Christian's POV
It was hard enough that we knew about Leila being in Seattle. All the next round was knowing that Ana was seen with Sawyer. Fuck! Till the moment when Taylor told me about Sawyer's report, I really hoped that we were able to eliminate Leila from the threat list before Ana's connection to me became a common knowledge.
It was supposed to be a happy day, when I cleaned the shit with Ana's tuition and it continued even better. For one moment I had a little time to think about the flowers Ana deserved, but I'm a single minded man and till she was in any kind of danger, there was no rest for me. So most of that afternoon we put down strategies about Leila and Ana as well.
We had only two days to find Leila, before Ana started work again. Yes, she would be with Sawyer all the time, but I knew that Leila was the smart one, sneaky, but smart. Now I sat here with the report about Leila that stated her leaving her husband few month ago. It also gave information about a car accident that killed her next partner – so I had to be really cautious. Her file looked like dynamite ready to blow up.
I had some flowers already ordered, as I thought about the way to give some of my love to Ana every day. The first one was big and I had Gail on board to deliver those quietly into our bedroom. I wanted the best for Ana and after she scolded me about the lack of hearts and flowers, these were the exact things I needed to give her.
But then I got that stupid e-mail from China and before I knew it, I already had emergency conference call rolling and for my utter disappointment it was already over the midnight when we finally exited the building.
As I went home, I found two sets of dinner under the covers in kitchen. So Ana hadn't eat, but even this wasn't beg enough issue right now.
"Sir!" Taylor called me as I put untouched dinner into fridge.
"What is it, Taylor?"
"Welch just informed that he found the place Miss Williams is staying at."
"Finally!" I sighed in relief.
"I already organized a man too give a look at her all time. For a moment I hope we have it under the control."
"Good! Now make sure that it stays that way." I left him standing there and headed to the bedroom. The fine scent of flowers found its way to my nose as I opened the door. For a moment I felt remorseful that I wasn't able to catch Ana's expression as she saw what Gail had managed to do with the room. I turned on the lights and found one cold and empty bed waiting in the room filled with flowers.
It took a moment to realize that Ana was not in here, but as I hadn't got any further report from Sawyer, I knew she was somewhere in the apartment. First I looked into her old room and found another empty bed. I looked into the former-red room as I knew it was one of her favorite spots in here. But the white couch was empty and distant as well. I was starting to panic as I started randomly open the doors. In a strange way I found myself in a position where Ana was, when she broke that mirror once. She wasn't able to call Gail all that time ago and I couldn't bring myself into calling Ana and possibly distract her sleep.
I finally found her from library. I smiled over the view as she had dozed off in armchair, papers from the manuscript hanging on her knees, laying on the floor. She must had fallen to sleep while reading it. She looked so beautiful and innocent, so harmless. I just stood and watched her.
It was the moment when I knew exactly how to give my heart away, to prove that she has it all – my heart and flowers, all the flowers of the world if she wanted so. I took my shirt off. It was Ana and I wanted her to see no boundaries between us. I needed it. I took the under shirt off as well and stood there with my bare chest. I looked down on my scars and to her sleeping figure and it all made some sense.
But as I stepped closer the memories flashed through my brain. What if it was too much to handle? What if I was going to freak out? I knew what had happened earlier, when anyone tried to touch my chest. Not only that I was going to drop her to the floor, there was this chance that I would have also hurt her involuntarily. And maybe she didn't even want to be that close?
I stood on the spot and tried to figure out the best way to deal all my thought at once. She slept under fleece. I smiled, wrapped her tighter into the soft blanket before pulling her into my arms I secured the distance between her and me.
She stiffened for a moment and I whispered into her ear: "Hush! Sleep baby, it's only me." And she relaxed once again.
I didn't know whether she had seen our bedroom or not, but now was not the time. She needed her sleep in order to deal with all the demons she carried with her on daily bases. And flowers would still look fresh in the morning. So I simply placed her on the bed and covered her, but her sleep seemed to be disturbed for now. She changed her position and mumbled something in fear, her face was no more innocent but pained and sad.
"I'm right here, baby," I whispered as I sat next to her and brushed her hair. "It's only a bad dream."
"Christian," she mumbled and woke up after that. "You are finally at home." And she gave me the most beautiful smile.
"And I'll be right in bed," I kissed her lightly. "Try to get some sleep again."
But as that was said, she woke up even more.
"No I won't!" she stated. "I need to tell you a few things."
"I know, I know, I'm not the most romantic person in the world." I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.
