AN: Once again I wanted to thank all of the readers and those who left kind reviews. This chapter is dedicated to Gracie for being the cutest baby in the entire world!

Chapter 53

"What are you doing here?" Ella breathed in disbelief.

"No time for chit chat, there's wolves everywhere including one in particular one who'd love to rip my throat out. We need to go before they finish off the few men I brought as distractions."

He reached for her elbow which she yanked it away. "No, Jaime."

Jaime sighed in irritation. "We don't have time for this Ella. Remember the part about wolves and ripping my throat out? I wasn't joking." He reached for her again and she skittered backwards just out of reach.

Jaime's hand went to his tangled golden hair in frustration. "Ella, men are dying right now. Every moment you waste more will die. Come. With. Me. Now." His tone left no room for argument. Or so he thought.

"No Jaime, just go before you're found here."

"I won't go without you Ella. Men are being killed while we argue, just take my hand and lets be away from this awful place while its still standing. By nightfall if I have my way it will all be burned to the ground."

Rage boiled within her. How dare he?

"Who do you think you are coming in here and attacking my home?" Ella yelled furiously.

Before Jaime could reply, the door burst open. Ella gasped as Jon charged in, sword ready. Without thought she moved further back, allowing Jon enough room to stand in front of her.

"Get away from her!" Jon growled, stepping between brother and sister.

Jaime's expression went dark, and Ella knew what he planned even before Jon did. She knew that look, and it meant a lot of people would be dying if they attempted to get in his way.

"Jon no!" Ella screamed but it was too late. Jaime's sword clashed against Jon's, the sound of metal clashing against metal almost deafening. She squeaked and covered her ears as she watched them circle. She struggled with the urge to get between them and the urge to protect herself by staying out of harms way.

"You pushed my little brother from a tower-" Jon said as he circled Jaime, meeting him hit for hit.

"Stop please Jon, Jaime stop-" Ella's cries to stop were ignored by both of them.

Jaime scoffed. "I'm getting a little sick of you Starks' always bringing that up, don't you have anything else to throw at me?" Jaime taunted as he easily side stepped one of Jon's sloppier hits.

Jon continued as if he hadn't spoke. "-And then you send an assassin to finish the job, what kind of man tries to kill a unconscious child sleeping in his bed?" Jon went on as he fought even harder, his temper clearly getting the better of him.

"Stop, please please please stop!" Ella pleas were getting even louder as she was continued to be ignored by both.

"That one I had nothing to do with! What else will you blame me for? Crops dying? Winter coming? How about the-" .

"Pleaaassee, please stop! I'm begging you, please stop this!" Ella yelled over Jaime. Everytime she took a step closer one of them would elbow her back. She clutched her ribs and continued to follow them.

"-And then your bastard son had my father murdered because he and the Queen Regent were afraid of the truth getting out-"

"Oh that's really rich boy, who are you to call anyone bastard?" Jaime interrupted with a disbelieving laugh.

Jon's face flushed red and Ella bit her lip. Not the best thing to say to him, and she wanted to wring Jaime's neck for that.

"Just-" she tried again, this time more urgently. She grabbed Jaime's sleeve and clutched on for dear life. It was Jon who yanked her away this time, pushing her against the wall behind him.

"I may be a bastard, but at-least I have honor! I don't hurt children and screw my own sister!"

Uh oh. Ella wanted to cover her eyes- she knew something terrible would happen for that.

She watched in slow motion as Jaime lunged. Jon didn't move out of the way quick enough and her own scream must have muffled any sound he made as the blade went into his side.

A clang of steel hitting the floor rang through her ears.

"NO!" Without thinking she flung herself forward. What came next happened at blinding speed.

She dived to the floor, swiftly picking up Jon's fallen sword. The steel was heavy in her hands, but her adrenalin gave her strength and speed she didn't know was possible. Her arm lifted and she turned, stepping in front of Jon so that Jaime couldn't bring down his sword again, because in that moment all she knew was that if he did, it would be the blow that ended Jon.

And she couldn't let that happen. In a moment of clarity she knew the reason why, and it wasn't because she had feelings for Jon. It was simply about Robb. She could not, would not allow Robb to lose anyone else. So with that thought- and only that thought, she swung her arm and closed her eyes.

xxx

Both Ella and Jon watched in horror as Jaime swayed, and then sunk down to his knees. Everything around them seemed to freeze as she struggled to process what she was seeing. Her eyes raked over the man kneeling before her, her gaze moved up his body, stopping on his upper torso.

