Roxy bolted up the front steps into Jax's house and stormed through the front door. She was greeted by the sight of Juice lying on the dining table while Tara worked on him. As she got closer she noticed he was covered in blood. Literally covered head to toe in blood spray. He only seemed to be shot in the leg, where Tara was working, so why he had spray on his face she didn't know.

"Oh my god. Juice baby, you ok?" She knelt by the top of the table so she could look in his face.

Juice was in an immense amount of pain and was fighting to hold back tears. Not just from the physical pain but from the pain of his actions in killing Miles. That could have been him. He could have been the one that stole the Coke and he would have just wished the club could hear him out first. That's what he wanted for Miles. But that didn't happen. The guilt was swirling in his head and he kept thinking about the vase he broke that morning. If only he'd cleaned it up none of this would have happened.

Chibs could see Juice was barely holding it together and was trying his best in front of Roxy, so he gestured for her to follow him. Roxy dithered for a moment but Tara assured her Juice would be fine, so she gave the top of his head a kiss and followed Chibs through to the living room away from Juice.

"What in the hell happened Chibs? And if you just say 'club shit' so help me god I will punch you in the throat."

Chibs would have laughed at the threat in any other situation.

"There was an issue, club business-" he gave Roxy a look to calm down- "and Juice got shot. He ended up killing someone. A brother. Miles."

Roxy's eyes widened, there's no way he would be OK after this. He was bad enough after killing some random Russian gangster never mind a brother and friend.

"Oh shit."

"Oh shit indeed. I don't need to tell you how much that boy's hurting right now." Roxy nodded her agreement. "I don't know what all he tells you, Roxy, but make sure he talks about this. He can't keep it to himself. He's barely holding on out there."

"Don't worry Chibs. I'll look after him." She made her way back to the dining room where Tara was finishing stitching the wound on the back of his leg. Roxy pulled a chair over and sat next to his face. She wanted to kiss him and make it all better but his face was covered in what she assumed was Miles' blood. So she settled for stroking his face instead. She could feel his jaw clench from either pain or in an attempt to hold back tears, she didn't know. Roxy continued to hold him as he came to terms with being a killer. Chibs watched on hoping Roxy really could deal with this.

"I'm gunna need you to flip over Juice. Can you do that?" Tara asked, her voice sounding very loud in the silent space.

When Juice didn't respond Roxy tapped his cheek and spoke quietly to him. "Baby? You need to turn over."

"Huh? Oh sure."

Roxy and Tara stepped back as Chibs helped him shift over.

"How hard were the painkillers you gave him?"

Tara looked blankly at Roxy. "I haven't given him any."

"Huh." This wasn't good. Juice was numbing himself to everything.

"He'll be ok. I'll give you some oxy to take home."

"I'm more worried about his mental space than the pain." She said as Juice swore while Chibs helped him onto his back.

"Now that I can't help you with."

xxx xxx

Chibs had called VLin to come help him take Juice home. Roxy left as Tara was finishing him up so she could get him some more weed, something for dinner, clean up the vase she'd noticed he'd broken, and arrange the bed for him. Tara said he should start walking better tomorrow or the next day but for tonight he'd need to elevate his leg with a pillow under the knee.

She'd just finished the spaghetti when she heard Juice's grunts of pain as the boys helped him in the front door. Roxy showed them through to the bedroom and Chibs had VLin wait outside while he helped Roxy strip Juice of his bloody clothes.

"Think you can handle him for a shower?" He asked her as they helped him out of his jeans.

"Yeah probably."

"Ok we'll wait out there."

"Thanks Chibs."

Juice had remained quiet during the exchange but as Roxy helped him limp to the shower he spoke up. "I'm not an invalid. I can do it myself."

Roxy chose to ignore his snappy tone and continued to help him to the shower. If she'd removed his arm from her shoulder he definitely would have fallen over.

"I know. But let me help." His face softened and he allowed her to help him out of his boxers and into the shower.

Roxy stripped off her clothes and joined him. Tara had put water proof bandages over both wounds and Roxy was to change them every few hours.

Roxy felt him relax into her as she soaped up his body to wash everything away. She took a flannel next and started gently scrubbing his face. After a couple of minutes Juice grabbed her wrist to stop her and pulled her in gently for a kiss. Roxy embraced him as best she could as he was leaning on the wall for support. As she deepened the kiss she felt the tears run down his face. Pulling away from him she squeezed him again.

"It's gunna be ok. Once we've finished in here I'll get Chibs to help you into bed, I'll feed you, then we'll talk all about it. For now just focus on getting comfortable."

Juice nodded as he complied with her plan.

Roxy got out of the shower first and wrapped a towel around her before awkwardly helping Juice out and drying him off.

As Roxy dried him and helped him into clean boxers he couldn't help but feel guilty that he had such love in his life while Miles was gone. Gone and definitely forgotten in the eyes of the club. How could someone love him right now? After everything he'd done today?

Roxy called Chibs and VLin back in and they helped Juice into bed and Roxy pushed a couple of pillows under his knees.