"But you love me!" And with that she almost jumped up, pushed her hands around my neck, lips brushed over mine and her tiny body rammed into my chest. I was out of breath for a moment, stiff as a stone lingering in the memories. I was more than aware about my bare chest. Not her hands, not her hands – it was all my brain was able to think at that moment and I knew it was too early. Maybe it will always be that way? No! It couldn't.
"I'm sorry!" she whispered as she noticed my stiffened state. She pulled away immediately and gasped as she saw my scars. "I didn't see… I'm so sorry…" She had tears in her eyes. She started to take a step back, but I caught her into embrace.
"Hands are the main problem," I whispered. "I'm not afraid of you in regular bases. It was just a surprise. Don't be sad, baby!" I begged her to not cry for me. I had lived with these almost a quarter of a century.
"It's just… There's so many of these… And you were so little…"
"But I survived." Yes, I did survive. Wow! It felt so good to think that way. For years I had thought about my scars as a burden. These were the reminder of what could possibly go wrong and it seemed that everything went wrong all the time. That's why I needed as much control into my own hands as humanly possible. That's why I never let anyone close. But I did survive! Barely and I wouldn't had unless Grace and Carrick on the side.
"Yes you did," Ana smiled. And a moment after that her eyes went wide open. "How did you manage this?" She asked with a wonder. Yes! I did see her first reaction after seeing the flowers.
"Gail helped me. But you see, there still is that wonderful girl who deserves all the flowers of the world and I'm also trying ti give her my heart." I whispered the last part as I searched some new determination. I took her hand into mine and softly pushed her palm on my chest.
Ana gasped and I was vaguely able to see tears forming in her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't trust my own voice. Her palm felt warm and not hot, but the flashes kept going in my head. It was the edge of everything that I was walking on. The edge between pain and love, past and future, I and we.
"You don't have to do this," I heard her whisper, but she was wrong! I had to. I had to make some memories buried under the sweeter and newer ones. So it wouldn't be a surprise that when she tried to pull her hand away, I just held it tighter.
"Don't!" was all I was able to say, but she understood and relaxed her hand under mine. It took time, but finally, when she still didn't hurt me and didn't try to move her hand I was able to push those flashed back into that deep side of brain where their place was. I felt my blood pressure coming down a little.
"I love you, Ana!" I whispered after some time. My voice sounded hoarse and hollow even to me.
"And I love you! You are the most perfect man I've ever seen." She kissed my lips slightly and whispered: "I take my hand away now."
Her moves were slow and steady. She knew what fear meant. As she finished I pulled her closer and I kissed as there was no tomorrow.
"I think you were bullshitting me in the morning." And just like that the air was lighter again.
"What do you mean?"
"You told me that you knew nothing about hearts and flowers, but you, my love, are just perfect in every way. I was ready to educate you and force you to watch some chick flicks, but…"
"Don't you think that I've suffered enough?" I groaned. She tilted her head and furrowed one brow, looking all like a comic book character, before nodding.
"It means that when I want to watch something like that, I'd be all on my own?"
"No! Never!" I kissed the tip of her nose. For Ana I was ready to go even there and watch some slimy love story. But only with her on my side. Her stomach growled and all the sudden I remembered those dinners I put into the fridge earlier. "You didn't eat anything for dinner." It was a statement, not a question.
"I wanted to wait for you." I saw a blush on her cheeks and with that I pulled her into my arms again and carried her to the kitchen.
"I can walk, you know," she giggled.
"If carrying you makes you giggle like that, then I'll do it all the time. You need to be safe and healthy. These are my two requirements for you and for myself."
"Okay!"
We had some light snack as it was way past midnight for that moment and as we sat in the kitchen I absorbed her beauty once again. I wanted to give her a world! But in real close future I wanted to give her some pleasure that would involve the most delicate parts of her body and the most rigid one of mine.
"You promised to tell me about that Williams girl," Ana stated out of the blue and I sighed. I didn't want to frighten her and as much as I knew Leila was under surveillance for now and the instant danger was no more there.
"Remember, I told you about my submissives?" I started slowly. She nodded and I continued. "They all had to agree with the terms of NDA that stated also that after one contract was terminated, there was no contact allowed. No contact with me or with any of my family members. It seems like Leila Williams have chosen to brake that promise and is back in Seattle and looking closer to me than she should. I don't know all the details yet, but it seems she might me some kind of a threat, but I don't want to frighten you. Just keep yourself into the apartment for the next few days and it will solve itself somehow."
I kissed Ana and before she had a chance to say a word, I bled:
"Let's go to bed, baby! I'd really love to show you how much I love you."
She giggled and followed. "But you are not off the hook yet!" She tried to make a stern voice.
I knew we needed to talk more about my past, but not right now. I needed to feel her love, her warmth and softness. I am a single minded man after all.