A six year old Ella running and giggling "Jaime catch me, catch me Jaime..."

Crimson blossomed through his tunic, before streaming down his stomach and then legs, to pool on the floor. The dark red looked so thick... It's too much blood... Her knees wavered, making horrible sense of what she had really done. Jaime was now on his hands and knees, watching her with those beautiful green eyes that she knew so well. She met his gaze and started to shake, the realization of what she'd done slamming into her with a pain she didn't know was possible.

Where's my favorite girl? I'm told its her 12th name day, but I told Tyrion that couldn't be possible because there is no way our girl could really be that old...

Nothing could prepare her for the sudden agonizing pain that took over her.

Ella, you shouldn't marry Willas. Not because he's a cripple, but because he doesn't love you the way you should be loved. You're the most beautiful, kindest girl in all of Westeros and you deserve only the best. You deserve someone who will love you the way we do...

Jaime's mouth opened but nothing came out. His eyes spoke for him though. Shock, pain, sadness, defeat, grief, regret and finally forgiveness.

I won't leave without you Ella.

His eyes dulled and he fell to the floor.

In the distance a voice called her name, its tone vaguely familiar but not enough to break her out of her own thoughts. Her trembling grew more fierce as she fought to hold on to her own sanity.

So much blood. Too much blood.

The voice from before was closer, and the tone far more panicked.

Finally her eyes moved from the body laying face down before her and met with grey ones.

"Jon," she said breathlessly, almost soundlessly.

Her legs gave out and she fell.

xxx

Jon dived but she fell before he could reach her.

Those few feet devoured his remaining strength and he sank heavily onto the hard ground where she lay. He eased her head into his lap as he checked her for injuries, finding none he let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding.

Rough fingers on her throat, he felt her heartbeat, the pulse steady and soothing.

His shoulders sagged as he looked down upon her. He touched her face, pushing aside errand locks of golden hair smearing blood in them. She'd saved his life. He thought for sure he'd be dead right now. Ella killed her own brother to save him. Him, the bastard. She saved him.

"Is she okay?" The familiar voice startled him out of his daze.

Without looking away from her he rasped, "Physically she's not harmed."

He didn't need to elaborate. Sam knew what he didn't say.

She will be destroyed. She will never forgive herself for this. She killed him to save me.

Jon knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was all his doing. He was to blame for this. If he hadn't acted so childishly the night before and stormed out into Godswood to get even more drunk than none of this would have happened. He would have known right away that Jaime and his small group of men had gotten through the gates. He would have insured Ella and his siblings were tucked away behind heavily guarded doors, blissfully unaware that the Kingslayer was there. He would have thrown him in the dungeons under Winterfell and left him there to rot until Robb returned and finished him off.

That didn't happened. Instead, Ella was left to fend for herself and his siblings while he slept off his hangover. Had he not charged into the library she wouldn't have been forced to choose between him and her own blood.

He always knew he was retched, and only brought misery to those around him. He knew he would ruin her but had no idea it would be like this. She'll never forgive herself and neither will he.

"It's not your fault," Sam offered with sad eyes as he struggled to crawl closer. For the first time Jon looked up from the limp girl in his arms to meet his only friend's gentle eyes.

"It is."

Sam's eyes shown with so much pity he could hardly stand it. He swallowed down the urge to vomit.

"You're hurt." Sam accused with a raised voice.

Jon kept his fingers on her skin, stroking it gently as he pulled her closer. His eyes closed as he focused on only her to keep from venting his frustration at his kind hearted friend. "I'm fine."

Sam nodded and added "She loves you."

It wasn't a question and Jon wondered if it were true. His emotions were all over the place. On one hand he knew without a doubt that the girl laying in his arms meant more to him than anything ever could. On the other, his loyalty and love for his family had him hating her almost equally. He hated that against all logic and reason, this infuriating woman had managed to slip through his defenses and carve out a place for herself in his heart that no one could reach.

This woman made him feel a need that went beyond pleasure of the skin, and became something far deeper.