Leaving Juice alone in the bedroom Roxy showed Chibs and VLin out, but Chibs hung back at the door.

"Listen, if you need anything, any help with him in the night, you just call me. Ok?" He looked at her with concerned eyes.

"Of course Chibs. I think he'll be ok though once we've eaten and he's had some weed."

Chibs gave her a disapproving look. "Must be careful. I know the lads enjoys his weed but it might not be the best thing right now."

Roxy just nodded her agreement. Chibs knew Juice smoked a LOT of weed, usually supplying half the club, but where they took it as a social tipple Juice took it like tobacco. What Chibs didn't know however is that he was self medicating for his OCD and oftentimes, without it, he wouldn't be able to function. Roxy knew it was unhealthy, but it worked for him and right now she wasn't going to mess with his system.

Juice quietly ate the spaghetti and Roxy dosed him up with oxy and handed him a joint before snuggling next to him in the bed.

"So what happened today JC?" She caressed his shoulder.

Juice exhaled and took another hit of his joint while he worked up the courage to tell her. He quietly explained how everything went down before admitting his guilt at killing Miles.

"Baby you did the right thing in the end. He was going to kill you."

"I know but it doesn't feel right. If it were me in that position I would have wanted my chance to explain."

"And you were going to give him it before he panicked and went off on you. Plus baby he was a rat. It's what would have happened anyway. Perhaps worse if I know Happy like I think I do. It's what the club does."

He was mildly irritated at that comment. Sure she understood club way of life when it came to this but when it came to their earlier argument she didn't.

It was as if Roxy could read his mind. "I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know why it annoyed me so much. It's just you're always so good to me and when you got snappy... I dunno." Juice remained silent. "I guess I just see how my dad treats my Ma and I don't wanna go down the same route." She grew serious now. "You're a good guy Juan Carlos. That's why I want this with you, that's why I'm tied to the club, that's why I'm here now." She bent in to give him a kiss. She could sense his lacklustre response and pulled back.

"I don't deserve it."

xxx xxx

The next morning Roxy woke up early, disturbed by Juice's suddenly loud snoring. She made her way quietly round the room, picking up what she needed to have a shower and get dressed.

After she'd finished her quick shower she dressed for comfort today, knowing there'd be a lot to do and help Juice with. She threw on her black skinny jeans, a black tank top and her red flannel shirt, before piling her hair up into a bun.

She made her way back through the bedroom, Juice was still sleeping so she grabbed his dirty, bloody clothes from the laundry basket and took them through to clean.

Once she'd hand cleaned them in the special cleaning solution she threw them in the washing machine and made her way to the kitchen.

She knew he liked this fancy omelette with spinach and bacon in it so she set about making it for him.

Juice woke up hearing Roxy pottering around in the kitchen. He groaned as he pulled himself up and helped himself to two more oxy. He'd spent most of the night watching Roxy sleep and thinking about everything. He didn't deserve her. He hated himself for what he'd done to Miles and felt guilty that he had Roxy taking care of him like some prince. He was a criminal and a murderer. He'd listed all the reasons why he didn't deserve Roxy and why perhaps she was paying for his sins. They'd never be able to have a family, he'd never be able to give her that because he did not deserve it.

Roxy came bustling into the room with his breakfast so he could eat it in bed. She fussed over him making sure he was feeling ok, had his painkillers etc.

She fawned over him as she changed his dressing and he was becoming increasingly frustrated. When she insisted on helping him dress himself he finally lost his patience.

"I can do it myself."

"I know. But I'm here to help you." She smiled at him.

The loving smile just made the hatred he felt to himself on the inside switch to hatred on the outside. He knew she didn't deserve it but he felt like shit and he didn't care.

"I don't need you to help me." He ground out.

"Ok, ok. Jeez." Roxy backed off with her hands up in surrender. "Lemme just get the bed ready for you again."

"Stop fussing." He struggled to pull his track pants on seeing as he couldn't balance properly. He stumbled and Roxy caught him just in time. But her warm touch just drove him into himself more. He shrugged her hand off.

"I'm sorry. I just want to help you."

"Well I've told you I don't need your help!" He snapped.

Roxy didn't recognise the look in his eyes when she looked down to him. "Fine. Suit yourself. I just want to look after you."

"Like I said. I'm not a fucking invalid so go make yourself useful elsewhere."

Roxy just glared at him. "Fine. I'll go to the garage. Try not injure yourself more. Jackass."

With that she turned on her heel and left. Juice couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that she was gone. Now he could just suffer in silence.

xxx xxx

Roxy stormed across the lot from her car and into the office of TM, slamming the door behind her. They hadn't opened for the day yet so it was just the boys in the garage setting up for the day. Rat looked relieved to have Roxy here, that meant he didn't have to look after the office.

Tig watched her stomp around the office while he opened his toolbox. Something was definitely wrong with his little girl. He was feeling extra fatherly today, something he wished he could share with Dawn, but she was obviously only using him.

Sighing, he placed the wrench he was holding back into its spot, before moving across the bay towards the office.

