off about that. And then I got busy and I've seen a ton of beaches all over the world but haven't gone out. But I'm in Peru. And there's no way I could leave this time without doing it, even if I sucked. I'm going out tomorrow morning, too.

Anyway, you should try it now that you live near the ocean. The surfer kids will love your car.

I love you.

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Tuesday, November 9, 1999 at 4: 30 PM

RE: Hola from Peru

If I'm going to learn how to surf, I need to learn how to do more than dog paddle. But I would totally do it. I think. Maybe next summer. I'm kind of afraid of the ocean to be honest. It's big and powerful and I don't think there's anything in the world that finds individual humans less significant than the ocean does. It could sweep me away never to be seen again on the smallest of currents. Like if we could kill a person with one molecule of our breath and then just go about our day.

Sorry. That was so morbid. I'm tired and I smoked a little when I got home.

Maz suggested to me today that I start seeing a therapist about my anxiety. I was just like isn't everyone anxious? And then she pointed to the napkin I'd been shredding while we were talking, and all we were talking about was a few parties I'm going to next week. And she mentioned that I'd had a panic attack in her presence at least twice. And how I was so afraid to tell anyone about the video. And some of the things I've told her that I worry about (like drowning in the ocean. Though I didn't tell her about that one, apparently people don't actually go around worrying about that as much as I do.)

I didn't exactly agree but I told her I would think about it, and she said she would have her assistant get back to me with some names. I don't have any experience with anything like this other than seeing the school counselor a few times after Ginny died. It wasn't very helpful, so I don't know. I'll deal with it when I get the list of doctors. I guess I can afford it now.

I miss you so much.

Love,

Rey

PS Are you ever going to explain about the alpaca?

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Tuesday, November 9, 1999 at 11:21 PM

RE: Hola from Peru

I don't know if therapy helped me but I'm also an asshole who won't meet them halfway and uses sarcasm to deflect so I'm probably not the right person to ask about it. But I'll say it's worth a shot. Maybe you'll find someone you click with, because after watching you have a panic attack, it doesn't seem like fun and if you can figure out a way to stop them you should try.

If we can ever be in the same place long enough I'll teach you to swim. Then we'll talk about surfing.

There was a record store here that had so much New Wave that you would have died. I would have had to drag you out. I don't know your collection that well, so I only picked up one thing for you because it was an import. Well, an import for us. As in I'll be importing it. You know what I mean.

I've been floating through this whole trip feeling like I'm partly here and partly home, and I got called out by Derek for half assing our show today. And don't fucking tell a soul I admitted this, but he's right. I still think we have every right to be pissed off about having to do this but it's not the fans' fault. And they take me looking like I don't want to be there personally. This job is more about acting than anyone will ever tell you, even the ones who try to be honest with you.

Hey, you said video shoot. Does that mean you finally nailed down your single?

Love,

Kylo

PS The alpaca is a surprise.

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Thursday, November 11, 1999 at 3:39 AM

RE: Hola from Peru

Shit I really forgot to tell you but yes we did! Luke finally wore me down and we're going with "Windrider." Which wasn't even on any of our lists, but during the last meeting, Finn was all "Hear me out…" and started talking about how great it sounded in the car and that it's the one that's been in his head the most since he first heard the tracks. Luke was on speaker and he was quiet for so long after Finn asked what he thought that we were afraid we'd lost the call but then he just said "Finn, I'm so glad you're on our team."

The song has come so far since that day I started it at your house, and even since you heard it live. Luke and I fiddled with it a bit and now it's less about an actual home but more about how a person can be a home, and we kicked up the tempo.

So it's going out to radio right before Thanksgiving still, but since we're behind, the discs won't be in stores until December. The video shoot is next week, and we got Astrid to direct. She's the one that ended up doing my photos, remember? Maz and Leia are trying to work some magic and get me on TRL for the video debut but it's all going to depend on how well it does on the radio before they'll get an answer for sure.

Love,

Rey

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Thursday, November 11, 1999 at 2:18 PM

RE: Hola from Peru

Don't tell him I said this, but Finn's a fucking genius. I just picked the song out on my guitar with a faster tempo and it kills. Especially the chorus. And there's not enough pop rock from women on the radio right now so it's going to be a breath of fresh air.

Love,

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Friday, November 12, 1999 at 9:21 PM

Subject: Video

I may be out of pocket for a while after I leave for my shoot on Sunday. The video location is out in the middle of nowhere. Worse than Truth or Consequences middle of nowhere. And I think the crew might be smaller than the one I had for the photo shoot. Though there will also be the people from the entertainment show there.