She made him feel a reaffirmation of himself. He wasn't just Ned Stark's bastard or a brother or even a brother of the nights watch. He was simply Jon, and to her Jon was enough. She gave him hope that one day, he wouldn't feel so alone. One day he would be enough.

"You're losing too much blood," Sam said just as the sound of several footfalls reached the library. Of course Sam ignored his own bleeding wounds. If Jon wasn't so lost in the girl in his arms he would have noticed all this.

"Jon!" Arya yelled as she ran in, the Hound trailing after her.

His sister fell to her knees as her hand reached out but stopped. "Is she-?"

"She's not hurt," Jon repeated lifelessly.

"That's the Kingslayer?!" Arya shoved off the floor and the sound of a well aimed kick reached Jon's ears, followed by her spitting on him.

Fury rose within him, not for the dead man on the floor but the hurt he knew Ella would feel if she knew. "Stop that!" Jon growled as he struggled to get up. The Hound moved forward wordlessly and went to lift her up but another growl from Jon stopped him.

"Don't touch her, I'll take her!" All eyes watched Jon finally stand with Ella in his arms. Blood ran down from his wound but he ignored the pain, only focusing on counting the warm breaths he felt against his neck.

Before he passed through the door he came to a stop and turned his head. "Are the boys okay?"

Arya answered before the Hound could. "They weren't ever in danger, they're in Bran's chambers eating."

Nodding Jon adjusted his hold on Ella and exited the room without another word.

xxx

Several days passed since that fateful day, much more smoothly than Jon would have thought. Of-course he should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Ella was upset sure, but she still ate and slept, and even answered when asked a direct question. She refused to leave her chambers, but that was expected. She was in mourning. But something about how easy she seemed to be taking it left him feeling on edge. Like the calm before a storm.

On the third night Jon was awoken from outside her chambers by gut wrenching screaming. A fierce need to protect her took over as he kicked in the door in his haste to get in there. What he saw left him frozen.

Ella was on her knees near the window, screaming on the top of her lungs for her brother. It took several moments for Jon to see the blood, and realize she was clawing her own chest as she writhed and screamed.

It took four others, the Hound included to subdue her.

The rest of the night and well into the next evening she spent tied to her bed to prevent her from further harming herself. The Maester gave her milk of the poppey hoping it would calm her, and it did... somewhat. Jon spent the entire time outside her door, silently crying as he listened to Arya and Osha try to comfort her.

For an entire week afterwards she refused to eat or drink. She refused to speak or even leave her room. Her screams continued throughout the nights, and during the days she would only stare unseeing at the wall. No one could get through to her, and eventually everyone stopped trying. Everyone except him.

He fought with everything he had in him to get the girl he loved back. She was now just a shell of her former self, her guilt and grief turning her into someone almost unrecognizable.

The Tyrell's arriving didn't help matters any. Jon hated them on principle. Loras Tyrell reminded him too much of Theon. His arrogance was just plain insulting, and he would never admit it but he could have sworn that cocky little shit had been staring at his ass on more than one occasion.

His older brother Willas was no better. His undying love and devotion to Ella brought out a jealousy that made him want to maim and kill. Thank the gods Ella refused to see him, and he nearly broke his pretty boy nose after a ridiculous attempt to sneak up to her chambers.

Even after multiple rejections, the pathetic Highgarden heir continued to proclaim his undying love to anyone who would listen.

A good punch to the chin delivered the message plain and clear. Stay away from Ella. Willas seemed to catch on and abandon all attempts to see her after that.

It was now two days later and he was still posted outside her door, reading a raven on Robb's progress North. A loud scream had him dropping his dinner and charging into her room. His heart was in his throat as he opened the door. The scene he was met with left him baffled.

Arya sat on Ella's legs while Osha held her arms down. Bran was perched on the bed over her, forcing what looked like broth into her mouth while Rickon hovered on his knees on the other side of her.

"What in the hells is going on?" Jon yelled, startling none of them. It was clear he didn't receive the same respect as his father or even Robb did. Figures.

Without so much as a side glance Arya answered. "Making her eat."

Ella gurgled something but stopped when Rickon pinched her nose. Swallowing thickly Ella managed a furious glare at them all, likely cursing them to the fiery pits of hell.

"You're hurting her," Jon accused, chest hurting as he took in the tears running down her pale cheeks.