Roxy's head snapped up at the sound of the internal door from the garage bays opening, ready to tell whoever it was to fuck off. But when she saw Tig she stopped.

"What's going on with you? Thought you'd be at home looking after the Juicer." His crystal eyes were filled with concern over the girl who may as well have been his daughter.

Roxy snorted. "I should be. But he's being a grumpy jackass. So here I am."

Tig sighed heavily and sat down on the seat behind the desk, propping his feet on the desk.

"Baby you gotta cut him some slack. He had to kill a brother yesterday. A thieving rat brother, but a brother none the less. It's gunna fuck with his head."

Roxy knew he was right and sat down on the client sofa. "It's not just that Tig. He's been getting more and more like this since you guys got out. I mean you saw him at the wedding and it's just got worse and worse. I know I put him through hell in there. Maybe this is just my karma." She put her head in her hands. "But I'm worried about him Tig. Like you say it's gunna fuck with his head. And he won't let me in."

Tig got up and moved to sit on the sofa next to her. "Look just give him a few days, keep out his hair, just be there if he needs. He'll come round baby. I promise." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close before placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Thanks Tiggy." Roxy sighed contentedly. "So where's Dawn?"

"Ah, she's gone again."

"What happened?"

"Just wanted money. But she'll be back."

Roxy looked up to him then. "You deserve more than that Tig."

He was quiet for a second. "Nah baby. I was a dick to their witch of a mother. And wasn't good to them. But as long as she feels like she can still come to me I don't mind."

"Mmm." She wrapped her arm round his waist and hugged him. "Love you."

"Love you too, girl."

xxx xxx

Things hadn't gone much better when Roxy got home that evening. Juice had made his way to the living room and was playing video games. By the looks of it he hadn't eaten anything that day, not good when he'd probably been taking oxy and smoking weed all day. Then she saw the empty beer bottles and knew for a fact that nothing good would come between them that evening. She offered him dinner, which he refused, so after she finished she decided to head to bed. He flinched ever so slightly when she'd kissed his forehead. She almost thought she imagined it. But then he didn't come to bed all night.

Roxy had been waiting up for him, just wanting a cuddle but eventually passed out around 2am. When she got up in the morning for work he was already out. His kutte was gone from the front door and his gun and knife were missing from his bedside drawer.

Although he could walk, Roxy was sure Jax and Clay wouldn't call him for club stuff so early. But there was no other explanation for his absence.

Roxy worried more about him as she threw out the neatly ordered, empty beer bottles. That wasn't a good sign. His stubbed out joints and cigarettes were also neatly lined up in the ash tray.

Roxy's stomach was in knots as she made her way to TM. She asked around and found out Juice had been sent to check on things at the warehouse, sending him back to the scene of the crime was probably not Clay's best move.

xxx xxx

Juice had asked Jax what he needed to do the night before and when he was tasked with warehouse duty he decided to get up super early. He snuck around the bedroom gathering his clothes without waking Roxy. The more he could avoid her the better he felt. The guilt wasn't as heavy then.

As he drove down the dirt track to the warehouse he couldn't help but replay the scenes from the other day through his mind. After parking up he told Phil he needed to chuck a piss, but he wandered around, stumbling on Miles' unmarked grave. The only marker being the freshly turned earth.

Juice stared at the mound of dirt and began to recite the Act of Contrition. Despite his mother's severe drug addiction she thought going to church regularly would save her soul. Juice and his sister didn't mind, the nuns there knew their situation and when they were little would give them food and clean clothes. As he grew older, however, he stopped going with his mum and when she left he abandoned it altogether. What God could there be that would just ignore him like that and leave him on his own. Now he found peace in the familiar words and the desperate meaning behind them. It eased his guilt only slightly as he thought of all the mistakes and hurt he'd caused in his two short weeks since being released.

xxx xxx

Tara and Gemma rolled into the lot with Chibs and the boys, Tara looking panicked and toting her med bag.

Roxy jumped up out of the office and crossed the lot to find out what was going on.

"Everyone ok?"

Gemma pulled her daughter in for a hug. "Yeah baby everyone's whole, from our side anyway. Guys are bringing Alvarez here, he was shot at some meet this morning."

"Shit."

"Yeah. And that's just the half of it."

Just then the tow truck and a couple of blacked out SUVs pulled into the lot and there was a bustle of activity as the Sons and Mayans helped Alvarez into the clubhouse. Roxy watched on with concern as the Mayan President groaned in pain with the movements. Tara took off after them ready to patch him up.

Unser had also pulled into the lot and approached Gemma and Roxy with caution as he watched the goings on.

"Jesus, what happened?"

"Bad morning." Gemma handed Unser a piece of paper, Roxy leaning over to see what it said, her heart dropping as she read it.

"Jesus."

"Someone left it in her car. See what you can find out about that."

"Yeah. Is the club watching her?"

"Yeah she won't leave our sight." She turned to Roxy. "You too baby. No where alone, ok?"

Roxy nodded. Stunned. What else could possibly happen right now?