I'm so nervous about the whole thing. I barely know what to do in front of a still camera what the hell am I going to do in a video?

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Saturday, November 13, 1999 at 1:01 AM

RE: Video

You'll do what you always do. Listen and learn and do your best. You'd never been in a real recording studio before, and you managed to bang out an album roughly on schedule. And remember that you're in charge. Leia always said you can't be afraid of people thinking you're a bitch, because someone will no matter what.

I'm sending a messenger over with our tracks. I had Lorna do two CDs. One is what the album would be if I chose all the tracks and the other is what will probably be on the album. You can listen to them on the plane or whatever.

Break a leg.

I love you.

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Saturday, November 13, 1999 at 9:15 PM

RE: Video

I got the CDs, and they're packed in my carry on! It was hard not to listen to them right away but I really want to save them for on the plane. It's a pretty long flight to Pittsburgh and then an hour or so drive to Pleasant Valley, WV. So I'll be a captive audience. I can't wait to listen.

I have to go to bed now since my flight is at the butt crack of dawn but I need you to know that I'm going to lay there awhile, thinking about what I want you to do to me when we see each other again.

Love,

Rey

From: Kylo Ren bensolonely

Date: Saturday, November 14, 1999 at 8:57 AM

RE: Video

Fuck, you're already gone.

I think every damned night about everything you've done to me and will do to me, and not just when we're fucking.

I love you, be safe.

Kylo

From: Rey Kenobi reyolight79

On: Saturday, November 18, 1999 at 5:42 PM

Subject: Helloooo!

Kyloooooooo!

I'm back in LA and there's just so much. So so so so so much. I don't know where to start.

First of all, no offense but it was so good to be around regular people again. That was one of the things I liked best in Wyoming. I really need to go home and visit for a bit after my album comes out.

And the shoot was so fucking cool. It feels like even in just a few weeks, Astrid just blossomed into this totally confident whiz kid. She was so great under pressure and figured out how to solve problems so fast, but she was never mean to anyone. And she knows how to talk to the crew guys so they don't get pissed about taking direction from a woman. I think the whole thing is going to be so gorgeous.

Speaking of gorgeous, I listened to the Knights songs. And I loved everything on the album you want to put out and I'll get to that in a second, but there was some good stuff on the other disc, too. I think you're way too hard on yourself. I know it's not exactly what you want to be doing but your bandmates are good players and your fans are going to love those songs. And I'm sure some of these other songs will make killer B sides.

This one, though…"Your Name." Oh my god. You have to fight to get that one on the album, even if it's a secret track.

And also…about that one….

Thank you.

I love you, too.

Rey

KyloBen: Hey guess what?

ReyOLight79: ?

KyloBen: The last gig was cancelled so I'll be home for Thanksgiving. I can make us a reservation somewhere.

ReyOLight79: I can't.

KyloBen: Why?

ReyOLight79: I thought you were going to be gone so I accepted another invitation. To your mother's house.

KyloBen: Cancel it.

ReyOLight79: No!

KyloBen: Why not?

ReyOLight79: She's my boss?

KyloBen: Come on. It won't matter.

ReyOLight79: I have a single coming out this week and she has the final word on my marketing budget.

KyloBen: She's not that petty.

ReyOLight79: It's rude! You wouldn't cancel on Snoke at the last minute would you?

KyloBen: It's not last minute it's 3 whole days

ReyOLight79: Would you, cancel on him though?

KyloBen: No

ReyOLight79: You could come with me

KyloBen: Fuck no

ReyOLight79: Why not?

KyloBen: I can't imagine anything more awkward

ReyOLight79: Please?

KyloBen: I'll go on one condition.

ReyOLight79: What?

KyloBen: You come spend the holidays with me in New York

ReyOLight79: Are you serious?

KyloBen: As fucking cancer

ReyOLight79: I'll probably have work stuff

KyloBen: Do work stuff in New York. First Order throws a huge New Year's Eve party on both coasts. The New York party is always better though, mainly because Snoke doesn't come.

ReyOLight79: I can't make any promises until after the single drops

KyloBen: Hanukkah starts December 4

ReyOLight79: What if I can't come for the whole time?

KyloBen: It'll be OK

ReyOLight79: So, I'll pick you up at the airport on Thursday?

KyloBen: Uggggghhhhhh

KyloBen: Ok

KyloBen: But you have to go get my car

ReyOLight79: It's a deal