"She's fine," Arya answered nonchalantly, waving him off as she watch Bran force her to drink more. More gurgles and a sob had him stepping forward, fists clenched.

"Stop this right now!" Jon ordered more sternly, hackles raised as he watched her struggle. Those tears we're doing him in. He'd do anything to make them go away. How he wished he could just see her smile again. He'd give up anything to take away her pain.

"She'll get sick and die if she doesn't eat," Osha offered while smoothing back a few loose strands of hair, the woman's obvious distress and fondness for Ella firing an odd sense of warmth in him toward her. As odd as it was, he was sure it wouldn't last.

Jon looked to Bran for help, but the boy only shrugged, "it's true." Rickon nodded enthusiastically beside him.

Jon feeling ganged up on sighed and moved to sit down in the chair by the window. Greywind let out a low growl that shocked everyone including Ella who's wide eyes finally landed on him. It was the first time since she killed Jaime that she actually looked at him. The moment was soon ruined when Ghost entered silently to face off with Greywind.

"What's wrong with him?" Bran asked curiously as Jon grabbed onto Ghost's neck to lead him out.

"He's probably sensing Ella's emotions and is upset too," Arya offered.

Jon didn't respond as he backed out, watching the wolf warily. Something told him it had a lot more to do with his intentions with Ella than her emotions. For weeks now GreyWind had been acting strange around him. Actually, if he were being honest with himself, it started when he realized his own feelings towards her. GreyWind seemed to realize them too and always tried to remain in between them whenever possible. Ghost for the most part had stayed out of it, but Greywind actively being aggressive towards him must have been one step too far.

Greywind continued to advance upon them, snarling threateningly. Someones looking for a fight.

Jon wanted to snarl right back at him, some long buried instinct within him wanted to assert his claim and prove his dominance. That was his girl in there, and no one- not even a huge wolf like Greywind would keep him away from her. The need to go back and lay with the girl, hold her in his arms and scent her was nearly overwhelming but thankfully cooler heads prevailed and Jon buried his baser animal instincts.

Ghost on the other hand wanted the last word and managed a silent snarl before he allowed Jon to remove him fully. His hackles were raised and something told him there would be a rematch between the two sooner rather than later.

xxx

A few hours later Jon was sitting back in Ella's chambers watching her sleep. Osha was moving around picking up while dutifully ignoring his presence. Ella made a small noise of discomfort in her sleep that had Jon on his feet, moving to hover over her. Thankfully Greywind had been removed or he wouldn't have been able to get so close. His hand gently stroked her hair, calming her to sleep again.

Something caught his eye from the small table next to the bed. Jon read it the name on the outside twice before he looked up to Osha. "She's writing to Robb?" he asked stupidly.

Osha barely contained an eye roll. "I wouldn't know Milord, I can't read."

Jon took a step forward, intent clear but he underestimated Osha's speed. She managed to snatch up the letter before he could reach it. "This is not yours to read," she said with a sneer.

The gall she had?! And the tone she always seem to use with him was really starting to grate on his nerves. "She's not speaking to anyone, but she's writing to Robb?" He didn't bothering lowering his voice, part of him wanted to wake her so he could yell at her for putting him through all this. His heart felt like it was breaking more and more every day.

"He's her husband!" Osha defended loyally, letter clenched in her fist.

"You don't think I know that?!" Jon shouted back.

"Do you? Do you really?" Osha looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out. He wish she'd try.

"Gods Jon get out! Leave me in peace!" Ella's hoarse voice startled them both out of their pissing match.

Jon looked down to see her eyes were still closed, but a scowl covered her beautiful features as she sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her temples.

"Ella-" he started but Osha feeling more than vindicated was already moving forward to stand in front of her lady. Just when she became a proper ladies maid Jon will never know. The wildling was barely fit to be a kitchen wench, much less in the service of the Queen.

"You heard the Queen. Get out!" Osha pointed towards the door with a cocky smirk plastered on her smug face.

"But-" Jon tried again, but was cut off when two firm hands shoved him back a few steps. His eyes went wide as Osha shoved him yet again.

The wildling was actually putting her filthy hands on him? Of all the-

"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" Ella screamed so loud he had to cover his ears. Another shove and he was out into the hall wondering what the hell had just happened.